Break from Blogging

Well, I had planned to finish my vacation blogging before I left for Winston-Salem, but then my lap top got a virus. AAAAAAHHHHH!!! I'm currently typing this from the public library (where I found out that my library card had expired...double AAAAAHHHHH!) So my next post will probably be after I move in and have internet in my apartment. Let's discuss what an inopportune time it was for my laptop to die. Wake is giving me a brand new laptop when I start there in a month (Yeah!), but I have summer assignments that I need to get done and other stuff to do. So I am currently playing $200 to have a laptop cleaned that I will only be using for about a month. (My semi-charmedness has taken a brief hiatus I think.)

I have more ridiculous things to tell you about my going away party when I get back though, so that will be fun. See you in NC!

OBX Day 5: Golf, if You Can Call it That

I'm currently having a little OMG I'm going back to school in a faraway land freak out, so I thought it would be a good time to blog. Plus in a week my internet goes bye bye and I want to get this done with.

Wednesday we had scheduled a tee time at the Nags Head Golf Club for myself, my dad and Patrick. Since I'm going to B school I figured I'd better brush up on my golf game. Turns out three years of not playing really hurts your game...go fig. Everyone kept telling us how hot it was going to be, but it was fine.

They paired our threesome up with some guy from California who was a dick. Well, I didn't really talk to him that much. I just got that dickish vibe. At first my bag of rental clubs didn't have a putter in it, so my dad went up to find out and brings out this putter that I swear was the size of my hand and had reflectors on the top of it that looked like a runway. I would've taken a picture, but didn't bring my camera.

I was in a cart with my dad who drove like an idiot. a) he drove into on of the staff members carts, b) he drove on the "carts keep to the cart path" fairway and c) he got the cart stuck in the sand and had to be pushed out.

Pre-getting stuck conversation:
Dad: There's your ball over in that patch of sand. Can I drive on that?
Me: Are you sure you should drive on the sand?
Flash forward 20 seconds to the wheels spinning and sand flying.

I also feel the need to mention a regularly told family story. The first year they went to the Outer Banks, my parents weren't even married yet. My grandpa told my dad "whatever you do, do not drive in the sand." Less than a half hour after arriving my dad pulls a U-turn a little wide off the road and into the sand and gets the car stuck. You would've thought that would've taught him a lesson...guess not.

This course had a lot of rough and water hazard and various animals. We saw a lots of snapping turtles, and heron (or other tall water bird), and rabbits and then we saw something that kinda looked like a long legged, long tailed groundhog. (I would've taken a picture of that too). Patrick thought it was an anteater, thought I didn't think it had a long anteater nose/mouth apparatus. As I mentioned there were a lot of hazards, so that made golfing a little rough. It was really windy too. Afterwards, we calculated that the three of us lost 18 balls. (a ball per hole...that's a good average right) Nine of those were my coveted Noodle balls. Patrick had to bum balls off of the dick California guy.

We got done in the early afternoon and were starving (we hadn't really eaten lunch. Just some packs of crackers on the course). So even though there was family spaghetti scheduled for that evening, we went straight to dinner. Of course, my dad made me call to tell them not to plan on us for supper. Instead we went to Pigman's and "ye olde ham shoppe" HA. My dad and I LOVE Pigman's. My mom HATES Pigman's. Ever had tuna-que or catfish-que? Me neither. I stick with beef or pork.

That evening we were supposed to have a big bonfire on the beach, but it was too windy, so we couldn't. Nothing else really happened except that I had to explain to Aubrey "what was up with my clothes?" "What happens if you don't follow the dress code?" Uh...you can't golf there?

OBX Day 4: The Ridiculous Birthday

I've decided to take a break from shredding stuff (just old pay stubs and stuff like that) because I actually started pretending that I was feeding some sort of dangerous animal and was talking to it...that signals the time to stop.

I've also just had my newly invented drink of Amaretto, Club Soda, Lime Juice and Splenda...it's amazing what you can invent when you're just trying to use up stuff around the house. Boredom + Alcohol = good time to blog.

The Tuesday of vacation was actually my grandma's birthday. It started off with my cousin Sam cooking breakfast for everyone, which is great, but do you know how long it takes to make pancakes, bacon and eggs for twenty one...a hella long time. There was also some excitement when a plate exploded (something about warm plate and cold countertop...I'm not really sure I was trying to zone out the entire time). The other issue was that when they said food was ready, there wasn't exactly enough food for everyone. Everyone gathered around the table (and because there was no limit given on the amount that people could take) the first six people got bacon, a different 10 got pancakes and of course there was a ton of eggs (blech!). There was grabbing and fighting and you would've thought we were in an orphanage where they only feed us every other day.

We went to the beach late (because of the breakfast) and the water was nice. The waves were breaking really close to shore though which wasn't very good for boogie boarding. We came up to the hot tub and had ice pops in the hot tub (Awesome) almost as good as ice pops in the shower. Then rather than go back to the beach, I decided to take a shower and get all fancied up for ::drumroll please:: professional family pictures!

My uncle had hired a photographer, which I have to say was a good idea, but it's really hard to get 21 people to stand still, smile and be in the correct position. There was also no real direction given about what we should wear. Most people had on shades of blue (just by accident) except for my cousin Sam that had on red. I haven't seen the proofs yet, but it should be interesting to see how much he sticks out. They took a few pictures of all of us together by the dunes. Then there could be individual family pictures or whatever. Of course at this point, all the kids head for the water. NOOOOO!!! The photographer then takes some candid pictures of us playing in the water (as if we didn't know she was taking pictures...yeah...right). Heidi (cousin-in-law...is that an actual relation) then decides to take pictures as well, but keeps yelling at people to act natural: "DJ, go play in the water naturally. I'm going to take some pictures." It is ridiculously hard to act natural when someone tells you to act natural. So I began making fun of her (because that's what my family does) and yelling things like "be part of the ocean. Playful...more playful...you love the beach" A la America's Next Top Model. Then the photographer wants to take more posed pictures of us by the water. Of course, at this point some fat guy in a yellow raft has floated in behind us. The last picture she takes, she says "on the count of three, I want everyone to jump...or if you can't jump, just put up your hands and pretend to jump." Who's stupid idea is this? Twenty one people of varying heights and sizes jumping...stupid.

Then we all head to dinner at Kelly's. They take us into a private room with a bunch of deer heads around it (pictured above) because when I think of North Carolina, I think of deer. I'm seated in between Sierra and my dad. The first thing I do is order a piratetini (because it's called a piratetini). The waiter asks me for ID...are you kidding me? I can't remember the last time I was carded. And of course, this one time, I only have my camera not my purse or ID. Do you really expect me to survive this family gathering without liquor? My dad asks if he can vouch for me as my father. The waiter says he'll check with his manager (then they bring me the drink). Then my dad suggests that I get my mom to order it and then get it from her because "she'd go to jail, you'd have your drink and we'd both be happy."

Sierra didn't like "anything" on the kids menu. You don't like spaghetti? Nope. Filet Mignon? What's that? Steak? Nope. Fried Shrimp? Nope. Hot Dog? Nope. Hamburger? Nope. Well, what do you want? I don't know. UGH! I finally convince her to go for the filet mignon. The food take FOREVER to come out. Luckily, you could somehow origami the kids menu into a fish...yeah, as if that worked. Then we played a lot of tic tac toe. Each kid went to the bathroom at least twice. Food came. It was not anything to write home about (I had crab cakes). Then we did presents and Heidi served the cake that she had made.

Cute, right? Originally it was supposed to be two layers, but something happened to the top layer (it collapse or otherwise got destroyed) so it was down to one.

We got home and rounded up some people to play Cranium. I LOVE cranium. There were a few issues. a) i was the only adult playing. So whenever there was an issue, it was said to be unfair because I just wanted my team to win. b) the kids didn't really understand that you should pick whoever is good at a category to do it. It doesn't really matter "who's turn" it is. Case in point: Sierra who is going into 4th grade (I think) struggled through reading the clues, but insisted that she do the one where you have to spell the word backwards because it was "her turn to do one".

The weirdest thing was when there was one of the sculpture questions. I handed the card over to Bryan to sculpt and before he even looked, Sandi yells out "Pencil!" Guess what it was? Pencil. I swear there is no way she could've seen it. Crazy. The other team won, but basically most of the game was full of arguing.

OBX Day 3: Are you Sure It's July?

Wow, I am totally on a blogging roll....actually I'm just avoiding doing moving stuff ::gulp:: Ok, so now it's Monday. On the refrigerator had been posted a listed of scheduled activities. All activities were optional except of course for my gramma's birthday dinner. On the schedule for Monday was sand castle building contest, and pork barbecue for dinner. Again I got up early, but this time so did my mom and dad. We were the first ones down to the beach. It was very cold and windy, and after about fifteen minutes decided that we were too cold and should make this our shopping trip instead. It was kinda ironic that it was cold because my dad and I had gotten yelled at on Saturday by my mom for not packing a sweatshirt. We drove up to Duck. When I was little I thought that Duck was REALLY far away, but actually it's not. I bought a new lunch bag.

What is is about purple purse like lunch bags that I love? oh maybe that they're purple and look like a purse! We did some shopping. Then we decided to go letterboxing. We found a clue that had 5 boxes along the same trail. The hike was listed as 5 miles, but upon inspection we discovered that it was actually a 2.5 mile trail, so round trip was 5 miles. However, the clue included instructions on how to begin at the opposite end of the trail, so we gave those instructions to my dad and sent him to meet us at the other end. The first issue we came across was that the trail was extremely flooded and wet because there had been a huge storm the night before.

At the 1 mile marker, my cell phone rang. It was my dad.

Dad: Are you going North or South?

Me: North

Dad: Are you sure?

Me: yep...the water is on our left the road is on our right.

Dad: Ok.

We continue on. At the 1.5 mile marker my cell phone rang again.

Dad: What was the name of the road?

Me: {name of the road...I can't remember what it was}

Dad: and it's on the left?

Me: Yes

Dad: there are no roads on the left.

Me: Well that's what the clue says...I'll just call you when we get to the end if you aren't there.

Dad: I hope you have cell service (at this point both of us are getting increasingly angry with each other)

Me: What do you want us to do? Do you want us to turn around? We're only a mile away from the end.

Dad: No just keep going.

I'm a little worried at this point that there actually is no end to the trail and we misunderstood the clue or something. But just before 2.5, I hear "cahcaw, cahcaw" a very poor excuse for a bird call which would be my dad. Also while we were on the trail, my Uncle Bill called and told us that the sand castle contest had been postponed because of wind and cold.

We head back to the house and Patrick and I watch Cash Cab in my room because the kids are watching some mindless junk on the living room TV. For some reason, Cash Cab became the show that everyone watched EVERY DAY. Patrick named my pink hippo pillow Eugene (I wanted to make in Pippo...Pink + Hippo), and decided he should have a very homosexual accent. Patrick and his family then left to go see the Lost Colony. (I got an update from him later...still lost).

After supper (the pork barbecue that my mom had transported from Indiana...I don't know why), Sierra, Aubrey and I snuck down one by one to the hot tub. It was necessary to sneak around so that all the other kids didn't join in. (Though at one point we did have eleven people in the hot tub). Then we searched out a TV to watch the movie Clue on. The only TV's that had VCRs were in the adult rooms. We went to Heidi and Bryan's room because Heidi was busy putting the finishing touches on my gramma's birthday cake (which you will see tomorrow). We had myself and five kids crammed onto a queen size bed watching the movie. It was fine except for someone's foot occasionally falling asleep and having to move.

OBX Day Two: The House of Global Warming

Not sure how this post is going to go because I'm absolutely exhausted from Zumba (which I still hate because it took the yoga time slot...but have to admit it's fun). But I rearranged the items on my desk and in my bedroom, so that my internet and power cords reached to my bed, so I'm lounging and typing.

You may already be aware that I a greener than normal person (in fact, I was a member of the office's "Green Team"). I do cringe every time I'm forced to use something made of styrofoam, but never before did something cause me to immediately research how to purchase carbon offsets as I did when I got home from vacation.

All twenty-one of us were staying in this cute pink three story house (picture above) that was right on the beach. But the waste of materials, electricity and water made me want to scream. Every walk through the house (for whatever reason) led me to switch off lights, TV's and water that had been left on. Instead of turning up the thermostat (which was set at 65), they would just open the outside door. My mom had brought plastic cups and labeled them with everyone's name so that they could be used over and over. Too bad that whoever did the grocery shopping bought all individual size bottles and cans (which of course we didn't have recycling for) and did I mention that they used paper plates for EVERYTHING. Even the spaghetti dinner...let's face it spaghetti is just not a paper plate type of food. AHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sunday morning I woke up early. Made myself some whole wheat toast with peanut butter and headed to the beach. I gave my mom specific instructions to not send any kids. I actually fell asleep on the beach until my dad came down and yelled "who's that girl with the big head?" and woke me up. Thanks, dad. Later Savon suggested I not sleep on the beach because "bugs could crawl on you and stuff."

I didn't realize how much skill is needed for proper ocean enjoyment. My cousin Sierra was terrified of the ocean, but after some observation, I realized it was because she would jump too early, forward into the wave and scream which caused her to land in the middle of the wave with her mouth open. Well of course she doesn't like the ocean. She was getting a mouth full of ocean water every five seconds. Which Molly reminded her that "Whales have babies in this water." Thanks, Molly.

The other thing that the kids didn't know how to do is ride a wave (either with or without a board). So this led to about 7 kids crowded around me with boogie boards so that I could cue them exactly when to start paddling. Some of them got it and some of them didn't. Aubrey had problems and pouted pretty much the entire time because she sucked. She eventually got it then.

We had lunch and then had more beach time. Dinner was on our own (thank God!), so my dad, mom, gramma and I went to one of our favorite restaurants from when we came every year when I was a kid: Owen's. I had forgotten about the cheese spread and crackers that they brought out, but didn't forget the hush puppies. I LOVE HUSH PUPPIES (or as my family refers to them "hushers". And of course we teased my mom because one year she actually wrapped up a bunch of hush puppies in a napkin and snuck them out in her purse. I had pecan crusted scallops (I LOVE SCALLOPS) and they came with this pecan Jack Daniels sauce that tasted like pecan pie filling (only better because there was Jack Daniels in it). After dinner we went shopping or something and probably watched some TV (I don't know...I don't really remember),

FLASHBACK ALERT: So thinking of Owen's reminded me of one time when I was in high school and Danielle came to the Outer Banks with us. We were at Owen's (because we went there every year). She ordered a Double Devil Chocolate Sundae for dessert. When the sundae came out it was so big that everyone's eyes in the dining room followed it to the table to see who exactly had ordered such a thing. After eating about a quarter of it, Danielle was full, but my dad egged her, so she continued eating to the point that her spoon was actually shaking because of how full she was....I don't remember if she ended up finishing it or not...danielle?

Jokes from the Kids

So the plan had been to post day two of vacation (which will be entitled the House of Global Warming), but I didn't get home from the gym until 10pm, and I know that will be a long post with pictures and links and bells and whistles, and I just don't have time for that before my bed looks more inviting than blogging. But I had another subject that I wanted to blog about that would be shorter (I know...you're totally going to be on blog overload...hope you're not on vacation right now...you'll have hours worth of blog to catch up on).

Today at one of my programs the girls finished their project about 10 minutes early and asked if they could stay to finish their multi-cultural (aka multi-color) goldfish crackers. Of course I said yes. They began to tell jokes. Now I realize that little kids don't really understand jokes and basically say nonsense and think it's funny, but I thought a 3rd grader and a 5th grader would understand. Here's some of their jokes. You be the judge.

What did the big carrot say to the little carrot? Hey, it smells like carrots in here. (well, I guess it would.)

Why did the chicken cross the road? To save his boss that was about to get hit by a car. (Kate had a good point. Who would save their boss? And is a chicken's boss the rooster or a hen?)

What did one two three say to four five six? seven eight nine ten (you're just basically counting here, aren't you)

Why did the kid cross the playground? Because he wanted to go on the swings. (Joke or fact?)

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cookie
Cookie who?
I want to eat you (what kinda man eating cookie is this?)

(And my personal favorite)
Why was the little girl crying? Because someone just bust her teeth in. (I guess I would be crying too if someone just bust my teeth in, and was a little disturbed that they both of course thought this was hysterical.)

OBX Day 1: Let the Torture Begin

So we did not leave a 3am as my mother had hoped, but my dad refused to do. (We had heard that we should not arrive in the middle of the day because of lots of traffic going to the Outer Banks). Instead we left around 8 am and planned to stop in Richmond, VA for some sightseeing. Seems like a pretty reasonable thought to me. The car was packed to the gills with useless crap (aka beach chairs which we ended up throwing out once we got there and food such as hot dogs which I'm not really sure why they couldn't be purchased there). Either way, I was still slightly pissed because I was told not to "bring a big suitcase" and then all this other shit got packed up. Oh well.

We drove and drove and drove and I read some magazines, tried to sleep (since I had gone to bed at like 2am the night before...did I mention I made a run to Wendy's after my dance recital?) and watched an episode of Murder She Wrote on the portable DVD player that I had refused to let my cousins use.

We arrived in Richmond at the Science Museum of Virginia. It was pretty neat. We saw a movie on coral reefs in the IMAX dome thingy. The part I liked best of the museum was the area on brain teasers. I liked it because it reinforced how smart I am. My dad would be staring at something forever while my mom and I were doing other things. I'd come over and he'd say something like "It can't be done." I'd look at it for about ten seconds and then solve the puzzle. "Oh." The other funny thing that happened there was they had that traffic jam game where you have to move cars around into a certain pattern, but they were big cars that you could sit in and roll around. I turn around and my mom and dad are sitting in cars rolling them around. I swear the three of us are really all 10 year olds.

After the museum we went to the Village Cafe, which we found because it was on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives. My dad LOVES that show. In fact, he loves a lot of shows on the Food Network which is weird since he thinks "making breakfast" is pouring pre-made batter onto a waffle iron. The food was really good. Though I thought a fist fight was going to break out between my mom and gramma over the chocolate peanut butter milkshake (highly recommend). Also, the drinks came in individual pitchers with a straw in it. That's a lot of Diet Coke!

We headed on our way to the Outer Banks and played lots of fun car games like how many state license plates can we see and the ABC game which gets crazy when people just start making up random things (aka Quince Pie as a dessert and "you know that basketball player named Xavier" for athlete).

We arrived at the pink house (picture to be in future blog) at around 7:30. Were greeted by a bevvy of teenagers who had just come from the beach and unpacked the car. It was the 4th of July, so of course there were going to be fireworks. My cousin Patrick (who is 16...I think) went down to the beach first. Then Petey and Savon (13 and 9-ish?) started off to the beach. My aunt Linda yelled at them to come back. They looked at her and then ignored it and continued. "Oh well, Patrick's down there to watch them" Then I headed down with Molly (15), Aubrey (13) and Sierra (9ish). By this time it was pretty dark out, so you could really only see people's clothes. No Patrick (he apparently went for a walk which is perfectly ok) and Petey and Savon are running in between the ocean (which they aren't supposed to be in) and a random sketchy guy setting off illegal fireworks on the beach (though sometimes they didn't really "set off" at all and just exploded on the spot). Next thing I know more kids are coming onto the beach from our house and soon all 12 of them are down there with me (the responsible adult). By this time it is totally dark. Sandi (13) and Molly spend about a half hour discussing whether they have a cell phone signal and a beach football game breaks out. Soon all the kids (and some other kids that are strangers we found on the beach and in no way related to me) are playing. This of course ends in crying, arguing, and general disarray so at around 10:10 I break it up and we all head back to the house. I then explain adult/kid ratios and how I don't mind being responsible for 3 girls, but when more come (including boys who have ADD and generally don't follow any sort of direction) I have issues with that.

Oh and I also discovered this day that I was not only sharing a room with my grandma, but in fact a bed (king size at least). "I thought we told you that" Uh...no...you didn't. We did have the coolest room in the house which was a plus.

Stay Tuned for Day 2: JSto's school of boogie boarding

My Semi-Charmed Life

So the plan was for me to blog more about my vacation tonight, but sometimes things happen that are sooo ridiculous/awesome that they must be blogged about immediately and that's what happened today. Kate says that I live a semi-charmed life and lately I think that I'm beginning to agree with her.

This morning I ran into the ghetto grocery store by my office to grab something to take for lunch. Below is the conversation between myself and an old lady with a cart full of cat food that stopped me in an aisle.

Old Lady: Cute shoes!
Me: Thanks.

Old Lady: Wear them while you can because when you get to be old like me you can't wear cute shoes because you're knees hurt and feet hurt and everything hurts.

Me: I will.

OL: They are sooo cute. They make you taller too.

Me: Yep

OL: Are they comfortable?

Me: Yep

OL: Well, I just wanted to tell you how cute they were.

Me: Thanks (I start to walk away)

OL: Wait! I want to give you a reward for having such cute shoes! (I walk back over to her and she's digging in her purse. I'm thinking 'am I going to get a quarter or what?' The woman pulls out a bag of candy and hands me three pieces.)

OL: Here you go.

Me: Thanks. Are these rootbeer barrels?

OL: Yep

Me: I love rootbeer barrels (i do love rootbeer barrels, so make a note.)

OL: They call me the candy lady of Harrisburg. I give candy to everyone.

Me: Thanks.

I know you are probably dying to know what shoes I had on by now, so here they are.

You know what makes them cuter? I got them for $20 on clearance. I was a little sketched out about getting candy from a stranger and thought they might be laced with LSD. (Kate thought they probably had razor blades in the middle of them.) But I had one after lunch (because I live life on the edge) and it seemed to be ok, so I guess not. Stay posted tomorrow for actual vacation posting.

PS I handed in my two weeks notice today. Fun Fun

Let the Ridiculous Blogging Begin

Well, I'm back. Thank God! Thanks, Kate, for the insightful blogs...gotta love non-emotional apology letters. As long as I don't lose steam, there should be lots of great blogs coming. Between my dance recital and the week long vacation with my family (and did i mention I'm handing in my two weeks notice on Monday?) I have lots of material. So I'm going to start with my dance recital with Sharon's which was last Friday (July 3rd) and move chronologically from there.

First let me explain the picture, that is my pirate hat and sword...yes, pirate hat and sword. I was in three dances this year: adult tap, teen tap and teen ballet (I realize I'm not a teen, but was invited to participate in the teen dances because I rock that much!). All of them seemed to have theme. Adult tap = James Bond, Teen Tap = pirates (complete with swords, boots and hat) and teen ballet = Alice in Wonderland, cards. I was very excited about the whole thing. I had a lot of friends and family coming, which I'm not sure I would do again because the family kinda seemed put out by the whole thing afterwards. I did well, I only screwed up one part which wasn't noticeable to anyone but one girl (who also happens to be my pirate sword-fighting partner and tends to take the sword fighting too seriously and tries to kill me.) The whole evening seemed to be characterized by near disasters and total cuteness.

Let's start with the near disasters. Not only was I in three dances (and of course the finale), but I was also on the stage crew. Along with one other adult, I was in charge of stage right, so I had to radio over to the production manager to let her know whether the kids that were coming on stage right were in position or not. This allowed me to be privy to a whole bunch of near disasters that ended up working out.

Disasters:

1) MAJOR DISASTER...the show was supposed to start at 7. At around 6:45 pm, suddenly people are running around asking if anyone has their show CD. Apparently, the laptop that had all the music on it froze and there was no sound. Somehow everything was transferred onto another laptop and the show started about five minutes late...close call.

2) During the Alice in Wonderland ballet, I had to help with the set changes especially since during dress rehearsal the people in charge of set didn't show up. Well there was supposed to be some fake grass and there was tape marking where it was supposed to go. The girl placing the grass couldn't see the tape when the lights were out kinda wandered around the stage staring at the floor trying to figure where exactly it went. I had to go out on stage tell her it was fine where it was and plop down a couple of large mushrooms to get her to move. (ugh...high school kids)

3) Also during the A in W ballet, the "Queen of Hearts" wore a corset that laced up the back and at one point got her scepter caught in the laces. I don't think the audience could tell, but because I was behind her saw her tugging at it to get loose. I thought for sure she was going to pull the laces open and the whole thing would fall off. Well, she got it out and everything was fine.

4) Also during ballet, the "White Rabbit" was off stage telling me and one other girl about who was going to be holding our props for another part. There was some disagreement and the white rabbit missed her cue to run on, drink a cup of tea and run off until a teacher pushed her on the stage which actually worked better which then made her look genuinely late.

5) One of my fellow adult tappers escorted a preschool class back to their dressing room following their dance. She got back there only to find the room mothers missing. So of course she had to stay there until they returned. She got back to the stage, while the number before our adult tap number was onstage. She was not in costume, so one other girl and myself basically dressed her on the side of the stage.

Now for some cuteness:

All of these basically have to do with the 2-5 year olds. Because really, nothing I do could be described as cute.

1) Before the show everyone gathers on stage for last minute instructions, pre-show prayer and to get a flower. One of the little 3 year olds raises her hand and says "I'm not wearing any underwear" The girl beside her answers "That's good because we're not supposed to!"

2) During tap, a girl flicks her tap shoe off. Walks over, picks it up, and walks off the stage. Someone off the stage frantically gets it back on her foot and ties it and the girl walks back on stage and continues the dance.

3) Everyone walked on stage for the dance during a black out (there was no curtain up, curtain down stuff). The preschoolers are standing there on stage during a black out (I think waiting for their leader) and I hear a little voice yell "ok, we're all here! You can start now!" I don't think the audience heard though because no one but those back stage actually laughed.

4) The preschool kids were supposed to be flowers for the Alice in Wonderland Ballet. They were supposed to start off curled up in a ball and then Alice comes by with a watering can and they grow into flowers. Well during rehearsal they kinda refused to grow and in fact one girl never did grow until Sharon came buy and picked her up. During the show, the issue was getting them down into seeds. They were all just standing one stage and myself (in my bright red card costume) and the Cheshire cat girl are standing off stage right forcefully whispering "be seeds! Be seeds!" and curling in a ball on the floor. They eventually got the hint just as Alice came out to start watering.

5) After their flower dance, they are supposed to "sprinkle" Alice and Alice falls asleep. (ala Wizard of Oz, Dorothy and poppies). Well, as soon as Alice was asleep the "flowers" were down on their knees peeking in her face to see if she was awake and had to be pulled off the stage.

Ahh...memories.

I know that one of the things that Jen enjoys posting about is the ridiculous things that happen at work. To that end, I thought I would share some recent apology letters that I received. Apology letters have to be one of my favorite occurrences. They mean that a teacher or teachers, usually at a program that doesn't have a lot of control over its students and where the kids constantly disrespect and challenge any form of authority, has felt so badly about the way that the kids act during a program that they actually make them site down and write apology letters. The most common form is a form apology letter- one that is written by the teacher in a fit of "why are my children uncontrollable" remorse, dictated and copied down by children of varying ages. The apology letters that I received this past Tuesday are of an even more enjoyable version. That's right--entirely created by the mind of 13 year old girls!

(1)
Dear.
Ms. Kate sorry for acting up during the time you were in my class for the girl scouts I was having a very bad day so Im wondering will you please except my apology in if you do thank you N if you don't sorry you feel dat way.
{This first one is actually the best one. Ironically, it's from a girl that I had in my outreach groups long before summer outreach--formerly in a youth detention center group! The letter speaks for itself}

(2)
Dear Miss Kate,
I am sorry about our class in Girl Scouts. I hope you do come back and I will try to listen and be respectful next time.
{After reading the rest of the letters I'm sure that you will, as I did, conclude that this girl is most likely to have a future in bright, polite society. Probably accounts for why she was the least badly behaved of the badly behaved girls?}

(3)
I am so sorry Love ya (unintelligible scribble)
{Why thank you girl whose name I cannot read. The fact that you took the time to write five words so gigantic and diagonally across a piece of lined paper really warms my heart.}

(4)
To: Miss K
I'm sorry if you think I disrespected you I promise it won't happen again Come back
{Wait a second, I'm not even sure if this one is really an apology... but the lack of punctuation is, again, heartwarming.}

(5)
I am sorry for whatever I did me personaly dont think think I did anything wrong but if you the I disrespected you in any way I apologize.
{So this letter has poor spelling, no punctuation, inattention to word use or word order and is AGAIN not really an apology. I don't even know how to explain the fact that she is missing words not once but twice. I can't even pretend that this letter warmed my heart. I know she's not sorry--she was so convinced of her innocence that she chased me out of the building trying to bargain for the candy I promised them if they behaved. The blatantly unapologetic tone of the letter also begs another question. Did the teachers not read the apologies before they stapled them together and put my name on, or was this the best they could get out of her?}

The inanity! Oh, the inanity!

Sorry it's taken me a little while to get going- I was on vacation last weekend and had to properly recover. I'll try not to bore you too much while Jen's away. I say this, not to be self deprecating, but because I'm generally not super exciting and insightful. In fact, one of my best talents is words (told you I'm not exciting). In fact, I usually post an almost weekly word of the week around the office. Of course this goes only to people who are appropriately cool enough not to fire me for being sarcastic in relation to current events. So this week I'm sharing with you.


Inanity, noun-(ih-nan-nit-tee)
1. silliness; lacking in significance
2. shallow or superficial

Example: Originally this post was going to be about my brilliant new analogy (that's right, analogy. similes use connecting words) for boys. I've decided, through careful observation and brilliant deduction, that boys are like hills. They are not like ogres- they do not resemble onions or anything like a parfait. They have one layer (yes, I am aware that hills have strata, but vocab is cool enough, I refuse to discuss geology). One layer- but the layer has different depths. Now, being educated, I am aware that this is a vast oversimplification and is also ambiguously either insulting or complimentary. So I thought that I should come up with something equally ambiguous as an analogy for girls. Why piss off only half of the population? Girls are like labyrinths. You can try to figure them out, but even if you figure it out, you just end up in the center with a minotaur (a ferocious Grecian, mythological creature that was half man and half bull). Really, there's just no winning. I tried to discuss this analogy with my former roommate, only to find that we were at complete impasse when she insisted that girls are not like labyrinths, which only have one solution and it never changes. Girls are like mazes- mazes having several solutions- more confusing. We had a twenty minute conversation about the nuanced meanings of labyrinths versus mazes. Let's just stop and consider that for a minute.

And there you have it. I have, all at once, proven that I may be "brilliant" ( I suspect Jen may have been exaggerating), but I am NOT exciting AND given you a real world-ish example of the perfect time to use the word inanity.

(Other forms are inane, inaneness and inanely and the plural is inanities.)

It's the Thought that Counts

Well, I've managed to find time between packing for the Outer Banks and getting ready for my big dance recital tonight to blog. Kate (my brilliant coworker) has agreed to be a guest blogger while I'm away (we haven't had one of those for a while!).

On to the subject of this blog. This week during summer outreach our theme was "Considerate and Caring" so along with various other activities the girls were making cards for Caitlin's Smiles, a great organization here in Harrisburg that puts together "Bags of Smiles" for kids in hospitals. They recommend that we not put "Get well soon" on the cards because well, we don't really know if that is a possibility for these children. We passed on that recommendations to the girls, and I didn't get any Get Well cards, but here's ones they did turn in to me. My comments are of course in parenthesis.

"I hope you fill beter" (awww...cute little kid misspelling)
"Hal you donen. I wut be yor fid" (My kid translation may be a little off, but I think this says how you doin? I want to be your friend.)
"Smile. Don't be sad you will be ok. I hop you fell better."
"All the tuff you can do if you are in a wheelchair" (there were then little boxes drawn where I can only assume she intended to draw all the stuff you can do in a wheelchair, but got bored and didn't finish. I really wish there had been pictures!)
"HA I was think u" (well, the HA seems slightly inappropriate)
"Thinking bout u! I know u r in the hospital but smile, be happy cause I was well. I am thinking bout u." (selfish, isn't she?)
"Be Happy. Well is good."
"You rock. Jump, smile, be happy." (Nice sentiment, but I'm not sure we want to encourage all these sick children to be jumping)
"Fight your hardest to keep your life alive." (for some reason this depresses me).

Well, that's all. All the rest Kate and I approved for hospital kid usage. Though some of them had very creative spelling/pictures which made them almost as funny. See you all when I get back from vaykay.