Weird Sightings at the Gym

1) A man in an Ohio State jersey and baseball hat lifting weights. It would've been ridiculous even if it wasn't Ohio State, but it made me want to go over and explain proper workout attire to him and then punch him in the face.

2) They put a flat screen TV in the women's locker room. Is this really necessary?

3) A woman sat down on the floor beside a completely empty bench to put her shoes on...why?

4) A woman in my step class had on velvet pants. I don't even know where to go with that one.

Are you ready for some football?

I totally am. They were playing Rudy at the Cardio Cinema in my gym the other day and it got me really excited for football season. Rudy also makes me cry, so I had tears rolling down my face while I was on the treadmill. Hopefully everyone else just thought it was sweat.

Amanda's Art Exhibition

My coworker Amanda loves to leave me little pieces of artwork drawn on scratch paper. Sometimes these are left on my desk. Sometimes they are in my drawers or elsewhere. I felt they needed to be shared with the world.

This is a picture of a cat. (With long eye lashes) I'm not really sure why she drew me a picture of a cat, but she did.

This is Chauncey. He's made of a clothes pin and has toothpicks for arms. He is my only piece of 3D art to date.

This is me wearing a viking hat. We were at this business forum and she dared me to put on this Viking helmet. Well, I did.

This is a person with a skull for a head. Amanda really likes skulls. Unfortunately, our CEO does not.
I save the best for last. This is a picture of "yogurt class". I told Amanda that I was taking yoga class and she responded by saying "what's yogurt class?" Apparently this is yogurt class. If you can't tell, the instructor is telling me to jump in.

I've Completely Lost My Mind

I just turned down a free weekend trip to St. Thomas to babysit my uncle's 6 kids while he gets married because I'm going to be out at Notre Dame with my co-worker Carmen. STUPID STUPID....excuse me while I go bash my head against a wall.

My Apologies

I would like to apologize internet world for not having posted more frequently lately. I've simply been too busy. Here's what you've missed and will maybe have soon if I get the time/willpower to post.

1) A collection of Amanda L's scrap paper artwork that I find randomly on my desk
2) a gloat about my trip to the King of Prussia mall
3) a rant about how my washer is still leaking water
4) a complaint about how soccer is more important to my parents than I am
5) a picture of Carmen's award winning Cranium picture of flying buttresses (and other Cranium stories)
6) another gloat about how I'm going to Disney World in December

I think that's it. I would've thought I had done more in 12 days of non-posting, but I guess not.

Psychotic Thought of the Day

Today I had off work and went to the spa. They had plastic cups like this one all over with coolers full of flavored water.

Printed on the cup was this:

If you can't read that, it says "Made from corn. 100% compostable." My first thought when I read this was ...does that mean I can eat it? Not as a snack or anything, but if I happened to get locked in the spa storage closet with no food would I be able to sustain myself on plastic corn cups?

A Casualty of Volleyball

Yesterday I went to Danielle's family reunion with her. She warned me about what to expect and was pretty much right on the money (this woman will have lipstick on her teeth, this girl will be ultra-sensitive, this guy will have a wad of chew in his mouth, this woman is a psycho, etc). Right down to the ultra-competitive volleyball game. Only the stakes this year were higher, there was a trophy. Luckily Danielle stuck me on the team with Mr. and Mrs. Volleyball and we won. There was one casualty. My $3 sunglasses broke when they were sitting on my head and a volleyball hit me on the head and thus on said sunglasses. I don't know if you can tell, but not only did the lense pop out, but the rim cracked too.

The broken sunglasses were all worth it though to see how embarrassed Danielle got when she won a 6-pack of toilet paper for having "the most colorful underwear."

The Camp Week Debacle

This actually happened Monday, but I had a problem with my internet (I had none) so its being posted now. This week is camp week. Camp week is when we take all the kids we've seen through summer outreach (or at least those that want to go) to camp for the day. It's an interesting mix of kids we have everyone from the city dwellers that just happened to have wandered to a local playground for summer program to the Upper Class my parents work all day and enrolled me in an enriching summer program at school kids. We try to sort them out by days to minimize the trauma for everyone. We always expect some problems, but Monday morning's experience takes the cake. There was a little issue with the buses (there were two of them instead of one and they left the first stop without the staff), but that wasn't the biggest issue.

At the last stop before heading off to camp, we loaded up the kids and checked them off our list when we realized we had three extra kids. There were several problems:
1) their parent was not present
2) they did not have permission slips
3) their parent was not answering the phone to give verbal permission
4) they only spoke Spanish
5) one of them was a boy and I work for the Girl Scouts

Obviously, these kids are not going to camp. Carmen (our spanish speaking staff member) was supposed to go to camp that day, but we had to keep her back to help with these kids. The bus left. Carmen and I are there with three kids and do not know what to do with them.

Do you know your address? (thinking we can somehow get these kids home)
Yo no se --that's I don't know in Spanish
How did you get here?
Translated version -- Tessy brought us on the bus (who the hell Tessy is, we never found out)

We finally realized they went to the school where the bus stop was so we went in and convinced the secretary to give us their address. We loaded the three kids up in my car (which we shouldn't have done without booster seats...shhh, but our other option was?) We proceeded to the scariest street in Harrisburg that I have ever been to and I have been to some pretty scary places. There were flowers and balloons on the street corner where a guy had been recently shot to death and the building beside where the kids lived had all the windows busted out and plywood for a door. There was scary people milling around. Turns out mom was inside asleep.

The Best Craft Project EVER!

I made this using a skein of fuzzy yarn stuff and three McDonald's soda straws. It really didn't take that long either...maybe two hours on and off. Here's the instructions (underneath the indoor sandbox instructions). It sounds a little ridiculous but turns out really nice. I didn't really do it exactly like this because I was kinda just making it up as I went from something someone had told me. I'm planning on making a ton more scarves so if anyone wants one let me know what colors you prefer.

Things that Annoy Me

People that put regular trash in the recycling bins. I'm thinking of reporting them to my apartment rental office. (and have them thrown in recycling jail).

Psychotic Thought of the Day (or Night)

I'm watching David Letterman right now and have decided that I really really want to become friends with Anne Hathaway.

Happy Anniversary, Tucson!

Danielle got this e-mail recently and we both thought it was weird and kinda funny so I'll pass it along.

"Dear Tucson:"Happy Anniversary" from your friends at Harrisburg Hyundai!I hope you and your owner Danielle are getting along well and that Danielle is taking good care of you. If you have any bumps and scratches, aches or pains, just come in and see us. We are here to care for you. As always if there is anything I can do, please call me at Harrisburg Hyundai at 717-558-0900.I hope you and your owner have an excellent day!"

I wonder who else Danielle's car is receiving e-mail from without her knowing!

Family Camping Fun

This weekend I was invited by my Uncle Bill to go camping as a celebration for my cousin Patrick's 16th Birthday. First of all, let me say, that wasn't really camping. Yes, there was a campfire and S'mores and all that fun stuff, but the "cottages" that the boys were staying in had air conditioning, a refrigerator, bathroom and flat screen TV. (I like how there is a picture of the air conditioning unit in that link.) The girl's cabin was down the road a little bit and also had air conditioning, but no bathroom (Gasp!) The bathhouse was about 100 yards away, so it wasn't bad at all.

When I said I would go, I didn't really know who all would be there. I was a little surprised. Are you ready for the attendance list? Have a pen and paper ready? My Uncle Bill, his 4 kids, Bill's soon to be third wife Jane and her two kids, my cousin Brian and his wife Heidi and their 3 kids and 3 of my cousin Michelle's kids (the ones that aren't in jail.) Then for the icing on the cake of the weekend, Patrick's mom, Lisa (my uncle's first wife) and her husband Michael. That was just a little bizarre since up till about two year's ago, we were pretty much told to ignore that Lisa had ever existed. Imagine my face when the car pulled up with Jane driving and Lisa in the passenger's seat. One big happy family outing.

It was pretty fun. We went swimming in a pool with a water slide which was ok and mostly involved kids climbing on my back and asking me to pull them around/throw them/dunk them. It was a little tiring. We had hot dogs and hamburgers for supper. Then some adult time to drink wine coolers and discuss how messed up the rest of our family is/what is up with Jane's kids, etc while the kids were mini golfing and at a dance party at the pool. During this serious discussion, at one point my cousin Heidi was standing on a picnic table singing Push It. For those of you that know Heidi, its probably not that surprising. That was only after one wine cooler too. The kids got a ride back to camp in the back of Michael's pick up truck and were pulled over by a security guard in a golf cart who said "I should arrest you...and I can."

That night we celebrated Patrick's birthday. He opened presents, we had a cake that Heidi had brought...she's the cake queen. We made S'mores and then it was time to head to bed where in the girl's cabin we played a riveting game of "Do you want to buy a duck?" ("A what?" "A duck"). And I learned interesting facts from the pre-teen girls like all sea cucumbers do is move and poop and heard stories about the girl that "had her intestines sucked out of her butt by the swimming pool filter" which to my shock turned out to be true.

A very fun weekend of family bonding.

Hilarious!

This post is in honor of this weekend's College Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival. For those of you that don't know, I used to work at the College Football Hall of Fame, so I think this is hilarious...but I'm pretty sure its hilarious even if you didn't work there. Enjoy!

I Hate My Washer

My washer is leaking again. Not as much as before...just a slow drip underneath, so this will make the sixth (?) time that the maintenance guy will be here to fix it. I think that he's secretly stealing little things, but I just haven't realized it yet and sabotaging my washer while fixing the previous problem so that he can come and steal some more.

On a happy note, my apartment office gives out free ice cream on Fridays and that's tomorrow.

An Impromptu Sleepover

Yesterday, my 11 year old cousin Aubrey and 7 year old cousin Sierra asked if they could sleepover. I thought for a second, realized I really had no plans for the weekend and in a moment of foolish weakness agreed that they could come. What I did not think about was that it was only about noon, so I would also be asked to spend the entire day with them.

We decided to go play miniature golf and pass some of the time. The guy at the miniature golf place suggested I get the family pass for myself and my daughters and I freaked out. I became even more freaked out when I realized that actually physically possible. Then we enjoyed a wonderful game of miniature golf (I totally dominated!). If you've never played mini golf with a 7 year old that has never played before, I strongly suggest it (she said sarcastically).

Then we went to Indian Echo Caverns which is getting a huge plug because they let me in for free since I am a tour guide alumnus. It was ok and the tour guide wasn't a complete moron, so that's always a plus. But the one mistake I made was letting Aubrey take control of my digital camera which means I have 50 pictures that look exactly like this.



We had fun but the sleepover did confirm one thing that I had already had an inkling of...I am nowhere near ready to have a kid of my own. There's just too much "I spilled something", "I broke something", "I'm on my fifth piece of pizza", "I left your front door hang wide open" (this happened twice), "I'm drinking soda out of one of your martini glasses", "I have a stomach ache", "I can't sleep because I think people are trying to get in your door", "I'm just going to spontaneously start shrieking for no reason at all", "I'm going to put my face right up against yours when you are sleeping", "I'm going to turn on your broken laptop in your bedroom and you won't know its on until 6 hours later when you're in bed and hear the fan running", "I'm going to dig through your purse and screw around with your cell phone so that you now have lots of random pictures on it", and my personal favorite "I just spilled rice krispies down the side of your stove where you have no hope of cleaning it up and can only hope it won't make your whole apartment smell like spoiled milk."

Wanted: Penn State vs. Notre Dame tickets

Just in case anyone has them laying around, I would gladly take them off your hands and possibly make a reasonable trade for them such as signing over my first born. As you can imagine, I did not receive them through the alumni lottery...but I did find out that I have Navy tickets next to the Naval cadet section. Priceless.

My Bloomsburg University Experience

Today I had a meeting for work at Bloomsburg University. My first hint that something was awry was the fact that they had Masterlocks on the toilet paper in their bathrooms. Who knew that toilet paper theft wsa such a problem!!

Then we went to the dining hall. The first issue was that the glasses were like little juice glasses. I could drink it in one sip. I've had shots larger than that. Then the person infront of me requested both macaroni and cheese and a sloppy joe. "You can't have two entrees." The Nazi cafeteria lady said. Seriously, these ladies would make the strict ND card swiper ladies look like grandmas. So then the girl behind me requested tater tots. "We don't have any" "well, are you going to get any more?" Shrug. Thanks...that's helpful. By the way, the only other "non-entree" offer was carrots...yum.

Then at the end of the meal, a bunch of ladies I was with got ice cream cones and were about to carry it out, when they were stopped and told they had to finish them in the dining hall. Because five 30+ year old ladies with ice cream cones is evil. Next people will just be taking fruit out like its a grocery store or something. Ridiculous!

YUM!

Today I'm going to a 4th of July/my grandma's birthday picnic at my Uncle Bill's and I always ask if I can bring anything because now that I'm an adult and not a loser like some of my cousins that's what is expected. He always responds with something like "just bring a smile." So I decided to make edible dirt for the kids because I love gummy worms. I could eat all of it myself.

My Weird Dream

I had kinda a weird dream last night. I was back in college and had just moved back after summer break. All my friends from college were there. When I woke up the first day and went to change to go to the d-hall, I realized that none of my clothes matched. I had a whole suitcase full of stuff and nothing would go together. What does that mean in the whole dream scheme of things? There was also lots of other weird stuff that happened during my dream something about the FedEx man or something...I'm not really sure.