Sunday, April 25, 2010

Is This Even a Legal Document?

Wow, I have so much to blog about that I've started putting ideas for blog posts on my task list in outlook. Crazy. Good thing I'm still getting up early so I have time to blog all this great stuff. And can you believe that in two weeks I'll be in China. Guess what else! I've been named an official blogger for the school for the China trip. Obviously those official blog posts will not be nearly as snide as these are (and so by default less hysterically funny), but still it should be fun, and I promise to put my own JSto twist on them.

This summer I'm interning in Atlanta and found a place to live that basically sounds like a dorm for grad students/interns except in the middle of the a really cool part of town instead of on campus. I just got my lease from the random guy I've been e-mailing with, and it is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Can a lease be funny? I'm pulling out some of my favorite direct quotes. I'm leaving the best paragraph for last so if you happen to be reading this at work and the boss comes, make sure you go back at some point and at least read that one (not that I would ever condone reading my blog at work...who am I kidding? of course I condone that! I used to blog at work!)

"to the extent that downloading large files slows DSL for everyone, JSto agrees, if necessary, to limit her use of DSL to ordinary internet browsing, e-mail, text files, ordinary text documents, etc...this paragraph is in the lease in an abundance of caution to insure that everyone has access to functioning DSL service in that, about three years ago, a couple of Georgia Tech students were downloading extraordinarily large files and programs for a business application and causing DSL problems." --- the love the words "abundance of caution" and also that he gives the whole background story

"JSto acknowledges that she will be the only occupant of the room though she may have visitors."---I'm really surprised he doesn't go into more detail to specify when a "visitor" becomes and occupant.

"If notified by management to clean up something she soiled, JSto agrees to clean up the area immediately, completely and cheerfully." ---yes, mom

And my absolute favorite part, which will need no further commentary from me: "JSto also agrees not to have a pet without written approval of the lessor. JSto agrees not to go to the Humane Society (which is three buildings down the street), find a pet, and have the Humane Society call for the landlord's permission for JSto to have the pet without first consulting the lessor, and understands that if she does indeed go to the Humane Society, finds a pet, and has the Humane Society call for the landlord's permission for the pet, JSto understands that the landlord/lessor will deny such permission. This paragraph does not mean that JSto cannot ever have a pet -- it just means that JSto needs to obtain prior approval before going to the Humane Society, meeting a cute companion and falling in love--and putting the lessor in teh position of possibly denying JSto the companionship of her new love."

Seriously, that is taken verbatim from my new lease.

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