Thursday, September 25, 2008

Bad Car-ma

Yes, I know that's not how you spell kharma. It's a play on words. Anyway, ever since I had my fender bender and then the guy died, my car has been a nightmare. One randomly annoying, but not life threatening thing after the other. I think the dead guy cursed my car for his "probably unrelated" death.

First, my cd player broke. I'd hit the CD button and nothing would happen. Nothing at all. It doesn't bother me as much that I can't use the CD player as that I have 6 cds stuck in there that I can't use. (And, yes, it's a 6 disc changer. I didn't just shove 6 cds in there because that obviously would be the problem.) I called my garage just to feel out how much it would cost to get fixed because for all I know it could just be a cd jammed in there. And the garage guy says "Uh...we don't do that...I'd just buy a new cd player at Circuit City." What the hell do you mean you don't do that? You're a garage and its in my car. Fix it! So I'm not going to have a cd player for a while because I don't have the money to fix it right now.

Then my heat/air conditioning stopped working. I'd turn the fan dial and nothing would blow at all. I took that in to be fixed and $250 later got it back fully functional. I also had the windshield wiper motor that was recalled replaced for free. I'm driving back to the office after picking my car up and notice a small crack on the bottom of my windshield. It was a very inconspicuous location, and normally I would've doubted whether it had been there before and I just didn't notice it. Luckily, my friendly state representative had fliered my apartment complex that morning, so I knew there had not been a crack on my windshield when I removed the flyer.

I looked at my receipt and on the bottom was typed "small crack driver's side windshield" and thought they were going to try to say it was already there. I called the garage, and they said I had to take the car back. Drove back on my lunch break. The guy looks at it and says "yeah, we probably did that. I guess we owe you a new windshield. We'll send people over to your office tomorrow to fix it."

The next day, I'm on my way to work and the crack begins to grow as I'm driving so now it reaches the majority of the way across the windshield. I was paranoid that the windshield somehow going to implode on me. They come and fix my windshield and say "just take it by the garage to have new inspection stickers placed on." So what's the point of you coming to my office, if I have to go to the garage for new stickers anyway? "I put your old sticker on the middle console in case you get pulled over by the cops before you get to the garage." I don't know what I was expecting but it was not a rectangular piece of glass cut out with my inspection stickers on it. (i'd have posted a picture except that my camera is broken and my dad sent his that he never uses but no charger for the battery, which is dead.)

This morning I take it to have new inspection stickers put on and it takes AN HOUR! I used to do a lot of stickering when I was little and NEVER did it take an hour to put on two stickers. So Mr. Deadguy that hit my car, if your ghost happens to read my blog, please leave my car along.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Holy Crap! The 3-Day is like a month away.

Ok, it just really hit me how completely crazy this is. In less than a month, I'm supposed to walk 60 miles? Um...wait. what? (Note to close friends: why didn't any of you smack me upside the head?) Yes, I watched the safety video. I've found shoes and socks that don't give me blisters. My feet are sufficiently calloused (I'm scheduling a pedi for the week after the walk). We've reserved our hotel rooms (because there is no way that I'm staying in a tent after walking 26 miles.) i've been doing practice walks, but I'm a little nervous because I haven't really responded that well to any of my longer practice walks. One time (before the new shoes) I got blisters all over my heels. One time I became extremely sick the following day. One time I woke up the next day and my left foot felt all crunchy and weird inside of it. Not good. Granted, I was probably walking faster and not taking as many breaks/stretching/eating/drinking enough because walking bores me and I just wanted to get them over. However, I feel I'm better off than some of my teammates. My dad, for one, is running a marathon the weekend before the 3-day and has yet to do actually any walking. Many of my other teammates have less that $10 of their $2200 minimum raised. This could be a disaster. AHHHH!!

I still also have yet to meet my $2200 minimum, so if you are one of those people that have been planning to sponsor me, please do so soon so that I'm assured the donation can be registered in time for the walk. There's a couple ways to give. 1) Go to this link and give online using a credit card. 2) Go to the same link, print off a form and mail it in (this is the slowest way, so if you're planning on doing this. Do it soon.) 3) if you see me on a regular basis and want to just pass me some cash, I've been taking up a collection, which I will then turn in right before the walk. Thanks again for all your support!!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

10 Fun Facts About Poop

Yes, you read that correctly. I never claimed to have a classy blog. In our office we had a "library" with various weird/interesting books. When someone gets really pissed off at something, we pull out a book and have an inspirational reading. Our favorite book had been "Is It Time to Make a Change?" because we can normally find a poem in this book that is sarcastically appropriate. Today Stefanie brought her own book in "The Truth About Poop." So I'm going to enlighten you with my top ten list of fun poop facts direct from the book, with of course my snide remarks in parenthesis because what would this blog be without snide remarks.

10. The poop produced while people are fasting has little to no smell. (Who actually smelled a fasting person's poop to discover this?)
9. English King Henry the Eighth had a toileting stool covered with black velvet and studded with 2000 gold nails. (The nails on my velvet toileting stool are platinum! Why haven't I seen this on the Tudors?)
8. When they are upset, chimps who have been taught sign language indicate their frustration by making the sign for poop. (Kinda like when I express my frustrations by yelling "this is crap!")
7. Eating red meat will make your poop turn darker. Eating beets will make it red. Milk gives it a yellowish tinge, and blackberries can turn it green. (A virtual rainbow of poop)
6. The navy suggests that people who are stranded at sea should store their poop in the life raft. Sharks can smell their prey's poop over a mile away. (If you are ever stranded in a life raft and don't get eaten by a shark, I expect some thanks.)
5. Geese poop, on average, once every 12 minutes. Sloths poop only once a week. (No wonder there's always geese poop and not sloth poop everywhere!)
4. While their hibernating, bears don't poop at all. (There's more detail into the how and why of this, but it's better that I don't get into it.)
3. When wolverines are done feeding on a dead animal, they save the rest for later by pooping all over it. (Insert your own University of Michigan joke here.)
2. There is a Moose Dropping Festival in Talkeetna, Alaska. There people buy numbered moose nuggets that are carried up 1000 feet by weather balloon. A cord is pulled and it rains moose poop. The owner of the nugget that falls closest to the X drawn on the ground wins $1000. (Because what else is there to do in Alaska.)
1. Pooping in a space toiled it complicated. Astronauts must swing bars across their legs to stay put. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. (You know you've always wondered!)

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Check Out Nightmare

Here's how traumatic my grocery experience just was. I got home and poured myself a glass of wine. Never before have groceries driven me to drink.

So tonight, I had a meeting and afterwards I had planned to stop at the grocery store. I needed some milk and a few other things. The meeting got down a little later than expected, I was tired, and the Eagles were on, but I convinced myself to stop. "It's practically on the way home, and I'll be really pissed when I don't have milk for on my cereal tomorrow, so I'll just run in real quick and I'll probably just miss the first couple of plays."

I got all the stuff I wanted and then went to check out. I didn't do the self check out because I had coupons and they usually don't work so well at the self check out. I saw a lane that had one girl with a small cart and all her stuff was already on the conveyor belt so I chose that one. The first problem thing I noticed was that she hadn't weighed any of her produce (which was most of what she had), but also none of it was bagged, so I figured that she was trying to help the environment, and I can respect that. The cashier rings up her cucumber.

Customer: That's supposed to be $1.89.
Cashier: Well, it rang up at 99 cents.
Customer: But the sign said they were supposed to be $1.89.
Cashier: But 99 cents is is that ok?
Customer: Oh yeah...I guess so

Then she rings up her apples.
Customer: Those were 99 cents a pound
Cashier: You have the organic apples. Those are more expensive.
Customer: No, I don't. There's a sign. Come, I'll show you.

Both the cashier and the customer walk over to the produce department. I'm standing there with all my groceries on the belt trying to decide whether I should try to move to another line. Guess what...they were organic apples. They were more expensive.

Cashier: Your total is $35.89.
Customer swipes her card. It doesn't go through. She swipes it again. Doesn't go through again. At this point I'm trying to figure out if I can gouge my eyes out with a twix bar.
Customer: That's ok I have cash
She digs around in her purse and comes up empty handed.
Customer: Is there a phone I can use?

Cashier: I think they'll let you use the one over at customer service.
Customer walks over to customer service and calls someone. Cashier is trying to figure out what to do with all her groceries and stuff. Finally, she calls over her manager who suspends the transaction, moves all the other girl's groceries and FINALLY (about a half hour later) they can begin to ring me up. I pay and leave and the other girl is still on the phone trying to figure out how to pay for her groceries. AHHHHHH!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I Demand the Return of My Video

Today I wanted to watch the movie The Fugitive because I haven't seen it in a while (longer than I realized apparently). I pop the tape in without really looking at it and am shocked when I see some Fox reality show when I hit play. I get really pissed thinking that myself or someone else inadvertantly tape over my movie. I eject the tape and on it is a blue label with a gold monogram ND and the words "QB's Weekly Scouting Tape Holiday".

Explanation of what happened. When I was in college, we had a LOT of videos. So many that we created a sign out sheet for people to check them out like a library, and then they would mark them when they were returned. We didn't really check the videos though, obviously. Apparently my friend Aileen had borrow The Fugitive and got it mixed up with her boyfriend's QB tape that they had been using to tape various TV shows. Like I said, I haven't watched the movie in a LONG time.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

The Last Post

I figure I better post tonight since this may be the last post. In case you haven't heard some scientists tomorrow are doing an experiment which may cause the earth to be swallowed in a black hole. Though considering the meeting I have tomorrow, being swallowed by a black hole might be preferable. Unfortunately nothing really happened today, so I'll just give you a random synopsis of my day.

1) I wake up and have cereal.
2) I go to work and spend most of the morning answering e-mail and voice mails.
3) I got to a meeting regarding our new health insurance which means I will have switched health insurances 6 times since graduating college 5 years ago. Luckily, I don't have to switch doctors (seems doctor #4 is the charm!). I also got to bitch to the head insurance chick about how I think my optometrist's office is ripping me off by not submitting my claim correctly to the insurance. She seemed to agree, but will "check on it."
4) At lunch, we discussed how obnoxious some vegans can be. (this was spawned by my comment that I had eaten vegetarian the past two days without realizing it.) Although I didn't mention that Moby is a vegan and is probably a cool vegan. They also doubted that I made the yummy chocolate pecan biscotti that was on the table. (It's a recipe out of my "Friend's" cookbook). I made sure to label the biscotti so that they wouldn't be confused with really dry, crunchy, horrible brownies.
5) I made myself a cup of Tazo Passion Tea which is bright red and like to secretly pretend I'm a vampire drinking blood tea. Then I was slightly fearful that it had turned my lips bright red or given me a Kool-aid mustache, but it didn't.
6) During the afternoon, I cleaned my office, so that Charlene would get off my case (it's not done yet though) and then Kate and I spent the afternoon exploring the helpful sections in the back of my new 2009 calendar including "Helpful tips for going through customs."
7) I go to the gym and two morons go the wrong way down the parking lot which has slanted spaces and is barely wide enough for one car going the correct way let alone a car also going the wrong way. I actually scream, in my enclosed car, at the top of my lungs, "you are going the wrong f***ing way you j***a**" out of frustration. Then I felt better.
8) I went to yoga and didn't realize until I was changing that i had brought a black shirt and black pants. I looked like a yoga villain (like becoming super flexible is part of my secret plot to take over the world). I also discovered that my knee fits perfect above the bridge of my nose. AND after 6 months of no-show, yoga boy made and appearance.

So that was my not so exciting possibly last day of Earth not being in a black hole. I think now I'll go eat some ice cream and watch Murder She Wrote episodes, cause that's really how I'd like to spend my last day on Earth.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

So Many Questions

When I opened the internet today and saw the story on my homepage "Elephant Cured of Heroin Addiction" I had to read it. Just how does an elephant get addicted to heroin in the first place. Apparently through bananas that his trainers laced with the stuff. I would really love to see what an elephant on heroin looks like or an elephant on heroin withdrawal looks like.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Doesn't That Look Appetizing?

My boss went around with a little basket today putting Mallow Pizza's on everyone's desk. They had little notes on them saying "Please have lunch on me. --Terry." Looking at this makes me want to vomit and the texture...ick. Yet, I'm strangely curious. It seems like the type of thing that would survive a nuclear blast. She's so weird.