The Perfect Babysitting Job

My uncle asked me to babysit Saturday night from 6-11. I said my only stipulation was that I could was that I can watch the Notre Dame/ Georgia Tech game...he said put the kids down in the playroom and watch the game upstairs. He's getting pizza for dinner and paying me $50.

Psychotic Thought of the Week

If I had escaped from prison, I'd sleep in cornfields during the day and travel by night.

Do you think they let people in prison watch Prison Break? Maybe I'll ask my cousins.

Disgusting Lunch

Today at lunch one of my coworkers showed me a piece of cheese on his sandwich that was full of dog/cat hair. He then proceeded to pick off the hair, and chomp down on the sandwich. I proceeded to lose my appetite.

Car Paranoia

I have two things that I'm paranoid about related to my car and last night they came head to head.

First, I'm paranoid that I always have a flat tire. I've been in cars twice where we've been driving on a flat tire and didn't know it until some pulled up beside us and told us or we got wherever we were going and oh shit, we've been driving on a flat tire. Every time we told the stories after that people would be like how can you not know? So now whenever my car feels bumpy on a seemingly flat road I think I have a flat tire.

Secondly, I get paranoid that people are following me. When I'm taking back roads and someone is on my tail for a long time, I always start watching them closely thinking that they could be following me. This just stems from being psychotic and watching too many scary movies.

Anyway, last night I dropped my mom and grandma off at like 9 after a long day of shopping. Even though my grandma insisted I should come in for a sandwich and/or a Klondike bar (why do grandma's do stuff like this?) Well at the first red light past my grandma's, this big Dodge Ram was right on my tail. (All I can see in my rearview mirror is the Ram on the front grill, that's how close he was). He stays on my tail every where I go on my very windy and backroads way home and of course I start thinking about where the closest police station is and if I have my cell phone on me. Then at a light, this car full of girls pulls up next to me and signals for me to roll down my window. Of course now, I think I also have a flat tire and I'm going to have to pull over and the Dodge Ram guy is going to take out a hatchet and slaughter me. But they just tell me that my one tail light was out (which it actually wasn't when I got home) and then the Dodge Ram turned the opposite direction a block from my home. And I lived happily ever after. The End

Things that Annoy Me

When the TV paper has a show listed that I really want to watch, but then when you go to the channel at the specified time, so crappy show is on. That really pisses me off.

Another thing that annoys me...not being able to think up a psychotic thought of the week.

Blogs Revisited

One of my favorite TV shows is Mythbusters and they always do a "Myths Revisited" episode, so I thoughtI'd do blogs revisited.

1) Football Tickets - 3/20/06: I've already sent in my money for the alumni football ticket lottery next year. I would suggest that any idiotic alumni that forgot last year do the same.

2) I Laughed Till I Cried - 6/10/06: I don't really have any updates on this, but I still think its hella funny.

3) Things That Annoy Me - 7/12/06: My neighbors now have 2 cars and take up 4 parking spaces with them.

4) Urban Striptease - 8/6/06: My stripper name is Brandy.

My Weekend

I was having a pretty good weekend until Sunday. I went to a play that my cousin Aubrey was in on Saturday morning. She had 4 lines and was cute and adorable. My grandma took us to Friendly's which is one of my favorite restaurants. Then I went grocery shopping with Danielle, which is always enjoyable trying to decipher her mom's list. (Does "2 cans beets- small" mean small cans or small beets? cause if its small cans why not just buy 1 medium size can?) Then I totally crashed Saturday night which was fine because I needed the sleep.

Sunday started off good. I made a cinnamon pecan roll from one of my Semi-Homemade Cookbooks. Then I started cleaning everything in preparation for my mom's arrival. I even dusted the top of all my hanging pictures and cleaned their glass as well. I was on my way to the gym at 2 when I realized that the meeting for work I thought was at 7 was actually at 1, and I would be an hour and a half late. That kinda sucked.

Things that Annoy Me

When my washer stops mid-cycle, full of soapy water and clothes and smells like burning rubber. Then it starts shaking and I'm not completly sure that its not going to explode. It didn't.

I'm Sorry, Millers

This is my apology to the Millers. I'm sorry that I got busy with my e-mail and didn't vote for you. I'm sorry that I thought hey, it's not that big of a deal the Millers or All That will probably win anyway. I'm sorry that I let that annoyingly sweet girl Bianca Ryan win the million dollars on America's Got Talent. I'm sorry that she's not even old enough to enjoy merriment and chicanery with the money and her parents will probably make her do something responsible with it like put it in a trust fund...ick! I'm sorry that this will probably cause you two to become estranged because the younger brother will start believing what Piers said and blame the older brother's inability to sing for your loss (not to mention the battle that will ensue over the use of the new car). It's all my fault because I didn't vote for you. And as David Hasselhoff tried to tell me the decision was in my hands. Too bad I didn't listen.

Lunch Bag, the Saga Continues

So to paraphrase the lunch bag situation so far, I bought a really cute purple lunch bag that really looks like a purple purse. My mom (knowing that I needed a lunch bag, but not knowing that I had already bought one) sent me a hideous lime green lunch bag that looks like something I may have used when I was 7 and it was the 80's (see picture). I didn't tell her that I had already gotten one.

My mom is coming in next week and will undoubtedly be snooping around my apartment. Do I a) pretend to happily use the hideous green lunch bag, b) tell her I found the purple one on sale really cheap after she had already given me the green one (a complete lie), c) do my best to hide both lunch bags and hope it never comes up?

Psychotic Thought of the Week

This psychotic thought of the week is related to my previous post in that I thought of it in the car on the way back from kickboxing. I think most of my psychotic thoughts of the week when I'm in my car. That's what they basically are...just random thoughts I think of in the car and then think, I can't believe I just thought that.

Anyway, if I were suddenly accosted, say in a deserted parking garage somewhere, would my kickboxing skills help me (like my wonderful jab, straight, hook, duck combination) or would they still find my dismembered body in a cornfield in Lancaster County? I think I would probably use my right hook to start out with as I feel that is my strongest punch...then closely followed by a knee to the groin (not learned in the class, but a personal favorite).

Kickboxing Class

Last night I decided to take kickboxing class at my gym and this girl I went to high school with was there. It was weird, and not just the normal weird I usually get when running into people from high school. This girl came to my town in 7th or maybe 8th grade from Russia and barely spoke any English. I still remember sitting on the school bus trying to get the word "snow" across to her. I didn't really talk to her that much in high school, but still said hi and stuff when I saw her in the hall. Well now, she doesn't have any Russian accent at all...in fact, she kinda has a Southern accent, and she talks really fast. It's just weird to me.

Has Anyone Seen This Box?

Somewhere in between the move from Indiana, my grandmother's house, and my apartment, I lost a box of stuff. In this box, is a mirrored tray, a dresser scarf, a shamrock sun catcher, a green bowl, a Notre Dame candle, a manatee snow globe, a picture of me and my parents, another picture that I'm not sure what is in it, but I know I'm missing the frame, and who knows what else. The list continues to get longer as I realize stuff that is missing.

Anyone Else See Similarities?

Does anyone else think Invincible is just Rudy remade with pro football instead of college?

Psychotic Thought of the Week

I was thinking of all the different competition reality shows on TV. There's competitions for comedians, singers, chefs, boxers, dancers, ice skaters, etc. Well, I've come up with another one. It's a cross between Nip/Tuck and American Idol. It's a competition between plastic surgeons. Think about it...every week they bring out several hideously disfigured/ugly people. Then the surgeons do their work and America votes...I guess the only problem with this is that we'd have to have a show only about once a month in order to give the formerly hideously disfigured/ugly people heal properly....but I'd watch it.

On another note, what is the deal with Maurice Clarett...he's a psychotic thought of the week all by himself.

Things that Annoy Me

The word "monies." Why not just use the word money? I don't get it.

Do Eggs Go Bad?

Last night I realized that my half dozen carton of eggs says best if used by June XX, 2006. When I moved into my apartment, my mom felt that I needed eggs even though I don't eat eggs except when used for baking. It was just one of those things that you need (milk, eggs, bread). Well, I've used one of the six and now they have "expired" though I really didn't know eggs could expire. Any thoughts?

Urban Striptease

My gym offers a class called Urban Striptease. It's held on Friday mornings, but I normally have to work on Fridays...I had off last Friday. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't for the teacher to tell us to create a "stripper persona" by thinking of a name and deciding whether we were a "good girl" or a "bad girl." I think the teacher is actually a stripper herself.

The class then learned about a minute and a half stripper routine (part of which is on your knees). And during the class such memorable quotes as "Long hair is an asset" and "Give them what they want" (that was as we were supposed to be writhing and sensually rubbing our chests) and "our goal is to make as much money as we can in a minute and a half."

Keep in mind that this classes is open to women of all ages. So of course you had the slutty 20 somethings that could possibly be/have been strippers, but then there's mom-like people there too.

This post is a little delayed because I was chaperoning at this Girl Scout Event at Raystown Lake over the weekend where I was scarred when the leader's decided to dance to "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" (which could possibly be one of the longest songs ever).

Speaking of scarred, my cousins are officially at Milton Hershey school; hopefully safe from further scarring by their messed up family.

Psychotic Thought of the Week

If I was Floyd Landis, and really was innocent and really did only have naturally high levels of testosterone in my system, I'd live in an isolated area under the supervision of scientists (maybe Biosphere 2...maybe not) and then after a month or two come out, be tested and clear my good name and tell all those journalists that doubted me to shove it.

If however, I was Floyd Landis and really had taken steroids and was just making all this stuff up, I would just go into Biosphere 2 for fun, but then not be tested for it afterwards nor would I tell anyone to shove it.