The Field Trip

My cousin, Aubrey, asked that I chaperone her 7th grade field trip to the PA Renaissance Faire last Thursday. Being a naive, childless, 27-year-old, I agreed. I walked into the LGI room and noticed the eyes of all the parents turn towards me and whispering begin. (Obviously the "how young was she when she had this kid?" chatter.) A teacher walked over to me and asked who my child was. In a voice loud enough for most to hear I answered "I'm going with my COUSIN, Aubrey." She hands me an envelope that has 5 names on it (2 girls and 3 boys) and scribbles about a bee sting allergy and someone having to meet the team for football early. Don't they know I'm a field trip rookie?

I find that the three boys were supposed to be in another group, but their chaperone's son was sick and didn't come to school, so neither did that chaperone. I also find out that my cousin doesn't even know who they are but her friend says they are "assholes." Great! The bus ride is full of immature giggle fests (like fart jokes and just general obnoxiousness) and I'm already wondering what I had gotten myself into and wondering if somehow I can run away.

We arrive and I get the group to go to the "Mud Pit" first. For those of you that have never been to a mud pit, picture a Shakesperean play (dumbed down for 7th graders) but with a giant pit of mud in the middle. (I really wish my digital camera was working.) Anyway, we get there a little late and the only real seats available are in the first couple rows, which the kids start to head for. I stop them short (being the Ren Faire veteran that I am) and explain that the reason those seats are still open is because you will get slung with mud. We opt instead for standing positions on the side. In the middle of Antony and Cleo (ala mud), mud flies all over the first row of prissy girls that had taken the empty seats. They jump up and are shrieking "Oh My God...look at my Abercrombie jeans. I just got them last night." Everyone is laughing hysterically and then the girls start yelling "It's not funny. These clothes are ruined." Which of course makes everyone laugh even more. And if you still can't picture, the mud pit...lucky for you, that's why they invented You Tube.



(It was the alligator's death roll that got them.)

The rest of the trip went really well. The boys and girls actually managed to get along well. They were very considerate of taking turns letting each other pick what to do next. I found out that the highlight for them, though, was the sword swallower that stuck the handle of a spoon up his nose, which was both impressive and disturbing. I turned to my group and said "that's why you need to stay in school." I was hoping to find this on You Tube as well, but unfortunately all the clips they had of him was actually swallowing swords. Bummer!