Happy Help a Turtle Across the Road Month

So in case you've ever heard of those really crazy holidays (aka National Popcorn Day) and wondered if people just make them up, the answer is yes, yes they do. My good friends over at S-C sent me this and request that I blog about it. So I will. Blogging on demand...don't ever say I wasn't a blogger for the people. My comments will be in {} since there are already parenthesis in the e-mail. I will also have some other enjoyable comments following the e-mail.

"June is National Help a Turtle Across the Road Month {you couldn't come up with something a little catchier than that? Like just off the top of my head I'm thinking "Shell Out Some Help Month" Get it? Shell? Cause turtles live in a shell?} (actually I just made that up) {see, I told you people just make that shit up} But every June you will see Turtles on the move {why is turtles capitalized? Is Turtle a person and I'm just misunderstanding this whole thing? Wasn't the one character on Saved By the Bell, Lisa Turtle? Reread this just thinking of Turtles as her family...it makes it funnier} – following their primal reptilian instinct…{to be slimy?}* (*See JB if you need to know more about this){I don't know who JB is or why he knows about turtle sex, but I don't think that I want to know} I helped my first sex-crazed, shelled friend across Furnace Road this morning. {do you want a cookie?} Want to keep the ‘Turtle’ in Turtle Creek?{this may be funnier for ND people because Turtle Creek was the off campus housing known for such wild drunk fests as 'Rally in the Alley,' 'Kegs and Eggs,' and of course, 'Beer Olympics', so of course we want to keep the turtle in Turtle Creek} And in the Susquehanna River, Penns, Buffalo and Middle Creeks? {I don't know where those places are, but I guess turtles are good and should be in them} Keep an eye out and give them a lift to the other side when you can."{how fast is this guy driving that he's seeing turtles on the side of the road? I've ridden numerous times with my mom who goes 5 miles under the speed limit because "It's the speed LIMIT, Jennifer." and have yet to spot a turtle.}

Ok, so this e-mail made me curious as to the other stupid holidays that people probably in all likelihood just made up. According to the internet, here are a few of my favorites.

First, I of course looked up my birthday, December 30th and discovered that I had two holidays. "Festival Of Enormous Changes At The Last Minute and
National Bicarbonate Of Soda Day" I would have to say that these are the two things least like me. a) I hate changes at the last minute and b) bicarbonate of soda is just stupid.

January 9th: Play God Day--ok, I know that God has a lot of holidays, but I'm not sure that means you should take one in his place. I mean she is God after all. Yes, I referred to God with a feminine pronoun...want to argue about it?

January 18th: Winnie the Pooh Day--I HATE Winnie the Pooh. Why does an obese homosexual bear deserve his own day? If any character should have their own day from that show, it should be Eeyore. Eeyore put up with everyone else's crap and never got jack shit.

January 22nd: National Answer Your Cat's Question Day--what? Can someone with cat's please explain this? unless "cat" is meant in the blues club sense of "cat" in which case it makes sense, but is just stupid.

February is National Return Carts to the Supermarket Month -- so pull out that cart you've been hiding in the closet and get it back to the store!

March 22nd: National Goof Off Day--you need an official day for that? I thought it was just called Friday.

April 23rd: World Laboratory Animal Day -- man, that's more depressing than Valentine's Day

May: Fungal Infection Awareness Month --I'm just thinking about the missed opportunity for Hallmark.

May 11th: Eat what you want day -- they actually announced this on the radio on that day and the radio announcer had to say "now if you have a food allergy, that doesn't mean you can eat that today." Do we really need to say that? If someone is that dumb, don't we kinda want to weed them out?

July: National Ice Cream Month -- My favorite month now! There are like six days that have something to do with ice cream. YEAH! (I didn't forget June...it just sucked)

August 8th: Sneak Some Zucchini Into Your Neighbor's Porch Night -- if you have the maturity of a 10 year old, like I do...this is really funny.

September 2nd: National Beheading Day -- where exactly is this currently being celebrated?

October 3rd: Virus Appreciation Day -- I'm not sure what I'm supposed to appreciate about a virus.

November 2nd: National Deviled Egg Day -- is it just me or are deviled eggs not really a November type food? that would be like having national Egg Nog Day in July. it just doesn't work.

November 15th: National Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day -- someone alert the fridge gnome.

December sucks too so I'm done. I guess they ran out of ridiculous holidays by time they got to December and all they had left was National Bicarbonate of Soda day...jeesh.