Guess Who Has New Washer/Dryer?

Oh, that would be me. After approximately four months of washer problems ranging from water shooting out from the wall to water mysteriously leaking from the bottom of the washer, my apartment complex finally gave me a new washer/dryer....and I'm talking brand spanking new, not just some hand me down they passed along from one of the three bedroom apartments.

I was flipping through the user's manual (just in case there was anything weird I needed to know about). Did you realize you're supposed to separate your laundry based on five different sets of criteria? I'm sure all of you already do this and I'm just the moron separating based on color.

Surface Texture: Lint Producers from Lint Collectors
Fabric: Cottons & Linens from Perm Press Cottons & Blends from Synthetics & Poly Knits from Delicates
Soil (what?): Lightly Soiled from Medium Soil from Heavy Soil
Color (duh): Whites from Lights from Darks from Non-Colorfast
Weight: Heavy Items from Light Items

Um...I live by myself. If I wash every item of white clothing I have, I may have a full load of whites. If you expect me to separate by five different categorizations, you do of course realize that I'm going to have 1 lint collector/cotton/heavy soil/white/heavy item that will never get washed? Not to mention I'm going to need another hamper or two or six so that I can presort and laundry has just become a full weekend affair.