Traffic Pattern Problems (with Accompanying Stick Figure Diagrams)

Today I went to use the rest of my gift card up at the Hershey Spa. ::sniff sniff:: For those of you that don't know, I milk my visit to the Hershey Spa for everything its worth and take advantage of all the free amenities. I get in the hot tub, sweat in the sauna, use the free mouthwash, eat muffins in the quiet room and munch on Hershey Kisses in the Aromatherapy room. Today, I decided that I would also go for a swim in the indoor pool.

I go down to the pool and was happily surprised to find that I was the only person there. So I begin to swim laps down the pool long ways like any normal non-psychotic person would. About 15 minutes into my swim an older woman comes in. Fine. Pool is big enough for the both of us. Except she starts to swim short ways across the pool. (See Figure A)

The worst part was that when our paths crossed she would not slow down or in any way change her swimming pattern so as to avoid the impending mid-water crash. At this moment three things that I could do crossed my mind. 1) Kick her in the gut "accidentally" at the intersection of our lanes. 2) Scream "what the hell do you think you are doing, ass clown?" at her and hope she would be scared enough to get out. 3) Do nothing and roll my eyes at the lifeguard every time we made eye contact. I'm a wuss and chose three.

Fifteen more minutes went by and another lady walked into the pool and was visibly confused as to which way she should swim. I was sending her psychic messages trying to tell her that I was here first, and she needed to swim like a normal swimmer. She apparently got the message because she started swimming long ways as well. (See Figure B).

I convinced myself that short ways lady would become frustrated with two swimmers interference and get out or switch directions. She didn't and non-psycho swimmer got frustrated and left after 10 minutes.

Another 15 minutes goes by, and two old ladies walk in. They begin swimming short ways too. Do they think they are going to be doing sprints or what? So now I am the one trying to dodge three other swimmers. I decide my plight is futile (and since I only was planning on swimming about another 5 more minutes) got out and went to the hot tub nearby. By this time, there are now four people swimming short ways across the pool. I watch another person enter the pool and (I am not kidding) begins swimming long ways across the middle of the pool. (See Figure C)

Also notice that there is a mom and two kids splashing away in the corner. (This will become important very shortly). At this point, the pool manager enters and helps the lifeguard put up a lap lane line (long ways obviously). I of course make some smart ass remark to the lifeguard like "oh, now you decide to put up a lap line." All swimming stops for about 5 minutes while everyone decides exactly what pattern to swim. After another five minutes, one of the young kids in the corner pukes in the pool and everyone evacuates. I secretly smile to myself.