Saturday, December 31, 2011

A Very Important Conversation

Well, I'm back from PA. Spending the next two days at my parents house in Indiana and then back to St Paul where I'll have researchy stuff to do, but won't start classes until the 17th, so hopefully there will be a ton of bloggage. I apologize for my schizo and sporadic with when I post, but you'll have to deal with it. I can't control my creativity or when blog worthy things happen in my life. Sorry.

Anyway, this post is inspired by my ex-college roommate and fashion Czar, Marcia. I was on her tumblr page and came across this post:

"Bows>lace insert every time. Felicity just wants to be fancy at Christmas, okay? She just wants to be fancy. Re: this post of Nadia's. See that Felicity, then compare with the lace Felicity. THE BEST INSERT IN THE FELICITY CHRISTMAS DRESS IS THE LACE ONE. END OF STORY."

What follows in the e-mails chain that transpired between me and Marcia.

Subject: Are you insane?
Me: I know you're my fashion czar. But lace Felicity was infinitely better.
Me: I thought you said Bows>lace. I apologize for the misunderstanding. I was seriously appalled.
Marcia: Yeah, the formatting is weird. She is at the top, my response was below.
Me: I see that now. I feel so much better now that I know we are in agreement.
Me again: Ribbons would be fine...if Felicity was a whore.
Marcia: I totally put that in Nadia's askbox.
Me: Love it!

In case you have no idea what we are talking about. Felicity is an American Girl Doll whose Christmas dress has an interchangeable front insert. Judge for yourself.

Lace Felicity

Bows Felicity (aka Felicity the Whore)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011


So for those of you that haven't heard the news or heard the news after I was well into the second bottle of wine and didn't really understand most of it, I'm going to Italy in June to present at an academic conference. This IS AWESOME! a) I LOVE Italy and b) I get to beef up my resume in the process (with no out of pocket expense).

But in the process of being super excited, I mistakenly got on the wrong bus on the way home from school. I need to take a 3A home and got on a 3B (possibly? I'm not even really sure.) Anyway, I'm reading and possibly checking e-mail when the bus turns off the normal route and I'm like "oh, crap, what the f*** did I do? So I ding the bell immediately, not knowing exactly where I'm going or more importantly how far the next stop is. Luckily it's not that far, but the bus driver looks at me suspiciously as I get off in the middle of like a bunch of warehouses obviously knowing I'm far from home. The original plan was to get on a bus going the other way, but seeing as I was less than a mile from home, it was 38 degrees out (which is considered "warm"), and I had no idea how long it would be until the next bus would come by. So that was fun.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Thoughts on Home Alone

Maybe the doctoral program has put my brain on overdrive, but I over analyze everything I watch on TV now. Last night I decided to watch Home Alone, so here are 10 random observations from the movie.

1) Have you noticed the product placement in that movie? Pepsi, American Airlines, Budget Rental Car, Tic Tac. Just to name a few. Seriously there are branded products everywhere. Guess they were hoping Home Alone would do for Pepsi what ET did for Reese's Pieces.
2) You realize it's all Heather's fault, right? If she hadn't done such a half-assed job counting all the kids and mistaking the neighbor kid for Kevin none of this drama would've ever happened. I hope you feel like shit, Heather.
3) Where is child protective services? Seriously, there never would've been a Home Alone 2.
4) They think the old man is the "South Bend Shovel Slayer." Shout out to the Bend!!
5) He puts ONE nail on ONE step and that just happens to be where he steps. Really?
6) And since we're picking apart the booby trapping of the house, how convenient that the burglar happens to go through the open window with the sharp ornaments under it after he had to take his shoes off so that he doesn't just go stomping over the ornaments in shoes unscathed.
7) The dad forgets to close the garage door when they leave. Why the hell was the garage door open in the first place?
8) Kevin asks the people at the drugstore if the toothbrush is approved by the American Dental Association and the clerk says "I don't know. It doesn't say." Well, if it doesn't say then obviously, it's not.
9) Why does he talk to himself so much? I mean I talk to myself, but it's usually to tell myself that I'm an idiot. He like narrates what he's doing.
10) Why do they have a dog door?

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Letter Not From Prison

Get it? Cause she's like it's a letter but not from prison. Anyway, sorry that it's taken me so long to blog. I've been kinda a mess lately. Anyway, no excuses, I'll just get right to blogging.

"Hey, How are you doing? Im good.. Just a lil stressed! Its pretty stressful being in a city you have no clue about (Uh..I moved to Minnesota.) and you have to travel some place different everyday (I still don't understand why she goes somewhere different everyday, but whatever). I got lost like twice the other day and had to spend 12$ on fair. (that's not where a $ goes and I think you mean fare.) Thank God I got a monthly bus pass for Dec. so I can travel everywhere and not worry...I always end up walking cause its easier.

I have a question? ( a) that's a statement about a question and thus does not need a question mark even though the word question is in it and b)a question for me? oh good!) Do you happen to have an old lil Ipod that you don't really use anymore with a bunch of music on it? (no, actually my current Ipod got recalled and is at Apple. and even if I did the "bunch of music" that would be on an old Ipod of mine, you wouldn't like. Unless you're really into BSB and *NSync.) Petey lost his (Petey is her brother, but not sure what that has to do with me sending her an Ipod) and my dad was spose to send me a MP3 like a month ago and never did. I figured you might have a old one from when they 1st came out or something! (I do, but seeing as I take care of my stuff, don't sell it for drug money, and don't have it stolen, I've only needed one.) I can even just borrow it until I get out of here and I'll take great care of it! (bahahahaha...yeah...)If you do is there anyway you can add some Drake, Lil Wayne, Rick Russ, and Big Sean too it? (So now, not only do you want me to send you an Ipod, but you want me to put music you like on it too?) like all the new Rap...& R&B...that would be awesome...and you can just send it stright too me in the Ipods need chargers ( head is starting to hurt just from reading this.) I never even had a Ipod lol (why do I not feel bad for her? oh...possibly because she's never had a job either?) but everyone has them here and they are so awesome if you have an old one or a extra one that would be awesome! (wow..that is a lot of awesome stuff! even if I had a closet of Ipods, I'm not sure I would send her one.)

Well I went to Uncle Bill's (Thanksgiving) and it was awesome (you know what else is awesome? uh...well...I can't think of anything. I was going to say "your face", but that's not derogatory and then I was going to say "your mom", but that's not derogatory Listen what I came up with. I decided that it would be awesome if this summer all the kids 18 & over (so...I guess this means I'm included in the "kids") went on a road trip so it would be me, you, Patrick, Molly and Andrew. (Oh, my f***ing God...she CAN'T be serious.) Hows that sound? (like a BAD idea.) Do you think we could make it happen? (are we just going to rob our way across the country? or who exactly is this going to be financed? Gas doesn't exactly bubble up from the does...but you know...) That would be so cool so we can get to know each other and just have fun! (Here's what I'm picturing...we're in the middle of West Virginia or some other remote state. I come back to the hotel room after going to grab a Coke from the soda machine and find her OD-ing in the bathtub....second scenario, we get pulled over. Cops search our car...find a gun in her suitcase...any one else want to role play this for me?) If everyones down we should start planning it! (I am NOT down. NOT DOWN! Pretty sure Patrick, who is also responsible, is not down as well.) What do you think? (I think I would rather eat my own eyes.)"

So she goes on to talk about how she has to go to a bunch of "resource centers" every day and how she's trying to get a job or get into school and how she wants a smart phone, but that's pretty much it. I'll try to blog again soon.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My Daily Bus Ride

I'm currently working on gathering pictures for a post about how my mom is the greatest hostess in the world but need to gather a few more pictures for that. Instead, I thought that I'd blog about something that goes through my head nearly EVERY DAY.

I ride the public bus to school. I actually really enjoy it. I get to read and feel generally good about the environment. I live pretty far from campus, so normally when I get on the bus there are plenty of empty seats. As more and more people get on the bus, I'm always torn. I generally don't want people to sit by me because they might crunch up against me and start to infringe on my part of the seat or they might smell like a mix of BO and ethnic food. (SN: this is not a racist comment. Merely a description.) Then there comes a point where as people are filing on and not taking the seat next to me, that I start to feel like the last kid being picked in gym. Why don't they want to sit next to me? Don't they like me?

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Adult Gummy Bears

In college Marcia and I used to make adult Jell-o, this was my first take at adult Gummies. But I love gummies and booze, so why not? This link was my inspiration. Being a poor yet resourceful PhD student, I decided to substitute the coconut rum that I already have on hand for the vodka in the recipe. I also decided to try a variety of gummies to experiment and see what works the best.
That's all my gummies marinating in coconut rum.

A couple of notes:

1) After about a day of marinating, I was a little disappointed in that the gummy flavor had gone, so basically what I had was coconut rum flavored gummy textured candy. However, after another day (or two) the fruity gummy taste came back so it wasn't so hard core booze tasting. I don't really understand the science of how this happened, but whatever.
2) The marshmallowy backed gummies (typically frogs or strawberries or whatever) didn't turn out that great. The opaque marshmallowy part gets weird.
3) The gummies get big.
See? The alcoholic one is on the right. I wish I had a picture of the gummy worms. They got HUGE, but I had eaten all the non-soaked worms before taking pictures.
4) I don't like that you're supposed to keep them in the fridge. I don't like them cold.
5) They are pretty potent (and delicious.)
Otherwise, pretty awesome. Especially when you're a stressed out grad student. (Of course, these are only to be tried for those over 21.)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Worst of Winston

1) One word: Bustier. Who wears a bustier to a Winston-Salem bar? Not a club. A bar.
2) The Notre Dame pep rally. Kind of pathetic. A leprechaun alum that wasn't exactly peppy. Music issues. Some old guy messing around with power point. Not really setting the standard.
3) It was freaking cold. I booked this trip figuring it would be a little warmer than Minnesota, but it wasn't. While I was bundled up for the game, my legs were still freezing.
4) The hotel internet that went out every 15 minutes or so. Kinda difficult to get homework done.
5) The hotel's air alternated between heat and air conditioning, so one minute it was stifling hot and the next it was frigid.
6) Oh, did I mention that my flight out of Greensboro was delayed, and I was going to miss my connection, AND they couldn't find me any flights to MSP that night so they had to put me up in a hotel? Not only was my flight at 5:25 am, but I had to wear clothes that I had already worn and go straight from the airport to school. BLECH!
7) Found out that the Marketing Summit is a bucket of hell. I feel like I dropped my kid off at summer camp and showed up at parents weekend only to find out that she's now a crack whore.
8) The $10 meal voucher that US Air gave me. You know what meal you can get at a Marriott restaurant for $10. NOTHING!

I can't think of a #9 or #10, so I guess that must be pretty much it.

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

Back in the Dash
This past weekend I trekked back to Winston Salem for the much anticipated (at least by me) Notre Dame/Wake Forest football game. The trip ended up being unequivocally good for my battered PhD soul. There were good moments and bad moments (and some bad moments that were good just because of the humor involved with their badness). I'm going to write this up in my standard Best Moments/Worst Moments format rather than a narrative.

Best Moments:
1) CHICKEN POT PIE!!! Ok, I know that I've blogged about this before. Pure deliciousness. I'll also lump sushi and a Cookout Milkshake in here as well, so that I don't waste 3 numbers all on food. I had also been on a self-imposed sushi hiatus since Labor Day, so it was so good.
2) Seeing the new Notre Dame helmets in person. If you don't know about the whole new helmet thing, you can read about it here. I've said a lot of bitter things about the helmets on facebook because I'm mad that the painting tradition had to go, but they do look really good in person.
3) A Notre Dame victory. While I really couldn't have lost either way, I would've taken a lot more shit if Wake had won.
4) Lots of friends in town. Both Notre Dame and Wake friends. I tailgate hopped to 3 different tailgates enjoying beer and brats and buddies along the way. (I hate the word reminds me of Memorial Day in high school band, but that's another story...I just felt I needed another "b" word to go with beer and brats.)
5) Notre Dame fans everywhere. We sure do know how to travel. There was also a blimp in town. Justin, one of my Wake friends, said "A blimp!?! We've never had a blimp at a Wake game before?!?!" I turned to him and said "you're welcome."
6) Joining up with the current Wake MBA second years, for a few holes of bar golf (their scoring was a little different than how wikipedia describes it, but you get the idea). One of the later holes "sleeping with a waitress" was a hole in one. I informed the second years that I found this sexist and was informed that beer golf is a "Gentleman's Game."
7) Staying in a Marriott for FREE on Sunday night. I LOVE Marriott beds. (For the reason why I was in a Marriott for free, see the worst list.)
8) Running into "Donkey" aka Tom Timmermans at the game. His nickname comes from the fact that he looks like Donkey from Shrek. Apparently Mattie Carroll was out at the bars on Friday night, but I missed him.
9) The cute old guy on the plane ride from MSP to CLT. He was on his way to Aruba to celebrate his 50th wedding anniversary. He was sooo happy. He told us fantastic stories and ended by saying if I ever needed anything while I was in Minneapolis to call him. So cute!
10) Meeting Andy's dog Appa.
Seriously is that not the cutest dog you have ever seen! Not only is he cute, but he's soft, and well behaved, and loves to cuddle. Everything he does is pretty much adorable. He was dragging this stick that's twice his size around Andy's yard. Too cute.

Well, this blog has dragged on long enough, and I'm tired, so the "worst of" post will wait till another day. Hopefully tomorrow, but no promises.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Random Thought of the Day

There are all these posters around the halls of school advertising different research projects that they need people for. The one says "Attention: Cocaine Users with Attention Problems. The University of Minnesota is looking for healthy 18-55 year olds to participate in a study." It always makes me wonder how using cocaine doesn't immediately disqualify you from being "healthy"'s cocaine.

So I market tested this blog on Kathleen and her response was "I'm totally healthy minus this pesky drug habit!" ha

Monday, October 31, 2011

A Letter From Captain Morgan

This was posted on the wall of one of the buildings I walk by on my way from the bus stop to the business building. (Please make sure you zoom in so you can read it. I could only make it so large on here.)

I have so many questions about this. I want to call the number and find out.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Crazy Bread Lady

This is the picture of multi-grain artisan bread that the crazy bread lady gave me yesterday. I also have a loaf of some sort of raisin bread in my freezer. Yesterday I was on my way home from the bus stop (my bus stop is like two blocks from my apartment complex.) There was a hippy-ish looking 40 year old woman pulling a wagon behind her. All of the sudden she says "You want bread?" I'm like "what?" She's like "It's really good artisan bread! I was just heading back to my car to load my wagon back up." I think I was so confused by these comments that I just started following her back into the alley behind her house. Then suddenly it hit me, was this woman luring me with free artisan bread so that she could brutally murder me? At this point another woman came out of her house, and the hippy bread lady said "Hey, Julie, I got bread for you." And "Julie" answered "great, just bring it by." So apparently this whole bread thing was legit and somewhat normal. The bread lady who introduced herself as Katie (I really have too many Kat's, Katie's, Kate's, Kathleen's, and other Kat... people in my life. I may be forced to let some of you go) opened up the back of her SUV to reveal heaping mounds of various types of artisan bread. I took the round of multi-grain pictured, and she forced the raisin on me. As I walked away, she let me know that I could find her delivering bread around the neighborhood every Tuesday afternoon if I wanted some. She also offered me lettuce before I walked away, which I did not take. I made myself a fantastic grilled cheese sandwich and didn't find any needles in the bread, so I may have to hit her up on another Tuesday. I'm also slightly concerned that it never occurred to me to ask her why the hell she had so much bread in her car.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Lab Time

I'm taking some time out from immense amounts of studying to blog...since I haven't done that in a while. So I finally get to run experiments on people! YEAH!! Nothing really exciting electric shocks or injections or anything like that. I love reading about old experiments where they could do pretty much whatever they wanted to people. Now it's just basically surveys and watching some videos. When we let the group of people into the lab, they sit at a computer and wait for a lab person (usually me or my fellow first year Chiraag*) to put in an ID number and "condition" so they can start their survey. When they sit down this is on the screen:
Sorry I couldn't find a better picture. It's clearer in the lab. That's some rats on a computer. So basically you're telling these people almost explicitly that they are just glorified lab rats. Nice.

*Andy thinks Chiraag's name sounds like a wine and keeps saying things like "what do you recommend with the trout? oh, we have an excellent '08 Chiraag that would pair nicely" and "This Chiraag seems a little too nutty for me, but has a very smooth finish." I can't look at Chiraag without thinking about wine.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

The Box of Triscuits

Have you ever looked at a box of triscuits? I mean like REALLY looked at it. I was just collapsing my empty box of Rosemary & Olive Oil Triscuits for recycling and started reading the things on it. A few things to note:

  • Under where it says "Rosemary and Olive Oil" it says "Natural Flavor With Other Natural Flavor." What? I'm not sure what they're trying to say. Is that supposed to be good?

  • On the bottom of the box it says "This package is sold by weight, not by volume. Packed as full as practicable by modern automatic equipment, it contains net weight indicated. If it does not appear full when opened, it is because contents have settled during shipping and handling." Ok, I understand they put this on there so that people don't bitch when they open up their Triscuits and they're not brimming to the top. BUT...a) I had to google to see if practicable was even a word. You couldn't have said this better? and b) Don't give me that bullshit about he practicability of modern machinery. You're honestly trying to tell me that a machine can't shake the bag a little, make all the crackers settle, and then add more crackers until it's full?

  • Under the ingredients where there's normally things about it containing tree nuts or whatever it says "Contains: wheat, celery." I get the wheat thing. But is there rampant celery allergies that I don't know about?

  • My favorite part. On the side panel: "Triscuit. Weave Some wonder. At Triscuit, we believe less is more. That's why we bake our crackers with quality ingredients like Soft White Winter Wheat. Soft White Winter Wheat is grown in places like the Great Lakes region of North America by farmers who are skilled in harvesting this crop. We like to think of Soft White Winter Wheat as a kind of cashmere of wheat because of its soft texture and delicious taste. It's what gives Triscuit its golden color, distinctive crunch and 22 grams of delicious whole grain goodness per serving." Are you freaking kidding me? The cashmere of wheat? bahahahahahaha "Soft White Winter Wheat" must've tested really well with consumers since they mention it three times! It's even listed in the ingredients as "Whole Grain Soft White Winter Wheat." Must be the alliteration that people like. (Mrs. Christ, I'll take my extra credit please!)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

In an article I was reading for school (SN: if you haven't heard yet, I had my first official "everyone thinks I'm an idiot" PhD freak out yesterday), they had pulled examples of "bad art" off of the MOBA (Museum of Bad Art) website. I had to see for myself just how bad ARE these piece of art? Here are some of my favorites.
It's a dog juggling rainbow bones. How can you call that bad?

So the runner is not only out, but is getting eaten...that's a rough inning. Not sure what the guy with the bag is doing.

I want that...errrr....chipmunk? And the dog with the sparkly band aid mouth!

That dog make me laugh and is simultaneously disturbing. It takes a heck of a dog to draw attention away from the two naked people in the picture.

The more I look. The more horrified I become. (I normally keep this a PG blog, but art doesn't count, right?).

Is this cat actually eating that guy or just an unfortunate perspective that the artist chose?

Because I've always dreamt of riding naked on something with GIANT CLAWS!
This is legitimately my favorite picture. I want this one. How can you not love that dog's ears?

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Letter From Prison

You may have noticed that there haven't been any letters from prison posts lately. It's not because I haven't been getting letters. It's because none of them have really been interesting. No shanks, no getting thrown in the hole, no fights with her celly. And while all of her letters are somewhat entertaining, well, I'm lazy, and talking about prison tattoos and stuff are just easier to blog about than everyday mundane letters from prison. But I thought all of you were probably super curious about what is going on in her life right now, it is.

"Hey. How are you doing? (I'm pretty sure every letter I receive from her starts this way.) I'm ok. I like the card that you sent me. It's really cool looking that would be a cool painting to hang in your house (I have no idea what card I sent her. Probably something with ballerinas or music notes on it. I have a lot of stationary like that that I send to her because I don't really want to send it to anyone legit. since she said it would be a nice painting, I'm betting it's my Degas note cards, so yes, that would be a nice painting to hang in my house.)

Ok, the way the program works is theres like 86 woman and we do everything as a community so theres like 7 crews (she was talking about being a crew leader last time and I asked what the hell she was talking about) that have specific jobs and they run a certain part of the community and its there duty and we have a crew meeting everyday to get thing strightend (or straightened) out for the next day. (there were 4 "and"'s in that sentence. that's like a run-on on a run-on on a run-on sentence.) theres communication crew, education crew, motivation crew-i ran that crew--our job was to motivate the people during morning meetings (motivate how? I'm picturing like cheerleaders--except in orange prison issue jumpsuits--with pompoms and such) and read daily meditations...environmental crew, (I love how she throws a random sentence in the middle of another sentence and then just continues on her way.) time keepers, safety crew (I'm sorry...there's a safety crew in jail? that seems a little ironic, doesn't it?) I think thats it. I don't feel like explaining all the dutys for each one. ('re too lazy to write about different crews when you have nothing else to do but sit in jail? yeah, this bodes real well for a job when you get out.) then theres a panel of 6 people that really run the community which the seniors like the pres and the assiant (that's supposed to be assistant) --me-- (yes, she's the assiant) is the vice basically I did all the scrunt work (I'm sorry? all the what? scrunt work? hahahahaha) I ran the morning meetings and I got all the stuff that needed to be passed up and approved. (oh, how taxing all the scrunt work is. hahahaha)

Andys dog is so cute (yep, that's it. No transition. Just scrunt work directly into Andy's dog. I sent her a picture of Andy with his new dog Appa, who is the freaking cutest dog ever. I mean, it's cuter than a lot of babies.--SN: Danielle, you totally know whose baby I'm talking about) Andy looks alil (alil?) like my BF Ryan ( a: I'm sure Andy will be flattered that he can get such a catch as you and b: how are you meeting all these guys in jail? is this like those women that fall in love with serial killers?) Ryans 32 (she's 24, if you're wondering) and hes REALLY (not only was really in all caps, it was also double underlined) cute if everything works out you'll meet him one day. (oh, I can only hope). Well I guess Im gonna go hopefully I'll be able to talk to you soon! Goodluck at school!!"

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

How Not to Spend a Sunday Morning

After the fantastic experience of Saturday night, I set my alarm for 6am in order to make my 8am flight. I wake up at around 5:40am and decide it's not worth trying to go back to sleep, so I get up and head out of my aunt's house (sidenote: I choose not to shower because I'm not really sure where the shower is in her house let alone towels, I am DISGUSTING). I go to fill up my rental car with gas and am shocked when my credit card gets declined. After paying cash to the sketchtacular gentleman working the gas station at 6am, I call my credit card company. And guess what, they are doing routine maintenance and won't be able to access my account until 11am...FANTASTIC.

I'm a little worried because my rental car was on that credit card...can't get ahold of the rental car company either. I decide to call my bank just to see if anything suspicious is going on there. Nothing weird except that the credit card payment I had registered online a few days earlier was not withdrawn from my checking account...well, that might be an issue.

I fly to Philly and during my layover I decide to try the credit card company again because even though it's not 11 yet, maybe they got done with maintenance early...they did.

CC lady: How may I help you today?
Me: Well, my card got rejected this morning.
CC: We're certainly sorry about that. Let me take a look at your account. looks like you're over your credit limit.
Me: No, I'm not.
CC: well we never received your latest payment, so that put you over your limit.
Me: No, it didn't.
CC: because there was no balance, both your charges from your last statement as well as any more recent charges go towards your account, so you're over your limit.
Me: I understand that but I'm not over my limit.
CC: yes, you are.
Me: I had X charges on my last statement and have made Y charges since. If you add them together, I should still be about $1000 under my credit limit.
CC: Oh, you're right. The bank returned your payment because of an incorrect account number.
Me: Ok, so can I pay for that now.
CC: Of course, I'll just need your routing and account number.
Me: I only have my debit card.
CC: I'm sorry we don't take debit.

So, I call my bank (because I'm in an airport and do not have my check book with me). I'm informed that they can give me the routing number but not the account number even though I offer to provide my PIN number, date of birth, mother's maiden name and social security number.

Luckily I do get a hold of the rental car company, and they tell me that since the charge was preapproved, there's no issue there. After getting home, I finally pay my credit card bill and find out that my credit card will be frozen for 7 that's fun.

Sunday, October 02, 2011

How Not To Spend a Saturday Night

After a fantastic time at Amanda 1's wedding reception, I was supposed to head back to her house to spend the night and then make my 8am flight back to the TC (that's Twin Cities). So let me set the scene for you. I am still wearing my strapless bridesmaid dress and flip flops with a light jacket over it. It's raining out and low 40's at approx 11:30pm. I am tired, wet, cold and hence grumpy as hell. I arrive at Amanda's house with the best man (get your mind out of the gutter) who had left clothes and some stuff in their house the night before and his car outside. I insert the key that Amanda had pointed out as her house key into the lock, but could not get it to turn.

After many futile attempts, I hand over the keys to the best man who is sure (as all men are) that my addled woman brain can't handle this simple task...this turns out to be a fatal mistake. Guess dice. After many more attempts (and asking stupid questions like 'are you sure she didn't give you any other keys?' oh, yeah, I forgot she handed me the extra special super secret key, and all these were just red herrings) he says "wow, I just felt the key bend that time." I warn him to be careful that he doesn't break the key off in the lock...cause that would suck (right, Kathleen?) and guess what happens 30 seconds later?? Gee, he breaks the key off in the lock.

After trying to call various people to find out if there is a hidden key at the house and getting no one answering, I finally say "well, I have family in the area. I'm sure i can find somewhere to stay for the night or if not, I'll just get a hotel. why don't you just leave your stuff here and come get it tomorrow? you have your car keys right?" I probably didn't say that as politely as I think I did because...again...grumpy as hell. He says he has his keys but keeps saying things like " shoes are in there.." F*** your shoes! I'm cold and tired. Just as I'm contemplating how to break the news that I would be leaving him in the rain and dark on Amanda's porch to fend for himself, Amanda's new hubby calls. Best man tells me he is driving the 25 minutes or so back to the wedding hotel in order to get another set of keys and looks shocked when I say that I will not be joining him on such a jaunt and will be making other arrangement for accommodations for the evening...errr...early morning?

I call my aunt who happens to live on the next street over from Amanda and who, because Notre Dame was playing in an 8pm game, may actually still be awake at midnight. (even though I was cold and tired, I really didn't want to wake anyone up.) I reached her on her cell phone, and while she was not at home, would be there in a half hour. I figure to take that since it would probably take me a half hour to make other arrangements and drive to other lodging. I spend the waiting time removing the 30 bobby pins (I just counted them. It was 30 exactly) from my hair. She finally gets home, and I change into pj's and climb into bed at around 1am. I have trouble falling asleep as I am shivering uncontrollably from standing on Amanda's porch in a strapless dress and flip flops for about a half hour. I am relieved, however, to finally be in a bed and not have to do the ultimate walk of shame by sleeping in my car and arriving at the airport in my bridesmaid dress.

Up next: How Not To Spend a Sunday Morning

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Creative Little Vandals

Every Tuesday and Thursday, I walk by this sign on my way to stats class.

If you can see, it says "No Pie." And then they drew a little line to make the cigarette into a slice of pie. How clever!

Monday, September 26, 2011

How Academia Ruined Dole Whip

I was reading an article about how mood can affect your perception of products. So if you're happy, you think the product is making you happy and so you like it more. It made me start wondering if maybe I really like Dole Whip because I'm happy when I eat it (at the state fair, at Disneyland/World). Next time I have it, I know I will over analyze whether I really like it or I just like where I am. ::sigh::

Sunday, September 25, 2011

E-mails with My Dad

My Dad: Do you know what a punch buggy is?
Me: A VW Bug
My Dad: Thanks...didn't know why people were saying it and punching people.


Saturday, September 24, 2011

My Park

I love the park near my apartment. I love to walk around the lake. There's also a miniature golf course, regular golf course, paddle boats, arboretum, cafe, zoo, and amusement park. None of which I have visited yet, but they're there if I wanted to visit them. I told Kathleen "it's kinda like Central Park, but without the rats and homeless people." There's also a lot of people that walk there dogs there and so there are these signs.

For some reason whenever I read the second part of that, I always picture a cartoon dog drinking a soda and then tossing the empty bottle on the ground. There is, of course, separate paths for bikes and pedestrians (I told you TC-ers are serious about their bike paths). The walking path has stick figures painted on it so you know that it's for walking people. This one, and only this one
Decided to wear a hat. HA!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Two Random Stories from Academia

1) I'm reading an academic article about personality in animals. Like not just dogs and cats, but apparently fruit flies have personalities? At one point, they're talking about doing research on "Great Tits." Not only is that hysterical in a 16 year old boy sense of humor, but I have no idea what type of animal a Great Tit is, and there is absolutely no way in hell that I'm going to type "Great Tit" into any sort of search engine. I'm thinking it's a primate of some sorts. Later on in the article they give the scientific name of the Great Tit which I can google to discover that it's a bird.

2) Last night I went to bed with my clothes on. Not I fell asleep with my clothes on, but I actually forgot to put my pajamas on and climbed in bed in my normal clothes. Apparently (I still cannot wrap my head around how I did this), I was thinking about school stuff so much that I brushed my teeth, took out my contacts, and then climbed in bed, skipping the very important step of changing into pj's. I woke up in the morning and was like "why the hell do I still have my clothes on?" That is some serious brain drain!

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Amanda 1's Visit, Part 3

Ok, first some explanation. I was actually in the process of writing this blog last Sunday when I decided to get a drink. I sat the laptop on my floor, went to the kitchen, poured myself some Crystal Light, came back to the couch, picked up my laptop and cracked the LCD. My laptop was being fixed for the whole week which is the reason for the delay in the finishing the rest of this story.

Also to note, I got my parka (not in black nor gun metal gray) and boots today as well, so bring it Minnesota winter!

Back to Amanda 1's final day of her visit. It was state fair day. We ate a lot of junk again. We split a fried onion. I had a couple of bites of her fried Snickesr. I conclude that the fried Milky Way is my favorite fried candy bar. The peanuts in the snickers seemed to interrupt the melted gooey deliciousness...haven't had the Three Musketeer yet though. I had a Reuben sandwich, another Dole Whip Float (because I LOVE them) and this:
Bacon on a stick. This was actually recommended by one of my PhD colleagues, but he did add "but I'm Canadian, and we really like bacon." It wasn't that good. It was more like ham on a stick and was really fatty which made it difficult to eat.
Much to Amanda's dismay, there were no animals giving birth in the Miracle of Life center, but we did see a dog being operated on which may have been worse. They had this little room set up with an operating table and the vets and the whole thing. Then they had video screens set up so you could see what the vets were actually doing to the dog, and there was a person with a microphone narrating. Horrifying!!

After eating and walking around all day, we decided it was the time to head to the Train/Maroon 5 concert which was the whole point of Amanda's visit..well, I guess part of the point was to see me, but most of the point. My dad had gotten us tickets and theoretically backstage passes of some sort. I never really know what to expect until I pick up my tickets at Will Call. In the envelope with the tickets were our VIP stickers, and a note that said "Please meet right after Train's set at West Plaza Backstage Enterance. Some from Train will meet you and bring you to the backstage area." Yes, "enterance."

Concert starts. Matt Nathanson opened and was great. He was funny, and the music was really good. I was impressed. If you haven't heard of him (I bet you'll recognize one, maybe two, of his songs), definitely check him out. He was followed by Maroon 5 and then Train. We were seated on the whole other side of the stage from the West Plaza Backstage "Enterance" so we left our seats and headed over there before the encore just so we could beat the crowd. Luckily we got to see a whole security incident because of being on that side of the stage early. This was my first backstage experience that wasn't held in some little random room, but actually outside back by all the trailers and stuff. It was weird. Going back with us was a family who seemed to know the one guitar player, a girl who knew like all the roadies and everyone and her friends, and two somewhat skanky looking girls. We get back there and are just hanging out by trunks full of clothes and stuff. The guitar player comes and escorts the two skanky girls into his trailer. He reappears about five minutes later and asks if anyone knows where his corkscrew is...CREEPY. Finally the lead singer of Train emerges from a trailer. The roadie who escorted us back there says something about not having much time and needing to get him out of there, so we snap a quick picture, and he leaves. Now Amanda and I are just standing there. Everyone else seems to leave or go into a trailer. The drummer is the one we got tickets through, so we're kinda waiting for him, but no one else seems to be coming. I finally ask if he'll be around, the roadie guy says probably not and we leave. IT WAS WEIRD!!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

What the....????

Has anyone else seen the Denny's commercial featuring this...The Mac N Cheese Big Daddy Patty Melt? They put macaroni and cheese on a burger! I'm like half delighted and half horrified. Minor detail: it's 1690 calories and 99 grams of fat. 9 people want to split one with me?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Too Funny Not to Blog

So I just finished posting the last blog and went to check facebook before turning off my computer. My friend Ben had just posted what he found on his mailbox. THIS:
If you can't tell, this is an advertisement of sorts for a person that is selling full fur suits that you can have comissioned to have made for you. Apparently they offer saber tooth costumes and you can also order pieces of the fur suit, in case you left the hands to your current fur suit at a party or something. I don't really understand his pricing model though. How are tails more expensive then hands?
Amanda 1's Visit, Part 2

Well, it's half time of the Penn State game, so I figured I should blog the second day of Amanda's visit. I had been invited to a picnic by some of my fellow Ph.D.-ers. It had originally been scheduled for the previous weekend, but then the family came down with chicken pox. Amanda was a little nervous about being surrounded by future academics, but it was all good because seriously, my co-horts are like the least academic snobbish people EVER. We drank some wine and ate some hamburgers and other picnicky foods. I won over the crowd with my amazing chocolate cookies. (I'm thinking of entering them in the State Fair next year...Blue Ribbon and $8 first place prize here I come!)

After the picnic we did the whole Mall of America thing. Didn't buy anything though. Didn't ride anything in the Theme Park either...I'm going to have to do that some day. We weren't really hungry yet, so we decided not to partake in any of the amazing restaurants at the Mall. By time we got back to my apartment, we were though. We decided to order takeout sushi because that's been one thing that I still haven't found here. Good sushi. We ordered from Mt. Fuji in Uptown Minneapolis because while it was a little far away, the menu looked the best. The GPS decided to hose us though, and it took us a little while to get on the way. I knew where it was taking us wasn't fact, it wasn't even Minneapolis. Finally we got our food home and enjoyed our Gyoza, Edamame, American Dream Roll, Crazy Tuna Roll and Salmon Tempura Roll with the Peach Lindemans we had bought at the liquor store yesterday.

Friday, September 09, 2011

Amanda 1's Visit, Part 1

I realize this happened like a week ago, but it was also my first week of school. YEAH SCHOOL!! So last Friday, Amanda 1 was arriving for a visit. Her plane was supposed to land at like 10:20 pm CST, which is already well past my bedtime. BUT....her plane was delayed and so she actually landed at 12:05 am Saturday morning which is SOOPER DOOPER past my bedtime. Not to mention there was a crazy traffic jam at the airport baggage claim. Where were cops enforcing the "pick up only. Do not stop and park" thing?

The next morning we got up and like any normal person would do on a Saturday morning, we went to the liquor store. I didn't have ANY wine on my wine rack which is absolutely unheard of. We arrived at Big Top liquors and discovered that it was a discount liquor store. Have you ever been to a liquor store that has a 50% off clearance bin? Bargain shopping and wine?!?! How did you know it's what I've always wanted? Obviously we had to buy like kinda a lot of stuff.
See the yellow stickers on some of the bottles? Those were 50% off!

Then we went to the cupcake shop, Cupcake. We had lunch there too. I had a fantastic black bean burger. We bought cupcakes, of course. You can't go to a cupcake store and NOT buy cupcakes unless you're a communist.

Starting in the upper left corner and going clockwise, those are Amaretto (with actual Amaretto in it), Razz-ma-tazz, Treehugger, and Lemon Raspberry. All pretty delicious. SN: If you come visit me, you will get to go to the cupcake store too because I want to try all of their cupcakes! That's not a bribe. It's just a fact. We returned back to my apartment and watched the neverending Notre Dame football game from hell. The bandaid method apparently applies for football games too. Rather than just drag out the pain, just do it all at once and get it over with. My parents actually left the game early. UNHEARD OF. I told them if Notre Dame had comeback and pulled out a win that they wouldn't be able to go to any games the entire season. We made a pizza and wings in the oven, set off the smoke detector, broke the smoke detector, watched more football, and went to bed.

I'll probably blog Day 2 (and possibly Day 3) tomorrow because I actually don't have that much homework this weekend.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Fantastic Savings

Today on campus they were giving out free student planners that had lots of coupons in the back. Here's my favorite ones.

"$50 Brazilian Waxing: Quick, Professional, and Pain Free" -- Now, I've never had Brazilian Waxing, but I can't imagine that it's truly pain free.
"Free Pint of Glueck's Beer. Come Party where your parents met." --Not really a selling point for me.
"All Glass Pipes Buy One, Get One Free at Piecemakers. Also selling hookahs, grinders, and scales." AND...
"20%off Glass Pipes at Happy Buddha. Also selling, Vaporizers, detoxifiers and blunt wraps." --Come on. Like any of us don't know what these stores REALLY are.
"Free Bag of Clay at Continental Clay Company." --I don't even know what to say about a free bag of clay.
"Free Pregnancy Test at First Care Pregnancy Center." -- Now that's a deal.
"Free shot of Tequila with Valid ID." -- Possibly the cause of the need for the free pregnancy test.
"$25 off Carry Permit Classes and $3 Off Mace at Koscielski's Guns & Ammo." --what a wide variety of coupon offerings!

So many good deals! Where do I even begin!

Monday, September 05, 2011

My New Winter Coat

I'm in the market for a new winter coat because if you didn't know it gets hella cold in Minnesota. I like to look at the negative reviews for products because I want to see what the potential issues could be to determine whether they might be a big deal or if the people are just idiots. I came across this one and thought it was worthy for blogging. My snarky remarks are in parens.

"Just to help you make a good purchasing decision: I'm 5'7" and 140 lbs. I'm proportionally sized. (a. I'm not sure what proportionally sized is. Are you pear shaped? apple? box? what? and b. No woman EVER thinks they are proportionally sized.)

I was soooo looking forward to getting the black jacket. (It's a coat. how much anticipation could there really be?) It's not black. Repeat: It's not black. (I think I comprehended what you were getting at the first time). It's gun metal gray.

I have a black jacket and held this one up to it and asked my husband 'does this look black?' And he answered 'no, it's gray.' (Lemme picture this. You are freaking out because your black jacket is not black and shockingly, your husband agrees with you? Smart man.)

I see why people are saying the arms are too short. They are on the short side, but if the jacket had been black I would've tolerated it. (A quarter of my arms freezing? ok. GUN METAL GRAY???? UNACCEPTABLE!)

Overall the medium was a bit too snug. (Maybe your not as proportionally sized as you thought.) Just slightly on the tight side. And when I zipped it all the way to my mouth area and put on the hood it really was too tight. I looked sausagy and silly. (It's a parka! If I zip it the whole way up and put the hood on, I expect to look sausagy and silly.) Not attractive at all. (Note to self: Don't go picking up guys in my new parka.)

I'm actually feeling so annoyed that I'm calling LLBean next and asking them to send me a free return label. (Take that, LLBean!)

It just wastes everybody's time to call a gray jacket, black. (This is a little dramatic. I mean, you just spent time writing this ridiculous complaint. How valuable is time to you?)

On the plus side: it does seem like a warm (gun metal gray) jacket with plenty of (gun metal gray) pockets which is why I wanted it in the first place (in black not GUN METAL GRAY)."

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Minnesota State Fair

Yesterday, I went to the state fair. I had an awesome time though there weren't any swimming pigs like at the Dixie Classic Fair. I also would recommend not going into the Miracle of Birth center if something (like a cow) is actually giving birth. ::shudder::
Ok, now onto fair show and tell.

Will you look at all those people? It was absolutely packed with wall to wall people.
Fried Milky Way. First of all, will you look at how sharp that stick is? As I was eating it I kept getting bumped into and was scared that it was going to pierce through the roof of my mouth and into my brain. It was delicious though. Better than the fried Reese's that I had last year. The chocolate and nougat and caramel were all warm and melty. Only complaint was that it was too much. I needed like a snack size fried Milky Way.

Dole Whip Float. I've mentioned during previous Disney posts how much I love Dole Whip Floats...just put in "Dole" at the top search box to see my previous posts. I would seriously give up a finger (and possibly multiple fingers) if I could gain regular access to Dole Whip Floats.

Fried Alligator. In hindsight, I'd skip this. It's a good conversation piece, but it doesn't really taste like much other than the breading and the barbecue sauce that I was dipping it in. It was also really chewy which just wasn't that great. did come on a bed of alligator shaped fries.

Did I mention that there were two somewhat creepy gopher mascots name Fairborn and Fairchild wandering around?

Friday, August 26, 2011

TC-ers Love Their Bike Paths

Is this not the most ridiculous bike path intersection you have ever seen!!

Monday, August 22, 2011

Midwestern Graffiti?

The University of Minnesota has the weirdest bathroom stall graffiti that I have ever seen. Normally you expect to see so and so is a bitch or EB hearts RS or whatever, but at the U of M it's the most uplifting graffiti I have ever seen. I leave the bathroom with higher self esteem. My first run in with it I thought was a fluke. There was a poster on the wall for some sexual assault support hot line and people had written things all over it. It said things like "you are amazing. Don't let anyone make you feel differently" and "stand strong. you are not alone." and a quote from Psalms. Like I said I thought it was just a one time occasion, but then today in the bathroom there are things scratched into the paint on the wall. "I lost it, but found myself." "My roommate is an ignorant racist. Please pray for her." "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Seriously, who are these good meaning people defacing property?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

All the Pictures I Meant to Post But Couldn't

Finally, I have transferred all my pictures from my camera to my computer, so here's all those pictures that I had previously wanted to post but couldn't.

This is my leftover sushi from last sushi at Ichiban. Going down the left hand side, those are the Fiesta Roll, Fire Island Roll, Tiger Roll, and Salem Roll (my fave). Look how good those look. I really need to find a sushi place in St. Paul. Also, look how excellently they are packed. Good job, Andy. (That has Army training written all over it.)

Zoe's chicken pot pie. Not the Pennsylvania version of pot pie. The rest of the world version of pot pie. My mouth is watering just looking at that thing. That's like a warm hug with a crust on top.

Zoe's banana pudding. It's in a to-go box which is why it's a giant pile. It was still delicious.

Cookout Milkshake. Doesn't look like much. But inside is Reese's Peanut Buttery Icecreamy deliciousness.

Chocolate covered potato chips. Some Japanese guy gave them to my mom. They were actually pretty ok. They needed salt. I'm thinking of coming out with a whole line of chocolate covered crap. Chocolate covered bacon, chocolate covered cheese curls...what else can I cover in chocolate? I thought that I took pictures of the Jumbo Jelly Beans, but I apparently didn't. So you'll just have to check them out here.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


So as all of you should know by now, it took 15 days for my things to get from Winston-Salem, NC to St. Paul, MN. It was apparently traveling via Conestoga Wagon and had to slow down because of some people suffering from dysentery (yes, that was meant to be an Oregon Trail reference.) On top of all that, some other shit has gone down since I got here. Brief rundown.

Stuff broken. I'll be claiming about $300 worth of damage. Nothing really horrible just a headless bobble head that's a little creepy.

Couch barely fitting into my apartment. Big purple couch made it through the door but almost didn't make the corner into the living room...but it did. It took the poor movers about 6 tries though.

Not getting mail. I expected after taking two weeks to move that my mailbox would be stuffed with letters or at least a notice telling me to pick up my shit at the post office. Nope. Now (after calling the post office twice) I'm getting mail that is sent directly to this address, but nothing forwarded that's improvement I guess. (Where's my letter from prison, bitches?)

I forgot that there is such a thing as a regular Wal-mart, not just Super Wal-marts. I went grocery shopping at Wal-mart only to find they didn't have things like meat and fruit. They did have cheese and milk and salad dressing and other grocery-y type things.

My car broked. (That's a purposeful statement of poor grammar.) My car got stuck in park. I manually put it in drive and took it to the Honda place. Driving home, I discovered that they had replaced the cover on the manual interlocky thingy.

My first public transportation experience the bus driver forgot to tell me exactly where I should get off like he had promised (though he'll never admit it) and made me get off hella far away from the actual stop. I'm scared to take the bus again.

Minnesota DMV...nuff said.

Oh, and I have no friends here. That is all.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Psychotic Discussion of the Day

First of all, for those of you that are not aware, I have been in moving limbo for the past two weeks. My stuff was packed up on July 28th and until yesterday was in a warehouse in Winston-Salem waiting for a big truck to come rescue it and take it all to St. Paul. I was hanging out at my parents house in Indiana doing random stuff, and having my creative juices sucked from me...hence no bloggage.

A psychotic discussion of the day is similar to my previous psychotic thought of the day posts except that the thoughts were verbalized to someone else. Where my parents live in Indiana, the Goodwill has little huts in random parking lots of strip malls and big box retailers (wow, pulling out the MBA terms there.) The huts basically look like backyard tool sheds, but without doors and with two 2' X 2' holes cut into them for people to put the donation stuff through. My mom and I drove by one and noticed that they have signs that say "No person shall enter this structure." After discussing this, my mom and I decided that a Goodwill shed is probably a pretty good place for a homeless person to hang out. It's dry, and has piles of bags of clothes to make a soft bed. So instead of persuading me not to not climb inside of them as I'm sure was the intention of these signs, these signs have actually made me want to sneak inside of one at some point and see what's it's like. (SN: I've always wanted to climb on the big pile of stuffed animals at the Disney Store. I'm pretty sure those would be pretty soft too.)

Monday, August 01, 2011

The Final Countdown

I'm in Indiana right now waiting with baited breath for the call that will tell me that my stuff is arriving in St. Paul. I called the movers this morning to see if they could give me any sort of update, but all I found out was that my things are still in Winston Salem, which isn't that helpful. This blog is about my last few days in Winston Salem. I had taken pictures of some of the delightful food items that I had eaten, but can't find my cord to transfer pictures from my camera to my laptop which I had packed in an easy to locate location of course. I'm a little sad because there was a fantastic picture of some colorful and well-packed sushi leftovers from Ichiban.

Let's see....where do I begin? I guess I'll start on Wednesday. Last yoga class. I got a hug from Ana the crazy lady that takes yoga...she's ridiculous...and smells like moth balls and oranges which seems about right, but apparently is a well published author. I find her fascinating because she seems utterly confused by the world around her. If aliens landing in the parking lot of the gym, and randomly wandered into the building, I'm pretty sure they'd act about the same way as she does. It blows my mind that she's a life coach or whatever. I had movers pack me which is so worth it. They arrive and tell me that they plan to have my stuff packed up in 2 hours. I'm amazed. It takes them about 2 hours and 20 minutes, but I'm still rather amazed because I have a lot of crap. They however, do a stupid job with box placement. I have one small box in the entirety of my living room, but yet have to scale over dish boxes in order get to my fridge (and my yummy sushi leftovers from Andy and my last sushi lunch...sniffle...which I would show you a picture of, but can't) and I can't close the door to my bathroom because of heavy boxes wedged against it. Can't wait to see how the things are actually packed inside the boxes. I go for my last milkshake from Cookout on Wednesday...Reese's peanut butter cup. I also deal with some recurring friend drama which was not what I needed as I'm getting ready to move...but that's all I'll say about that. (None of you...I promise.)

Thursday: movers arrive. They get sooo pissed with the packers who apparently left a bunch of stuff unboxed. A for instance. My quesadilla maker which has it's own box apparently should've been put in a larger box with other stuff, but wasn't. They get even more pissed when they see that my golf clubs weren't boxed up. Not sure why. Even though I had neatly piled everything that wasn't to be loaded, and said "Everything else goes" I was constantly asked "Does this go?" I wanted to respond "Is that part of everything? then yes." I tried to stay out of the way and as they loaded I cleaned. I got annoyed at having long hair (and excessively thick long hair at that) because as I clean, I shed and find hair everywhere...annoying. For lunch I have a fab chicken pot pie (not PA style pot pie, rest of the world style pot pie--which again, I would show you a picture of if I could) from Zoe's. I return back to cleaning and get a nice surprise as Erik and Will who live across the street (Will doesn't officially live across the street, but for the most part does) come over to say goodbye and chat until Will starts talking crap about the upcoming Wake/ND football game, and I kick him out of my apartment. I take my cable box back to the Time Warner place at the mall which is quick and easy since I know exactly where it is in the mall thanks to helping Kathleen take hers back. Load my car, take a shower cause I'm gross from cleaning. My maintenance guy comes with a painter and they start prepping my apartment for the new tenant. I would've thought they could've waited till I got out. Heard the best southern simile EVER. My maintenance guy was exploring a mystery wet spot on my floor and says "well, it couldn't come from over here because that wall is as dry as a popcorn fart." As dry as a popcorn fart....are you farting popcorn? or is the popcorn itself farting? I love random Southern expressions!

My original plan was to spend the night on a blow up mattress in my empty apartment. Andy convinced me that that was stupid (it was), so I was just waiting for him to get off work in order to check into his guest room. He calls and says he's on his way home. He has some work thing later that evening so I go to pick up dinner at Dioli's before heading immediately over to his place. Dioli's apparently has implemented "summer hours" and is closed...which pissed me's 5pm and you're a restaurant. I don't care if you're mostly a sandwich place or not. I settle for Subway instead. blech, but fits my qualifications of nearby, quick and not total crap...Check in to Andy's place. I eat, and we talk about our day as well as a wealth of miscellaneous other things including but not limited to pickles, gin, psychology, diary farms, etc. It's actually very homey having dinner and talking at a kitchen table. He gets a beer bottle from the fridge and no matter how many times I've seen him do it it still amazes me when he opens it on his forearm. Before he leaves he shows me how to use the TV, where an extra key is in case I want to go somewhere, where towels are in case I have a sudden urge to take a shower, wifi access, etc and gives the all encompassing "help yourself to everything, call if you need anything" host like gesture and leaves. I eventually tuck myself in between the black sheets and lay my head on the gold pillows (Wake Forest colors, of course) of his guest bed and fall asleep before he gets back home.

I wake up to find that he has already left for the gym. How someone can go to bed at 11pm and wake up at 4am, I still don't understand. I help myself to breakfast and wait for his return. He had asked me the night before if I could hang out until he got back so that he could see me off. Of course I could. He gets back from the gym, loads me up with snacks and Diet Cokes for my long drive, and we head out to my car for a somewhat ridiculous, tearful, and sweaty (it was apparently treadmill day for him at the gym) goodbye. I cry for the first half hour of the drive. I had a great time at Wake Forest and in Winston Salem. I met great people and did great things, and my heart is a little broken.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Goodbye, Winston Salem

Goodbye, Winston Salem. Goodbye, yummy chicken pie at Zoe's. Goodbye, crazy lady at yoga that gets tangled in herself. Goodbye, weird jacuzzi tub in my bedroom. Goodbye, waitresses that call me Hon or Sugar. Goodbye, Native Vine Green Tea delicious wine. Goodbye, bartender at West End Tap Room who doesn't mind when certain friends of mine bitterly throw their cell phones across the bar ::cough Kathleen cough::. Goodbye, 2 am "snacks" at Cookout. Goodbye, 2 am pizza and garlic knots at Burke Street pizza. Goodbye, creepy Deacon mascot. Goodbye, elevators from hell at Deacon Tower. Goodbye, Cheryl the lady that works in the student lounge food shop. Goodbye, 2 inches of snow citywide shut downs. Goodbye, bi-polar heating system in the Worrell Professional Center. Goodbye, random log cabin in my backyard. Goodbye, Wake Forest football games that no one cares about. (Hello, Minnesota football games that no one cares about.) Goodbye, donut day. Goodbye, "our" table at Ichiban. Goodbye, having to order unsweetened tea. Goodbye, references to the "war of Northern agression." Goodbye, Dewey's Sugar Cake. Goodbye, Atlanta Braves games on three channels. Goodbye, jar of mini candy bars in career services. Goodbye, weirdly designed Hanes Mall. Goodbye, sexist waiter at the Thai restaurant. Goodbye, maintenance man that always warns me that he might electrocute himself. Goodbye, Red Oak on tap. Goodbye, never wearing a winter coat. Goodbye, Team 9 lunches at Elizabeth's. I will miss you all.

Saturday, July 23, 2011


I'm now on Google + (I feel so cutting edge)'s going to be so sad to watch Facebook slow demise....we've had such good times facebook.

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Basil Has Been Located

I thought I had told you all about this when it happened, but when I searched for that post so that I could reference it, and I couldn't find it. When I moved to Winston Salem almost two years ago, my mom and I unpacked everything, but two things were mysteriously missing: the basil from my spice rack and a thing of suntan lotion.

This morning I was putting a bunch of packing paper in my recycling bin. My mom had left two wardrobe boxes full of packing paper on my patio when I had moved just "in case I would need it" when I had to move again. If you know my mom, you understand this. Well, I don't need it, so I'm recycling it. I pull up a big thing of paper to move into the recycling bin and what do I find laying there...a jar of basil. I think Andy has put it best: "so much fail." It's surprising, but I have actually not bought a new thing of basil in those two years, and there was really only one time when I wanted basil but just used oregano instead. Now my spice rack it whole again. I know that all my spices were holding out hope that this day would come even when time passed and things looked bleak, and it finally has. Welcome home, basil, welcome home.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Love This Site

I'm basically sitting around exploring the ends of the internet all day, but doing so led to this discovery. I laughed so hard that I cried.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party

This past weekend I headed back to PA (AGAIN) for Amanda 1's bridal shower/bachelorette party. I'm not going to lie. Being a Maid of Honor and trying to plan a bridal shower long distance has not been easy. Assembling a multitude of mini paper purses as favors, communicating with bridesmaids that were sometimes incommunicado, and searching aimlessly for Robin's Egg blue table coverings was not always fun (and did I mention that I'm moving in 10 days), so part of me was just waiting to check this weekend off my to do list.

The bridal shower was nice. All the bridesmaids (is that the Bridesmaids or The Bridesmaids? ha) did an excellent job with their assigned tasks. Of course there were some minor snafus: a late bridesmaid, some forgotten prizes, somewhat loud guests, debate on whether the bows should be made into a bouquet or a hat and a little bit of a time crunch. Nothing major though, and I think everyone enjoyed themselves which is the important thing.

I went back to my gramma's house where I was staying, dropped off some things, and put on my appointed T-shirt for the bachelorette portion of the day.

The front says "Team Bride" and when the bridal party lines up, the back makes up the date of the wedding. (That's why I'm a 0.) Gotta love the construction pink color. The picture really does not do the color justice. Amanda also gave us part of our wedding party gift.

A glittery flask filled with coconut rum! BEST WEDDING PARTY GIFT EVER! Her mom is making us garters to go with them for the wedding. They're heavy flasks, so a normal garter just isn't going to work. After getting myself out of driving (Thanks, Troy, for agreeing to pick us up). We headed off to Hollywood casino. We had dinner at the Sports Bar there and then played a couple of penny slots. I lost. It's fun just walking around in our bright pink shirts. We get lots of smiles and one security guard even saluted us.

From there it was off to the Winner's Circle Saloon for line dancing. Everything was pretty low key as no one really knew any of the line dances until...we started doing shots...and broke out glow sticks. (Everything is better with glow sticks). After shots of Jager (blech...don't like licorice to start with), SoCo and Lime (the lime juice was in with the SoCo. Weird), Creamsicle (Whipped Cream Vodka, Something orange and something with dairy...not good), and a Dirty Girl Scout (delicious except that I started laughing and had it go up my nose), everyone was having a pretty good time. Amanda was not nearly as drunk as she should've been. We're almost about ready to leave, and Amanda says "I've never done a shot of tequila. I think it would be fun." Being the only one willing to take on tequila st this point (and being the Maid of Honor), I order two tequila shots (I should also mention that all these shots were not in shot glass and more than a typical shot). I proceed to give Amanda Tequila 101 lessons ("first you lick your wrist") and convince her to not to take a sip before doing the actual shot. Soon after the tequila, Troy comes to pick us up, and we have a mini-rave with the glow sticks in the back of his car on the ride home.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Blogging to Avoid Napping

Holy crap, I am freaking tired. Normally, I would just take a nap be done with this whole tiredness thing, but my sleep clock has been all sorts of f***ed up lately, and so I'm doing anything possible to resist falling asleep now. Hopefully if I don't sleep now I'll be able to sleep tonight. Do you know how hard it is to not nap when you really don't have anything to do and have an extremely comfy couch? Hopefully telling you all about my AMAZING trip to Baltimore (and simultaneously watching Celebrity Rehab) will some iced coffee.

Saturday morning I woke up and was like if I spend another freaking weekend in my apartment doing nothing, I will lose my mind. I still have my AirTran flight benefits. (Or as I now refer to them SWAirTran since they are technically now part of Southwest.) My one issue is that I'm currently having some cash flow issues as my expenses are outweighing my income. It will all work itself out soon, but right now I've been limiting my spending which thus limits my entertainment options. In order to have max entertainment and min costs, I was thinking of flying somewhere ridiculous for lunch or dinner or something and flying back the same day. Then I discovered that there were direct flights from Charlotte to BWI that were open, and my awesome friend Meredith just happens to live in Baltimore. I sent Meredith a text and then first thing Sunday morning I was on a plane (business class, woo!!) to Baltimore. I just threw a swim suit, flipflops and book in my purse and was off. I actually opened my trunk when I got to CLT, but then realized I had no luggage.

Meredith met me at the airport with a Nonfat Vanilla Latte from Starbucks because she's like the perfect friend. We went back to her apartment and picked up her boyfriend Mike. Then we went for breakfast/lunch at Paper Moon. It was SOOO good. They have a bacon milkshake on the menu. I wasn't really in a bacon milkshake mood though. I had a pesto chicken sandwich instead. Paper Moon also had lots of things all over the walls which kept me (the ADD kid) occupied (along with a crossword puzzle that kicked my ass) while waiting for our food.

After changing into our swimsuits back at the apartment, having a beer and making some punch, we headed to the pool. The punch was kinda of the adult version of when you were little and went up to a soda fountain and mixed a bunch of the sodas together. A bunch of stuff from the fridge and a bunch of stuff from the cabinet and voila...punch. We met Meredith and Mike's friend Erin at the pool. She brought some margaritas and some buttery nipple shots. We also were entertained by watching the somewhat tight ass Croatian lifeguard and the ADD 12 yeard old battle it out. Lifeguard benched him for 5 minutes for diving into the pool...kid claimed it was a belly flop. I didn't see it so I can't judge whether it was or was not diving. ::At this point in blog writing Danielle calls and I get distracted by Angry Birds, so writing will resume on another date.::

AND resuming: So the kid is sitting on the side of the pool, and every once in a while when the lifeguard wasn't looking he would "fall" into the pool, which did not make the lifeguard happy. The kid also went into the bathroom, hoping to waste some of his time out time, but the lifeguard informed him that that did not count.

We stayed at the pool for a couple of hours. We went back to the apartment, and I rinsed off and changed. Then we went for crabs. I had never picked a crab before. I usually have crab in cake or lump form, but Mike was nice enough to show me the finer points of picking. I'm a really fast learner. We had a couple of pitchers of beer, but when you're picking crabs you kinda forget to drink because you're so focused on the crab. Luckily, Mike would stop us for "designated drinking times." I was completely covered with salt and Old Bay when we realized "oh crap, we really need to get to the airport." Meredith and I rushed off to the airport. I was pretty inebriated, but luckily they had accidentally printed off my boarding pass for the evening flight when I checked in for the morning flight. Still it was pretty close. I used my secret special employee pass to rush through security. They were boarding Zone 7 (aka the very last zone) when I got to the gate. I walked right on the plane (which was leaving early. what?) and flew back to Charlotte. I hoped the guy in the seat beside me didn't really how intoxicated I was. Hopefully the overwhelming crab smell covered up the beer smell.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Letter from Prison

You thought there wouldn't be another one, didn't you? Guess what? I kinda did too. At least a decent one that was bloggable...but there is.

"How are you doing? Im ok, well when we were going thru the shutdown alot of people got time added..I ended up getting 2 weeks added (you got time added for doing something wrong? shocking!) so now I graduate (you graduate from jail? that's a graduation ceremony I'd like to see) the program (update: should was moved from legit jail to some rehab/anger management program thingy) Sept. 20th and won't get released until Sept. 25th so thats not too bad only 15 days..guess what I got extended for? (I'd say shanking someone, but I would think you would get more than 2 weeks for that.) for admitting to popping a black head in my cellys ear! (This imagery really disturbs me for some reason.) thats crazy huh? (nope. not really) Its cause it was 'physical contact' and that a cardnal rule. (I'm betting she doesn't really know what a cardinal rule is.) well so anyways theres not really anything gonna on my way. (gonna on my way? what?) so where is Kathleen moving and whats she plan on doing? (it's this thing called work. It might be a new concept for you.) yea it is sad to have to leave all your friends but Im sure you'll find some really cool new ones right away!! (I feel like I'm in 1st grade, and my mom is telling me about all the new friends I'm going to make at my new school.) but at least you can stay in contact with them all on facebook or something! (and that something is apparently google +...SN: if anyone has invites to google + to share, please send me one. I'll make you cookies!!) so whats andy gonna do? (probably go to the gym a lot...that's just me spit balling.) everything will fall in place once you get settled into school..maybe I'll be able to come there and visit you some time! (or maybe not) were gonna throw you a cave party for your 40th b-day. (ok, several notes. 1) this is in reference to my cousin Sandi's 16th b-day that was held at a place called the catacombs, and it was basically like having dinner in a cave. 2) I bet she could throw a kick ass party...not as good as Kathleen though just with more illegal things 3) we're discussing my 40th already? I'm barely on this side of 30.) LOL I want a welcome home cave party! (you just think life is going to be all fun and roses when you get out, don't you? and that's how you end up back in jail...she asked my mom to send her money at her rehab place so that she can have a pedicure and get her eyebrows waxed. My mom said no.) Well I guess Im gonna go."