Monday, September 05, 2011

My New Winter Coat

I'm in the market for a new winter coat because if you didn't know it gets hella cold in Minnesota. I like to look at the negative reviews for products because I want to see what the potential issues could be to determine whether they might be a big deal or if the people are just idiots. I came across this one and thought it was worthy for blogging. My snarky remarks are in parens.

"Just to help you make a good purchasing decision: I'm 5'7" and 140 lbs. I'm proportionally sized. (a. I'm not sure what proportionally sized is. Are you pear shaped? apple? box? what? and b. No woman EVER thinks they are proportionally sized.)

I was soooo looking forward to getting the black jacket. (It's a coat. how much anticipation could there really be?) It's not black. Repeat: It's not black. (I think I comprehended what you were getting at the first time). It's gun metal gray.

I have a black jacket and held this one up to it and asked my husband 'does this look black?' And he answered 'no, it's gray.' (Lemme picture this. You are freaking out because your black jacket is not black and shockingly, your husband agrees with you? Smart man.)

I see why people are saying the arms are too short. They are on the short side, but if the jacket had been black I would've tolerated it. (A quarter of my arms freezing? ok. GUN METAL GRAY???? UNACCEPTABLE!)

Overall the medium was a bit too snug. (Maybe your not as proportionally sized as you thought.) Just slightly on the tight side. And when I zipped it all the way to my mouth area and put on the hood it really was too tight. I looked sausagy and silly. (It's a parka! If I zip it the whole way up and put the hood on, I expect to look sausagy and silly.) Not attractive at all. (Note to self: Don't go picking up guys in my new parka.)

I'm actually feeling so annoyed that I'm calling LLBean next and asking them to send me a free return label. (Take that, LLBean!)

It just wastes everybody's time to call a gray jacket, black. (This is a little dramatic. I mean, you just spent time writing this ridiculous complaint. How valuable is time to you?)

On the plus side: it does seem like a warm (gun metal gray) jacket with plenty of (gun metal gray) pockets which is why I wanted it in the first place (in black not GUN METAL GRAY)."

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