And When You Think It Can't Get Better...

"Well when I went to courth ont he 8th I got sentenced 24-60 months state (holy crap) but with 26 months and 14 days credit which is awesome (wait, it's awesome that you've been in jail for 26 months? did I lose count? wasn't she out for like a brief period in there...confused) that means im over my minimum date and alls I have to do is go upsate and parole home!! (she made the exclamation points into smiley faces) so i should be home no later then 4-6 weeks so I'll prolly leave on the 24th to go upstate so you might as well wait fo rme to writ eyou when I get up there to write me back (awww...I'll be waiting eagerly). I can't wait to get up there its so much better. the stupidest thing happened to me on the 12th when it was time to lock in (oh boy!!!) this girl was spose to give me a pen (read: shank) so when we were locking in she said she couldn't find it so i ran to the 2 cells next to me (I feel like this is not allowed when you are "locking in" though I've never been in jail...just kinda an instinct) to grab one and they wrote me up on some bogus stuff (cause the police are out to get you right?) then I was being all cocky like 'oh well I'm going upstate on tuesday anyways' (lemme guess...prison guards don't take kindly to backtalk from their prisoners? shocking) and I ended up being in the hole now for 10 days. I'm sad about that. (I really kinda wish there was a picture of the hole cause I'm pretty sure that what is in my head is not actually what the hole looks like until its 15th century Europe.) maybe I can take a trip down to NC to visit you soon after I get out. (isn't there like a no going out of state thing? and are you supposed to get...oh...what's that thing called...a JOB!) that would be AWESOME! (oh you have no idea). I wanna go see Aunt Jan too ASAP. (I'm sure Aunt Jan would love that...Uncle John on the other hand...would not.) Hot yoga seems HOTT LOL. (jeesh) Maybe I can do that with you sometime (no) but I really don't like to be hot or sweaty (that may be an issue with hot yoga) I can't wait for you to send me pictures. I love pictures. Did you ever friend me on facebook and check my pictures out? (unfortunately yes. There is a picture of her on the toilet on her facebook. Two things about this that concern me...1) why would anyone take a picture of themselves on the toilet? 2) why would you then post it on facebook? Also, her friends are super sketch and there is another picture of her looking like she's had the crap kicked out of her.) Well I guess I'm gonna go for now, I'll write you when I'm upstate."

Having My Life Back

Today is the first day in a month plus that I finally feel like myself again. While my living room is still somewhat of a mess with Marketing Summit clutter, everything else has finally caught up. I want to thank all my great friends for putting up with me not returning phone calls, listening to my neurotic discussions about hating my clothes, and other generally un-JSto-esque behaviors (not to mention my hiatus from blogging). It's nice to be back. (I purchased a picture of a martini glass with gummy bears in it off of etsy to celebrate the occasion.)

Most Awkward Moment of the Weekend

No, it wasn't when my dad went to hug my Aunt Nancy and she went for a handshake...though that was awkward. It was when my mom and grandmother decided to watch Step Brothers with me. Even though the testicle/drum shot did not make it past the censors, all the other vagina/penis references did...If you want to get the full effect, just watch this scene and picture your grandmother sitting on the couch across from you.

The Not Top 10

I'm ba-ack....Finally getting back to normal. To kick things off, I thought I'd do the not top 10 from marketing summit.

10) The double blister I got on my toe. No matter how comfortable heels are, if you wear them for 12 hours, you're feet will hurt.
9) The aftermath of the excessive drinking I did on Saturday night. Sunday I thought I was going to die.
8) Wake Forest winning 3rd. Still that's $5K, but they had pretty high expectations and then were all grumpy.
7) BYU winning the fan vote...AGAIN.
6) Deacon Tower elevator issue #1: When we were delivering things to Deacon Tower and people got stranded in the elevator. Not me though...so that's ok.
5) One of our suites in Deacon Tower smelled like ass...it seriously smelled like someone took a dump in the corner. They said it was something to do with the plumbing.
4) Deacon Tower elevator issue #2: When I got the call that the elevators weren't working and everyone was stuck on the 5th floor. I literally dropped all my shit in a stairwell and sat on the first step and called and yelled at people till the elevators were fixed.
3) Deacon Tower elevator issue #3: When the elevator got turned off after kickoff so I couldn't get back upstairs to where my purse and car keys were. Did I mention is was also cold out and I wasn't wearing a coat or shoes? I stalked some scary looking employee in the parking lot until he let me in.
2) When the giant $75K check went missing, and I LOST MY MIND. Luckily, Andy was really the only one the saw the main part of my freak out.
1) When a woman at my table for the sponsor dinner choked and had to have the Heimlich maneuver done on her. You can't make small talk after that.

Random Thoughts

1) Tilda Swinton creeps the shit out of me.
2) I just friended someone who I have no idea who it is and she just left a "it's been so long. How have you been?" message on my wall. Do I try to figure out who it is or just go on pretending like I know?
3) Milkshakes and excessive drinking do not mix.
4) Chicken fingers and excessive drinking on the other hand do.
5) After watching the Black Swan, I felt like I had just seen someone disembowel a puppy. Great movie. Not sure I could watch it again.

A Quick Apology

Marketing summit has officially taken over my life. With that being said, I guess i'm going on a blogging hiatus until February 6th. (Unless of course something utterly ridiculous happens). See you then!

Psychotic Thought of the Day

Did you ever stop to think about how miserable the Virgin Mary must have been on the first Christmas? She's ridiculous pregnant and has to be shuttled through the desert on a donkey with probably sand all in everywhere. (Joseph probably gets lost along the way and refuses to ask for directions...that part got left out of the Bible.) She finally gets to Bethlehem and finds out there's no room at the inn (wasn't someone supposed to make a reservation?) and that she gets to experience "the miracle of childbirth" in basically a cave surrounded by livestock...and yet she looks so serene in all the nativity scenes.

Christmas Came EARLY!!

That's right, my friends, I got a letter from prison!

"Hey how are you doing? Im ok, Aunt Jan said she thinks your a lil stressed out from working too much. (Well, Aunt Jan would be right!) I can see that. (Can you? Since you have never worked two consecutive days in your life...somehow I'm skeptical that you know what stress even is. I'm sure running from the police is very stressful though.) you do have ALOT on your plate. Thats what I'm gonna do when I come home so I stay busy so I don't have a idle hand or mind. (why do I not believe her?) I decided i'm gonna go to school for cosmotology. its only 9 months at empire beauty school mon-fri 9-4:30pm then i'll be able ot get a part time job from like 5-9pm. (::sigh::) that only worrys me about how im gonna attend AA meeting (you know what worries me? how terrible your spelling and grammar is...that's what.) I'll only be able to do like 2 a week on my days off!! (I just started laughing because I remembered how one of the Girl Scout leaders I used to work with referred to AA as "the drunk society".) i wanted to go to one everyday! But I may not be able to join school right away so I'll see!

yea its really cold in here...prolly colder then it is outside! I'm glad you had fun ziplining, I'm gonna do that some day in the jungle! (of course you are...and I'm moving to Mars on Monday.) So you like wine...(I feel like there was some sort of judgment in that sentence. Who is she to judge me?) I really don't have a taste for it. It tastes old or something to me! you know they can make hooch in here! (don't worry...I've already followed up on this for more fun details). How tall are you? (5'4"...still the tallest girl in the family. At our last family picture, someone yelled "get in the back, tall girl." at me) I'm 5'1". (Random) Let me know what happens at your school b-day! "EVERYTHING" (I think she's going to be disappointed since there was no police, hard core drugs or stabbings at it). Well I hope you have a fun Christmas and Safe. I guess I might not hear from you for awhile. I have a visit here on Christmas and New Years Day (bahahahaha) there Saturdays if you or Aunt Jan or both you guys wanna come see me!! (bahahahahahaha) you have to be here by 2:30pm with 2 forms of ID just in case (shucks...i left my second form of ID in my other pants.) Well I guess I'm gonna go...Love ya."

Birthday Party #1

As many of you know (or should know), I turn 30 on Dec 30th (not the 28th...AMANDA 1! not the 31st...DANIELLE! But the 30th). I am celebrating pretty much the entire month of December. Last weekend I had my first (and potentially best) party of the semester. By friend Kathleen is the party guru of the 2nd year class (and probably the entire Wake Forest Schools of Business). She throws the best parties and does so on a regular basis. She was of course the obvious choice to host my party. The party was AWESOME. It was awesome for multiple reasons.

1) The food. Kathleen always has a great spread of food. I love the Mexican dip she makes and she also has these little squares of cheese that are just the perfect size and amount of cheese for Ritz crackers. Awesome!

2) She got me a cookie cake. Do you UNDERSTAND how much I LOVE cookie cakes? Plus I like make cookies for school and so it's also rather fitting for someone to give me a cookie.

3) The people. It was sort of a random mix of people that never really hang out together which was kind of fun. There was the normal Kathleen party crowd, and then people that were on my team last year or work with me for marketing summit...it was great
4) The jello shots. My Marketing Summit co-chair, Ryan, makes the BEST jello shots EVER. Two days before the party he send me this.

That's the jello shot prep. He makes cherry jello shots that actually have cherries in them and are topped with Chocolate Hershey Magic Shell. A-MAZING. For my party, he made new ones that were pina colada...yum. They had pineapple jello, coconut rum, and a piece of pineapple in the bottom. I had about 13 jello shots on Friday...std dev of 1

5) The ice luge. Kathleen has an ice luge that you pour a shot down and have your mouth waiting at the bottom. I was an ice luge virgin until Friday night. I think I still need to work on my technique though.

It was just an all around great party!!

Separate Note: Can you believe I've been blogging for 5 years?!?! Oh how far we've come. If anyone has any personal favorite posts from the past 5 years, I'd love to hear what they are.

Mitten Zipping

This story actually begins about a month ago, I think when someone in my class discovered that Groupon was offering Mitten Zipping at over 50% off. So instead of costing $90 to go, it only cost $40. Of course, the first question was "what in the crap is mitten zipping?" ...since any mittens I've ever seen have not had zippers. When I discovered it was zip lining over Christmas light displays, I knew it was just ridiculous enough that I had to do it. I talked Kathleen (who experienced the ridiculousness of the Dixie County Fair with me) into going.

Last Sunday, we cashed in our groupons and went to High Point, NC to go mitten zipping. It was probably the coldest night we've had in North Carolina all year. I thought I got frostbite on my one toe because when I got home and removed my shoes, it was completely white while all my other toes were a healthy pinkish color. But I guess it warmed up because the next morning when I woke up, it hadn't broken off. It was not only cold, but unbelievably windy. Some of the platforms we stood on in between the 10 zip lining lines were actually swaying.

There were 6 other people that went on the tour with Kathleen and I and 3 "flight instructors." One of the people on our trip was Penny. Penny was loud and chatty, and so by the end of the 2 and a half hour excursion everyone in the group knew more about Penny than they wished. Especially that she could really use a cigarette and was scared of heights.

The lights were nice, but honestly when you're zip lining down, you're paying more attention to how far away from the station you are and how fast you're going than looking at all the pretty lights below you. It was nice to watch the light show while I was weighting for my turn though. On some of the towers, rather than having steps, they had "climbing walls" which was just basically random pieces of wood nailed onto a sheet of wood placed at an angle. These were extremely annoying to go up and we found out that they had to put them up because Guilford County told them their stairs were 1/4" too short and wouldn't pass code. Luckily (or unluckily for us) there is no code for a climbing wall and so they just put those pain in the ass climbing walls over the stairs. (And somehow that's safer according to Guilford County?) After our zip lining tour they gave us hot chocolate and marshmallows to roast on a fire. It was fun and is definitely a great story to tell in the future.

Up Next: my school birthday party.

Letter From Prison

I also have to blog about my zip lining experience, but I have a lot of other stuff to get ready, so I'm going to start with something easier...a letter from prison. My comments will be in ().

"Hey, how are you doing? I'm ok...I had a pretty good Thanksgiving...I got 2 trays (oh the joy of having 2 trays for thanksgiving) and they gave us real turkey (as opposed to turkey nuggets?), stuffing, yams, corn, cranberry sauce, a roll w/ butter and a pice of punkin pie (mmm...love me some pices of punkin pie.)...so how did the caramel apple cake come out? (fantastic, thank you, Paula Deen) It sounds really good (and it was). I love food, awe that's sad about China. (um...first of alli don't know why this is separated by a comma. Second, this is about how I was talking about how we saw really poor people living in tent cities and digging through trash and stuff.) Thats prolly why theres alot of brothels and human slavery (what kind of TV has this girl been watching?) I heard ND won, Yaay I'd like to see a game @ Yankee Stadium sometime. (I feel like there's a lot of things she'd like to do sometime.) There was a Jay-Z and Eminem concert there I really wanted to see. I want to go to time squre also sometime (ugh...squre? isn't that like a second grade spelling word?) Whats your fav. drink? and whats your fav bar in NC? what type of bar is it? (uh, well, drunky, I'm not sure, let me think about it.) I'd love to go ziplining. (and that's 600 things you want to do) I thought you do it in jungles usually? So what are you doing for x-mas this year? Its so cold in our cell, its like below 0 degrees. (I think someone exaggerating a little) I think they actually have the AC running. We have to stay under our covers all day and night long. (So basically in jail, you get to do what i've been hoping to do next weekend?) and were on lockdown for some reason today and I was spose to call nan. (too bad for nan)."

Oh..haven't you missed that?

TV at a New Low

I watch a lot of crap on TV: Operation Repo, Sister Wives, Billy the Exterminator, Hoarders, etc. But this may be an all time low. I swear this is a real show.

Bridalplasty: "Twelve brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win plastic-surgery procedures. In the opener, the ladies move into a mansion, and they each create a plastic surgery wish list with a surgeon before taking part in their first challenge. One person is voted out by the other brides."

Quotes of the Day

Yesterday was filled with some very memorable quotes. (These quotes should not be read by minors or anyone with a prudish disposition). The names have been held back to protect the innocent (or not so innocent).

"Because I like to put out. I find it enjoyable."

"This may end of being one of the worst experiences of business school...and I was roofied in China."

"well, looks like I have to go suck a dick now, so I guess I'll talk to you later."

And They Lived Happily Ever After

This is a continuation of my previous Princess and the Mixer post.

The beautiful/smart/caring/humble princess had waited patiently for her perfect mixer to come, but to no avail. She was forced to be the slave of the evil mixer no matter how much she begged for her mother the queen to purchase her the gallant Kitchenaid Artisan Stand Mixer. But just when she was about to give up hope, Princess Amanda 1 informed the mixerless princess of the land of Amazon. The princess ventured to the land of Amazon on the special festival of sales known as "Black Friday" and found a shining white Kitchenaid Artisan Stand Mixer that she could take back to her kingdom for her very own. Then she was able to make magical cookies for all the subjects of her kingdom without fear of an evil mixer causing her doom. The entire kingdom celebrated, and they all lived happily ever after.

Best Gig EVER

Last April (approximately) I went to this women in business conference where the keynote speaker was the CEO of Spanx. She said that we could sign up to be wear testers. I put my name and e-mail address down ,never expecting to hear from them BUT I was wrong. Friday my first wear testing item came. Nothing like having a FedEx guy come to your house and hand you free stuff. The instructions were to wash and wear it as much as possible and fill out the survey by yesterday. Uh...Spanx...can we get a clue? Like two days? I can only possibly wear it twice and wash it once (which I did cause I want to prove that I'm an awesome wear tester so that they'll send me more stuff!) Oh and of course I get to keep it. Anyone know a shoe company that needs wear testers?

Making My Standard Even Higher

Also if you have "guns" listed as the first item in the "5 things I can't live without" section, I'm not dating you. Change that if you have guns listed anywhere in your 5 things I can't live without I'm not dating you....exceptions may be made if your occupation is listed as Military, Security, or Police. I know you really may just like hunting a lot, but I feel like there are 5 things you should like better than guns.

My Mom

My mom just described how the Notre Dame volleyball team is playing as "sucking out." Someone's been watching too much World Series of Poker on TV.

The Top 10 Signs You're Too Busy

Yes, it's still been crazy around here. Here's how I know it's crazy.

1) You find a half eaten bowl of cereal that you started to eat yesterday and then got distracted before finishing it.
2) The reason you were eating cereal is because you haven't had time to go to the grocery store, so it's the only thing in your cupboard (other than powdered sugar and soy sauce).
3) Cereal is a step up from the day before when you realized at 4pm that you hadn't eaten lunch.
4) You've been sleeping next to a pile of clean clothes that you just haven't put away.
5) You forgot to check the mail...for three days.
6) Your electric bill is less than $30 because you're never home.
7) Your DVR has started deleting things because it's full.
8) When someone asks when you can have lunch or dinner together, you have to look three weeks out.
9) You want to take a bath in your jacuzzi tub but decide it will take too much time.
10) You're doing homework during the Notre Dame game...a cardinal sin.

Alas, it doesn't look like things will be slowing down anytime soon. Luckily I wrote this in 3 minutes!

Good Morning, Orion.

Every morning when I go to the gym the constellation Orion is right outside my front door. I know that it's Orion because this is the ONLY constellation that I can identify. And thus is the only one that does not make me feel inadequate as a Girl Scout. So why do you care? Does anyone remember the "Orion is a Arising" song from 5th grade music or am I just making that up? It gets stuck in my head like EVERY morning. (Apparently I'm not making it up since someone else sang it in 5th grade too.)

Simple Pleasures

It's been a little stressful lately. We still don't have a sponsor for the marketing summit (and I realized that the sponsor announcement was today-Oct. 13th-last year), I'm signed up for a Ph.D. fair next week and still have no idea what schools I'm interested in, and it's the end of the first mini so I have a lot of projects/exams/whatever else due. It's in these stressful times though that I'm especially thankful for the little things. So here's my top 10 simple pleasures from the past week.

10) Fried Reese's, Hypno Dog, and a swimming pig at the Dixie classic fair. I would later regret the fried Reese's as it sat like a lump in my stomach for the rest of the fair.

9) Popsicle in the shower after Dawn with the Dean. I love popsicles in the shower and I don't think it can get much simpler than that.

8) Unexpected care package from Carmen: fuzzy socks, a magnet that says "if the shoe fits, by it in every color" and a box of Swedish fish. It's nice to have friends that know me that well.

7) Unexpected letter from prison. Yes, that's right, folks. After 2 1/2 months in there, she's finally written me.

6) Two and a half hour phone calls with friends

5) Having first years walk to the pizzeria and bring pizza, garlic knots and mozzarella sticks to the bar.

4) Being told by drunk people that I'm their "most favoritest" and that they "love me". It's nice to be drunkenly loved.

3) a really good game of Bejeweled.

2) A Notre Dame win. It's so good to win a football game (even if it's against a crappy team).

1) The fact that not only does the waiter at the sushi place know Andy and my "usual table", but he also knows our order and starts the dumplings as soon as we walk through the door.

::sigh:: I'm so thankful that I can stop and enjoy the simple things even when everything around me is crazy.