Quotes from Yoga

Today in Yoga there were some very interesting things being said. I would like to share. There is profanity involved which I normally censor but am not today because I'd like to keep the integrity of the quotes in tact.

"I almost forgot to come to class because I was laying on my hammock naked." ( 1. Too much information 2. it's not really that warm out 3. Be glad I don't have a picture of this woman or you'd be mentally scarred like I am.)

"Well, isn't that just a mind fuck." (I don't really know what this was in regards of. They were looking at the woman's yoga mat at the time. Also, you have to imagine this being said with a heavy southern drawl. It makes it better.)

"Now if you kinda focus through your hand, you can see beams of energy shooting out your fingers. Isn't that cool?!?!" (somebody smoked somethin' before yoga today!)

"We're no longer allowed to say 'tuck your tailbone.' We now have to say 'tuck your anal area.' Because when we say 'tuck your tailbone' women tend to close off their vagina." (Tuck your anal area sounds SSOOO much better. Apparently a closed vagina is bad in yoga.)

My Tragic Flaw

In all tragedies the hero has a tragic flaw that ultimately leads to his downfall. Luckily (or unluckily) I know what my tragic flaw is...snide and otherwise sarcastic remarks. I have this censor in my head that prevents all the really inappropriate comments that fly through it from reaching my mouth. I realize that at some point this censor is going to become broken down and retire/die/just refuse to do his job and that's going to be bad (but extremely humorous for everyone around me).

For example, today I had my Disney interview and the interviewer asked "Do you have any visible tattoos?" and within 2 milliseconds the following things flew through my head.

"Define 'visible'"
"Do prison tattoos count?"
"well, i have a Minnie Mouse on my neck."
"I prefer the term 'body art'"
"Yes, 32"

Luckily, the censor was on the job and filtered all those comments and turned them into "no". Censor in my head, thanks for all you do. That job must suck. You get shitty pay and have to deal with all my crap. I'm on spring break right now, so why don't you take a little vacation. (Wouldn't that be ridiculous if I spent a whole week saying all the crazy shit that comes into my head?)

Things that Annoy Me

For any of you that don't know, I really like to make cookies. I have a recipe book (that I actually have yet to use) called 1001 cookie recipes. However, the last two requests I've gotten for cookies to make are not in here. Really? There's 14 types of apricot cookies in there but no chocolate chocolate chip? Ugh. Thank God there's Internet.

Two Phone Conversations

Yes, I'm blogging in class. I've stooped to a new all time low. I've recently had two phone conversations with people that perfectly summarize either the person or my relationship with them. I was going to post them separately, but why should I do a silly thing like that.

The first is with my mom, and it was in regards to my need for a new mixer. For those of you that don't know, my mom is the bargain shopping guru. There's been several times when she's actually bought something and gotten store credit because after they tally all her discounts and coupons and whatever, they realize that they owe her money. So I thought I'd ask her to keep an eye out for a new mixer for me.

Me: Hey, I really want a kitchenaid artisan mixer, preferably in a color that goes along with my kitchen stuff. Can you watch for one on sale for me?
My mom: why?
Me: well, I really hate mine and so I talked to some people, and they recommended the kitchenaid one.
My mom: I know everyone has one, but why do you need one? what's wrong with your current mixer?
Me: (I outline all the reasons previously posted about my hatred for my mixer including that it smells like it's burning sometimes)
My mom: All mixers do that.

This is my typical mom. Just hating something is not a good reason to buy a new one. It has to physically not work before you can spend money on another one and even sometimes when it doesn't work as long as it works "good enough" you still don't need a new one. Looks like I'm on my own for a new mixer.

The next conversation is with Danielle and was part of our almost daily "i'm driving home from work and know you are a student and have nothing to do, so I'll call you" conversation.

Danielle: I just got your...birthday present in the mail. I almost just accidentally told you what it was. (yes, my birthday is in December, but she had to buy something and will hopefully not forget she has it, unlike my pins that she got me at the Rose Bowl a year ago and still has)
Later in the conversation....
Danielle: I got my mom something from Lenox too, but it's on back order.
Me: My birthday present is from Lenox?
Danielle: Whore.
I laugh hysterically.
Danielle: I didn't tell you I got your present from Lenox (at this point, she's trying, not very well, to cover up her mistake.)
Me: No, but you just got my birthday present in the mail and then you said "too".
Danielle: Why do you have to be such a f***ing bitch?

And that's my friendship with danielle, though I have to say the "oatmeal conversation" summarizes it even better.

Handbell Bitterness

When I lived in Indiana, I was in my church's handbell choir. I loved it and don't mind saying was freakin' awesome at it. They gave me the toughest bells they had (A flat, A, B flat, B just above middle C), and I kicked major ass. Then I moved to PA and boo, no handbells. My church in North Carolina just decided to restart their handbell choir, and I was totally psyched. I signed up and even ditched bidding on my friend at the school's "date" auction to go to the first rehearsal (because you can only miss on rehearsal per season...yes, handbells have seasons.)

But God screwed me over. (hi. one way ticket to hell please. Yes, I'm the girl that said God screwed me on my blog.) I show up and apparently because I have played flute and am considered a "temporary" ringer (though I would argue I'm as temporary as some of the elder members of the choir) they gave me the highest bells they have. Even after I told them I could handle twice as many bells as the other members, I honestly play like four notes for an entire song. There is actually a song where I don't play at all. I spent the entire practice turning pages and telling the woman beside me when to play. Because, did I mention, she doesn't read music? (is that the C? No, that's A. Do I play A? No, you play C and B.) Really? You gave her better bells than me? Really? Anyway, I'm really bitter. Joy thinks there's probably some bribery taking place under the table, so we'll see if I can move up the bell choir hierarchy.

The Princess and the Mixer

Once upon a time, in a land far away there lived a beautiful princess. This beautiful (and also witty, intelligent, and humble) princess loved to make magical cookies for all of her subjects. When the princess was just fair maiden, her thoughtful (and somewhat thrifty) mother the queen had given her a mixer from the land of Sunbeam so that she could make lots of magical cookies for everyone (and also as a sign for the princess to get out of the queen's castle and find a kingdom of her own).

The princess was very appreciative, but could not have known that the mixer had been cursed and an evil plot was at foot to take down the awesome princess. Whenever the princess would try to use her mixer it would refuse to mix (thus substantially increasing mixing time). It also had stupid crevices in the beaters which would get magical cookie dough stuck in them and be a pain in the royal ass when the princess tried to wash them. The mixer also would scare the princess when it would sound/smell like it was going to explode/catch on fire. Sometimes the mixer would even become possessed and though it normally spun counter clockwise would all of the sudden decide it would spin ridiculously fast the other way. Just in general it was a shitty mixer.

However, the princess was torn. Her royal treasury was somewhat depleted from general upkeep of her castle (and a somewhat moderate shoe addiction), and knows that a mixer truly worthy of gracing her castle would cost a hefty sum. She loves to grace her subjects with magic cookies, but her accursed mixer (along with her tiny and finicky oven) is making her want to lose her royal mind.

How can this beautiful/funny/smart/caring/creative princess break free from the evil mixer? To be continued...

Letter from the Hell Hole

At Joy's request (the first official b-school person to explore my blog), I'm posting this in the little break between my interview and the wine tasting Happy Hour.

"Well, I'm back in the hell hole (Harrisburg or prison? jk Harrisburg people). I got denied the SIP program because the fight i was in (shocking) which is ridiculous (is it? is it really that ridiculous that you got kicked out of your treatment program for fighting?) but oh well everything happens for a reason. I really didn't want to do that program. (that's what losers say when they don't get something they really want. 'I really wouldn't have known what to do with a million dollars anyway.')

I hope you can figure out where to go for spring break (thinking warm...thinking warm). you should go to Mexico, its pretty cheap there! (so...if you ever go on the run, I'm thinking they should get a notice out to the border patrol?) I want to go to cancun for springbreak sometime so I can be on MTV and meet some rappers. (in the words of my mom 'you have to actually have a springbreak to go on springbreak).

How much is a normal gym membership? when I come home I want to join a gym with tanning beds so I can shape up and tan. (really? your big concern when you get out of jail is getting a tan? Someone's been watching too much Jersey Shore. GTL, baby. GTL.) I've been in jail for 14 months now (14 months of fantastic letters). I'm going crazy. If you have ever have a chance and you take some pictures of the campus and your apartment and send em to me (so I can case the joint and rob you when I get out)? Well I guess I'm gonna go. Miss you."

Fun times... fun times.

Things That Annoy Me

I purchased my own jingly hip scarf. I just got it in the mail today. Also today, I found out my gym took belly dancing off the calendar. GRRR

The Giant Check

This weekend is the Wake Forest marketing summit...which is AWESOME. I was on the kickoff committee. Kickoff is the first event of the weekend. When they were cleaning up after, they asked if anyone would be going to the school the next day to take the trophy and giant prize check. I said I would (and they thought I was actually a responsible person), so they gave them to me. It then rained the whole day, so I was driving around with a giant check in my backseat for a whole day ala Happy Gilmore because I didn't want it to get wet. I really wanted to go in a store and ask if they took checks. Plop it down on the counter and ask if they could break $50,000...I didn't though.

Tonight's the last event of the marketing summit. I'm exhausted and my feet hurt, but I can't wait for next year! (Stay tuned because I just got a letter in the mail from you know who.)

Snow

It snowed in Winston-Salem last night (and most of North Carolina for that matter). They're claiming we got 8 inches though looking outside I think it's 3 maybe 4. I told my dad this, and his response was "well, 3 is the new 8." It made me reflect on the various places I've lived and how they respond to snow.

Winston-Salem, NC: Like I said we got maybe 4 inches. The forecast was for anywhere between 3-11 and people were freaking out! Part of me is thinking that four inches is nothing, and I should go to the gym and grocery store and otherwise go about my life. However, I just spoke to my friend Huls who ventured out, and he said the roads are terrible. They must have like one plow. The other weird thing is that they are recommending people stay inside and people actually are. They showed a clip of the highway, and it was absolutely deserted. It's not even snowing anymore. But that's also partially why the roads are so bad. No one is driving on them in their four wheel drive to make at least ruts in the road that you can follow in. UGH! Four inches is keeping me inside and closing down the city. At least there's good basketball on. It was weird. I was going to go to the gym last night but it had started snowing, and I thought "well, I better stay in." What? Why? It's just a little snow.

Harrisburg, PA: In Harrisburg, people really still overreact to a forecast of snow. They go to the grocery store and stock up and school's announce closings the night before when there's not even a flake on the ground. Generally, once it starts snowing (if it even does), it's no big deal. You come home from work, it snows overnight. By the next morning when it's time to go to work again, the major roads are plowed, so as long as you can make it out of your neighborhood you're ok. The news people say to stay inside, but no one really listens to them. Schools sometimes close and government offices, but a lot of times there's just a delay. Unless of course there's three feet of snow or freezing rain.

South Bend, IN: Most of the snow doesn't really count because it's "lake effect." I'm not sure why lake effect doesn't count because it's still white and cold and you still have to shovel it, but if you say "we're supposed to get a lot of snow tonight" someone will respond "yeah, but it's just lake effect." WTF? Nothing ever closes unless they actually declare a "state of emergency" and actually close the roads. I specifically remember one time that we had gotten 15 inches of snow. They hadn't plowed the cul de sac where I lived, so I had to call the Hall of Fame to tell them I wasn't going to make it in until they plowed. My boss was all huffy because I wasn't coming. Look, my car will physically not go in that much snow...what do you want from me?

I'm also currently having a love/hate relationship with snow. The five year old in me loves snow (because I'm thinking that my friends will call me to go sledding and maybe school will get cancelled) and the 29 year old in me hates it (because I'm going to eventually have to clear off my car and possibly shovel...if i can figure out where I put my shovel.)

Boiled In Oil--A Psychotic Thought of the Day

No, that's not a cutesy play on words or something. This post really is about boiling people in oil. I thought I'd just be up front about it so that you can choose whether this subject will disturb you or not. But come on, I know you can't resist seeing what I could possibly have to say about boiling people in oil. All my links included will be safe, I'm not going to link to any really disturbing boiling in oil informational sites.

I've been watching the old episodes of the Tudors because Season 4 starts sometime soon (I think...I can't believe this is the final season. There were more Tudors after Henry. Granted Edward didn't do a whole lot. He was only 9 but Mary went crazy and burned a bunch of people and then there was Elizabeth. That could be some good TV, right?), and I need to be reminded of who's still alive and dead and married and not and in favor and not in favor. What church is everybody supposed to believe in at this point? Because it is about Henry VIII, and he was kinda fickle. We haven't even begun season 4 yet and we're already done with 4 wives. Good gracious! (I'd also like to take this point to thank the producers or whoever for straying from historical accuracy and deciding to just put really big costumes on Jonathan Rhys Meyers instead of making him get fat and gross looking.)

Anyway, what was this post about? Oh yes, boiling in oil. Every time I turn on another episode I'm scared it's going to be the one that still disturbs me where a person gets boiled in oil for poisoning a bunch of people. Because it was so disturbing, I continued to think about it. And as i thought about it, I wondered if this was really more trouble than it's worth. It takes forever just to boil a big pot of water to make lasagna noodles in. Can you imagine how long it would take to heat a thing of oil big enough to put a person in? And where would you get a pot big enough? Plus it would be spitting everywhere and heaven forbid a grease fire start. Half of London would be burnt down before you could get enough baking soda to put it out. Let's say it goes ok. You get it all heated up and stick the poor person in. Then what? You have a big pot of oil with a fried person inside. You can't just pour that shit in the Thames. It's not that simple of a thing to dispose of. Unlike burning at the stake where there's just some ashes leftover that you wash off with a hose...errr bucket of water....I'm a sick sick person.

Greetings from Jail

I have to admit that this isn't the greatest letter from jail because it doesn't reference shanks or being thrown in the hole or prison tattoos, so I guess I'll try to make up for that with my own comments. Fingers crossed.

"Well gramma must of got them note cards for everyone since you all write me and mom (actually my mom and I just write you...your mom writes us when she wants money) cause nan got them too. (yes, my gramma got note cards for all the females for Christmas that had our names on them. Except Aubrey and Sierra who got blank ones and Sandi who got Sandy ones...oops) Thats pretty cool (no, it's really not) I wonder where gramma got them made? (uh...it's called a store...you go and buy things at it...it's like a commissary, but not in jail). I want to get some when I come home too! (I think you give up your right to personalized note cards when you're in jail. Plus we wouldn't know whether to put your real name or whatever your alias may be. What do you think her alias is? Hmmm...)"

"I hate to waste money (hahahaha...oh really? you hate to waste money? did you or did you not take all your Christmas presents one year and throw them into the snow in gramma's front yard? I guess that was just presents though and not money, right?) even if its $5 and I don't like to waste food either that's why I'm fat (that's not about not wanting to waste food...it's about not being on crack anymore...it's called hunger....though by all accounts she's currently about a size 6). I want to go to a spa after I get out of jail (I'm sorry...you were saying something about money earlier?) you can't take care of yourself in here right and somethings always sore! (I'm really not going to put the inappropriate comment that came into my mind when I read this because I'm ashamed). I just want to be pampered! (poor baby)."

"Why do they do a red rose in Lancaster? (Do=raise for New Year's) I can imagine how cold it was cause its always snowing up here. Does it snow a lot in NC? I've been craving Aunt Jans cookies (aka weed) so bad and some snickerdoodles (aka heroin). I miss cookies (aka drugs) so much....what kinda cookies (aka drugs) do you like to make (aka buy) and eat (aka do)? (I sometimes feel bad about turning all of her most innocent comments into drug references but then I remember that she tried to smoke weed in the bathroom at the magistrates office and think it's fitting.)"

"Oh...you know you can e-mail me right? (why no, I didn't) Just go to inmate e-mail link on the department of corrections.com...but i can't e-mail you back but that would still be cool sometimes to drop a line or two. (I went to this just to see what it is...and it's 60 cents to send an e-mail. RIP OFF!) Well I guess I'm gonna go. Love you."

I can't decide whether I'm going to be happy when she gets out though because no more letters from prison, but most likely real life debauchery instead.

The New Gym

After going to my old gym in PA over Christmas break, I knew that I could no longer put up with the undergrads at the campus gym and had to join a real gym. I came back and joined the Gold's that's down the block from my apartment. I like going to the classes and have already been to a few that are definitely interesting. I thought I'd fill you in on them.

Zumba: I love Zumba at my old gym, and also love it at the new gym. It's taught by this sweet woman with a cute southern accent who talks really fast. She goes through the moves for each song quickly before starting the music, but has funny names for all the moves so it sounds something like this. "It starts with gangster for 8, then sugar cake right, sugar cake left. Drive your Indy car and take the corner. Ride it in a circle, then reverse. There's some Big Birds followed by Supermans and we end with maracas. Ok, let's do it." Excuse me?

Body Pump: Body pump is pretty much the same down here except that they don't have enough equipment or space for everyone that wants to take it, so you have to get there really early to get a pass for the class. All the equipment is old and kinda ghetto. They have metal clips to keep the weights on the bar, and they're really hard to get on and off when you're sweaty. I totally outlifted this guy beside me and made him look like a pansy. It was great.

Yoga: They have a separate yoga room that totally rocks! It has a waterfall thingy and dimmers on the lights and a big ohm symbol painted on the wall. Love it!

Belly Dancing: They don't have urban striptease :-( But they have Belly Dancing :-() I wasn't sure about this class, but I actually really like it. Especially since you get to wear one of those skirts with the jingly coin things on it. The teacher gave me her business card (she belly dances professionally) and she looks like a total porn star on it. I'm also now a star student after one class because I'm coordinated, not 60, and not 7 months pregnant. Go me!

Hula Hooping: Yes, there's a class for Hula Hooping. I had to try it once. The teacher told me not to worry that the hoops they use are bigger and thicker than the ones kids use, so it's easier. I SUCK! I couldn't hula hoop to save my life. Plus then you were expected to speed up and slow down, move around, and do things with your hands. YEAH RIGHT! Then I got home and found that I was bruised all around my middle from the stupid hoop. Don't think I'll be doing that class again.

Still so many more classes that I've yet to try. I'll keep you posted.

Random Observation

The movie theater down here sells pickles. Candy, Nachos, Popcorn and Pickles. Because I know I've always wished that I could sit down to a movie and nosh on a big ol' pickle.

Weird Dreams

Ever since I've gotten back to "The Dash" after break, I've had really weird dreams every night. At first, I just thought it was because I was sick, but I'm not really sick anymore, and I'm still having them. I have no idea what any of them mean, so if anyone has any ideas let me know. Here are just four of my favorite ones...I swear these are all true because when you're reading them your first thought is going to be "who dreams messed up shit like this?" Me, that's who.

The Bath Tub of Gummy Bears: This dream was pretty boring. I was sitting in a bath tub FULL of gummy bears. I was picking out the clear ones around me and eating them ,and I remember thinking in the dream "Is this sanitary?"

The Two Headed Cow: We were over at my cousin's house...though it really wasn't my cousin's house in real life...My whole family was there and we looked out the window and there was a two headed cow out in the field. Only the heads weren't like when you see pictures of two headed creatures and the one head is next to the other one. Instead one head was below the other one like coming out of the cow's neck. While the first head was looking up, the second head was eating grass. Anyway, my grandma went out to the two headed cow. The cow ran away and my grandma started chasing it.

Goodfellas: I was in the movie Goodfellas, only of course it wasn't a movie, it was real life, but Ray Liotta and all the other people from the movie were there. Gangsters were chasing me (not like gangstas, TuPac and Biggie gangstas, but gangsters like mafia gangsters). I went to hide in a hotel and for some reason the concierge at the hotel was helping me. I wanted to hide in the elevator shaft, but he wouldn't let me, so he convinced me to hide in the restaurant. I went and sat in the restaurant, but my mom led the bad gangsters to me (that bitch!), and I got all shot up with a machine gun. As I was being shot, I remember thinking "this doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would."

Saurs of Fire: This dream started off at a picnic ,and they were having a competition to see how many spoons you could hang on your face (I don't know why there was this competition or who would have a competition like this.) Anyway, I got totally ripped off because they gave me really deep measuring spoons that wouldn't hang on my chin and everyone else had regular spoons. I got really pissed off (nah, me? getting heated in a competition? NEVER!) Then I got an invitation for some reunion. I'm not really sure what this reunion was for because it was hosted by random people that I went to high school with that really don't seem to have any common link as far as age or club or anything like that. The theme of the reunion was "Saurs of Fire" and the reunion featured dinosaur shaped funnel cakes....weird....Amanda 1, I think I have a theme for your wedding!!! Saurs of fire!!

Loving Father/Daughter E-mails

I know that I JUST posted about Christmas, but I have this funny post too and didn't want to forget about it. Below is a transcript of e-mails between my dad and I...just a brief glimpse into our loving relationship.

My Dad: Look at me talking to ND students. (This was attached to a forwarded e-mail from an ND music prof asking my dad if he would be a guest speaker in his class to talk about musical instrument manufacturing).
Me: Wow! That place has really gone downhill since I left.
My Dad: Butt Head.

HA

X-mas Low Points

As I was at the gym today, preparing to blog about this, I realized that there were some low points that were so low that I couldn't possibly in good conscience blog about them. Surprising, I know....I usually will blog about anything.

1) Being perpetually cold. I was absolutely cold for the entire time I was in Indiana. I would sit in my parent's hot tub for hours at a time to try to warm up with no success. I think I forgot just how cold, South Bend cold was.

2) I went to help volunteer with my mom at the "Christmas shop" at the women's day center where she helps out every Monday. Women can go to the Christmas shop pick out gifts for themselves and their kids. All the gifts were sorted by age and gender, but it was a little pathetic at the things that were sorted as "teenage gifts"...really Pickup Sticks? You think a teenager will like pickup sticks? I ended up moving everything around.

3) The guy at the sno-cone stand at the basketball games recognized me and asked why I haven't been around for a while...BURNED.

4) I was scheduled to be on a 5:30am flight out of South Bend (which could've been a low light in itself), but instead got a phone call the night before telling me it was cancelled...so I got to DRIVE to Pennsylvania with my parents.

5) Because they weren't expecting me to be along and had already packed the car, whenever we turned into a rest area things fell on me in the backseat.

6) The thermostat in my grandmother's house said it was 78 degrees...I'm not exaggerating.

7) I slept on the sofa rather than bother with putting up and taking down the air mattress every day.

8) Urban Meyer....I think I'll quit...no...maybe not...maybe I'll just miss recruiting time and spring practice, cause that time kinda sucks.....I have health problem so I probably shouldn't be coaching...never mind, not that big of a deal..............Well, thank you for just reinforcing my hatred of you Coach Meyer.

9) The unveiling of the Kelly "K" for the 1812 overture...if you missed my facebook post, make an "L" with your thumb and forefinger and then put up your middle finger as well...Voila! K...not only is it awkward, but it doesn't look like a K.

10) My mom demonstrated the Bob Davie "b" and "d", but I guess has never really done it correctly and flicked off the entire basketball arena multiple times while I was trying to pull her hands down. "What? I'm just doing Bob Davie?" My dad's comment "well, no wonder he did so poorly. He had some old lady giving him the middle finger in the stands."

11) I borrowed my mom's UGGS for New Year's Eve...let me repeat that...I borrowed MY MOM'S UGGS for New Year's Eve. I'm not sure what makes this point lower: that I was wearing UGGS or that they were my mom's.

12) My dad slept walked into the bathroom off the family room where I was sleeping and scared the shit out of me. Imagine waking up at 4am with your back to the room and hearing someone come out of your bathroom. Holy Shit!

13) The Santa Clause massacre. My grandmother has a loft above her living room and hangs all the kids stockings off of its balcony. While one child (who will remain nameless), went to get her stocking it slipped and plummeted 12 feet onto a table of Santa Clauses (and about 6 inches from an antique lamp). Luckily my grandmother was out of the room at the time or would've died of a heart attack. One Santa ended up with a fractured leg.

15) This many people at Christmas dinner.

16) My cousin Aubrey pouting during a family picture because someone said her feet smelled (they did smell).

17) I made peanut butter meltaways for my family for Christmas. I had to make two batches because of how many people there was. My mom helped me and in between batches I turned to find her with the entire mixing spoon in her mouth. "Well, I guess I'll have to get another spoon for the second batch." "Oops, sorry." (the oops sorry was said while she still had the whole spoon in her mouth)

18) I dropped one of the tins of meltaways and some of the candy fell out onto the snowy driveway. As I was about to throw them in the trash, two family members (who will remain nameless) snatched them out of my hand, rinsed them off and ate them.

19) Danielle swearing on the phone to me during the end of the PSU game...though that may also be a highlight....the field during that game was also a lowpoint. That field crew should've been embarrassed

20) Amanda 2 and I went to Zimmerman's candy store....it was closed.
21) There was a fire at my grandpa's nursing home while we were there. Employees were running around, alarms were going off, and smoke was filling the hallway. "Abraham Lincoln to Room 354...Abraham Lincoln to 354." All the old people were totally oblivious.

22) My cousin Patrick repeatedly trying to tie my shoelaces together during the Steeler's game.

23) Amanda 1's GPS going off at EVERY EXIT because I was going a different way back to Winston-Salem. The GPS was on Amanda 1's lap and she was asleep.

24) Lack of decent internet

25) Amanda 1 making inappropriate comments to the group of teenagers in front of us at the Sword Swallower Show on New Years Eve...we had to say "Swallow, Damion, swallow" before every trick...you get the idea.

Well, that's Winter Break in a nutshell. Classes begin back on Wednesday. My New Year's resolution is to be more creative so hopefully bloggage will pick up.

Wine + Free T-shirt = Happy JSto

I know this was supposed to be the low lights from Christmas (and trust me they are coming and they are low), but Amanda 1 (who will for the remainder of this post be addressed simply as Amanda) and I did something today that is preempting that. Today was Vineyard Visiting. Yes, North Carolina has vineyards...quite a few in fact....around 90 or so to be specific. I had asked my friend Fuller to recommend some wineries that had either good wines or nice tasting rooms. He gave me a list and after doing some research on where they were located and their hours, etc, we narrowed it down to three (hahaha).

First thing in the morning, Amanda made a yummy breakfast with stuffed French toast, bacon, and potatoes. We figured we should have some food in our tummies before drinking lots of wine. We left and made our way to the first winery on our list:

West Bend winery---we arrived at West Bend and were the only people there. It was quaint and cute looking like a vineyard should be. The person in the tasting room seemed a little surprised to see us when we walked in. Amanda and I split the tasting (I wanted to start off slow), and bought a bottle of wine. Onto the second winery:

Raylen---Raylen was nice. However, let me mention this was the only winery where we did not get a free glass. A tasting was of 6 wines. I only wanted to try three of them, so he gave it to me for free. Nice. Amanda bought the tasting, but we realized afterward that he only let her taste 5 wines. Not Nice. He also gave us a little card that showed that if we visited 5 wineries and bought bottles of wine, we could get a free T-shirt. Game on! He also stamped West Bend since we had told him we had visited. Amanda bought two bottles of wine (one was actually my birthday present). Onto the biggest winery we visited:

Childress--On the way to Childress (or as Amanda once called it: Child Less) we came upon a sign that said "Caution: Line Painting Ahead." We weren't expecting two men with pieces of cardboard hand painting lines on the road. Childress was big and nice. They had a very large shop area and a restaurant (we didn't eat there, we had packed lunch to eat along the way). We both did the "sweet" tasting. Another bottle of wine was purchased. Those three were actually the vineyards we had planned to visit, but it was only 2pm and we only needed two more for the free T-shirt...so we plugged them into Amanda's GPS and were on our way to:

Allison Oaks-- We knew when we were getting close to the other vineyards because there were suddenly grape vines all over the place. This one we were in the middle of a town and before we knew it the jackass GPS guy had told us that we had gone to0 far and that it was "recalculating." Apparently the tasting room is about a mile from the actual vineyard. The tasting room is in like a strip mall. We walked in and interrupted a man typing away at a computer. We were the only people to be there all day, and he actually had to go to the cellar to get wines for us to taste. I wasn't impressed with his tasting room, and his wines were my least favorite, but he did have foods for us to taste the wines with (wasabi almonds, chocolate almonds, dark chocolate, etc.). Of course we bought a bottle, cause that's what we do....just one winery left and we get a T-shirt. Onto:

Rag Apple Lassie (or Rag Time as Amanda called it)---cool because it has cows on the bottle and also because we passed "A Storehouse for Jesus" on the way there. What exactly would Jesus have in his storehouse? A storehouse for JSto would have gummy bears, martinis, and fuzzy socks, but I think Jesus might be a little different. Also on the way to Rag Apple Lassie, I had my first inclination of the day to throw Amanda's GPS out the window (which is good since I normally want to throw GPS's out the window from the start.) It took us past the vineyard, then past some sketchy dirt road that I was apparently supposed to turn onto to get back to the vineyard. You know what GPS guy?...you think you are sooo smart....you think you know everything and that I'm the stupid one when I purposely ignore your directions, but guess what...you're not...you make mistakes too you jackass. Anyway, this place was a little weird because you enter through their tank room (I'm not sure if that's what it's really called) and think you have entered into somewhere that you shouldn't be, but you haven't. We both did a tasting (I mostly did it because I wanted to glass with the cow on it and might as well have some wine to go with it.) While all the cute cow themed wine stuff made me want to buy it...I didn't, i just bought the final bottle of wine and some coconut chocolate to go with it. And that means we got.....FREE T-SHIRTS!!! WOOHOO!! I'm not sure why this seems like such an accomplishment since we basically drank and spent money, but it does. In the parking lot, we were laughing, and some mean lady told Amanda that she was cut off from any more wine tastings....really we were just admiring our take for the day on the backseat floor of my car.

Highlights From Break

So instead of going through my every move over Christmas break, I thought that I'd do something different. I'm going to go over the highlights and lowlights of break. I figured I'd start out with the highlights because obviously the lowlights are going to be more entertaining. Now, I actually have a week left of break so this is only up till today.

1) Baking cookies with my mom. Yes, I know this sounds cliche and that I should also say something about loving the magic and spirit of Christmas, but it's true. I get to put the colored sugar on!
2)Having coffee with my peeps from the Hall of Fame, and being thankful that I'm no longer there. They found out via a google news e-mail that the Hall of Fame was moving to Atlanta. That's some bad human resources there!

3) Helping my mom's school with their auction. They earn fake money for doing good things and then get to spend it at a silent auction. A snow globe went for 400 dollars!

4) Dinner with Eli at the Vine (including a half price bottle of wine) and cookies back at her house...the last time we went to see her house she didn't have keys to get in so I could only see the outside.

5) WE WANT BIG MAC!! At ND women's basketball games, when the women score 88 points, everyone gets a coupon for a free Big Mac. While I was there, ND beat Charlotte 90-31...it was almost painful to watch.

6) 2 Notre Dame basketball games. My dad talking trash about one of the ND players only to have him named player of the game..bahahhaha

7) There's a three year old girl that sits a few rows behind my parents at basketball. She sang the entire fight song, and can't pronounce R's...it was ridiculously cute. "Cheew Cheew fow ole Notwe Dame."

8) Ridiculously good shopping at Michigan City.

9) Surprising Nancie (awesome yoga genius) at body pump.

10) 49 cents shoes...nuff said

11) Really great present from Amanda 2!

12) BIRTHDAY CHEESESTEAK!13) BIRTHDAY FONDUE!!

14) BIRTHDAY MASSAGE!!

15) My dad singing "My Girl" with falsetto in the car on my birthday.

16) My grandpa telling everyone in his entire retirement community that I want to be a professor.

17) My dad telling me to pick out anything I want out of the Coach outlet...Am I dreaming?

18) My dad giving up his crackberry...Am I dreaming?

19) Three free coffees on New Years Eve.

20) This guy on New Years Eve.

21) Sneaking Amanda 2 into a Wake Forest basketball game and having it go into DOUBLE OVERTIME!

22) My dad got a Disney animator to draw an Alice in Wonderland picture for my hand. I LOVE IT...and am spoiled.

23) X-mas text from John Fred...why can't I text things like "Be safe, God Bless, and Rock on!" and have it be cool?

24) A brief highway relationship with some guys from Texas on 81 that we kept passing and being passed by...sigh...the memories

25) Having it snow 5 inches in Winston-Salem (and only about 3 in South Bend) and having all the people still in W-S freak out.

This Isn't Christmas Dinner

Sorry it's been so long since blogging. I'm finally back in North Carolina with my own computer and own my own wireless high speed internet. YAHOO!!

So the first thing I want to blog about is Christmas dinner at my Uncle Bill's. We usually have ham and turkey, and I'm all for change, but there's certain things that just should or should not be in Christmas dinner. Here's the menu and my thoughts.

Beef: I'm ok with beef. It was actually pretty yummy however, it was obvious that the kids didn't have experience with beef when they asked which was the light meat and dark meat. Seriously? You've never had beef before?
Gravy: Again, the kids were like "what's that?" "Gravy." "It doesn't look like gravy." "Cause its beef gravy" "well, what do you do with it?"
Stuffing: I love stuffing but we had beef. When we have stuffing with turkey there are two types at the table "in the bird" and "out of the bird". Jokingly I asked "is this in the cow or out of the cow?" No one got the joke and the answer I got was "you'll have to ask Uncle Bill." Also, the stuffing was all cut into hunks. My cousin Patrick asked if I would like a hunk of stuffing and someone thought he said "hug of stuffing" so the rest of dinner they asked to pass the hugs of stuffing.
Mashed Potatoes: Good...except a little too much butter for me, but I'm ok with that.
Corn: No issue with corn. Fine
Cranberry jello stuff: It was weird. It was like cherry jello with cranberries in it. Bizarre.
Asparagus Salad: What? What is this shit? It was some sort of pickled asparagus or something. This isn't Christmas dinner.
Lemony Broccoli: Where's the freakin green bean casserole? What's this fru fru veggie shit? Plus broccoli should not taste like lemon.
Rolls: Fine
Red Beet Eggs: We always have these. I hate them, but my mom kept trying to pimp them out to everyone. "Do you want red beet eggs?" "Here have some red beet eggs." "Do they have red beet eggs down there?" Seriously, you'd have thought she was getting commission off of the red beet eggs.
Raw Carrots And Celery: If you don't know how I feel about this, see my blog about Thanksgiving.
Cheesecake: WTF...it's Christmas! Where's the cookies? I'd even take some sort of pie. But a store bought cheesecake?!?! Talk about half assed.

I guess I shouldn't complain so much since I ate all of it (except the red beet eggs...blech). Stayed tuned more about Christmas later...Including the excellent Christmas gift I got from Amanda 2!