Mexican Baggage Allowance

When you are about to land in Mexico, they give you a standard customs form. Listed on it is the allowable "Goods considered as personal baggage". As soon as I received it, I turned to LT and said "I'm keeping this because it's going on my blog." My comments will be in {} because there are already some () in the original form.

"Goods considered as personal baggage: Goods for personal use, such as clothes --including one bride trousseau {one what? do I own this?}--, footwear and personal toiletries and beauty products, as long as they are appropriate for the duration of a trip; {who determines what is appropriate for the duration of the trip. My mom goes through chapstick like it's candy. Are you going to tell her that 3 tubes of chapstick aren't appropriate for a week long trip? yeah, I'd like to see that} as well as baby travel, hygiene and fun accessories {fun accessories? also, do you need to have the baby with you?} such as car seat, portacrib, baby carriage, baby walker, etc. {were those supposed to be the "fun" accessories?} including their accessories; {big on accessories, aren't we?} two cameras or video cameras including 12 rolls of film or videocassettes; photographic material; two cellular phones or beepers or pagers; one portable typewriter; {hahahahahaha} one electronic personal organizer; one laptop, notebook, omnibook or similar; one portable photocopier or printer; one portable recorder and one projector, {wow...I can't have two projectors for my multi-media presentation? lame.} including accessories; {oh thank God, I thought I wouldn't be able to bring accessories with me} two personal sports equipment, four fishing rods {four? you need four fishing rods?}, three surfboards or windsurfing boards {now wait a damn minute here. I can only bring one laptop, but three surfboards? how is that at ALL fair?} and their accessories, {whew} trophies or recognitions that can be normally transported by the passenger; {oh, I can transport the shit out of some trophies and recognitions} one running machine and one exercise bike; {and I'm going to strap this on my back?} one portable sound recorder or player; one digital sound player or portable CD player and one portable DVD player as well as a set of portable speakers, and their accessories; five laser disks, 10 DVDs, 30 CDs or magnetic tapes, for sound playing {so no photo CDs? how did they come up with these numbers? 10 DVD's, but 30 CDs?} three storage software and five storage devices for any electronic equipment {I guess my photo CD's go in there}; books, magazines and printed documents; {but how many? you're not going to just let me bring unlimited books are you?} five toys {five? do you know how bored I'm going to get with only five toys? and what if I want Army men? I only get five army men? you can't have any good battles with only five army men....mmmm....army men) including collection toys and one video games console, as well as five videogames; one blood pressure self-monitoring device and one blood glucose self-monitoring device or a mixed device {what about accessories? I can't bring blood glucose self-monitoring device accessories? this is crap} and their reagents {is this a fancy word for accessories?} as well as personal medicine (in the event of psychotropic substances, passenger must show prescription); {well, I would hope so} one binoculars {not a pair, just one} and one telescope; two musical instruments and their accessories {how are we counting drums? is it like just one drum? or can a bring a drum kit? and does a triangle really count as an entire instrument?} one tent and other camping articles; {well, shit, anything over my limit I'm saying is a "camping article." centrifuge? camping article.} one set of hand tools and the suitcase, which may include one drill, tweezers, wrenches, dies, screwdrivers, cables, etc. Passengers older than 18 years may transport up to 20 cigarette packets, 25 cigars or 200 grams of tobacco {/marijuana} as well as up to 3 liters of alcoholic drinks and six liters or wine."

It's Horriable In Jail

First of all before I get into the actual content of this letter, let me set the scene by telling you that it is written on a money order deposit slip form with "Read Back" written on the top of it. Consider the scene set.

"Sorry it took so long ot write back but iv'e (not sure that's a real contraction) been waiting for stupid envelopes (shocking that you managed to find an envelope to write to my mom asking for money, but couldn't find one for me...hmmm...) I get my 1st commensary finally on the 15th I can't believe it takes so long its crazy no pen (yes there is no punctuation in this at all) I got this from some1 (didn't you get in trouble over borrowing a pen last time?) No toothpaste, deodorant its just crazy you couldn't even imagine how horriable it is in jail! (isn't that kinda the point of jail? to be horriable? err...horrible? you thought I had a typo in my title didn't you...sillyhead) Thank God you'll never come to a place like this! well my minimum date is nov 21st 2010 (was?) and my maximum is 11-21-13 (yes, she wrote out one date and did a numerical date for another) so since Im over my min Im eligable (spell check hates letters from prison posts. I'm sorry, spell check.) for parole but I have to be classified 1st which takes about 3 months (from here she goes into a whole rambling boring part about how she'll probably have to go to rehab and be there longer than her lawyer said....I'll skip ahead.)

I broke up with my boyfriend today (while in jail? ouch) cause I think he's using me. (using you for what? YOU'RE IN JAIL!!! ...don't worry, I asked, so hopefully will find out an answer.) Im always getting used by guys it sucks (I...I...don't even know what to say here. She has done NOTHING but use people in my family.) So what did you end up doing for spring break any funny stories (Oh..you have no idea) Does Danielle still work at the Hollywood casino? (yes, unfortunately) I figured that everyone has a picture of them sitting on the toilet so I said why not me too and I though it was funny so I put in on there. (There being facebook in case you missed my last letter from prison. Can I just take a brief survey? How many of you have a picture of yourself on the toilet? How many of you have ever thought about taking a picture of yourself on the toilet? Thought so.) Did you see the one with my eye all messed up? (yep, asked about this too, so we should get details on that.) I can't wait to take a bunch more picture and post em up and check my facebook (oh, I can't wait either!) Well im gonna go... Love you"

Cancun: Foam Party...Good Clean Fun

I have to get this final day blogged because I just got an AMAZING letter from prison in the mail. So where was I? After ditching Johnny, LT and I made our way down the path in our hotel to the elevator. (We followed the same journey every day).

Very Mayan, isn't it? As we were walking and taking pictures, some guys with a room beside the path called out to us. This is when we met Alex and Jeff, two Naval officers that were on vacation in between assignments. Both were grads of the Naval Academy, so I had to suffer through some college football shit talking. Alex was stationed in Hawaii (awful, right) and was cutely awkward. Jeff was stationed in Florida, likes Syracuse basketball and the Buffalo Bills (at one point later in the evening I believe I sang Fly, Eagles, Fly at the foam party), was obnoxiously sarcastic (perfect, right?) and was wearing a shirt with this on it.

This then became the theme for not only the evening, but the entire trip...Sorry. Winning. They asked us if we were going to the foam party. Of course, we said that we were. Then they tried to make us some drinks of like cherry juice and vodka out of their Brazilian friend's room (come on, you didn't think I could get through a whole post without a Brazilian making an appearance, did you?). We discovered that they had run out of ice, and that warm cherry juice is disgusting, so we made plans to meet up at the central bar later and then head over to the foam party.

LT and I go up to "change our clothes". That's what we told Alex and Jeff, but we ended up just laying with our legs up the wall, and I drunk texted some people. (Can't wait to see that cell phone bill! Yeah, texting from Mexico!) LT and I also decided that Alex and Jeff were probably the chaperones that we had been searching for to make sure we would get to and from a party safely. a) They seemed semi-reliable. b) They spoke English. and c) They didn't try to get in our pants within the first 10 minutes of conversation. We didn't change clothes and were questioned about it when we met up with the guys at the bar. We went and watched some weird Australian drinking game for a while and then decided we should get our tickets to the foam party. The foam party was at a club attached to the Grand Oasis (which was right beside the regular, non-grand Oasis that we were staying at).

For those of you who have never been to a foam party, let me explain. It's at a club with a sunken dance floor and then they pump sudsy laundry soap-esque foam into the dance floor part. While the foam party was awesomely fun, there are some draw backs. 1) Foam gets EVERYWHERE. I was wringing the foam out of my hair and for days afterwards everything smelled like foam. 2) When you're short, sometimes you nearly drown. A couple of times the foam would suddenly be above my head, and I would be choking on foam until I pulled myself to safety. 3) You have to take your sandals off or risk losing them in the foam, and walking around barefoot on a dance floor I couldn't see kinda grossed me out cause sometimes I'd step on cups and stuff...ick. 4) The foam dries out your skin. Following the foam party, I went through an entire thing of lotion and two things of chapstick. My entire face peeled off from it.

We're foaming it up. I'm dancing and all the sudden I turn around and there's Johnny. He whispers in my ear that he wants me to go to the beach with him...I turn him down cause by this point, he's kinda creeping me out. We dance some more and then leave. I love that when we go into the lobby of our hotel, they have towels ready for us to wipe off some of the foam...kinda a futile effort though.

So anyway, the next day, I feel like death. We have to go look for LT's wallet which was lost sometime between the foam party and waking up the next day (we find it eventually). We check out of the hotel (after a little discrepancy about some damage that may or may not have been done to our room...ha). Business class to Atlanta, barely make it on the flight to Raleigh, drive home and get back to my apartment at 2:30am...Wonderful trip!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

I know I haven't blogged about the final day of cancun (and foam), but I had to blog this. Will you look at how green that bagel is! It was delicious too. I also went to McDonald's for a Shamrock Shake but those bees-itches at my McDonald's didn't have them. I'm thinking about dying my Chicken Noodle Soup that i'm having for lunch green as well. The final foam day may be blogged today because I'm sick and will not be going to class (i will however be watching plenty of basketball).

Day 3: The Non-Foam Related Part

Day 3 was the peak of spring breakyness and was so chock full of fun that I'm splitting it into two parts--non-foam and foam. Also, I realized I don't really have any pictures to go along with this day's narrative (probably for the best), so you are getting a random picture of the beautiful beach. Basically the morning follows our normal routine: breakfast and beach. It's actually not windy nor cloudy (at first) and so it's quite a beautiful beach day all around. Because there is less wind, the surf is also less choppy, and we spend more time in the water which is fine by me. It starts to storm at one point (thunder and all) and while a lot of people seem not to care, LT and I decide to head in for lunch. We lunch out the storm and then go to the pool. Instead of choosing our normal quiet, peaceful pool spot, we were looking for some entertainment and so went to the "party" pool area which was near the bar and DJ.

We realized at this time that apparently the guy/girl ratio has become about 4 to 1, and anytime either of us were alone it seemed to signal fair game. For instance, LT went somewhere for a few minutes and soon after she left I had a guy seal walk in the shallow end of the pool up to where my chair was. When I told him I was waiting for my friend, he said that I made him cry. LT got back, and we decided to get drinks at the pool bar. We get in, and we are suddenly surrounded by about 8 guys that are from Mexico City and part of a bachelor party. We have lots of drinks and learn a bunch of inappropriate words in Spanish and some Mexican drinking games. It's good fun until it starts to rain. I have a tough time getting LT inside because apparently our Mexican friends want her to go to the beach. By time I get her out of the pool, it's really raining. We start to run, but with slippery flip flops, I face plant directly on the pavement, skinning up my knee. We make it into the bar by our lobby, blood streaming down my leg. Our Mexican friends are there as well (I try to pretend I don't notice the bloody gash on my knee) and we make arrangements to meet them later that night. (This meeting never happens).

LT and I go back to the Italian restaurant for dinner (after changing of course). There was actually a wait at the restaurant, ugh...while waiting, we meet more guys. This guy Johnny takes a liking to me. He's originally from Lebanon, but living in Canada. Johnny and his friends get called that their table is ready. He tells LT and I to come with them...we go, but obviously there is no room for us at the table. We go back out and wait for our actual table. About 5 minutes later, Johnny comes out and asks if I want to got to his room for 5 minutes (really, only 5 minutes?...and....no). I blame LT who is drunkenly talking to some other guy. Finally we get called for our table, which oh how lucky is located next to Johnny's. Johnny comes to our table and hangs out. He asks for my room number at least 5 times and somehow I manage to give the same incorrect room number all 5 times. Some other guy brings LT a flower that he apparently picked outside somewhere and tries to win her over which is not happening. Johnny's food comes to his table, and I convince him to go eat. Less than 5 minutes after he leaves some other guy comes and sits down at our table. LT somehow convinces him that he should dance with me. Next thing I know we're twirling around the restaurant to the music from the band. LT doesn't miss out though as some guy pulls her up from her chair to dance as well. (SN: it's not like anyone else is dancing...just us...which is fine.) After the song ends, we sit back down and Johnny is back at our table...my God! I mean I was wearing this amazing turquoise dress, but I had to practically beat guys off with a stick. I told Johnny that we needed to change clothes, but would see him later at the foam party.

Up next...good clean fun...get it...cause it's a foam party...ha

Day 2: Spring Break...Ohio State Style

As we were heading back to our room the afternoon of Day 2, LT turns to me and says "We're doing spring break undergrad style." She paused for a moment and then added "not just undergrad style...Ohio State undergrad style." I love this quote for two reasons. 1) It somewhat bashes Ohio State...which I completely love. 2) We all know exactly what she means. Whereas doing spring break Notre Dame style probably means doing a service project in some third world country, spring Ohio State involves general debauchery.

We wake up, slightly hungover from the night before (must've been LT's signature drink The "Skip and Go Naked" which did me in..SN: at one point, we learned how to say skip and go naked in Spanish). Luckily a buffet with a bunch of fantastic breakfasty foods, random Mexican food, and a bunch of fruit is just what the doctor ordered. Nothing really exciting happened that morning. We went to the beach. It was really windy and sand was pelting us. For lunch, we went to an Italian restaurant and had this delicious pesto, garlic cheese bread, and a fantastic caprese salad. After lunch, we moved to a spot by the pool where it was a lot less windy. I took my regularly scheduled afternoon nap, read part of a book and then saw this coming towards us.

Except also add a guy with lederhosen and subtract the lady in the visor. Yes, that would be Duffman, a wrestler and a guy wearing some sort of weird hat (frog, maybe?). LT turns to me and says "i hope they don't come over here." Well, before we knew it, the lederhosen guy is lounging on my legs, and LT is trying to explain what a Kindle is to Duffman. They're trying to tell us that they're Italian, German, and Norwegian and pretending to speak the appropriate languages. Turns out their actually Brazilian (told you there were a lot of people from Brazil running around.) Next thing I know the wrestler guy, points to a bruise on my shin, tells me that it's "dangerous around here" and says not to worry that he'll kiss it and make it better. This wasn't a little peck on the leg either. This was like a full on make out session with my shin. He also does a "body shot" off of my shin which is basically one of his friends pouring a drink over my leg, and him lapping it up like a dog. We talk some more. Lederhosen guy tries to make out (unsuccessfully I'll add) with LT and Duffman shows me his tattoo of Sponge Bob drinking a bottle of liquor and smoking a joint. They eventually leave.

We go to the Mexican restuarant for dinner and are seated by some really drunk undergrad girls who repeatedly do shots of tequila. They say things in spanish that really don't make sense ("Mas tequila, mucho por favor gracias senor"), try to get the waiter to do a shot, and try to make out with one of the mariachi band members. The one girl also talks a bunch of crap about marketing because she "worked in PR for a whole year" and so knows everything about everything. I almost throw down with her on marketing knowledge, but decide it wouldn't be worth the trouble. We eat way too much food and do several shots ourselves.

That's my attempt at an artistic post tequila shot picture. While everyone seems to be going to Senor Frogs for a glo party, we decide not to go (a mixture of tiredness, burntness, tummy fullness, and cabbies and blow anxiety), and I fall into a food induced coma.

Cancun, Day 1

In undergrad, I never really did the spring break thing, so I guess this was meant to be my epic, ridiculous spring break experience...and it did not disappoint. This blog will only recount what I believe to be blog appropriate (PG rated/non-incriminating) content (and yes, there is actually incriminating content). So if you want ALL the scandalous details, you'll have to ask. And if I believe you won't think less of me because of those scandalous details, I'll fill you in.

Onto Cancun, Day 1. Cancun Day 1 actually begins with Raleigh Day -1. Our flight was at 6:15am out of Raleigh-Durham, so Lauren (LT) and I decided to stay overnight in Raleigh rather than have to drive that whole way in the morning. We checked into a Residence Inn at around 11pm and set our alarm for 4:15am....lovely.

Got business class from RDU-ATL...and then flew to lovely Cancun. As soon as we arrived, we could tell that the weather was going to be awesome. We checked into the Oasis Cancun. I was a little nervous about this because some places this is listed as Oasis and some places it's Be Live Cancun. People had given it reviews from excellent to horrible, but the horrible ones weren't so horrible and for the price we got, figured we could put up with the negative things people were saying. Our room wasn't ready yet so we got our all inclusive bracelets and went to find some food. We went to the buffet restaurant. There was SOOO much awesome fruit...like this.
It said it was a pomegranate, but I have never seen a pomegranate like that. It basically looks like snot covered seeds. It didn't taste like pomegranate either. They also had the best guacamole I've ever eaten (great guac in Mexico? shocking!). I think I had guac every day I was in Cancun. We finally went to our room which was fine except for this picture in front of my bed.

He is totally groping that woman....jerk. There were pictures like this all around the hotel and LT and I began making of stories about all the people in them. That picture was of Jose and Maria, and he totally knocked her up. (Maria's pissed off mom was on another wall of our room.) Also can it really be considered a room with two double beds if they are pushed together and have one headboard?

We decided to change to go to the pool. At this point, LT realized she didn't have any swimming suits with her which is kinda important in Cancun. We went to the gift shop, and LT bought a crappy swim suit for $95. Price gouging at its best.

We went to the beach which was great (we also started drinking at this point...hey, it's free, right?). Then we went to the pool and watched fantastic undergrad drunkenness. (girl's bikini tops "accidentally" falling off, drunken dancing on the bar, etc.) After showering and changing, we went back to the bar and met our first group of Brazilians. Little did we know at this time that the resort was pretty much overrun with guys from Brazil. We were informed that everyone was heading down to "the strip" for the Flo Rida concert. LT and I were a little nervous about going there because while everyone told us how much fun it was and how safe it was, they would then follow that up by telling us that the cabbies would probably try to sell us blow. LT would always ask if they would feel ok if they're girlfriend by themself down there and the unanimous answer was "well...no." So after going to the sushi restaurant for dinner, we continued to drink at the hotel because a) it was free and b) no one would try to sell us cocaine. We had some wonderful drunk bonding conversation. We then turned in fairly early because we were still tired from our early morning flight. I know this day doesn't sound very interesting...trust me...it gets better...and the non-blogworthy edition, 10X's better.

Hot Yoga

Since my meeting originally scheduled for noon has been pushed back to 1pm, and since I had not planned on doing anything else at this time and am already on campus (sn: got interrupted by Andy's gf Katie and so that is why this wasn't posted until like 9 pm at night), I will tell you about my bikram aka hot yoga experience. I first learned that there was a bikram place in Winston Salem when Andy asked me if I wanted to go last year. I had no idea what bikram was and so went to the internt in search of answers. I discovered that it's yoga in a 105 degree, 40% humidity room and by all accounts makes you "feel like you are dying." Considering that feeling like I'm dying does not sound like fun nor does it sound like it's healthy, I passed.

Then just a few weeks ago my friend Lauren (aka LT) told me how she went for an introductory period and yes, you do feel like you are dying, but it is great. Now knowing that I could have a bikram buddy to lead me through what I needed to do and bring, and having a witness that actually survived, my curiosity was peaked and I decided to go to Bikram Winston Salem.

Ok, first, you bring a towel, your yoga mat, water, and as minimal clothing as possible without reaching a level that will disgust those around you. I was sweating as I was rolling out my mat. It's is simultaneously awful and amazing. I rotated between feeling like I was going to pass out or throw up and sometimes both. I have never sweat that much in my ENTIRE life...combined. Afterwards, my body was exhausted but my mind completely awake...an unusual combination. Woke up the next day feeling sorta hungover, but I went back and did it again, so I recommend trying it at least once.

And When You Think It Can't Get Better...

"Well when I went to courth ont he 8th I got sentenced 24-60 months state (holy crap) but with 26 months and 14 days credit which is awesome (wait, it's awesome that you've been in jail for 26 months? did I lose count? wasn't she out for like a brief period in there...confused) that means im over my minimum date and alls I have to do is go upsate and parole home!! (she made the exclamation points into smiley faces) so i should be home no later then 4-6 weeks so I'll prolly leave on the 24th to go upstate so you might as well wait fo rme to writ eyou when I get up there to write me back (awww...I'll be waiting eagerly). I can't wait to get up there its so much better. the stupidest thing happened to me on the 12th when it was time to lock in (oh boy!!!) this girl was spose to give me a pen (read: shank) so when we were locking in she said she couldn't find it so i ran to the 2 cells next to me (I feel like this is not allowed when you are "locking in" though I've never been in jail...just kinda an instinct) to grab one and they wrote me up on some bogus stuff (cause the police are out to get you right?) then I was being all cocky like 'oh well I'm going upstate on tuesday anyways' (lemme guess...prison guards don't take kindly to backtalk from their prisoners? shocking) and I ended up being in the hole now for 10 days. I'm sad about that. (I really kinda wish there was a picture of the hole cause I'm pretty sure that what is in my head is not actually what the hole looks like until its 15th century Europe.) maybe I can take a trip down to NC to visit you soon after I get out. (isn't there like a no going out of state thing? and are you supposed to get...oh...what's that thing called...a JOB!) that would be AWESOME! (oh you have no idea). I wanna go see Aunt Jan too ASAP. (I'm sure Aunt Jan would love that...Uncle John on the other hand...would not.) Hot yoga seems HOTT LOL. (jeesh) Maybe I can do that with you sometime (no) but I really don't like to be hot or sweaty (that may be an issue with hot yoga) I can't wait for you to send me pictures. I love pictures. Did you ever friend me on facebook and check my pictures out? (unfortunately yes. There is a picture of her on the toilet on her facebook. Two things about this that concern me...1) why would anyone take a picture of themselves on the toilet? 2) why would you then post it on facebook? Also, her friends are super sketch and there is another picture of her looking like she's had the crap kicked out of her.) Well I guess I'm gonna go for now, I'll write you when I'm upstate."

Having My Life Back

Today is the first day in a month plus that I finally feel like myself again. While my living room is still somewhat of a mess with Marketing Summit clutter, everything else has finally caught up. I want to thank all my great friends for putting up with me not returning phone calls, listening to my neurotic discussions about hating my clothes, and other generally un-JSto-esque behaviors (not to mention my hiatus from blogging). It's nice to be back. (I purchased a picture of a martini glass with gummy bears in it off of etsy to celebrate the occasion.)

Most Awkward Moment of the Weekend

No, it wasn't when my dad went to hug my Aunt Nancy and she went for a handshake...though that was awkward. It was when my mom and grandmother decided to watch Step Brothers with me. Even though the testicle/drum shot did not make it past the censors, all the other vagina/penis references did...If you want to get the full effect, just watch this scene and picture your grandmother sitting on the couch across from you.

The Not Top 10

I'm ba-ack....Finally getting back to normal. To kick things off, I thought I'd do the not top 10 from marketing summit.

10) The double blister I got on my toe. No matter how comfortable heels are, if you wear them for 12 hours, you're feet will hurt.
9) The aftermath of the excessive drinking I did on Saturday night. Sunday I thought I was going to die.
8) Wake Forest winning 3rd. Still that's $5K, but they had pretty high expectations and then were all grumpy.
7) BYU winning the fan vote...AGAIN.
6) Deacon Tower elevator issue #1: When we were delivering things to Deacon Tower and people got stranded in the elevator. Not me though...so that's ok.
5) One of our suites in Deacon Tower smelled like ass...it seriously smelled like someone took a dump in the corner. They said it was something to do with the plumbing.
4) Deacon Tower elevator issue #2: When I got the call that the elevators weren't working and everyone was stuck on the 5th floor. I literally dropped all my shit in a stairwell and sat on the first step and called and yelled at people till the elevators were fixed.
3) Deacon Tower elevator issue #3: When the elevator got turned off after kickoff so I couldn't get back upstairs to where my purse and car keys were. Did I mention is was also cold out and I wasn't wearing a coat or shoes? I stalked some scary looking employee in the parking lot until he let me in.
2) When the giant $75K check went missing, and I LOST MY MIND. Luckily, Andy was really the only one the saw the main part of my freak out.
1) When a woman at my table for the sponsor dinner choked and had to have the Heimlich maneuver done on her. You can't make small talk after that.

Random Thoughts

1) Tilda Swinton creeps the shit out of me.
2) I just friended someone who I have no idea who it is and she just left a "it's been so long. How have you been?" message on my wall. Do I try to figure out who it is or just go on pretending like I know?
3) Milkshakes and excessive drinking do not mix.
4) Chicken fingers and excessive drinking on the other hand do.
5) After watching the Black Swan, I felt like I had just seen someone disembowel a puppy. Great movie. Not sure I could watch it again.

A Quick Apology

Marketing summit has officially taken over my life. With that being said, I guess i'm going on a blogging hiatus until February 6th. (Unless of course something utterly ridiculous happens). See you then!

Psychotic Thought of the Day

Did you ever stop to think about how miserable the Virgin Mary must have been on the first Christmas? She's ridiculous pregnant and has to be shuttled through the desert on a donkey with probably sand all in everywhere. (Joseph probably gets lost along the way and refuses to ask for directions...that part got left out of the Bible.) She finally gets to Bethlehem and finds out there's no room at the inn (wasn't someone supposed to make a reservation?) and that she gets to experience "the miracle of childbirth" in basically a cave surrounded by livestock...and yet she looks so serene in all the nativity scenes.

Christmas Came EARLY!!

That's right, my friends, I got a letter from prison!

"Hey how are you doing? Im ok, Aunt Jan said she thinks your a lil stressed out from working too much. (Well, Aunt Jan would be right!) I can see that. (Can you? Since you have never worked two consecutive days in your life...somehow I'm skeptical that you know what stress even is. I'm sure running from the police is very stressful though.) you do have ALOT on your plate. Thats what I'm gonna do when I come home so I stay busy so I don't have a idle hand or mind. (why do I not believe her?) I decided i'm gonna go to school for cosmotology. its only 9 months at empire beauty school mon-fri 9-4:30pm then i'll be able ot get a part time job from like 5-9pm. (::sigh::) that only worrys me about how im gonna attend AA meeting (you know what worries me? how terrible your spelling and grammar is...that's what.) I'll only be able to do like 2 a week on my days off!! (I just started laughing because I remembered how one of the Girl Scout leaders I used to work with referred to AA as "the drunk society".) i wanted to go to one everyday! But I may not be able to join school right away so I'll see!

yea its really cold in here...prolly colder then it is outside! I'm glad you had fun ziplining, I'm gonna do that some day in the jungle! (of course you are...and I'm moving to Mars on Monday.) So you like wine...(I feel like there was some sort of judgment in that sentence. Who is she to judge me?) I really don't have a taste for it. It tastes old or something to me! you know they can make hooch in here! (don't worry...I've already followed up on this for more fun details). How tall are you? (5'4"...still the tallest girl in the family. At our last family picture, someone yelled "get in the back, tall girl." at me) I'm 5'1". (Random) Let me know what happens at your school b-day! "EVERYTHING" (I think she's going to be disappointed since there was no police, hard core drugs or stabbings at it). Well I hope you have a fun Christmas and Safe. I guess I might not hear from you for awhile. I have a visit here on Christmas and New Years Day (bahahahaha) there Saturdays if you or Aunt Jan or both you guys wanna come see me!! (bahahahahahaha) you have to be here by 2:30pm with 2 forms of ID just in case (shucks...i left my second form of ID in my other pants.) Well I guess I'm gonna go...Love ya."

Birthday Party #1

As many of you know (or should know), I turn 30 on Dec 30th (not the 28th...AMANDA 1! not the 31st...DANIELLE! But the 30th). I am celebrating pretty much the entire month of December. Last weekend I had my first (and potentially best) party of the semester. By friend Kathleen is the party guru of the 2nd year class (and probably the entire Wake Forest Schools of Business). She throws the best parties and does so on a regular basis. She was of course the obvious choice to host my party. The party was AWESOME. It was awesome for multiple reasons.

1) The food. Kathleen always has a great spread of food. I love the Mexican dip she makes and she also has these little squares of cheese that are just the perfect size and amount of cheese for Ritz crackers. Awesome!

2) She got me a cookie cake. Do you UNDERSTAND how much I LOVE cookie cakes? Plus I like make cookies for school and so it's also rather fitting for someone to give me a cookie.

3) The people. It was sort of a random mix of people that never really hang out together which was kind of fun. There was the normal Kathleen party crowd, and then people that were on my team last year or work with me for marketing summit...it was great
4) The jello shots. My Marketing Summit co-chair, Ryan, makes the BEST jello shots EVER. Two days before the party he send me this.

That's the jello shot prep. He makes cherry jello shots that actually have cherries in them and are topped with Chocolate Hershey Magic Shell. A-MAZING. For my party, he made new ones that were pina colada...yum. They had pineapple jello, coconut rum, and a piece of pineapple in the bottom. I had about 13 jello shots on Friday...std dev of 1

5) The ice luge. Kathleen has an ice luge that you pour a shot down and have your mouth waiting at the bottom. I was an ice luge virgin until Friday night. I think I still need to work on my technique though.

It was just an all around great party!!

Separate Note: Can you believe I've been blogging for 5 years?!?! Oh how far we've come. If anyone has any personal favorite posts from the past 5 years, I'd love to hear what they are.

Mitten Zipping

This story actually begins about a month ago, I think when someone in my class discovered that Groupon was offering Mitten Zipping at over 50% off. So instead of costing $90 to go, it only cost $40. Of course, the first question was "what in the crap is mitten zipping?" ...since any mittens I've ever seen have not had zippers. When I discovered it was zip lining over Christmas light displays, I knew it was just ridiculous enough that I had to do it. I talked Kathleen (who experienced the ridiculousness of the Dixie County Fair with me) into going.

Last Sunday, we cashed in our groupons and went to High Point, NC to go mitten zipping. It was probably the coldest night we've had in North Carolina all year. I thought I got frostbite on my one toe because when I got home and removed my shoes, it was completely white while all my other toes were a healthy pinkish color. But I guess it warmed up because the next morning when I woke up, it hadn't broken off. It was not only cold, but unbelievably windy. Some of the platforms we stood on in between the 10 zip lining lines were actually swaying.

There were 6 other people that went on the tour with Kathleen and I and 3 "flight instructors." One of the people on our trip was Penny. Penny was loud and chatty, and so by the end of the 2 and a half hour excursion everyone in the group knew more about Penny than they wished. Especially that she could really use a cigarette and was scared of heights.

The lights were nice, but honestly when you're zip lining down, you're paying more attention to how far away from the station you are and how fast you're going than looking at all the pretty lights below you. It was nice to watch the light show while I was weighting for my turn though. On some of the towers, rather than having steps, they had "climbing walls" which was just basically random pieces of wood nailed onto a sheet of wood placed at an angle. These were extremely annoying to go up and we found out that they had to put them up because Guilford County told them their stairs were 1/4" too short and wouldn't pass code. Luckily (or unluckily for us) there is no code for a climbing wall and so they just put those pain in the ass climbing walls over the stairs. (And somehow that's safer according to Guilford County?) After our zip lining tour they gave us hot chocolate and marshmallows to roast on a fire. It was fun and is definitely a great story to tell in the future.

Up Next: my school birthday party.

Letter From Prison

I also have to blog about my zip lining experience, but I have a lot of other stuff to get ready, so I'm going to start with something easier...a letter from prison. My comments will be in ().

"Hey, how are you doing? I'm ok...I had a pretty good Thanksgiving...I got 2 trays (oh the joy of having 2 trays for thanksgiving) and they gave us real turkey (as opposed to turkey nuggets?), stuffing, yams, corn, cranberry sauce, a roll w/ butter and a pice of punkin pie (mmm...love me some pices of punkin pie.)...so how did the caramel apple cake come out? (fantastic, thank you, Paula Deen) It sounds really good (and it was). I love food, awe that's sad about China. (um...first of alli don't know why this is separated by a comma. Second, this is about how I was talking about how we saw really poor people living in tent cities and digging through trash and stuff.) Thats prolly why theres alot of brothels and human slavery (what kind of TV has this girl been watching?) I heard ND won, Yaay I'd like to see a game @ Yankee Stadium sometime. (I feel like there's a lot of things she'd like to do sometime.) There was a Jay-Z and Eminem concert there I really wanted to see. I want to go to time squre also sometime (ugh...squre? isn't that like a second grade spelling word?) Whats your fav. drink? and whats your fav bar in NC? what type of bar is it? (uh, well, drunky, I'm not sure, let me think about it.) I'd love to go ziplining. (and that's 600 things you want to do) I thought you do it in jungles usually? So what are you doing for x-mas this year? Its so cold in our cell, its like below 0 degrees. (I think someone exaggerating a little) I think they actually have the AC running. We have to stay under our covers all day and night long. (So basically in jail, you get to do what i've been hoping to do next weekend?) and were on lockdown for some reason today and I was spose to call nan. (too bad for nan)."

Oh..haven't you missed that?

TV at a New Low

I watch a lot of crap on TV: Operation Repo, Sister Wives, Billy the Exterminator, Hoarders, etc. But this may be an all time low. I swear this is a real show.

Bridalplasty: "Twelve brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win plastic-surgery procedures. In the opener, the ladies move into a mansion, and they each create a plastic surgery wish list with a surgeon before taking part in their first challenge. One person is voted out by the other brides."

Quotes of the Day

Yesterday was filled with some very memorable quotes. (These quotes should not be read by minors or anyone with a prudish disposition). The names have been held back to protect the innocent (or not so innocent).

"Because I like to put out. I find it enjoyable."

"This may end of being one of the worst experiences of business school...and I was roofied in China."

"well, looks like I have to go suck a dick now, so I guess I'll talk to you later."

And They Lived Happily Ever After

This is a continuation of my previous Princess and the Mixer post.

The beautiful/smart/caring/humble princess had waited patiently for her perfect mixer to come, but to no avail. She was forced to be the slave of the evil mixer no matter how much she begged for her mother the queen to purchase her the gallant Kitchenaid Artisan Stand Mixer. But just when she was about to give up hope, Princess Amanda 1 informed the mixerless princess of the land of Amazon. The princess ventured to the land of Amazon on the special festival of sales known as "Black Friday" and found a shining white Kitchenaid Artisan Stand Mixer that she could take back to her kingdom for her very own. Then she was able to make magical cookies for all the subjects of her kingdom without fear of an evil mixer causing her doom. The entire kingdom celebrated, and they all lived happily ever after.

Best Gig EVER

Last April (approximately) I went to this women in business conference where the keynote speaker was the CEO of Spanx. She said that we could sign up to be wear testers. I put my name and e-mail address down ,never expecting to hear from them BUT I was wrong. Friday my first wear testing item came. Nothing like having a FedEx guy come to your house and hand you free stuff. The instructions were to wash and wear it as much as possible and fill out the survey by yesterday. Uh...Spanx...can we get a clue? Like two days? I can only possibly wear it twice and wash it once (which I did cause I want to prove that I'm an awesome wear tester so that they'll send me more stuff!) Oh and of course I get to keep it. Anyone know a shoe company that needs wear testers?

Making My Standard Even Higher

Also if you have "guns" listed as the first item in the "5 things I can't live without" section, I'm not dating you. Change that if you have guns listed anywhere in your 5 things I can't live without I'm not dating you....exceptions may be made if your occupation is listed as Military, Security, or Police. I know you really may just like hunting a lot, but I feel like there are 5 things you should like better than guns.

My Mom

My mom just described how the Notre Dame volleyball team is playing as "sucking out." Someone's been watching too much World Series of Poker on TV.

The Top 10 Signs You're Too Busy

Yes, it's still been crazy around here. Here's how I know it's crazy.

1) You find a half eaten bowl of cereal that you started to eat yesterday and then got distracted before finishing it.
2) The reason you were eating cereal is because you haven't had time to go to the grocery store, so it's the only thing in your cupboard (other than powdered sugar and soy sauce).
3) Cereal is a step up from the day before when you realized at 4pm that you hadn't eaten lunch.
4) You've been sleeping next to a pile of clean clothes that you just haven't put away.
5) You forgot to check the mail...for three days.
6) Your electric bill is less than $30 because you're never home.
7) Your DVR has started deleting things because it's full.
8) When someone asks when you can have lunch or dinner together, you have to look three weeks out.
9) You want to take a bath in your jacuzzi tub but decide it will take too much time.
10) You're doing homework during the Notre Dame game...a cardinal sin.

Alas, it doesn't look like things will be slowing down anytime soon. Luckily I wrote this in 3 minutes!

Good Morning, Orion.

Every morning when I go to the gym the constellation Orion is right outside my front door. I know that it's Orion because this is the ONLY constellation that I can identify. And thus is the only one that does not make me feel inadequate as a Girl Scout. So why do you care? Does anyone remember the "Orion is a Arising" song from 5th grade music or am I just making that up? It gets stuck in my head like EVERY morning. (Apparently I'm not making it up since someone else sang it in 5th grade too.)

Simple Pleasures

It's been a little stressful lately. We still don't have a sponsor for the marketing summit (and I realized that the sponsor announcement was today-Oct. 13th-last year), I'm signed up for a Ph.D. fair next week and still have no idea what schools I'm interested in, and it's the end of the first mini so I have a lot of projects/exams/whatever else due. It's in these stressful times though that I'm especially thankful for the little things. So here's my top 10 simple pleasures from the past week.

10) Fried Reese's, Hypno Dog, and a swimming pig at the Dixie classic fair. I would later regret the fried Reese's as it sat like a lump in my stomach for the rest of the fair.

9) Popsicle in the shower after Dawn with the Dean. I love popsicles in the shower and I don't think it can get much simpler than that.

8) Unexpected care package from Carmen: fuzzy socks, a magnet that says "if the shoe fits, by it in every color" and a box of Swedish fish. It's nice to have friends that know me that well.

7) Unexpected letter from prison. Yes, that's right, folks. After 2 1/2 months in there, she's finally written me.

6) Two and a half hour phone calls with friends

5) Having first years walk to the pizzeria and bring pizza, garlic knots and mozzarella sticks to the bar.

4) Being told by drunk people that I'm their "most favoritest" and that they "love me". It's nice to be drunkenly loved.

3) a really good game of Bejeweled.

2) A Notre Dame win. It's so good to win a football game (even if it's against a crappy team).

1) The fact that not only does the waiter at the sushi place know Andy and my "usual table", but he also knows our order and starts the dumplings as soon as we walk through the door.

::sigh:: I'm so thankful that I can stop and enjoy the simple things even when everything around me is crazy.

Are My Standards Really THAT High?

This post is actually going to be one main post followed by two other random posts. First, the main post. I'm on an online dating site (save your mockery for later, please), and one of the guys says that he enjoys "a intelligent conversation." Really? "A intelligent conversation"? Jeebus. Is it too much to ask for someone that is single, between the age of 26-34, taller than 5'4", no kids, doesn't smoke, has something other than "does odd jobs to pay the bills" listed as occupation, and enjoys AN intelligent conversation? Oh, the irony that you use poor grammar when discussing intelligence....if it had been done purposely, it may have been funny. Sadly, it wasn't.

Random post 1: I got home from the gym today, pulled off my shoe, and noticed a red spot on my sock. I panicked, thinking I had somehow bled through my sock (flashback to my ballet days). Actually, a vitamin had just somehow gotten into my shoe and the red coating had rubbed off.

Random post 2: Does it bother anyone else when people from one commercial are in another commercial? Like I just saw the guy who plays the sun on the Jimmy Dean commercials in a commercial for building websites, and it really, really bothered me. You can be starting a website for your small business, YOU'RE the FREAKIN' SUN. Planets need to revolve around you and stuff. So get off the internet and get back to making Jimmy Dean breakfast foods for everyone.

WTF??

So I'm sure that a lot of you have heard of Kegel exercises. If not, google it. But what I did not know is that there's actual weights for that. The Kegelcisor, really? What?

Psychotic Thought of the Day

Before I start this long overdue psychotic thought of the day, I just want to thank all of you for being great during a drama filled first month of school (special shout outs to Eli for the phenomenal tailgate, Amanda 2 for the great care package and Mere for hitting the trifecta-booze, shopping and sports-in Baltimore). Hopefully all that craziness is behind me and things will start to calm down...signs don't seem so sure lately.

Now onto the psychotic thought of the day. I actually had this over a month ago (I said it was long overdue). I was at a Girl Scout event in PA and made this.

It might look like nothing, but it's actually a cast of a deer hoof print that I found. So dorky! I know. Anyway, after I casted it, one of the first thoughts I had was this would be great to bludgeon someone with because it would make it look like they were trampled by a deer....what kinda sick person thinks things like that? I've been watching too much CSI.

Evil Shoe Update

Evil shoes are still being evil, so they are going to Goodwill (aka shoe exile.)

Quotes from this Weekend

This is going to be a fairly short post. I want to blog more, but I have been crazy busy...as in, not sure when I'll have time to eat dinner crazy busy. The only reason I have time to blog this is because the time I had set aside for reading my homework for tomorrow is vacant since my professor hasn't posted the reading yet. AHHHH. So here are two of my favorite quotes from this weekend when I was in South Bend for the ND/Purdue game.

1) This was in response to my facebook post about Wake Forest playing the Blue Hose. Apparently Presbyterian's mascot is the Blue Hose as in pantyhose. Not kidding. WORST MASCOT EVER! (I like that their website is www.gobluehose.com Sounds kinda like a website about cross dressing to me.) "Every time I hear Blue Hose I think of Smurf prostitutes." Get it. Blue Hoes...ha This was followed by an impression of Smurfette smoking a cigarette and just generally whoring around.

2) "I would turn gay for Sean Connery. He is 180% man. The most interesting man in the world WISHES he was Sean Connery." This was followed by more in depth conversation of the other people he would turn gay for and a discussion regarding how much/why Nicholas Cage sucks.

FANTABULOUS.

The Hierarchy of Swear Words

I'm watching Center Stage on TV right now...yes, I know it's a ridiculous movie, but I love it....and yes, I realize it's 7:53am.. Well, since it's on cable they've changed some of the swear words for TV. Like "bitch" has suddenly become "buster." Fab. But they also switched "shit" to "hell"...really? When did "shit" jump "hell" in the hierarchy of swear words.

You should all realize what I mean when I'm talking about the swear word hierarchy. There are some words that while you shouldn't say them if you're 5, really aren't that bad (at least in my opinion...maybe if you're a fundamentalist Christian, but I'm not): ass, shit, crap, damn, etc. Then there's the words that you may use around your friends, but not around your parents: bitch, hell, dick, douche bag, etc. (Though this might not really be an appropriate measure since my family still regularly uses the phrase "bucket of hell.") Then there's the REALLY bad words that can only usually (unless you're Danielle) be referred to by their first letter: the f-word, the c-word, etc. So when did shit and hell switch categories? or is my hierarchy all f***ed up? They also censored "damn", but still left "hell."

Lack of Inspiration

It's so funny how sometimes I have everything in the world to blog about, and then sometimes I have nothing. It's been one of those nothing times lately. I had a psychotic thought of the day when I was driving to PA on Wednesday, but by time I got here it was gone. I was going to blog about the congratulatory letter that Danielle got from her OB/GYN for her excellent test results (no, she's not pregnant...that OTHER test that the OB/GYN does), but I feel weird blogging about that, so alas, nothing. No letters from prison. No crazy phone calls with my father. Just some random truckers in West Virginia honking and then waving at me, but that's kinda normal. And on Extreme Makeover Home Edition the other day, the builder's last name was Schwinghammer...are you kidding me? A carpenter named Schwinghammer! ::sigh:: I'm just bored in PA, so please SOMEONE do something/say something/e-mail me something witty and hysterical, and it WILL be blogged about.

Kinda Awesome

I'm back in Winston-Salem, but I'm still doing some work for AirTran which means every morning I get "clips". "Clips" are basically any news article that has something to do with the airline industry. This morning I got this. It's so awesome that I'm going to summarize so that you don't even have to click on the link (you should though). This flight attendant (not AirTran) got into an argument with a passenger who accidentally hit him in the head with his luggage. The flight attendant went nuts and started shouting obscenities over the PA system, then grabbed two beers and went down the inflatable slide. While I'm not condoning what he did, haven't we all wanted to do something similar in a previous job?

Evil Sleeper Shoes

Does anyone else have shoes that are pure evil? Shoes that are perfectly great for months, maybe even years and then at the least inopportune time when you least expect it and when you most need them to be sensible, they strike, wreaking havoc on your feet. They were just lying in wait that whole time, building your trust so that they could turn on you.

I had a pair of evil sleeper shoes strike on me yesterday, turning both of my little toes into full blisters and putting me on the yoga injured reserve list.

Though I could also just be losing my mind because when I got home, I pulled off the evil shoes, yelled "bad shoes," and threw them into the suitcase (aka the shoe dungeon) where they will remain until I return to Winston (and where they will have time to think about why they were put there in the first place). Only then, if they truly show remorse may they possibly be able to work their way into a regular rotation.

My New Traffic Rule

If I let you merge in front of me and you don't give me the friendly "thank you" wave, I get to ram the back of your car. That should be a law, don't you think? Bringing back common courtesy one car at a time.

Two Weeks Left

Currently sitting in Palm Beach International Airport, praying to get on this flight to Atlanta. The ticketing agent said that there's three seats, and I'm third on standby, but sometimes they don't know what they're talking about (ask me about my flight to get to West Palm sometime). Signs point to yes.

I'm reflecting on my crazy summer which started with a trip to China and will end with a weekend at camp in the end of August and for once I can't really find words to describe it...maybe ridiculous. (PS I just totally had a Doogie Howser moment where I stopped typing, thought a moment, deleted something and then retyped.) Yes, I think I'm definitly going with ridiculous. Ridiculous internship (it took me until last week to get a letter approved to go into circulation that I had been assigned the first day), ridiculous apartment (I swear that there are police staking the place out...not kidding), ridiculous travel (best summed up by the Bahamas trip that we pieced together at the last minute), ridiculous travel strategizing (taking a two hour nap in my car after a red eye back from San Fran is not even the half of it), and all that put together equals a ridiculously tired JSto.

They mentioned possibly extending my free flights through the end of August, so that I can go to San Juan, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. I was kinda looking forward to that week and a half where I can just lay on my purple couch in Winston and get my life back in some sort of order/routine. Though on the other hand some time in San Juan would be nice. It's been an awesome summer....though tiring.

Laughed My Freakin' Ass Off

Earlier this evening, I was on the phone with Danielle. She was looking online for one of those stupid Nittany Lion Tails that hangs off of your trunk. Suddenly she told me a website to go to and a picture to click on. When I did, I came to this.

I laughed so hard I started crying, and in between hysterical fits of laughter, the only words that I could get out were "I'm blogging that...I don't know what I'm blogging about that, but I'm blogging that."

More Random Vacation Pictures

I have a couple more random pictures that I want to talk about, so since I have a load of laundry in the washer and am drinking wine straight from the bottle, I thought this might be a good time to post them. Coincidentally (or not), they're both of food.

That is the "gift box" that the guys in Plano, TX that work for Frito/Pepsi put together for me so that they could be the "Best Hosts Ever." It was stuffed with random FritoLay snacks some of which came in unbranded black and white bags. I LOVE the Carolina Barbecue Chips. They are like barbecue and salt and vinegar chips rolled into one.

That is my Crunchy French Toast that I had for breakfast at my hotel in San Fran. It was on the "Healthy Options" portion of the menu. I'm not sure how healthy it is when you eat four slices of it. (I didn't, btw).

Stop the Clock

She's back in jail. Joy wins. Though I'm not actually sure what she wins since we didn't really make a wager.

The Story of Elizabeth Brown

I'm on a roll, so I thought I'd continue my blogging. Whenever the flight I have my eye on starts getting a little dicey, I start doing some investigating on the reservation system. I see how many people are getting connections, who has checked in already, who is on stand-by and if they happen to be actually booked on a different flight, stuff like that. I was at the airport waiting for this flight when Joy called...here is a somewhat modified (because I'm tired and can't actually remember) version of our conversation.

Joy: How's the flight look?
Me: eh...ok...there's like 5 open seats and 7 people on standby, but at least one person isn't making the flight cause she never checked in to her first flight. Unless Elizabeth Brown drove from D.C. to make this flight.
Joy: She may have died yesterday.

Flash forward, they're calling people to make sure their not in the gate area before giving away their seat. They call Elizabeth Brown, and I sadly think to myself "poor Elizabeth Brown, she might be dead." So Elizabeth Brown if you happen to be reading my blog, leave a comment so I know that you're ok.

World Cup in the Wild

I'm currently on a plane to San Francisco. I'm really tired, but I'm also cold and in a middle seat, and the guy in 21D refuses to cuddle with me. Jerk! So I'm back on my computer at least until the battery dies in approximately 1 hour and 23 minutes. Since Amanda 1 requested a blog update, I thought I'd give in.

Last weekend I was in Dallas visiting some Wake people that are interning at Pepsi/Frito. We had been debating where exactly to watch the World Cup, so when we ran into a recently graduated Wake second year at a bar Saturday night, and he invited us to his mom's house for the game, we gladly accepted.

Little did we know that we were entering probably the biggest supporter of the taxidermy industry in Dallas. His mom is a big game hunter, so in the living room was 6 deer heads, a chandelier made of antlers, a antelope head, a gazelle head, a lion head, a full lion rug, an alligator skull, two giant elephant tusks and a basket of ostrich eggs. It was creepy. And to make it just a little more uncomfortable intermixed with all the dead animals was religious art including a statue of Gabriel. I honestly had trouble focusing on the game because I felt like deer and/or Jesus was watching me. I was sooo glad to get out of there! (Wish I could've seen what was in the bedroom or could've secretly taken pictures to blog.)

Diversification Strategy

I'm in Dallas this weekend. There's a store here called Merry's Christmas and Clowns. Weird....They have a website. I'm not making this up.

Our New Game

Danielle and I came up with a new fun game in the Bahamas. It's called "Dad or Sugar Daddy." The rules are simple. Identify a couple: older man, beautiful young woman. Observe. Decide whether she is a daughter or a girlfriend/wife. Observe more to either prove or disprove your hypothesis. Everyone wins!

Adaptability

When I started my internship, they had me read this book and do a Strengths Finder test to see what my top five strengths were. One of them came up as adaptability, and I think that has been validated in the last week.

Last week I was looking at flights and saw that the ones to Nassau, the Bahamas, looked fairly open...Surprisingly (hmm...bahamas, wichita, bahamas, wichita...I think Bahamas wins.) I texted Danielle and was like "hey, do you have to work July 4th? wanna go to the Bahamas?" Surprisingly, she was like "ok." So between last Thursday and today, we booked a hotel and listed ourselves on the standby list.

The original plan was for me to fly out of Atlanta and her to fly out of BWI and meet up in the Bahamas today. Well, Friday morning (aka yesterday) I logged into the AirTran reservation system and all hell had broken loose on the Atlanta-Nassau flight. Everyone and their brother started listing for it. I made a key strategical move and decided to try to fly to BWI and meet up with Danielle Friday night opting for feasibility of getting on the flight versus number of options should I not make the flight. Danielle had already gotten a hotel room to spend the night in Baltimore,so that was good. Now, I made this decision at 7am Friday morning and usually leave for work at 7:30. I had not packed or done laundry or gotten cash from the ATM or any travel prep as I fully expected to do that Friday night. I managed to rally (with the aid of an early dismissal from work) and am happy to say I am currently on a flight to the Bahamas.

Bare essentials of safety from Air New Zealand

Really? Body Paint? This may be false advertising.

Pictures of Maine

So here are the two pictures that I wanted to share with you from Maine. First is the lobster shaped pager that they gave me so that I would know when my order was ready.

AND...the awesomest sign EVER from Soakology.
Yes, it's a moose sipping tea and soaking his feet...errr...hooves.

Sidenote: Plan for State domination has been derailed do for some unforeseen circumstances. 1) Black raspberries are in season in PA and so my mom and grandma will be baking pies together in PA this weekend...it's like the stars have aligned. 2) There are still plenty of seats available to good places like the Bahamas and San Juan and stuff for July 4th weekend. Who are these people that are staying home? AirTran is offering really cheap flights...go somewhere.

Maine Points

Wow...look how my bloggage has gone up due to AirTran's inflight Wifi. It does promote productivity afterall! (PS In business class again...WOO). So here are some thoughts from Maine.

1) I really don't like lobster that much. It's not even the whole lookin' like an animal thing. I just don't like it so much. I'd much rather have scallops or crab or something.
2) Foot sanctuary = awesome. It was everything I hoped it would be and more. I have a picture of the sign that I'm going to post when I get home (it's going to be almost like a picture book blog post so that I can just post all the pictures that I couldn't post when I was on the road).
3) Portland is kinda a weird city. Kinda weird in that it has that New Englandy charm about it, but is also kinda trashy and citylike. There's graffiti and trash all over the place and super aggressive street people. I saw a beggar heckling a woman with a baby stroller. That's like hardcore.
4) New Hampshire had a sign about the size of a county line sign when you crossed the border that just said "New Hampshire." Really? That's the best you could do. Why doesn't Vermont just swallow you up and put you out of your misery?

My plan for state domination might be derailed as I'm contemplating going back to PA next weekend cause my mom will be there. Also the 6:15 flight to Memphis isn't looking so great, so I'd have to leave at like 11:30 pm and get in WAY past my bedtime. If I do go to Memphis, is it obligatory to visit Graceland?

Lobster Update

I went for it (and I'd post a picture of the lobster shaped pager if I had brought the cable for my camera). Ordered a full boiled lobster dinner at the Portland Lobster Company (and actually the picture on the top of their website is pretty much where I sat and that's what my lobster looked like-- without the mussels though). Grossed me out to a point that I can not even describe. I ate it though, but NEVER AGAIN. And now I smell like lobster. Ew ew ew ew.

The First Blog from 30,000 Feet

I'm on the plane to Portland, Maine (AirTran has WiFi on all of it's airplanes...yes, that was a gratuitous AirTran plug.) I got upgraded to business class. WHICH IS AWESOME. Flying for free in business class? Are you kidding me? The thing I love most about business class is that instead of getting handed the bag of pretzels or peanuts or biscuit cookie thing, they show you a basket of goodies that you get to pick from, so I had a granola bar and some Pepperidge Farm Milanos. Oh yeah, the free booze is pretty nice too.

Psychotic Thought of The Day

This isn't so much a psychotic thought of the day as it is a psychotic realization/confession of the day. Whenever I type/write the word bananas, I sing "Hollaback Girl" (aka the "This Shit is Bananas" song) in my head to make sure I spelled it correctly. Thank you, Gwen Stefani.

My Plan For State Domination

On my bucket list (which you will know all about if you read my blog posts from China...ahem) is to visit all 50 states. I currently sit at 25, but expect that number to drastically shoot up as I plan a conquest of 8 states in 3 weekends.

Here is an outline of my plan. The lynch pin of everything is flying into a city that is relatively close to a bordering state.

This weekend Portland, Maine and catch New Hampshire along the way. (Side note: I'm having a lobster dilemma. One of my classmates recommendations while in Maine was to just eat as many variations of lobster dishes as possible. Duly noted, but...and I can't believe I haven't blogged about this before...food that resembles the animal it came from grosses me out. Meat with bones in it, crab claws, etc. I'd rather someone process the shit out of it and then give it to me. Shrimp with tails are the only ones that I'm pretty ok with and I'm not sure why that is. Standard preparation of lobster tail is boiled and served in the tail part. I'm scared I'm going to order it, and it's going to creep me out too much to actually eat it....I'll keep you posted..ha, posted, cause it's a blog).

Next weekend: Memphis, TN The power city because I can also rock out Mississippi (how fun is that word to type!) and Arkansas.

The following Monday, I'm supposedly going on a business trip to Milwaukee. I say supposedly because I was told to put it on my calendar, but haven't really heard much more about it. If not, I'll just pick up Wisconsin at another point this summer.

Fourth of July weekend, I was originally thinking of going back to PA, but I just found out that the majority of my fam is not going to be there...plus I have to continue to roll through states...so that might not happen (also flights into MDT aren't looking very promising). I have two other plans for the holiday weekend, so that I have flexibility in case the flights turn into a bucket of hell when everyone realizes they have a four day weekend. Option 1) Kansas City, MO and pick up Kansas or 2) Wichita, KS and pick up Oklahoma. I know. Neither of these are real thrilling, but really...isn't that why they're still on my list to begin with (and also why there's like 50 seats available on their flights on a holiday weekend)?

So that's the plan. That will bring me up to 33 states hopefully with trips to some part of Texas, Seattle, and Minneapolis looming in July.

The Rest of the Concert

I'm sitting in the Atlanta airport right now hoping to get to Orlando tonight. It's funny because I'm simultaneously hoping people made their flights and missed their flights. (Made their flights earlier, missed the flights I'm trying to get on (or their connectors to get to Atlanta.) I thought I'd tell you about the rest of the Styx/Foreigner concert.

The concert venue was BIZARRE. It was an amphitheater in a park. The weird part was that it was "table" seating, which meant that there were plastic tables in between the rows of seats and people brought full picnic lunches some complete with centerpieces. I'm really going to have to step up my picnicking game next time). The other weird part was that no one seemed to really care that there was a concert going on. Everyone was just chatting away (or dancing ridiculously). When I picked up our tickets at Will Call normally, if there's backstage passes included (which there were), there's a little slip of paper telling us where to go. This time...nada. So I did a little investigation and found out that as I had thought even though our passes said "After Concert" it actually meant after Foreigner's set. So we listened to Kansas who was first...ehhh...the Foreigner, but mostly we talked to Ralph, the gay guy that was sitting next to us.

We headed backstage, and it was also a different meet and greet than I had ever been too. First of all, there was only like ten total people there to meet the band. No one really gave us instructions (unlike REO Speedwagon where there are practically orders). There was food set up for the band. Some of the band members just kinda wandered in and got some food and sat at a table. Joy and I played it cool and while everyone else raided the fridge for drinks (Not ok) we sat there and waited patiently. One of the random people who had come backstage, took the one random weird watermelon soda that was in the fridge. You know that was in some one's contract and shit was going to hit the fan later. All the caterers gave each other a sideways look every time someone reached into the fridge. Eventually Jason Sutter the drummer came over (it's funny because when I requested tickets, I actually thought Jason Bonham was the drummer, but he's apparently now one of the 28 former members of Foreigner...not kidding, 28...check wikipedia), and we chatted and took pictures. He was very nice. On the way out, Styx was actually already on stage. That was kinda cool because we could see the band from the side of the stage. We didn't really stay for Styx (even though I still have a mega crush on Tommy Shaw.) It was past my bedtime and I was in some random part of Atlanta, so I decided to head home instead.

Foreigner Concert

I have more to post about this concert, but for the moment I'll share with you possibly the single most entertaining moment of the evening. Sorry, it's sideways. I'll work on fixing that.

Night Out in the ATL

After a semi-rough week at the new internship, it was good to have a night out on the town. Originally it just started off with dinner plans with Lauren, a friend from Wake who is also interning in Atlanta. After hanging out on her screened in porch for a while eating veggies, drinking beer and having her dog lick my toes, we decided to go find something for dinner. We ended up at this place called Neighbor's because they had a great patio, and it was a beautiful night in Atlanta. I discovered my new favorite beer, Stillwater Blue, which is a blueberry flavored beer...really? blueberries and beer all in one bottle? Genius!

After finishing dinner and a few beers, the interesting part of the night really kicked in. There was a summer fest down the block and so we went to check that out, but it was already over. Onto plan 2, buy beer at a nearby convenience store and walk back to Lauren's. It was apparently, unbeknownst to us, 12:01am, and they would not sell us beer because it was officially Sunday. Grrr. Plan 3: Lauren says she has "some beer" back at her apartment which I decide is probably more than enough since I eventually am going to need to drive home. On the walk back to Lauren's, we are flagged down by random guys in the street who invite us to a party at a house. We go to the party, and it is an all out party. There's a professional DJ and two disco balls hung on plywood over the patio with spotlights strategically shown on them and a whole slew of kegs. We got more beer, and I spent the next hour or so talking to a guy who's an environmental consultant which was both entertaining and educational (I know, right? me talking about the environment? crazy!) Got home about 1:45 am. Great night.

It Smells Like Boy

Well, I'm in Atlanta. And pretty much moved in. For those of you that don't know, I'm living in a really cheap house that's set up basically like a dorm. Individual rooms, communal kitchen. Like I said it's really cheap, in a great location, includes internet, utilities, etc. and he's letting me pay only for the time I'm here. So I'm here like 2 months and 1 week, and I don't have to pay for an entire extra month.

The only issue is...it's like a boys dorm. There's about 15-20 people living here and only one other girl (who I've yet to see...I'm wondering if she's a made up girl that they just tell other girls about so that they'll move in). The hallways smell like boy (and not in the good cologney boy way). I've been making myself like a walking air freshener: spritzing with body spray or lathering up with lotion every time I go out of my room. The majority of the guys are tech/engineer/science geeks from Georgia Tech. I met some of them yesterday and they're nice but extremely shy. The communal areas are pretty much an absolute mess. I'm not exactly a neat freak, but.... Let's just say I'm not planning on doing a lot of cooking in the kitchen. And I joined a gym, so I'll be showering there in the mornings before going to work.

My room on the other hand is super cute in an kitschy, eclectic sort of way. It has an exposed brick wall on one side and apparently one of the tenants left a huge three foot wide, framed, floor to ceiling mirror here, so there's that. My landlord tried to tell me that "most residents don't even use their air conditioner and just open a window with the fan on." First of all, there's no screens in the window and a huge tree outside. I wouldn't be able to sleep because I'd be fearful a squirrel or stray cat would jump in. Second, this is ATLANTA. If you think i'm not going to use an air conditioner that you've provided me with. You're wrong.

Mmmmm, Tastes Like Chicken

Yesterday, Danielle and I had a very disturbing conversation (well, disturbing to me) about how she would eat me, and that I would most likely be processed into a chicken nugget type format.

Why chicken nuggets? 1) Because there's no way I'd be delicious enough to be dark meat and 2) There's not enough good parts of me to be strips, so I'd have to be nuggets.

During the same conversation she also told me that my face was crooked and that I have a hump. I may need some new friends.

I've Been Brainwashed

Here's just another example of how Notre Dame brainwashes its students. I'm reading a book from the Notre Dame mystery series. In it one of the characters says what dorm she is from, and I found myself immediately judging her. Really? I'm judging a fictious character based on what dorm she fictiously says she's from. (I'm not going to tell you what dorm either, so that all you ND people can mull that over yourself for a while).

Epcot Center on Crack

Today, we got to go to the World Expo in Shanghai, which can best be described as Epcot Center on crack (or on steroids which is the PG version that I used for the school's blog). There is a lot more to blog about, but it's kinda late and I'm sleepy, so I'm just going to blog about one thing. The stores at the Expo sold passports that you could get stamped at each country. However, this sign was outside of the Ireland pavilion.

Joy and I decided that they got drunk and lost the stamp and can't figure out where it is. Those Irish!

Sorry

I know. I know. I haven't posted in like forever. We've been having REALLY long days and I've been saving my creative juices for the school's official China blog, so check that out through the link on my facebook page.

Traveling with Joy

That's the person not the emotion. PS That picture is the non-steep part of the Great Wall, not the super hero part that I did. (Please reference the "official" China blog. The link is on my facebook page. And for extra bonus points you can try to guess the words that Andy gave me to work into those blog posts....most of them are fairly obvious.)

China has been interesting and traveling with Joy to China has been even more interesting. So first off Joy took a medicine to help with her flight anxiety....with a glass of wine. (hey, free booze on the flight to Beijing, can't pass that up. tranquilizer or no tranquilizer). Anyway, she pretty much lost 14 hours of her life. However, I did not realize this. She was completely functional for about 5 hours of that...though slightly angry. She does not remember ANY of this. There was about a half hour conversation that we had, dinner, and some excellent chocolates that she does recall. But she doesn't remember getting stuff out of the overhead bin, eating the carrots out of my inflight meal, complaing loudly about the rude people standing in front of us, stretching her legs in a swimming scissor kick type motion or the entire drive from the airport to the hotel. The other extremely funny part was when she was reading something and fell asleep for about 1 second. Long enough to drop the paper. She then immediately woke up and said "what just happened?" HILARIOUS.

So then today, we went to the Great Wall, and Joy was like a celebrity. There were little Chinese people pointing and taking pictures of/with her. (I even got in a picture with her and a Chinese person too...I could be in some person's scrapbook someday). Apparently, in the touristy places there are more people from rural China who haven't seen an African American before. And only if I had red hair, it would've been a dynamic duo. Luckily Joy took it all in stride. We've also created our own theme for the trip complete with hand gestures: One world. One dream. (It was on a big sign by the Great Wall and we liked it/liked to make fun of it, so we stole it. I'm not really sure what the one dream is yet, though.)

OMG China

Yes, I'm leaving for China tomorrow. It's crazy. I feel like I'm forgetting something and am also getting dangerously close to the 44 pound weight limit for luggage within China. I am taking my laptop, but am also an "official" blogger for the school (check out my facebook page to get the link to that), so I'm not sure how much time I'll have for extra blogging on here...I'll try though. I feel like I'm walking a fine line with the school's blog...trying to be myself (aka dripping with sarcasm) and simultaneously be school appropriate. We'll see how this goes.