And When You Think It Can't Get Better...

"Well when I went to courth ont he 8th I got sentenced 24-60 months state (holy crap) but with 26 months and 14 days credit which is awesome (wait, it's awesome that you've been in jail for 26 months? did I lose count? wasn't she out for like a brief period in there...confused) that means im over my minimum date and alls I have to do is go upsate and parole home!! (she made the exclamation points into smiley faces) so i should be home no later then 4-6 weeks so I'll prolly leave on the 24th to go upstate so you might as well wait fo rme to writ eyou when I get up there to write me back (awww...I'll be waiting eagerly). I can't wait to get up there its so much better. the stupidest thing happened to me on the 12th when it was time to lock in (oh boy!!!) this girl was spose to give me a pen (read: shank) so when we were locking in she said she couldn't find it so i ran to the 2 cells next to me (I feel like this is not allowed when you are "locking in" though I've never been in jail...just kinda an instinct) to grab one and they wrote me up on some bogus stuff (cause the police are out to get you right?) then I was being all cocky like 'oh well I'm going upstate on tuesday anyways' (lemme guess...prison guards don't take kindly to backtalk from their prisoners? shocking) and I ended up being in the hole now for 10 days. I'm sad about that. (I really kinda wish there was a picture of the hole cause I'm pretty sure that what is in my head is not actually what the hole looks like until its 15th century Europe.) maybe I can take a trip down to NC to visit you soon after I get out. (isn't there like a no going out of state thing? and are you supposed to get...oh...what's that thing called...a JOB!) that would be AWESOME! (oh you have no idea). I wanna go see Aunt Jan too ASAP. (I'm sure Aunt Jan would love that...Uncle John on the other hand...would not.) Hot yoga seems HOTT LOL. (jeesh) Maybe I can do that with you sometime (no) but I really don't like to be hot or sweaty (that may be an issue with hot yoga) I can't wait for you to send me pictures. I love pictures. Did you ever friend me on facebook and check my pictures out? (unfortunately yes. There is a picture of her on the toilet on her facebook. Two things about this that concern me...1) why would anyone take a picture of themselves on the toilet? 2) why would you then post it on facebook? Also, her friends are super sketch and there is another picture of her looking like she's had the crap kicked out of her.) Well I guess I'm gonna go for now, I'll write you when I'm upstate."

Having My Life Back

Today is the first day in a month plus that I finally feel like myself again. While my living room is still somewhat of a mess with Marketing Summit clutter, everything else has finally caught up. I want to thank all my great friends for putting up with me not returning phone calls, listening to my neurotic discussions about hating my clothes, and other generally un-JSto-esque behaviors (not to mention my hiatus from blogging). It's nice to be back. (I purchased a picture of a martini glass with gummy bears in it off of etsy to celebrate the occasion.)

Most Awkward Moment of the Weekend

No, it wasn't when my dad went to hug my Aunt Nancy and she went for a handshake...though that was awkward. It was when my mom and grandmother decided to watch Step Brothers with me. Even though the testicle/drum shot did not make it past the censors, all the other vagina/penis references did...If you want to get the full effect, just watch this scene and picture your grandmother sitting on the couch across from you.

The Not Top 10

I'm ba-ack....Finally getting back to normal. To kick things off, I thought I'd do the not top 10 from marketing summit.

10) The double blister I got on my toe. No matter how comfortable heels are, if you wear them for 12 hours, you're feet will hurt.
9) The aftermath of the excessive drinking I did on Saturday night. Sunday I thought I was going to die.
8) Wake Forest winning 3rd. Still that's $5K, but they had pretty high expectations and then were all grumpy.
7) BYU winning the fan vote...AGAIN.
6) Deacon Tower elevator issue #1: When we were delivering things to Deacon Tower and people got stranded in the elevator. Not me though...so that's ok.
5) One of our suites in Deacon Tower smelled like ass...it seriously smelled like someone took a dump in the corner. They said it was something to do with the plumbing.
4) Deacon Tower elevator issue #2: When I got the call that the elevators weren't working and everyone was stuck on the 5th floor. I literally dropped all my shit in a stairwell and sat on the first step and called and yelled at people till the elevators were fixed.
3) Deacon Tower elevator issue #3: When the elevator got turned off after kickoff so I couldn't get back upstairs to where my purse and car keys were. Did I mention is was also cold out and I wasn't wearing a coat or shoes? I stalked some scary looking employee in the parking lot until he let me in.
2) When the giant $75K check went missing, and I LOST MY MIND. Luckily, Andy was really the only one the saw the main part of my freak out.
1) When a woman at my table for the sponsor dinner choked and had to have the Heimlich maneuver done on her. You can't make small talk after that.