What Kind of Town did I Grow Up In?

Even though my mom lives 600 miles away she still gets the Middletown Press and Journal (catchy name, huh) because its always full of delightful news. This one time there was someone breaking into people's houses and stealing just ice cream out of their freezers. The October 31 edition was especially enjoyable. I will include three of my favorites with the actual headlines as they appear in the paper, a summary of the article and some of my fave direct quotes.

1) "Scarecrow on Fire" -- The article starts out "an apparent school project ended with a scarecrow being set on fire last week." People came home to find that a scarecrow that was in their backyard was "engulfed in flames. " They suspected a kid that lived next door, but the mom of the kid said he couldn't have possibly have set it as he was out riding bike at the time. Police found a box of matches and a footprint at the scene. The footprint matched the kid and when questioned, he confessed. "According to police, the boy said he was working on a school project to determine how long fire would last and that is why he set the scarecrow on fire."

2) "Disorderly Conduct with Sardines" -- There was a fight between a father and son and the police sited both for disorderly conduct. The son went to go pick up his car that had been impounded and while the son was gone the father became agitated about being arrest. The father then flattened the front tire of a police cruiser, scratched "NARC" on the front fender the bent the rear windshield wiper. "Edward thought it belongedto the arresting officer." It didn't. He then took an open can of sardines (I'm not sure if he had these in his pocket all day or what) and smeared the juice on the glass doors of the borough building. He emptied the sardines into the borough drop box and placed the empty can on top. Police reviewed a security tape and saw who had done it. "Edward was then charged with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, adn littering, police said. Police described his actions as having endangered the general public by putting a police vehicle out of service."

3) "Balloon Vendor Tasered" -- A balloon and toy vendor was partially blocking an intersetion at the borough's Halloween parade. Police asked the man to move, but he refused. "Police said the man was yelling and creating a scene at the intersection..'as if to get the crowd into the incident'" Police had notice a car trying to turn had to stop and wait for the balloon guy to move his cart. The balloon vendor said he didn't have to move because he had a permit. Police attempted to arrest him, but once again resisted. "More officers arrived on the scene to help wrestle him to the ground." After several verbal warnings he was tasered. HA This story reminds me of that Orville Redenbacher commercial where the policeman is trying to get Orville to move his popcorn cart. Imagine if they had tasered Orville.