Little Nuggets of Comedic Genius

Sometimes I wonder why I keep some of the shit I do, and then I find things like this and realize why. For those of you that did not know me in college, I have to give you some background. My friend Danielle, who at the time was 600 miles away from me at Penn State, would send me hysterically funny e-mails (sometimes sober, sometimes not) which I would pull quotes from and put on my aim profile...much to the enjoyment of my friends. I don't really get many psycho e-mails from her now (more just psycho voicemails). ::sigh:: Well, good news, I just found the notebook which held all of her quotes. YEAH!! So here are some of my favorites, along with some new never before seen quotes. I can't make this shit up folks. I will abbreviate the profanity, but I think you'll still pretty much get the idea.

"WARNING: e-mail is long and funny and can potentially produce uncontrollable laughing. do not read this e-mail while operating heavy machinery. (who the f*** would read their e-mail while using a forklift, i ask you.)"

"Pothead apologized to me last night for having sex all the time."

"i wonder if the sims are real people who are just trapped in my computer. like when i messed around on fehran's computer and accidentally killed the mom adn they all cried and i laughed. was that mean of me?? to neglect their feelings? to not only neglect their feelings but then turn around and laugh?? i'm sorry sims family. God i'm sorry."

"Point h) the point f up there really threw me. we almost had another g point but no funny, cool words start with g. unless you consider glittoris funny. wait, that's not right."

"my mom said, i wonder where he got the script from. i said , uh, hello, it came from the Bible."

"then she said why do young people think they are the only ones who have sex? i personally never ever wanna have this kind of conversation with my mom ever ever again."

"saw a special on brit brit today. i personally like when there are pictures out there of her that look wretched."

"unless of course you grew a f***ing heart and a conscience which we both know will never happen."

"I swear to God I am on a different planet called stupid."

"so what does it say when i'll listen to O-town before i'll listen to bsb? it says Kevin is queer."

"the fact that most times she sounds coherent upsets me cuz its like she's lying."

"pokd i'm dgoona go lay dwon now and itry ot sleepe. ok byeb buyye."

"wouldn't it be totally ironic to have a cat named fievel?"

"four words: tone loc: wild thing"

"finally, stop using f***ing tildes around your name. that is so 2001."

That is all for now...but i have plenty more. This may become a regular series like "letters from prison." Which by the way, I should have soon.