Guess Who Has New Washer/Dryer?

Oh, that would be me. After approximately four months of washer problems ranging from water shooting out from the wall to water mysteriously leaking from the bottom of the washer, my apartment complex finally gave me a new washer/dryer....and I'm talking brand spanking new, not just some hand me down they passed along from one of the three bedroom apartments.

I was flipping through the user's manual (just in case there was anything weird I needed to know about). Did you realize you're supposed to separate your laundry based on five different sets of criteria? I'm sure all of you already do this and I'm just the moron separating based on color.

Surface Texture: Lint Producers from Lint Collectors
Fabric: Cottons & Linens from Perm Press Cottons & Blends from Synthetics & Poly Knits from Delicates
Soil (what?): Lightly Soiled from Medium Soil from Heavy Soil
Color (duh): Whites from Lights from Darks from Non-Colorfast
Weight: Heavy Items from Light Items

Um...I live by myself. If I wash every item of white clothing I have, I may have a full load of whites. If you expect me to separate by five different categorizations, you do of course realize that I'm going to have 1 lint collector/cotton/heavy soil/white/heavy item that will never get washed? Not to mention I'm going to need another hamper or two or six so that I can presort and laundry has just become a full weekend affair.

When Good Movies Go Bad

Today at the cardio cinema at the gym they were showing Million Dollar Baby. Now before you jump all over me. That was a good movie, but it reminded me of perhaps the worst movie I have EVER seen....drum roll please....

Girl Fight -- For those of you that were lucky enough to miss Girl Fight, I think I can sum it up in one of my favorite scenes. Girl boxing boy in the ring. Girl puts her arms around boys head, whispers "I love you" and proceeds to punch him in the gut. Classic movie moment.

Let's take a look at some of my other bad movies.

Mulholland Drive -- Muldholland Drive is a movie anomaly. It was so bad and weird that I kinda want to see it again, so that I can try to figure out what exactly was going on. Seriously, if you asked me what it was about, I couldn't tell you.

Miami Vice -- I've seen this about three times in the cardio cinema and still couldn't tell you exactly what the plot is. It should've been easy because there is very little dialogue, but I found myself spacing off and watching the clock on the treadmill instead of the movie.

Van Helsing -- something about vampires mixed in with a love story just was weird.

The Brothers Grimm -- You would think any movie with Heath Ledger and Matt Damon in it would be good...and you would be wrong.

Hollow Man -- Ok, we get it. He's invisible.

So what are your favorite bad movies?

Side note: I was watching the credits for Million Dollar Baby because no one went out to tell the front desk to restart the movie and there was a person whose name was Jenniphur. Thanks mom!

Things that Annoy Me

When one of my volunteers takes something I say when I'm trying to help her, puts it in an e-mail out of context and sends it to the CEO only then to have the CEO forward the e-mail along with a stern reprimand to my entire department.

The Potato Salad

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been sick and my mom is visiting which you can only imagine what a winning combination that is.

One of my coworkers, whom shall remain nameless, (hint: it rhymes with Flamanda) got a potato salad recipe from her grandma. Her grandma always made wonderful potato salad, and my coworker wanted to make wonderful potato salad too. She mixed up all the stuff and mixed in the potatos, but then when she tasted it, something wasn't right. It was kinda weird. Um...yeah...for potato salad, you have to cook the potatos first or else it would be kinda weird. I guess her grandma thought that anyone would know that and she shouldn't have to put it in the recipe. I guess she was wrong.

Does Anyone Else Read Their ND Alumni E-mail?

I do, but only when I'm bored at work. For those of you that do, did you happen to catch the "special message from the NDAA Board President about our ND football team?" For those of you that missed it, I'll summarize.

First, there was a portion to bitching alumni who didn't get the tickets they wanted in the lottery. It basically says, too bad, so sad. They are continuing to "explore ways" to work this situation out. As long as it doesn't involve standing in line to get a number so that you can stand in another line to get tickets, I'm ok with it.

Second, there was a portion to more bitching alumni who are upset because their slacker kids didn't get admitted to ND as legacies. The response, well we accept lots of legacy students, so your kid was apparently just not good enough (but of course your money still is).

But that wasn't my favorite part. The best part of the e-mail was the "Football-Let's Support the Team" section. That is seriously what it was labeled. We're all disappointed. blah blah blah Go to the pep rally blah blah blah Cheer at the game blah blah blah Send a supportive e-mail that the alumni department will forward to the team. Wait? What? I can just see little Timmy the 5 year old kidlet of some Domer finger painting a condolence card to the team right now. Then we somehow manage to tie in Catholicism. So this part I'm going to quote directly because it's golden.

"This past week, Father Basil Moreau was beatified in his home country of France. In many ways, his story can be a guide for all of us. It was through his efforts the Holy Cross Order was founded, Father Sorin dispatched to Northern Indiana, and Notre Dame became a reality. It is only now, perhaps that his legacy is being fully realized and here at Notre Dame he is being celebrated for his persistence and vision.
The motto he chose for his congregations “The cross, our only hope” represents the challenges, the hardships, the frustrations we all feel when we are committed to a task and beset by setbacks and attacks. It really was the first example of “what though the odds be great or small, ol' Notre Dame will win over all.” In the tradition of Father Moreau let’s have that same faith. We can and will get over this tough time because we will do it together as a family. God Bless you all. Go Irish !!!"

I couldn't have said it better myself, Mr. Nussbaum. Ok, now forget that we're talking about football and reread that. What would you have thought had happened to the University? Massive fire? Devastating flooding? Plague? Well, no...something worse. We have negative rushing yards for the year ::gasp::

Can't wait to see what follow up we get this week after the Michigan State game!!

Please Let Me Not Really Be Hurt

So two nights ago, I got up in the middle of night because I was hot and wanted to turn down my thermostat. Somehow, my right foot got caught in my left pajama pant leg and I face planted into the carpet in the middle of my living room at like 2 am. I was so deliriously tired that I just went back to sleep. I woke up the next morning and was like "ow". I have rug burn on my hand, a bruised knee and a foot that seriously hurts when I walk. My only thought was I hope that I didn't really hurt myself because I don't want to have to explain to a doctor how this happened.

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

Yesterday during lunch break, Amanda, Charlene and I went to Zimmerman's candy store. It was the best candy store I've ever been in. And I've been in a lot of candy stores. They had old school candies like candy cigarettes and licorice pipes and new candies like vanilla creme Hershey kisses and mint Three Musketeers bars and they had stuff I've never seen before like gummy army men. I bought a Sky Bar which I had heard good things about but it didn't impress me, a club sandwich candy bar which was yummy, peachy penguins which I love and swedish aqualife which when are like swedish fish except multi-color and with a variety of marine animals such as dolphins, whales, and stafish. When I was in college, we used to give swedish fish Swedish names before we ate them, but most of them were named Sven because that's pretty much the only Swedish name we could think of. Oh, and I bought homemade peanut butter there too.

Book Review

Yes, my friends, I finished a book. This is of course shocking to anyone that knows me because I hate to read. I don't really understand why anyone would like to read and like to brag that I made it the entire way through high school without finishing a single one of the required readings. (Made it pretty far through Lord of the Flies though). Even more shocking is that I finished this book in about three weeks. A new record.

The book was Everyone Worth Knowing and is by Lauren Weisberger, the author of The Devil Wears Prada, which I have also read. ::gasp:: In a lot of ways Everyone Worth Knowing is like Devil Wears Prada. Girl takes job several rungs above her on the social ladder; ditches friends, family, and moral values to become a workaholic only to realize how much she's screwed up her life. There are some differences. In EWK, she actually likes her boss, there's more drugs involved and a homosexual oral sex scene which caught me a little off guard and makes me only slightly uncomfortable to be handing this book over to my mom next week when she's in town.

In summation, if you liked Devil Wears Prada and liked it, read Everyone Worth Knowing. If you didn't like it, don't. And if you didn't read it, do.

The Best Yogurt Class Ever

So yesterday I had the best yoga (aka yogurt) class EVER. My yoga teacher Nancie (who is the awesomest aerobics teacher EVER. Nancie decided to do her yoga for kids routine -- the ABC's of yoga -- because "ever well rounded adult needs to play". Each letter of the alphabet stands for something different (except for Q...she didn't have a Q). Like a was for alligator and we rolled on our sides and smacked our hands together like an alligator. We also got to moo and ribbit and roar like a lion. It sounds ridiculous but it was a lot of fun. She mixed in some harder poses and made us do flow through some of the poses so that we still got a work out. (PS I'm on the phone with Danielle right now and just got called a whore because I wasn't listening to her and was too busy typing) Zzzz was for sleeping which is actually corpse pose but "she can't tell kindergartners that." We had to close our eyes and she put a "treat" on our face. Mine was on my forehead and the girl beside me's treat was on her nose. And as long as we didn't laugh or move, we could keep our treat. Do you know how difficult that was to feel it sitting on my forehead and not be able to see it or touch it or anything for like 3 minutes? It was horrible. My treat was a Starburst.

Hersheypark Happy

Cindy, one of my coworkers, had free passes to Hersheypark and asked me if I wanted to go with her today. I decided that it would be less painful than watching the Notre Dame/Michigan (which I think I can now safely say that it was--doesn't Julius Jones have an extra year of eligibility from when he got kicked out that time? no? well, it was worth a try.) and went with her.

It was fun though a little crowded, but the highlight of the day was when I saw three girls get kicked off of the claw. I'm not sure what happened but there were two bratty pre-teen girls in line behind us a ways and then when they got on the ride there were five bratty pre-teen girls on the ride. Someone alerted the ride operator and surprising she did something about it. After protesting a little while the people still in line chanted "kick them off. kick them off." they finally relented and got off with there middle fingers in the air. Can you please refrain from that type of gesture as Hersheypark is a family park?

I also tried a Reese's Whipps. It was the first time I had ever seen them, and I found it most enjoyable.

Camille, the Gym Junkie

I love to take different classes at my gym. I probably go to an average of 4 or 5 a week and every class I have ever taken, Camille has been there. Camille annoys me. 4:30 pm Friday Muscle Pump class...Camille 9:00 am Monday Power Step....Camille 5:30pm Tuesday Power Yoga ....Camille 10:00 am Saturday Latin Cardio....Camille I think you get the idea. She thinks she is the most popular person there and saves spaces for all her friends at the front of the class and gives them sweaty hugs when they come in, which I can tell they REALLY enjoy. (Note to all my friends: if you have just worked out for an hour + and even if I haven't seen you in 5 years, please don't hug me. It's not you, it's me)

Camille is also one of the most uncoordinated people I have ever seen which is surprising with all the classes she takes, you would think she would get better. She stands up front and is actually distracting to me as her arms flail wildly (picture the "Elaine dance" from Seinfeld, but with hand weights). She also looks like a starving cat that you would see on Animal Planet. Have you ever watched Animal Cops (I'm addicted) and they take like 40 cats out of the old lady's house and the vet shows how emaciated they are. You can see their hip bones and ribs and every one of their vertebrae...that's Camille. Disgusting.

Is it over yet?

Is this painful thing called football season over yet? I don't know which to be more concerned about. Notre Dame's complete inability to do anything offensive or the Philadelphia Eagles' inability to field a punt? My only solace is the crying Michigan fans.

Things that Annoy Me

This is a two part things that annoy me post and both have pictures to accompany them, so that's exciting.

1) I buy a blouse last March at a store moving sale for some ridiculous percentage off, but don't have a chance to wear it because the weather gets warmer. A few weeks ago when the weather was cooler and after our CEO casually suggests that we dress in more professional attire, I pull it out of my closet only to find this:

I call the store and beg them to take it off, but since after months of having this shirt, I made the mistake of throwing out the receipt, they could do nothing. I said I think I probably charged it on my store credit card is there anyway to look it up and prove that I paid for it..."um...no". So I go on the company's website, e-mail a long descriptive e-mail about how the store is no longer there, and I bought it months and months ago and no longer have the receipt, yada yada yada. I get a response "Please take the garment along with your receipt back to the store where it was purchased and they will gladly remove the security device." I wanted to write back "listen you jackass, you obviously didn't read my first e-mail or you would know I can't do that." But since the e-mail said "please do not reply to this address" I didn't.

Instead I turned to the internet for help. Because you can find out how to do everything on the internet. It kinda let me down this time. It gave me two options: 1) pay $40 to purchase some machine specifically designed to remove those things (or as I like to call it "The Shoplifters Helper") or 2) Bash it with a hammer. I decided upon #2. I took out my whole tool kit but bashing it didn't really work, so I ended up using pliers and came out with this.

2) My toothpaste bottle cracked along the side.

And left me using this to get toothpaste.

Who knew toothpaste came out of such a space age looking thing! Or that the bottle could crack like that under normal use?

Weird Sightings at the Gym

1) A man in an Ohio State jersey and baseball hat lifting weights. It would've been ridiculous even if it wasn't Ohio State, but it made me want to go over and explain proper workout attire to him and then punch him in the face.

2) They put a flat screen TV in the women's locker room. Is this really necessary?

3) A woman sat down on the floor beside a completely empty bench to put her shoes on...why?

4) A woman in my step class had on velvet pants. I don't even know where to go with that one.

Are you ready for some football?

I totally am. They were playing Rudy at the Cardio Cinema in my gym the other day and it got me really excited for football season. Rudy also makes me cry, so I had tears rolling down my face while I was on the treadmill. Hopefully everyone else just thought it was sweat.

Amanda's Art Exhibition

My coworker Amanda loves to leave me little pieces of artwork drawn on scratch paper. Sometimes these are left on my desk. Sometimes they are in my drawers or elsewhere. I felt they needed to be shared with the world.

This is a picture of a cat. (With long eye lashes) I'm not really sure why she drew me a picture of a cat, but she did.

This is Chauncey. He's made of a clothes pin and has toothpicks for arms. He is my only piece of 3D art to date.

This is me wearing a viking hat. We were at this business forum and she dared me to put on this Viking helmet. Well, I did.

This is a person with a skull for a head. Amanda really likes skulls. Unfortunately, our CEO does not.
I save the best for last. This is a picture of "yogurt class". I told Amanda that I was taking yoga class and she responded by saying "what's yogurt class?" Apparently this is yogurt class. If you can't tell, the instructor is telling me to jump in.

I've Completely Lost My Mind

I just turned down a free weekend trip to St. Thomas to babysit my uncle's 6 kids while he gets married because I'm going to be out at Notre Dame with my co-worker Carmen. STUPID STUPID....excuse me while I go bash my head against a wall.

My Apologies

I would like to apologize internet world for not having posted more frequently lately. I've simply been too busy. Here's what you've missed and will maybe have soon if I get the time/willpower to post.

1) A collection of Amanda L's scrap paper artwork that I find randomly on my desk
2) a gloat about my trip to the King of Prussia mall
3) a rant about how my washer is still leaking water
4) a complaint about how soccer is more important to my parents than I am
5) a picture of Carmen's award winning Cranium picture of flying buttresses (and other Cranium stories)
6) another gloat about how I'm going to Disney World in December

I think that's it. I would've thought I had done more in 12 days of non-posting, but I guess not.

Psychotic Thought of the Day

Today I had off work and went to the spa. They had plastic cups like this one all over with coolers full of flavored water.

Printed on the cup was this:

If you can't read that, it says "Made from corn. 100% compostable." My first thought when I read this was ...does that mean I can eat it? Not as a snack or anything, but if I happened to get locked in the spa storage closet with no food would I be able to sustain myself on plastic corn cups?

A Casualty of Volleyball

Yesterday I went to Danielle's family reunion with her. She warned me about what to expect and was pretty much right on the money (this woman will have lipstick on her teeth, this girl will be ultra-sensitive, this guy will have a wad of chew in his mouth, this woman is a psycho, etc). Right down to the ultra-competitive volleyball game. Only the stakes this year were higher, there was a trophy. Luckily Danielle stuck me on the team with Mr. and Mrs. Volleyball and we won. There was one casualty. My $3 sunglasses broke when they were sitting on my head and a volleyball hit me on the head and thus on said sunglasses. I don't know if you can tell, but not only did the lense pop out, but the rim cracked too.

The broken sunglasses were all worth it though to see how embarrassed Danielle got when she won a 6-pack of toilet paper for having "the most colorful underwear."

The Camp Week Debacle

This actually happened Monday, but I had a problem with my internet (I had none) so its being posted now. This week is camp week. Camp week is when we take all the kids we've seen through summer outreach (or at least those that want to go) to camp for the day. It's an interesting mix of kids we have everyone from the city dwellers that just happened to have wandered to a local playground for summer program to the Upper Class my parents work all day and enrolled me in an enriching summer program at school kids. We try to sort them out by days to minimize the trauma for everyone. We always expect some problems, but Monday morning's experience takes the cake. There was a little issue with the buses (there were two of them instead of one and they left the first stop without the staff), but that wasn't the biggest issue.

At the last stop before heading off to camp, we loaded up the kids and checked them off our list when we realized we had three extra kids. There were several problems:
1) their parent was not present
2) they did not have permission slips
3) their parent was not answering the phone to give verbal permission
4) they only spoke Spanish
5) one of them was a boy and I work for the Girl Scouts

Obviously, these kids are not going to camp. Carmen (our spanish speaking staff member) was supposed to go to camp that day, but we had to keep her back to help with these kids. The bus left. Carmen and I are there with three kids and do not know what to do with them.

Do you know your address? (thinking we can somehow get these kids home)
Yo no se --that's I don't know in Spanish
How did you get here?
Translated version -- Tessy brought us on the bus (who the hell Tessy is, we never found out)

We finally realized they went to the school where the bus stop was so we went in and convinced the secretary to give us their address. We loaded the three kids up in my car (which we shouldn't have done without booster seats...shhh, but our other option was?) We proceeded to the scariest street in Harrisburg that I have ever been to and I have been to some pretty scary places. There were flowers and balloons on the street corner where a guy had been recently shot to death and the building beside where the kids lived had all the windows busted out and plywood for a door. There was scary people milling around. Turns out mom was inside asleep.

The Best Craft Project EVER!

I made this using a skein of fuzzy yarn stuff and three McDonald's soda straws. It really didn't take that long either...maybe two hours on and off. Here's the instructions (underneath the indoor sandbox instructions). It sounds a little ridiculous but turns out really nice. I didn't really do it exactly like this because I was kinda just making it up as I went from something someone had told me. I'm planning on making a ton more scarves so if anyone wants one let me know what colors you prefer.

Things that Annoy Me

People that put regular trash in the recycling bins. I'm thinking of reporting them to my apartment rental office. (and have them thrown in recycling jail).

Psychotic Thought of the Day (or Night)

I'm watching David Letterman right now and have decided that I really really want to become friends with Anne Hathaway.

Happy Anniversary, Tucson!

Danielle got this e-mail recently and we both thought it was weird and kinda funny so I'll pass it along.

"Dear Tucson:"Happy Anniversary" from your friends at Harrisburg Hyundai!I hope you and your owner Danielle are getting along well and that Danielle is taking good care of you. If you have any bumps and scratches, aches or pains, just come in and see us. We are here to care for you. As always if there is anything I can do, please call me at Harrisburg Hyundai at 717-558-0900.I hope you and your owner have an excellent day!"

I wonder who else Danielle's car is receiving e-mail from without her knowing!

Family Camping Fun

This weekend I was invited by my Uncle Bill to go camping as a celebration for my cousin Patrick's 16th Birthday. First of all, let me say, that wasn't really camping. Yes, there was a campfire and S'mores and all that fun stuff, but the "cottages" that the boys were staying in had air conditioning, a refrigerator, bathroom and flat screen TV. (I like how there is a picture of the air conditioning unit in that link.) The girl's cabin was down the road a little bit and also had air conditioning, but no bathroom (Gasp!) The bathhouse was about 100 yards away, so it wasn't bad at all.

When I said I would go, I didn't really know who all would be there. I was a little surprised. Are you ready for the attendance list? Have a pen and paper ready? My Uncle Bill, his 4 kids, Bill's soon to be third wife Jane and her two kids, my cousin Brian and his wife Heidi and their 3 kids and 3 of my cousin Michelle's kids (the ones that aren't in jail.) Then for the icing on the cake of the weekend, Patrick's mom, Lisa (my uncle's first wife) and her husband Michael. That was just a little bizarre since up till about two year's ago, we were pretty much told to ignore that Lisa had ever existed. Imagine my face when the car pulled up with Jane driving and Lisa in the passenger's seat. One big happy family outing.

It was pretty fun. We went swimming in a pool with a water slide which was ok and mostly involved kids climbing on my back and asking me to pull them around/throw them/dunk them. It was a little tiring. We had hot dogs and hamburgers for supper. Then some adult time to drink wine coolers and discuss how messed up the rest of our family is/what is up with Jane's kids, etc while the kids were mini golfing and at a dance party at the pool. During this serious discussion, at one point my cousin Heidi was standing on a picnic table singing Push It. For those of you that know Heidi, its probably not that surprising. That was only after one wine cooler too. The kids got a ride back to camp in the back of Michael's pick up truck and were pulled over by a security guard in a golf cart who said "I should arrest you...and I can."

That night we celebrated Patrick's birthday. He opened presents, we had a cake that Heidi had brought...she's the cake queen. We made S'mores and then it was time to head to bed where in the girl's cabin we played a riveting game of "Do you want to buy a duck?" ("A what?" "A duck"). And I learned interesting facts from the pre-teen girls like all sea cucumbers do is move and poop and heard stories about the girl that "had her intestines sucked out of her butt by the swimming pool filter" which to my shock turned out to be true.

A very fun weekend of family bonding.

Hilarious!

This post is in honor of this weekend's College Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival. For those of you that don't know, I used to work at the College Football Hall of Fame, so I think this is hilarious...but I'm pretty sure its hilarious even if you didn't work there. Enjoy!

I Hate My Washer

My washer is leaking again. Not as much as before...just a slow drip underneath, so this will make the sixth (?) time that the maintenance guy will be here to fix it. I think that he's secretly stealing little things, but I just haven't realized it yet and sabotaging my washer while fixing the previous problem so that he can come and steal some more.

On a happy note, my apartment office gives out free ice cream on Fridays and that's tomorrow.

An Impromptu Sleepover

Yesterday, my 11 year old cousin Aubrey and 7 year old cousin Sierra asked if they could sleepover. I thought for a second, realized I really had no plans for the weekend and in a moment of foolish weakness agreed that they could come. What I did not think about was that it was only about noon, so I would also be asked to spend the entire day with them.

We decided to go play miniature golf and pass some of the time. The guy at the miniature golf place suggested I get the family pass for myself and my daughters and I freaked out. I became even more freaked out when I realized that actually physically possible. Then we enjoyed a wonderful game of miniature golf (I totally dominated!). If you've never played mini golf with a 7 year old that has never played before, I strongly suggest it (she said sarcastically).

Then we went to Indian Echo Caverns which is getting a huge plug because they let me in for free since I am a tour guide alumnus. It was ok and the tour guide wasn't a complete moron, so that's always a plus. But the one mistake I made was letting Aubrey take control of my digital camera which means I have 50 pictures that look exactly like this.



We had fun but the sleepover did confirm one thing that I had already had an inkling of...I am nowhere near ready to have a kid of my own. There's just too much "I spilled something", "I broke something", "I'm on my fifth piece of pizza", "I left your front door hang wide open" (this happened twice), "I'm drinking soda out of one of your martini glasses", "I have a stomach ache", "I can't sleep because I think people are trying to get in your door", "I'm just going to spontaneously start shrieking for no reason at all", "I'm going to put my face right up against yours when you are sleeping", "I'm going to turn on your broken laptop in your bedroom and you won't know its on until 6 hours later when you're in bed and hear the fan running", "I'm going to dig through your purse and screw around with your cell phone so that you now have lots of random pictures on it", and my personal favorite "I just spilled rice krispies down the side of your stove where you have no hope of cleaning it up and can only hope it won't make your whole apartment smell like spoiled milk."

Wanted: Penn State vs. Notre Dame tickets

Just in case anyone has them laying around, I would gladly take them off your hands and possibly make a reasonable trade for them such as signing over my first born. As you can imagine, I did not receive them through the alumni lottery...but I did find out that I have Navy tickets next to the Naval cadet section. Priceless.

My Bloomsburg University Experience

Today I had a meeting for work at Bloomsburg University. My first hint that something was awry was the fact that they had Masterlocks on the toilet paper in their bathrooms. Who knew that toilet paper theft wsa such a problem!!

Then we went to the dining hall. The first issue was that the glasses were like little juice glasses. I could drink it in one sip. I've had shots larger than that. Then the person infront of me requested both macaroni and cheese and a sloppy joe. "You can't have two entrees." The Nazi cafeteria lady said. Seriously, these ladies would make the strict ND card swiper ladies look like grandmas. So then the girl behind me requested tater tots. "We don't have any" "well, are you going to get any more?" Shrug. Thanks...that's helpful. By the way, the only other "non-entree" offer was carrots...yum.

Then at the end of the meal, a bunch of ladies I was with got ice cream cones and were about to carry it out, when they were stopped and told they had to finish them in the dining hall. Because five 30+ year old ladies with ice cream cones is evil. Next people will just be taking fruit out like its a grocery store or something. Ridiculous!

YUM!

Today I'm going to a 4th of July/my grandma's birthday picnic at my Uncle Bill's and I always ask if I can bring anything because now that I'm an adult and not a loser like some of my cousins that's what is expected. He always responds with something like "just bring a smile." So I decided to make edible dirt for the kids because I love gummy worms. I could eat all of it myself.

My Weird Dream

I had kinda a weird dream last night. I was back in college and had just moved back after summer break. All my friends from college were there. When I woke up the first day and went to change to go to the d-hall, I realized that none of my clothes matched. I had a whole suitcase full of stuff and nothing would go together. What does that mean in the whole dream scheme of things? There was also lots of other weird stuff that happened during my dream something about the FedEx man or something...I'm not really sure.

It's 1:30 and Still No Water

At 7:30 this morning, my phone rang. It was Sis, the old lady downstairs (and also the owner of the steering wheel sweater) just letting me know that we didn't have running water...uh, thanks. When I woke up at 9, I turned on the TV and didn't see anything about 100,000 customers without water or any of that nonsense, so I called the water company. They let me know that water had been shut off due to a water mane break and I should get service back "at any moment." Does at any moment mean four and a half plus hours later? It doesn't to me. So I packed up shower stuff when I went to the gym and on the way thought maybe I'd check out what was going on. I saw three guys in bright orange shirts standing around a hole in the street scratching their heads and looking puzzled. When I returned from the gym, getting lunch and going grocery shopping, I saw pretty much the same thing. GRRR. It kinda puts a kink in my plan to do laundry and to wash my dishes.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Today I was doing a program for the "school-age" children at a daycare center. They were running a little late from rollerskating that morning and were still eating lunch when we arrived. (Oh, the joys of being 6 and rollerskating your brains out and then feasting on tacos and canned pears.) We were sitting in one of the rooms just waiting for them to finish when one approx. 8 year old boy came up to me and said "I was a crack baby." I kinda started at him and nodded a little bit while I figured out what I could say and also thinking how our nation's youth was slowly deteriorating. I came up with nothing and looked over at the "teacher" (who looked about 14) for some help. She just shrugged...thanks, thanks for that. I looked back at the kid who then, seeing that I really had nothing to say, "No, really, I was." Lovely.

Another Way To Tell You Live Near Old People

Your neighbor has a crocheted steering wheel cover in her car. I'm not even kidding. It's like a blue sweater for her steering wheel. I'm really trying to figure out how to get a picture of it without looking like a car thief.

Things That Annoy Me

Ice cube trays in general, but when they fall out of your freezer and throw ice cubes all over the kitchen and living room floor, they annoy me of so much more.

YEAH, COOKIES!!!

For those of you who don't know, I am like a Girl Scout Cookie Expert. And a lot of you probably don't know, there are actually two different bakers that make Girl Scout Cookies. That is why if you go to different areas of the country, there are different cookies and they go by different names. Back when I was in high school, my home council in PA switched bakers to the "bad baker". Don't get me wrong all Girl Scout cookies are good, just some happen to be better than others. When we switched there was a total uproar among the leaders about how their girls aren't going to be able to sell as many cookies because these new cookies suck. I don't it think it really effected sales that much, but whatever. Anyway, we just got news that we're switching back and I am so psyched about it!! YEAH!!!

The Wedding

This weekend I was at my friend Michelle's wedding in Connecticut. Michelle was my roommate sophmore year in college along with Marcia.

I had an absolutely great time. I wish I could go to a wedding like that every weekend. It was full of great friends, great food, and great drinks. Including several martinis. This one pictured is a "blueberry muffin martini." I was kinda mad because there were actual blueberries in the bottom, and I was saving them for last, but the waitress swooped in and took my glass when I wasn't looking. Also, just look at the number of glasses on the table. Crazy!!

My description isn't going to do the weekend justice so go read Marcia's blog because I'm sure she'll have a much better description of the weekend up soon.

Psychotic Thought of the Day

I think that Prince is a robot. I saw him on that Verizon commercial and realized he doesn't age. And not in a plastic surgery way either. His skin isn't pulled tight over his cheekbones like some sort of tribal drum. Do you know how old he is? Guess...come on. Guess. Write it down. Is it written? WRONG!! He's 49. Can you believe that? He is a robot. I'm not really sure who would build a weird robot like that, but he's a freakin' genius.

Food Art

Today I was all set to blog about how my washer broke, and when I decided it wasn't a maintenance emergency, they sent the maintenance temp idiot and while he fixed what was broken before he broke something else in the process. So instead of spritzing water while the washer was filling, the drainage tube flew off and was spewing water directly on my floor like a fire hose. Which I must say, is a lot more dramatic.

But at work today Amanda made this cute little apple man (luckily I had my camera), and since I'm somewhat of a food art aficionado, I thought I'd post that instead.

The Worst Marketing Campaign EVER

First off, I want to apologize for not blogging a lot. It's been a crazy week. My mom was in town, work has been hell and now I'm sick. I was going to blog about going to see Clue the musical (yes, there is such a thing) and totally rocking the game, but I didn't. Then I was going to blog about my trip to Washington DC with 150,000 Girl Scouts and 7 Boy Scouts, and also going to the International Spy museum (where can I get a lipstick gun), but now I'm sick and am not sure I'm making any sense whatsoever, so I'm going to stay away long narratives. I also have another WOAC (Waste of a Cousin) story, but I'll save that for later.

Now onto what this post is really about. I got an e-mail today that said "Skip the tie, buy dad Tupperware." Um, no. Coming from a girl that got Tupperware for Christmas, this is a bad idea. An extremely bad idea. And I use my Tupperware. This is why men go nuts and chop up their families with an ax.

Part of My Family is Missing the Logic Gene

Update on my younger WOAC (Waste of a cousin). As condition of her parole, she had to attend a rehab program and then go to a halfway house. Well, she finished the rehab program. Even wrote a letter to my grandma asking for money for cigarettes...uh, no. But when my aunt took her to the halfway house they "didn't like the looks of it" and "it was in a bad part of town". (hello? anywhere you are is a bad part of town.) So they turned around and went home, and the next day the police came and took my WOAC back to prison because that's apparently somehow better than a shady halfway house. Who are these people?

WTF??

Today I hit traffic on the highway because of a fender bender. When I passed the crunched up cars that had been moved onto the side of the road, there was an Amish guy standing outside one of them. ????????

Bath and Body Works is My Crack

For anyone who doesn't know, today is the first day of Bath and Body Works' Semi-Annual Sale and even though I don't really need anything, I have to go and by things. Too many things. Why? Because I'm addicted to it like crack. I scheduled my work today so I could leave early and go to the sale. The whole day went like this..."ok, just three more hours till Bath and Body Works." "Now, only two more hours till Bath and Body Works." And then when I finally did get off, one Bath and Body works stop wasn't enough, I went to two. Because everyone knows, the different stores have different things on sale. I was trying to fit in a third, but due to poor planning on my part was not able to fit it in. Now I'm home and going through all the stuff I bought and wondering when I can fit in the third Bath and Body Works store. I think even if the Bath and Body Works Semi-Annual Sale was in some dark shady alley in the city, I would still go.

Is This a Maintenance Emergency?

You know how when you call the doctor's office the message usually says "if this is a medical emergency, please hang up and call 911"? Well, when you call my apartment complex office it says "if this is a maintenance emergency, please press 3." Tonight, as I was doing laundry, I heard a louder than normal water running noise. I found out that water was shooting out from the spigot where the washer is connected to the wall. Is that a maintenance emergency? Because I turned the washer off and it stopped, and I put down towels to mop up the water on the floor, but I do live on the second floor and have a washing machine half full of clothes.

My Awesome Coconut Cream Pie

Check out my awesome coconut cream pie! Thanks for showing me where the recipe was, Amanda L. I made a couple of changes. I used sugar free vanilla pudding instead of regular, shortbread crust instead of graham cracker, and extra creamy cool whip. I also wanted mine to be more coconutty so I mixed 1 1/2 cups of coconut into the filling instead of just 3/4 cup. I want to eat the whole thing right now.

I was flicking channels and did anyone else see the bald woman that made the top ten in the Miss Universe pagent? What is up with that?

The Five Second Rule

I find it necessary to address the five second rule. I believe that there are situations in which the five second rule can not apply. Basically anywhere outside. It a food item should fall on cement, asphalt, a planting bed, etc. It should be immediately disposed of no matter how long it was there.

So, hypothetically, if a hot dog falls off a plate onto grass (no matter how recently that grass has been cut) it can not be placed back on the grill and then onto the plate with the other hot dogs.

Incidentally, I had a roommate that believed the "five second rule" had a factual scientific basis....she was a fine arts major.

Reasons Why I Hate Summer

Today it was hot out, and it reminded me that summer was just around the corner. I started thinking about it, and I really hate summer. It seems odd, but I hate the hot/humid weather and here are some other things that I really hate about summer.

1) Kids are out of school. I can no longer go to the mall during the day and shoe shop in peace. I have to deal with teenagers that think they are the shit.
2) I could care less about Major League Baseball. I like to watch baseball games, but I don't freakin' care how many games back the Yankees are. Being a sports crazy, I need my sports fix and baseball and the WNBA just don't cut it.
3) Tourons (Tourists + morons = tourons). Now when I go to the gym, I have to deal with Joe Schmo from Delaware with his six kids packed into his SUV crossing three lanes on the highway because he realized he's about to miss his exit.
4) Crappy holidays. I have to admit, I'm not a big 4th of July fan. Maybe if there was more candy involved. I'd be happier.
5) (Brutal Honesty Alert). Shaving my legs. I hate shaving my legs. Yes, I shave in the winter (though I know women who don't), but in the winter if you build up a little stubble, it's no big deal. Now that its shorts weather, you have to be all over it.
6) I burn really easily. Put on 50 SPF lotion, wear a hat and still manage to be pink. I don't understand.


I thought of three reasons that I like summer.
1) Deviled eggs: I love deviled eggs. One of the two preparations of eggs that doesn't gross me out (the other being egg salad--- apparently eggs and mayonnaise are yummy). I don't really understand why its unacceptable to have deviled eggs at other times during the year, but it is.
2) Bath and Body works has way better scents than any other time of year. Let's face it the Holiday/Winter Season scents suck compared with the summer scents.
3) Cute sandals.

Things that Annoy Me

I went to the drive thru ATM at my bank yesterday and it was out of money....you're a bank!

Text Messages From Germany

"We made frifnds w/ a half bqitirh and half german courle and they bougt us a shitload of drinks and now im fucling drunk. Hows kit8eos?"

That pretty much says it all. (That last word I believe is supposed to be kitties.)

Correspondence from Germany

I'm enjoying Danielle being in Germany. I get to go play with her kitties. They really like me more than those pictures show. They're just divas and were mad that I didn't get their good sides. I get to drive her car around because mine is in the shop. I'm not even being a bitka (Danielle's drunk translation of bitch) and messing around with it by toying with her little stuffed dauphin (like I normally do when I'm a passenger) or changing all her cds to crappy cds (Inside joke for Danielle: "hi my name is Bob, and I work at my job"). I've confused the old lady downstairs though. She called me and asked if I'd changed teams because Danielle's car has all this Penn State crap all over it.

But my favorite thing about Danielle being in Germany, is that I get psycho e-mails. Below are some excerpts from e-mails that have been edited for length and censored for content. I've gotten two so far, but I'm combining them together.

"the y is where the z is and it freakin pisses me off. Our tomtom is not working so it took us about 3 hours to get to our hotel. I've decided to screw the y and the z and just tzpe normallz. zou should be able to figure it out. anzwazs, the dude in front of us kept getting comp drinks the whole flight and prettz much got blityed out of his mind. I fell asleep onlz to be awoken bz him howling like a dog. and I'm not even joking. He did it twice. oh and in case zou are wondering cologne is like a dirtz new zork if zou can believe that. some random black guz stopped me in the street and shook mz hand and wanted to know where i was stazing, how long i was stazing and he reallz wanted to meet up with me sometime. uh how bout no. there is a fun storz involving a porn and i tzped it up for zou and tried to send it but it didnat work. iam sick of looking for the ' so zou are just going to hafta deal with the a (sidenote, the a she is using actually has two little dots over it, but blogger won't let me do that). long storz short, we have 2 porn channels and mz mom made me watch some of them. gross. random sidenote i find it odd that the radio stations plaz onlz american music. iam sitting here jiving to the radio then all of the sudden the djs start talking and iam like shit iam still in germanz. 6 more dazs. serenitz now!"

Well, Danielle's in Germany till next Monday, so hopefully we'll get more e-mails. We can only hope.

Red Paint Postponement

Tonight I was going to blog about how Danielle is having a miserable time in Germany, but after a red paint explosion at a troop meeting I was at, I really don't feel like it. We were using fabric paint and I didn't really see what happened, but the top of the paint thing was across the room and there was red paint on the ceiling, ceiling fan, table, floor and walls of a church basement. Then to top it off, all the kids decided this meant they could be bad. Thank goodness it was the last meeting. But this was the night that the contact from the church happened to not be there, so now I have to call her tomorrow and explain why there is splatters of red paint on her ceiling. I'm going to go take a bath and a martini. Stay tuned tomorrow for Danielle's misery.

A True Story

Working with Girl Scout leaders, I get to hear a lot of stories about mischievous kids. The one I heard tonight though takes the cake. I was at a leaders' meeting and after it was done, the person in charge said "you are all free to leave, but if you stick around five minutes, I have a hilarious story." I was game, so I stayed.

Her seven year old son had gone along with a five year old friend and the friend's parents to the National Aquarium in Baltimore. About forty-five minutes into the visit, the five year old disappeared. The parents are looking around frantically, thinking he has to be somewhere nearby. They can't find him and finally alert someone at the aquarium. The aquarium people can't find him either and finally call the police. They're working on locking down the aquarium when they see the kid wandering down the hallway. His coat is a little wet, but otherwise he seems fine. The mom of course freaks out and is asking the kid "where the hell were you?" (and this wasn't in the story, but I also imagine her saying "you worried mommy. Don't you ever do that again). The kid never answered where he was, and the whole ride home his friend was trying to talk to him in the backseat, but he remained quiet. When they got home, the mom yelled at him some more and sent him straight to his room. A half hour later, the mom decided she better go up and give him the "do you know what you did?" speech. She opens the door and finds her son on his bed playing with his new baby penguin!

Who do you call when your son steals a penguin? She called the number for the aquarium, but of course it gives her some random Ticketmaster number. After explaining the ridiculous penguin story to several befuddled people on the phone, she finally got a manager that could figure out what to do. The person gave her instructions on how to care for the penguin (unfortunately, there were no details on exactly what those were) and said they would send someone to pick up the penguin in the morning. I would think that they would want to rush out for the penguin right then, but I guess not.

The aquarium seems to be taking a "you don't give us any crap about how your 5 year old got into our penguin enclosure, we won't give you any crap for stealing a penguin."

So Unfair

My dad is at a Killers concert right now. He doesn't even know who the Killers are!

The Cake Pan Has Been Freed

Thanks to the great advice from the Canadian Iron Chef...the cake pan has been freed from underneath my oven.

Disneyland

To set this up, one of big wigs in my dad's company called him for advice on a "project". When my dad called him back, he discovered that the big project was "I need to take my wife, mother in law and niece to Disneyland. What do I do?" Here is the e-mail correspondance that followed the Disneyland visit.

My dad: Forgot to ask you how the trip to Disneyland went.

Big wig: Awesome. Still can't get It's a Small World out of my head.

Dad: That's great! My wife said I should've warned you about that.

Big wig: Yes, you should have. At about Russia, I was about ready to jump out of the boat and swim for it. My favorite part was when the people I was with (seriously) asked if there was a weight limit on the Dumbo the Flying Elephant ride to which I responded "It's Dumbo. Who is he to judge?" which apparently wasn't as funny as I thought it was.

HAHA

Any Ideas??

I have a drawer at the bottom of my oven where I keep cake pans and cookie sheets and stuff. Today a square cake pan fell behind the drawer. Did you ever have a clothes drawer with too many clothes in it and some of the clothes get pushed behind the drawer? That's kinda what happened. The drawer closes the whole way, but the pan is stuck under it. It's too big to slide out from the front and the drawer doesn't pull out the whole way, so I can't reach behind it. Any suggestions?

Three Posts in One

I have three things I want to blog about, so instead of putting them in three short blogs all on the same day, I'm going to post them in one blog.

1) What's so great about a parachute? Not the type you jump out of an airplane with...I know what's great about that, but the multi-colored piece of nylon that everyone played with in gym in elementary school. Wasn't that great when you were in elementary school? Yeah, it's parachute day. Well, now, as an adult sometimes I take the paparchutes to programs. AND I HATE IT!! The parachute is basically what you take to the program when your out of ideas or are too lazy to think of another activity. But the kids end up in this crazy frenzy, trying to wrap themselves up in it or fighting over the handles or popping balls up onto rooftops. Not to mention how tired your arms get. Why is the parachute not great anymore?

2) My new law. I'm thinking of passing a new law that says that if a person is parked like a moron then you can ram them with your car and they have to pay for the damage. How else are they going to learn not to park like an idiot. This thought came to me when I was at the gym. There is a parking space with a lightpost with a big cement bottom in it, so normally nobody parks in it. But today some jackass decided to try to cram his car in it. News flash if the backseat is sticking out past the car beside you, your car is out too far.

3) My little adventure. Today I went to the grocery store in Hershey. I was at the gym and decided it wouldn't be that much further than the Union Deposit one near my apartment, so off I went. A little explanation first. Hershey is where all the rich people live. And even though I have a Giant store and they have a Giant store. Theirs is soooo much better than mine. First of all I didn't feel like I needed to disinfect the cart before using it (not to mention that there were carts, the Union Deposit Giant store never brings their carts in from the little corrals). Second, there weren't Kool-aid mustached kids running wild. Third, the food. They had stuffed grape leaves on their salad bar, a whole deli case devoted to exotic cheeses and starfruit. At Union Deposit, I'm lucky if they have broccoli on their salad bar. I felt like someone was going to come over to me and throw me out "You live in Harrisburg. They built a Giant for your type of people." I loved it. Next time I'm going to use the scan as I shop guns, but they scare me.

Recycling 101

It's come to my attention recently that a few of my friends really have no idea how to recycle. Specifically what "those little numbers on plastic bottles" are. So in honor of Earth Day (I'm only a week late), I thought that I'd inform you.

In certain areas, you can only recycle certain number for curbside pick up. Like where I live, you can only recycle 1's & 2's, but out in Indiana where my parents live you can recycle anything but 5's. So you need to look at the numbers and find out what your area recycles before you just go throwing junk in your plastic bin. If the old person that throws aerosol cans away in our recycling bin is reading this, you can't recycle those either.

The Comment Card

Today Amanda L. and I went to lunch at Applebee's. We found on a table a comment card.

The comment card was completely what you would expect from any restaurant's comment card. Did you enjoy your food? Was the staff friendly and helpful? Etc. Except for the box where it says, "if you do not know your waiter's name, please draw a picture of them. Be kind." Are you kidding? So here is our waiter.

If you see him at Applebee's, he's really good.

My Brilliant Plan

So at work our "team leader" (again not really a leader, not really a team) got promoted to be our manager. That is a total joke! I know I'm going to be in her office every hour explaining how to use excel and e-mail and possibly the phone. Ugh...but I have a brilliant plan. See when her supervisor realizes she is a complete moron, they will fire her (or pile on so much work that she gets overwhelmed and quits). At which point they will be looking for someone to take her place....oh gee, where will we ever find a competent person who has an outstanding college degree and showers on a regular basis and wears normal looking clothes (unlike our team leader now)....well, jsto has all those things...yes, I do. So then they will promote me and I will look like a goddess (because I am) as I fix up everything she screwed up. Not unlike Charlie Weis cleaning up after the Willingham debacle. Brilliant!!

The Spa

Today I went to the Hershey Spa. I got a massage which I LOVE. I am so agreeable after a massage that you could pretty much ask me anything and I'd be ok with it. A black market organ broker could come in and slice out a kidney and I think I'd not put up much of a fight. I think I'd say "forget about the bathtub full of ice. I'm fine here. Can you pass me a hand full of Hershey kisses and a bottle of water?" I had good intentions to go to aquacise after my spa visit. I had even brought other gym clothes in case I was too late for aquacise, but instead I fell asleep in the "quiet room" for what I estimate to be about a half an hour. Until some people started talking....hello? it's called the quiet room for a reason. Do you not see the "please refrain from talking" signs sitting on every table?

The only thing better than a massage was using the $100 gift card that I won for my massage. A couple of weeks ago my coworker Amanda and I had to go to this Business Woman's forum. I didn't have a ticket to go to the luncheon, so instead Amanda and I walked around to the booths stealing all their free giveaways and dropping our business cards into random raffles. It was great because you didn't have to listen to someone blah blah blah about their bank's low interest rates. Those people were all at the luncheon, so we could just go and take all the good stuff that we really want. (I also got a free round of golf). Apparently, I entered something at one of the stands for a bank for $100 Hershey gift card. It was sitting on my desk when I returned from vacation last week. Boo-yah!

Betsy Ross

Last night I went to this dinner where the entertainment was a woman who told about Betsy Ross. Not only did she tell about Betsy Ross and dress in red, white, and blue, but her name was actual Betsy Ross...I would kill myself if my name was Betsy Ross. Educational fact of the day: Betsy Ross was only 24 when she sewed the American flag (makes me feel like even more of a slacker) and the Continental Congress wanted six pointed stars on the flag (which would just look queer), but Betsy convinced them that five pointed stars would be better.

Psychotic Thought of the Day

Ok, so just a warning. I thought of this last night at 2am when I couldn't sleep and was deliriously tired. I wrote it down, so that I'd remember it. When I got up I read it and thought this is way too psychotic to even post, but against my better judgement I'm going to.

Here is my psychotic thought from last night:
If I married a guy whose last name is Green and we have a kid named Soylent and he runs for public office his campaign slogan can be "Soylent Green is people."

Seriously, who thinks of stuff like this?

The Mythical White Bracelet

Some of you may have doubted that it existed, but I'm here to tell you that it does. I've worn it. This mythical bracelet grants access to its wearer to all areas of the College Football Hall of Fame. Apparently since I've left, the Hall of Fame has become more concerned with random people wandering around the museum and offices (wow, think back to the days when the back door was left open and random people would just wander over from the convention center). Now everyone is required to wear a bracelet. Even me.

I had to wear a bracelet in case I was "challenged" while I was there. Who could dare challenge me? Possibly some unknowing volunteer or intern. And here is exactly what I would say to anyone who would think of challenging me.

"Do you know who I am? I am JSto" (Sidenote: the Hall of Fame is where I gained that nickname.) "Go look in the office at the Intern Hall of Fame plaque under Marketing Intern Summer 2002. There I am. I have put out more programs than you have ever seen, sold more mulligans than you could even imagine, and broken more melons for Stay In Bounds than you will eat in a lifetime. Where were you when Sonny Franck decided to recount his college football career game by game for 40 minutes at the Enshrinement press conference? I was there. Where were you when our cashier quit an hour before her shift on USC weekend Friday? I was running tickets. Where were you when the golf outing ran an hour and a half over so that no Hall of Famers were at the reunion autograph session? I was battling off autograph seeking crazies. Where were you when it poured for the inaugural Enshrinement parade? I was soaked and gathering Hall of Famers under the overhang of a liquor store. Where were you when the wrong patches were put on the Hall of Fame blazers? I was in the back of JC Penney's with a seam ripper. So how dare you even think you have any authority over me. Now go back to wandering around talking to yourself and leave me alone."

Luckily I didn't have to do that. The bracelet also wasn't put on very tightly, so I was able to slide it off without even stretching it. So I'm renting it out for $5 a day. (Which is a savings of $6 off of admission.)

Ms Fix-It

Most of my vacation has been spent helping my parents fix things which have been broken for months and which they have been secretly stock-piling until I come to fix it. The computer "this little box keeps popping up and won't go away." The printer "it won't turn on." The tv "we can't get the volume to go up or down." The DVD player "it sounds like its playing, but there's no picture on the screen." My dad's digital camera "it won't turn on...I think it might be the battery or something." On a side note, my dad got his digital camera from some Japanese lady and the instruction booklet is completely in Japanese. The coffee pot at last night's basketball banquet "We couldn't get any coffee to come out, so we tried to unscrew the lid, but only the top half of the lid came off and now little styrofoam balls are coming out." Glad to see their getting their money back from that Notre Dame education.

That's not to mention all the help I was with the Vista ticketing system at the Hall of Fame. I didn't really fix it though because there's not really a fix for being a complete worthless piece of crap.

Oh and By the Way

My mom no longer has jury duty. She received a message that the case was settled out of court. YAY!

Danielle Is Stealing My Life

Did anyone see the movie Single White Female? Ok, it's not to that extent yet. At least not that I know of. (By the way, did anyone know there was a Single White Female 2 made only 13 years after the first. It's called Single White Female 2: The Psycho--as if the first one wasn't psycho.)

It all started Saturday when Danielle was supposed to take me to the airport, but because of my little flight issue/cancellation, her mom had to take me instead. Fine. I leave my car at their house when I travel. I don't live in a bad neighborhood or anything, but my neighbors tend to have random teenage kids hanging out in the parking lot at all hours of the night. I drive to Danielle's house and her mom is having car problems. Her car won't start, so she asks if she can borrow my car until it gets fixed. Sure no problem. I get a voicemail from Danielle yesterday that not only is she using my car (which has ND alumni license plates on it), but she also decided that since she had my key ring and not hers she would use my pass to get into the gym. Next thing she's probably be renting all sorts of weird movies with my Blockbuster card...oh wait, she's already done that before. I haven't figured out exactly how yet, but I know this is somehow a plan to get out of going to Germany with her mom.

Have No Fear

In an update to a previous post, Keith Richards will apparently suffer no harm from snorting his dad's ashes...the cocaine though, is a problem.

I Love the Old Lady Downstairs

Sis is the lady that lives downstairs from me. She called me yesterday to see if I was going away for Easter. I told her that I would be away all week next week and that I was leaving on Saturday. Today when I went home for lunch I found a Easter snack bag on my door for my trip. In it was a mini can of pepsi, a cadbury egg, a peanut butter egg and a coconut egg, a mini box of jr mints, a plastic container with chocolate turtles, some weird looking cookies, a pack of peanut butter crackers, a bag of white cheddar popcorn and an Easter card. Too cute!!

Things That Annoy Me More Than Jury Duty

Finding out that your flight was cancelled and instead of leaving at 9:14 am you will now be leaving at 4:05 pm and instead of arriving at 12:57 pm, you will now be arriving at 8:20 pm.

Things that Annoy Me

Planning a trip to Indiana for Easter and the entire week after to see your parents (especially your mom) and finding out that your mom just got called for jury duty the Tuesday that you are there. Typical.

My Other Job As a Marketing Consultant

My dad is in marketing. This is basically how I got involved in marketing. Whenever his marketing managers were completely sucking, he would bring home stuff and asked me what I think. I loved it and I love it more now. When I was in 4th grade, he worked for a lawn and garden company that was rolling out a line of tools for kids and I got to help pick the colors.

Yesterday, he e-mailed me a list of names and said his company wants to develop a line of carrying cases for drums to be marketed to 12-25 year olds and was looking for a name that was "young, tough, and edgy." After sadly realizing I was no longer included in this age category, I looked over the list his marketing manager had sent him and believe they are the most un-young, tough and edgy names I have ever seen. Sometimes I think marketing people get so wrapped up in their own bullshit that they don't realize how ridiculous they are being. Below are some of the worst names:

Harlow
Boli (This makes me think of stromboli which just makes me hungry)
Tusk (I think of a walrus)
Eiffel (Cause the eiffel tower is really edgy and is like "hey, leaning tower of pisa, I'm going to come kick your ass")
Gill (perhaps the most un young, tough and edgy word in the English language)
Rockwell
Palais

Hello? Can we get a clue?

Why??

All I can say is EWWW. What is this world coming to?

My One Year Anniversary

Can you believe that I've been back in Pennsylvania for a year?? I can't. It's been fun though.

My Bracket, the Final Chapter

Let's just say that I have a little extra money burning a hole in my pocket.

Why I Won't Be Getting Flowers on April 19th

April 19th is staff appreciation day at work. The volunteers are supposed to send in food for the staff and cards and things like that to make us feel better about the fact that we might not have jobs in a month. I just got back from a volunteer recognition dinner and the volunteers in that area wanted me to know that they wanted to send me flowers for staff appreciation day, but were told they weren't allowed to. They had called my boss because they weren't sure what day staff appreciation was and my boss told them it would be unfair if I got flowers and other staff members don't. Bite me. Maybe other staff members suck and don't deserve flowers. That my friends is why I won't be getting flowers on April 19th.

Did I Ever Mention How I Love Greg the Bunny?

So sad that it got cancelled. At least I have the DVD.

My Bracket, the Update

Guess who had all four final four teams picked in their bracket? Oh, that would be me. Boo-yah!

"Childcare" by "Linda"

I was at the grocery store today and saw a sign on the bulletin board that said "Childcare" by "Linda" with the quotes exactly like that. Apparently she hasn't legally changed her name to Linda after the sex change operation and it isn't really childcare more like cheap labor.

Psychotic Thought of the Week

Has anyone ever seen a non-Asian person working in a Chinese restaurant? I'm thinking of applying just to see what would happen.

My Waste of a Cousin

So some of you may be confused because I have two wastes of cousins. A mother/daughter combo. This story is about the daughter because the mother is currently safely away in rehab.

For those of you who don't know, both mother and daughter were recently in prison. Mother went to rehab and daughter got released, but we're really not sure why because she hadn't even gotten to her court date. She had a job, but quit.

I had dinner with my grandma a couple of days ago and she told me that my cousin "thinks she might get married." To who? Some random guy who is originally from here, but is in the Army currently stationed in Georgia and being shipped to Iraq soon. My grandma met him once or so. I have no idea who this guy is. Whether this marriage happens or not is all reliant on whether my cousin is allowed to leave the state or not. Lovely.

Things that Annoy Me

I went to the bank today and got a blue lollipop. It was cherry.

VISTA Ticketing System = the Devil

Originally I wasn't going to post this story because Patti, one of my former coworkers, reads my blog. But after talking to her on the phone (Hey, Jerky) she said to go ahead because she thinks it would be hysterical.

I've been gone from the Hall of Fame for a few days short of a full year and a couple days ago I received an e-mail from a person that works there. The subject was "Hey Jen...quick question." Quick question, yeah, right. The quick question is they hired a new ticket manager and no one has a clue how to work the ticket system... I guess nothing's changed. The Vista Ticketing System is the most un user friendly system I have ever seen. If you're applying for a job that says they use this system, run. It's actually probably a major contributor to the reason I quit last year. I called the poor sap that they convinced to be the ticket manager (I give her 6 months) and she has no idea what she's doing. I know the feeling. She also said "we need to get together, but I have to leave at 1 today." This is when I realized she had no idea that I now live 600 miles away from her. I tried to help her over the phone, but that's hard to do with a computer system that I haven't even thought of in 6 months. So either because I'm nice and feel bad for her or because I'm an idiot I said I could stop by when I'm in Indiana for Easter and give her a little help. This is the absolute last ticket manager I'm training there.