Saturday, February 25, 2006

The American Dream

In Memory of My Grandma: B. Sto

For those of you who don't know, my grandmother passed away last night. After a week of waiting for her imminent demise, it came as a relief to my family. I thought what better way to honor her memory than to devote a blog to her: my biggest fan. So excuse this sappy post, while I tell you about the feisty woman that was my grandma.

My grandmother was born in 1923 in the coal mining town of Port Carbon, PA. She was a Notre Dame fan from the very start, and would listen to the football games on the radio so that she could tell her dad every detail when he came home from the mines. When she was growing up, her aunt Catherine would take her by train to Washington DC, where she witnessed 4 Presidential Inaugurations (a fact that was just recently discovered).

In 1944, she married my grandfather and when he went off to war, she worked in a factory that made bombs. She had three kids, a daughter and 2 sons. When my father was born, she cried for two weeks because he was so ugly. "He was all scalely like a fish." She loved to tell that to anyone who would listen much to my father's embarrassment. She once wrote a letter to the president complaining about my grandpa's air force base being closed and the CIA showed up at her door to investigate her. That's the type of feisty person she is. (She's also written letters of complaint to coaches of various Philadelphia pro sports teams.) When my dad was growing up, they took a family trip to Yellowstone park. They saw a bear there, which my grandfather decided to throw a cookie to, but didn't throw very far and the cookie landed on the hood of the car. The bear of course jumped on the car after the cookie and my grandma screamed at both the bear and my grandfather the whole time.

I am the only granddaughter, so of course I'm special. When I was little, my grandparents would take me on a drive through the woods in order to look for bears. Only a few years ago did I discover that where we were was actually the road behind the Hotel Hershey and there were absolutely no bears. We would then go to Friendly's for ice cream. My grandma would always order the Peanutiest Sundae and my grandfather would say it was because she was the Peanutiest person. She always would keep gummy candies in her cupboard because they were my favorite.

When I wanted to go to Notre Dame, I think she wanted me to get in more than I did. She said I was accepted because she "is a very good pray-er." While I was in college, she started to get weaker and said her one wish was for the Good Lord to let her be alive when I graduated and then she could die happy. Well, she made it almost three years past that.

I think the memory that most sums up how my grandmother was was one time when we discovered that my grandfather's parents were born in Hungary. My dad asked her if she knew his parents were born in Hungary and she replied "What the hell would I care? I didn't marry his parents."

Friday, February 24, 2006

Weird Flight

A recent flight of my was pretty bizarre. First of all, there was a three year old behind me who as soon as the door closed decided she wanted off the flight. As it was taxi-ing she started crying hysterically because she didn't like the bumps, and midway through the flight when the flight attendant asked her mom to put her seat belt back on she started yelling "It hurts! It hurts!" Weird.

But even weirder was the guy beside me. We were chatting a little while waiting for everyone else to get on the plane and about 5 minutes into the conversation says "I'm going to Dallas for experimental treatment because I'm dying of leukemia" in a very matter of fact way. In the same way, that someone would have said "I'm going to Dallas to purchase cattle." I, of course, have no idea how to respond and just kind of nod in an "oh, that's interesting" manner. Other than that he was completely normal. But what was I supposed to say in that situation? "Man, that really has gotta suck"?

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Black Uniforms?
Notre Dame's new men's basketball uniforms. Chic or thugalicious? We already have white, blue, gold and green to pick from, do we need black as well?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Timothy Goebel (revisited)

What do you think Timothy Goebel was doing last night during the men's figure skating short program? I picture him sitting at home in his lazy boy drinking gin straight from the bottle and mumbling bitterly to himself (like I was).

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Did anyone watch pairs skating last night and see the replay from a year ago when the Russian guy completely dropped that girl on her head? I would be pissed!

Saturday, February 11, 2006

My Olympic Opening Ceremonies Wish List

Here are a few random things from the Opening Ceremonies that I want:
1) a furry hat like the people from Mongolia were wearing
2) a black and white dress like the ladies carrying the country signs were wearing that has a skirt that looks like the Alps
3) the soundtrack from the parade of nations which included such international hits as "Jump," "Video Killed the Radio Star," and "YMCA"
4) a rolling cow
5) Jeremy Bloom...if you don't know who this is, google him
Things You Should Know But Probably Don't

I got this originally as an e-mail and sent it around to all my friends. Though the heading of it is misleading because I'm not really sure why you should know this stuff. But I had a friend request that I post it with some witty comments. So that's what I'm doing. My comments are in parenthesis.

1) Money isn't made out of paper; it's made out of cotton. (so that when you leave a $10 bill in your jeans pocket, it doesn't disintegrate in the wash, but stays there for a nice surprise two weeks later.)
2) The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. (Let's face it. We all knew Tommy J. Was the first hippy.)
3) The dot over the letter I is called a "tittle." (Insert your own comment here. Feel free to be as dirty/perverse as you wish)
4) A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top. (Hours of educational fun)
5) Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller (Though nobody knows that because Susan Lucci doesn't admit it and her dad is the "time to make the doughnuts" guy!)
6) 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals (just think of how much more money they started making when they started making really cheap toys...Remember the toys we used to get!! I have the entire set of McDonald's food that turns into robots)
7) 315 entries in Webster 1996 Dictionary were misspelled. (who exactly went through and counted?)
8) The 'spot' on 7up comes from its inventor, who had red eyes. He was an albino. (I'm not going to be able to drink 7up again because I'm going to always think of this creepy albino guy.)
9) On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily. (I'm really glad I'm not pregnant and reading this.)
10) Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister (Don't care)
11) Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system, a few ounces will kill a small dog. (Danielle, stop feeding Sadie Reese's)
12) Orcas kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode. (I would love to see this. Does that make me a bad person? Why haven't I ever seen this advertised on Animal Planet. Who wouldn't want to watch this cocky ass shark swimming around and then all of a sudden...POW!)
13) Most lipstick contains fish scales. (Knew this...Would rather not think about it)
14) Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants. (As he should be)
15) Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine. (I still use it as medicine)
16) Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller 'lower case' letters. (If this is true, there are two things that are stupid with them being stored that way. A) you have the heavier case on top, so that everytime you want to get to the lower case ones you have to lift the heavier case. b) lower case is used more, so again, you have to lift up the upper case to get at it more often.)
17) Leonardo DaVinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time. (I can drink with one hand and write with the other!)
18) Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood. (How pissed would you be if you got a wooden Oscar?)
19)There are no clock in Las Vegas gambling casinos. ( I know this is so people don't know how long their gambling, but are you telling me that if I go to every casino in Vegas, I won't find 1 clock. I find that hard to believe.)
20) The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before. (Just think. Without Peter Pan, we could be eating square hamburgers at a place called Rhonda's)
21) A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (That's a heck of a party trick! I got the liquor. You bring the scorpion.)
22) Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips. (Doesn't the also imply that these two random Da Vinci facts are somehow connected? If you figure it out, let me know.)
23) There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple and silver! (What about murple? Are you saying that's not a word? It's a type of tree...Like a maple, but a murple.)
24) The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white. (They had to paint it white to make it less scary.)
25) If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in cions without being able to make change for a dollar. (Being the dork that I am, I actually tried to disprove this. You can't. It's right.)
26)By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. (Hopefully I'll never get the chance to try to disprove this.)
27) The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb. (And the term "numb skull" came from when the wife took the before mentioned stick and cracked her husband in the head with it until he had a "numb skull")
28)The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola. (How clever they are!)
29) Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it. It's the same with apples. (Especially if you chew a lot!)
30) Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying. (Very important not to reverse these two items...though I have to say, not peeling onions works even better.)
31) The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified Kosher. (What about on envelopes?)
32) Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries. (Way to go, Guinness! You must be so proud!)
33) Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. (That would be a lot of pressure to be under!)

Some Delayed SuperBowl Thoughts

1). I'm glad that the Steelers won
2). I love Jerome Bettis. I want to bring him home and have him do yardwork for me.
3) I can't decide whether Joe Montana is a money grubbing bastard or not. Experience tells me that he probably is, but I just can't bring myself to accept it.
4) The commercials were adequate. During Pepsi's new "Brown and Bubbly" campaign, my dad shouted out "It's just like Queen Latifah...brown and bubbly." Which I thought was clever.

Congrats Michelle and Drew!!

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Resume Don't's
Just a little background information. I work for a sports related museum that was recently accepting resumes for a part-time cashier manager. If you are applying for the position, here are some things I really don't care about, that should be left off your resume.

  • Handwritten on the bottom "I'm an avid die-hard Ohio State Fan" --I don't care. Unless you're Jim Tressel's daughter (which we have had apply for an internship)
  • Objective: "To achieve a full time position within the medical industry" This is neither full time nor medical. If your not smart enough to change that objective, I'm not hiring you
  • "Education: 1984-Certificate in Interior Design. 1997-Culinary Certificate" This isn't really bad, though neither one is relevant. I just thought it was funny. Hmm..You designed rooms for 13 years and finally decided your real calling in life was to be a chef
  • "Relevant Job Experience: I got up every morning and picked sweet corn." Sorry, not seeing the relevance.
  • "Interests: I've started to get into running a little bit" -well, whoop-dee-doo! That by the way is the exact phrasing used as well
  • "Past job experience: Host of my own TV show on Public Access TV" - I just thought this was funny because we all know what kind of people host TV shows on public access.
  • This person was a waitress and underneath her responsibilities she had "Refilled salt, pepper, sugar, cream, condiments and napkins" Do we really need to list all those things. Let's be a little more concise, can we?
  • "Work Experience: Hooter's -- Hooter's Girl" -Say Waitress!!
  • "Training and Skills: Dangerous Goods, 727 Qualified" I don't know what that means let alone caring
  • On the cover letter: "In addition, I have successfully provide my resume to go with this cover letter" -do you want a cookie? I hope you provided your resume isn't that the whole point of a cover letter? This same cover letter also said she could provide me with excellent references if needed, though there were references already provide. Are those the non-excellent references?
  • "Awards and Honors: Soccer award for best mental attitude towards soccer" --was this when she was seven or what?
  • "Objective: To be a good employee as I was before" - back ground this person got fired from the people who own our gift shop for stealing, and wearing inappropriate clothing to work