OBX Day 4: The Ridiculous Birthday

I've decided to take a break from shredding stuff (just old pay stubs and stuff like that) because I actually started pretending that I was feeding some sort of dangerous animal and was talking to it...that signals the time to stop.

I've also just had my newly invented drink of Amaretto, Club Soda, Lime Juice and Splenda...it's amazing what you can invent when you're just trying to use up stuff around the house. Boredom + Alcohol = good time to blog.

The Tuesday of vacation was actually my grandma's birthday. It started off with my cousin Sam cooking breakfast for everyone, which is great, but do you know how long it takes to make pancakes, bacon and eggs for twenty one...a hella long time. There was also some excitement when a plate exploded (something about warm plate and cold countertop...I'm not really sure I was trying to zone out the entire time). The other issue was that when they said food was ready, there wasn't exactly enough food for everyone. Everyone gathered around the table (and because there was no limit given on the amount that people could take) the first six people got bacon, a different 10 got pancakes and of course there was a ton of eggs (blech!). There was grabbing and fighting and you would've thought we were in an orphanage where they only feed us every other day.

We went to the beach late (because of the breakfast) and the water was nice. The waves were breaking really close to shore though which wasn't very good for boogie boarding. We came up to the hot tub and had ice pops in the hot tub (Awesome) almost as good as ice pops in the shower. Then rather than go back to the beach, I decided to take a shower and get all fancied up for ::drumroll please:: professional family pictures!

My uncle had hired a photographer, which I have to say was a good idea, but it's really hard to get 21 people to stand still, smile and be in the correct position. There was also no real direction given about what we should wear. Most people had on shades of blue (just by accident) except for my cousin Sam that had on red. I haven't seen the proofs yet, but it should be interesting to see how much he sticks out. They took a few pictures of all of us together by the dunes. Then there could be individual family pictures or whatever. Of course at this point, all the kids head for the water. NOOOOO!!! The photographer then takes some candid pictures of us playing in the water (as if we didn't know she was taking pictures...yeah...right). Heidi (cousin-in-law...is that an actual relation) then decides to take pictures as well, but keeps yelling at people to act natural: "DJ, go play in the water naturally. I'm going to take some pictures." It is ridiculously hard to act natural when someone tells you to act natural. So I began making fun of her (because that's what my family does) and yelling things like "be part of the ocean. Playful...more playful...you love the beach" A la America's Next Top Model. Then the photographer wants to take more posed pictures of us by the water. Of course, at this point some fat guy in a yellow raft has floated in behind us. The last picture she takes, she says "on the count of three, I want everyone to jump...or if you can't jump, just put up your hands and pretend to jump." Who's stupid idea is this? Twenty one people of varying heights and sizes jumping...stupid.

Then we all head to dinner at Kelly's. They take us into a private room with a bunch of deer heads around it (pictured above) because when I think of North Carolina, I think of deer. I'm seated in between Sierra and my dad. The first thing I do is order a piratetini (because it's called a piratetini). The waiter asks me for ID...are you kidding me? I can't remember the last time I was carded. And of course, this one time, I only have my camera not my purse or ID. Do you really expect me to survive this family gathering without liquor? My dad asks if he can vouch for me as my father. The waiter says he'll check with his manager (then they bring me the drink). Then my dad suggests that I get my mom to order it and then get it from her because "she'd go to jail, you'd have your drink and we'd both be happy."

Sierra didn't like "anything" on the kids menu. You don't like spaghetti? Nope. Filet Mignon? What's that? Steak? Nope. Fried Shrimp? Nope. Hot Dog? Nope. Hamburger? Nope. Well, what do you want? I don't know. UGH! I finally convince her to go for the filet mignon. The food take FOREVER to come out. Luckily, you could somehow origami the kids menu into a fish...yeah, as if that worked. Then we played a lot of tic tac toe. Each kid went to the bathroom at least twice. Food came. It was not anything to write home about (I had crab cakes). Then we did presents and Heidi served the cake that she had made.

Cute, right? Originally it was supposed to be two layers, but something happened to the top layer (it collapse or otherwise got destroyed) so it was down to one.

We got home and rounded up some people to play Cranium. I LOVE cranium. There were a few issues. a) i was the only adult playing. So whenever there was an issue, it was said to be unfair because I just wanted my team to win. b) the kids didn't really understand that you should pick whoever is good at a category to do it. It doesn't really matter "who's turn" it is. Case in point: Sierra who is going into 4th grade (I think) struggled through reading the clues, but insisted that she do the one where you have to spell the word backwards because it was "her turn to do one".

The weirdest thing was when there was one of the sculpture questions. I handed the card over to Bryan to sculpt and before he even looked, Sandi yells out "Pencil!" Guess what it was? Pencil. I swear there is no way she could've seen it. Crazy. The other team won, but basically most of the game was full of arguing.