Sometimes Yoga Things Really Horrify Me

The first time I found myself horrified by yoga was when my yoga instructor (the crunchy, yuppy one) had me put my big toe on my "third eye" aka forehead. I'm not really sure what freaked me out so much about this, but the whole thing just felt wrong (like kicking a puppy).

Well today I became even more horrified by yoga (though I still love it). I've been fighting a cold and was debating whether to go to yoga class today, so I did what anyone else would do and googled it. The answer was no, you should not do yoga when sick but they did recommend the "six purification techniques of yoga." I had never heard of this, but was intrigued so of course I then googled that and found this scary website. Here are the six purification processes as listed on the site and my comments in brackets [] since some of the things already include parenthesis. I don't know what I was expecting. Maybe some fasting or something, but it wasn't this.

1. DHAUTI- Yogic cleansing of the digestive tract.
a. Antar ( internal )Dhauti -This further divided into -
Vatsara Dhauti (Expelling air through anus) [aka farting]
Varisara Dhauti (Evacuating a large quantity of water through the bowels) [what is considered a large quantity?]
Vahnisara Dhauti (rapid expanse/contraction of the abdomen) [ok, we've actually done this one in yoga class and is i would say the lesser of the evils]
Bahiskrita Dhauti (washing the rectum in the hands) [what?]
b. Hrida(cardiac) Dhauti - It has 3 kinds of practices -
Danda Dhauti (Inserting soft banana stem in the stomach) [i'm not even sure what to picture here]
Vastra Dhauti (Swallowing a long thin strip of cloth) [yummy]
Vaman Dhauti (Regurgirating the contents of the stomach) [and you thought this was an eating disorder...really its just yoga]

2. BASTI- Yogic colon cleaning
a. Jala (water) Basti (Water is sucked in the large intestine through the anus and expelled) [well, that doesn't sound like fun]
b. Sthala (Dry) Basti (Air is sucked in the large intestine through the anus and expelled) [oh, much better]

3. NETI - Yogic nasal cleaning
a. Sutra (thread) Neti (passing a soft thread through the nose) [i'm not sure it matters how soft it is. it still sounds like flossing the inside of your nose to me.]
b. Jala (water) Neti (passing warm saline water through the nose) [this happened to me in the ocean once. i don't recommend it]
c. Ghrita (ghee) Neti (passing clarified butter through the nose) [clarified butter? really?]
d. Dugdha (milk) Neti (passing of milk through the nose) [it's bad when i'm thinking "passing milk through your nose doesn't sound that bad"]

4. TRATAKA- Yogic Concentrated Gazing
a. Bahiranga (external) Trataka [i'm disappointed that there wasn't more info on this, so i did more research. this is basically staring at something...like a candle flame...without blinking until your eyes water...fun!]
b. Antaranga (internal) Trataka [this is just visualizing something with your eyes closed. seems almost too easy at this point]

5. NAULI – Yogic abdominal massage
a. Madhyama Nauli (the isolated contraction of the central muscles of the abdomins)[like pilates?]
b. Vama Nauli (the isolated contraction of the left part of the central muscles of the abdomen) [pilates?]
c. Dakshina Nauli (the isolated contraction of the right part of the central muscles of the abdomen) [again i thought pilates until i decided to google and found this disturbing picture]
d. Nauli kriya (the circular movement of the central muscles of the abdomen) [circular pilates?]

6. KAPALBHATI – yogic purification and vitalisation of the frontal lobes.
a. Vatkrama Kapalbhati (similar to bhastrika pranayama) [oh! well why didn't you say so! i looked this up. it's basically really fast breathing through your nose...like 3-4 breaths a second.]
b. Vyutkrama Kapalbhati (sucking water in through the nose and expelling it through the mouth) [in kate's words "i spend my time trying not to do this"]
c. Sheetkrama Kapalbhati [i love how they assume you know what this is. thanks to google i now know its the opposite of the one above. this one you suck the water...preferably salt water...in your mouth and expel out your nose...again, i try not to do this]

[yeah, all those just sound like tons of fun. One website I came across said "Of these six practices, many are best performed in private and would not be suitable for use during a class." no crap! it would have to be a really close yoga class in order to want to pass some clarified butter through your noses together! ps spellcheck really hated this post]

Memorial Day Weekend: Part 2

So this is the part of the weekend that everyone really wants to hear about...the black tie wedding. Bright and early Sunday morning, my dad picked me up and we headed down to Tysons Corner Virginia. We arrived just as the mall opened. Perfect! I love this mall. Though I actually didn't buy anything...what's up with that? We had lunch at Brio which was pretty yummy. After shopping some more, we checked into our room at the Ritz and just chilled until it was time to get ready for the big shin dig.

The groom was in his fifties and this was his first marriage so the theme of the wedding was "when pigs fly and hell freezes over." Interesting theme. How was this theme expressed? If the invitations, and the little pig with wings on the note card in the out of town guest goodie bag didn't tip you off. Then maybe the 6 foot high devil ice sculpture would give you a clue.

It was also a martini luge, which served four different types of martinis being dispensed out the bottom of the pitchfork. Yummy! There were also glass vases full of fireballs on either side of the sculpture which my dad filled his tuxedo pockets with towards the end of the night. And if you didn't get the idea from that, then maybe this:

Pig with wings cookies (though they kinda look like pink dogs) and chocolate medallions with devil appliques that were delivered to each table. I also may have gotten my dad in trouble because he stole an extra pig cookie which I thought was for my mom, but when I asked my mom today how it was, she had no idea what I was talking about.

Though that seemed to not be the only theme. The invitation stated that the event was black tie (or at least cowboy formal) so there also seemed to be a higher than normal percentage of cowboy hats and bolo ties. That may have tied into the cake:

Because obviously a stagecoach has nothing to do with pigs or hell (except maybe my own personal version of hell). Yes, there are musical instruments on the top of it. What can I say? They're in the music business. NERDS. Did I mention this was a Charm City (AKA Ace of Cakes) cake? Of course. Though we never actually ate the cake.

The food was very eclectic and plentiful. The cocktail hour seemed to be Asian themed. As there was a sushi station, some sort of burrito type thing with Peking duck, carved seared tuna, and various types of dumplings. Though there were waiters wandering around with everything from prosciutto and melon to barbecue chicken skewers to caviar and salmon wraps. We had no idea what to expect inside the actual reception...so let's have everything! There was a pasta station with chefs preparing pasta dishes so that it would be warm and fresh, there was a meat carving station (with filet of course), a seafood station with lobster, crab cakes, oysters, shrimp, etc., an antipasto station and a salad station. Then on top of that for dessert there were crepes being made to order, bananas foster being prepared by a chef, cookies, brownies and an ice cream sundae station where the poor chef girl was dishing out ice cream with a melon baller. I mixed desserts and had vanilla ice cream with warm bananas foster on top.

In case the food didn't break the bank, maybe the half dozen open bars, two bands (one big band, one Motown) and ridiculous floral centerpieces did.

One of the other women there with my dad's company was ridiculous drunk, and the HR staff person was almost forced into action but her boyfriend took her up to the room for the night. Though not before some ridiculous dancing to "New York, New York," her nearly toppling off of her chair at dinner, and multiple yellings of Mazel Tov during the speeches (it was a Jewish couple so that was only slightly inappropriate). All in all, a good time.

Memorial Day Weekend, Part 1

I realize that I'm going to be become bored of this post before I cover the whole weekend, so I'm going to split it in at least two.

My dad was in town for the weekend. (PS I have discovered that he somehow accidentally signed up for facebook and has a page, but nothing on it.) Saturday started off, and we went to visit my grandpa which was rather boring. After that we decided to go to lunch at The Chocolate Avenue Grille. I had the BEST salad EVER. I'm not even exaggerating. It's called "Jess's Favorite Salad In the Whole World." Look it up on the website. We were sitting out on the patio because it was a gorgeous day. Just before we were about to leave someone rear-ended another person on Chocolate Avenue. There was a lot of damage, but the person who had been rear-ended just drove away. Weird. Is there such a thing as be hit and run? We think they probably either a) had a suspended license (my mom's idea) or b) had a dead body in the trunk (Danielle's idea).

So from there we headed down to the Harrisburg Arts Festival. We didn't end up getting anything except a few delicious coconut macaroons.

Doesn't that look yummy!

After watching some Food Network (my dad is a Food Network junkie...weird). We headed off to my Uncle Bill's for a big picnic. We watched as the Phillies just gave a win away to the Yankees...painful. Then I doubted my decision to attend the big family vacation in the Outer Banks in July as there was a lot of fighting going on amongst the kids (sometimes with shovels and plastic swords). But once the food was ready, everyone was happy. I was a little disappointed because there was no fruit on the menu...hello? it's fruit season. Even if you don't want to cut everything up for a fruit salad, can't I at least have some watermelon or something. The other thing that bothers me is that they always have too much dessert. It's family tradition to make homemade ice cream. You would think that is really all you need, but apparently it was necessary to also have fudge, brownies and some sort of strawberry jello-y stuff. Oh well.

Well, that's it for now. Stay tuned for a recap of the big black tie wedding!

A Technicality

My dad: I got a ticket today
Me: For what?
My dad: Speeding
Me: Oh yeah?
My dad: He got me on a technicality though.
Me: What?
My dad: I was going 75 in a 45.

Shopping and Fun in NYC

Next weekend I've been recruited with the promise of shopping by my dad to attend a back tie wedding gala because my mom refused to go (which should lead to a good blog post next weekend). So when I saw that Swatara Township was offering a "Day on Your Own In NYC" bus trip for like $40 a ticket, I knew I had to call on my fashion advisor (and former college roommate) Marcia.

I met Marcia just after getting off the bus and we went straight into shopping mode at Bloomingdale's and after finding the correct section found this dress. The one I have is actually darker than the one pictured, so I'm not sure if its just the picture or actually a different color. A random guy with an African accent who was sitting in the lounge area of the dressing room remarked that it was his favorite color and that he would buy it for me...bizarre? I did not let him buy it for me (this may have been some sort of proposal for marriage in his country which would have been "bad news bears" according to Marcia.) We then went to Nine West and bought these shoes. Another random shopper remarked as to how cute they were...weird.

We then realized we were EXTREMELY hungry. We took the train downtown (actually I don't remember whether we took the train before or after shopping) and stopped by her apartment. After meeting her French bulldog, Madeline (Bonjour, Madeline!...yes, I just gave a dog a shout out in my blog. Do you have a problem with that?) and have Madeline like my toes in approval of me, we went to brunch. We originally wanted to go to some place with tacos, but after not being able to get in because of a stuck door we gave up (obviously we were not meant to eat there) and went to Oliver's where we had mimosas.

and I had waffles with fresh berries and cinnamon cream which I would like to eat by the spoonful (the cinnamon cream that is).
We also discussed the fashion trend of wearing leggings as pants and pointed out people who should and should not be wearing them out the window. We also saw a police man giving a parking ticket to a Mack truck. haha We then went to a crafty street fair and saw lots of really cute things, though didn't end up buying anything...surprisingly.

We then went to our friend Joe's apartment (where Marcia's husband Matt was). On the way there we began to make fun of French people until we realized that we were walking next to French people. At Joe's apartment we hung out on his fire escape and drank beer and sangria (not together, I drank sangria, everyone else had beer) and booed people for the poor choice in outfit and also inability to park (the true New York experience).

Then Matt, Joe and I went to a wonderful outdoor courtyard at A.O.C (l'Ail ou la Cuisse) who's website says "A Little Bit of France In New York." Which was completely true at first as we were completely ignored for several minutes as we stood by the bar waiting to be seated in the courtyard. But after that we enjoyed more wine and a really really good cheese plate.

Well, it was almost time for me to go. So I went back to Marcia and Matt's apartment to pick up my new dress and shoes. Marcia took me into the subway and gave me instructions on how to get back to the where I was supposed to meet the bus. However, we were so focused on getting me into the subway and back uptown that we forgot a goodbye hug and settled for a high five in between the bars. HAHA I had a ton of fun and was so exhausted today that I meant to go to yoga and fell asleep instead.

Sometimes I Really Hate My Job

The most productive thing I did all afternoon was color the end of lollipop sticks with a marker for Kate. Really? I went to college for this?

The Fridge Gnome

My office needs a fridge gnome, but we don't have one. Amanda 2's office does and recently sent out an e-mail to the staff.

"I have been informed that many staff have decided to engage in refrigerator gardening this spring (please note example on the left). While admirable, it is strictly forbidden to use agency facilities for fungal cultivation. SHAME ON YOU!

As a result of this gross (pun intended) lapse in proper fridge usage, there will be a general purging of fridge contents. See below for details. The minions of the Honorable Order of the Fridge Gnome will be throwing this hot dog away Friday, May 21, 2009 at 2:00 PM. Mark your calendars!

And oh yes, along with it ANYTHING left in the fridge and freezer at that time, that does NOT have a Staff name SECURELY affixed to it, in an EASY - TO - SEE way will be thrown in the garbage. This means EVERYTHING. Unopened soda, salad dressings, frozen hot pockets, yogurt, your great aunt’s crystal serving dish, we don’t care. We will NOT be saving anything that is not labeled. No dishes will be washed and saved. Can’t get a label to stick to the side of your container? Don’t care, put it in a bag, tape the bag closed and label that. Take it home or label it, or DON’T WHINE LATER ONCE IT IS GONE. Labels will be placed in a convenient location in the kitchen to be used to label your containers. If our labels don’t work, get your own and don’t complain.

PS: we would like other to join my minions in the fridge purging revelry, please let me know, or show up and pitch in. No whiners, please.

PPS; If you have interns who may use the refrigerator, but who may not be on the mailing list, please tell them as well."

So funny (and soooo gross), did I mention that the fridge gnome has his/her own e-mail address?

Little Nuggets of Comedic Genius

Sometimes I wonder why I keep some of the shit I do, and then I find things like this and realize why. For those of you that did not know me in college, I have to give you some background. My friend Danielle, who at the time was 600 miles away from me at Penn State, would send me hysterically funny e-mails (sometimes sober, sometimes not) which I would pull quotes from and put on my aim profile...much to the enjoyment of my friends. I don't really get many psycho e-mails from her now (more just psycho voicemails). ::sigh:: Well, good news, I just found the notebook which held all of her quotes. YEAH!! So here are some of my favorites, along with some new never before seen quotes. I can't make this shit up folks. I will abbreviate the profanity, but I think you'll still pretty much get the idea.

"WARNING: e-mail is long and funny and can potentially produce uncontrollable laughing. do not read this e-mail while operating heavy machinery. (who the f*** would read their e-mail while using a forklift, i ask you.)"

"Pothead apologized to me last night for having sex all the time."

"i wonder if the sims are real people who are just trapped in my computer. like when i messed around on fehran's computer and accidentally killed the mom adn they all cried and i laughed. was that mean of me?? to neglect their feelings? to not only neglect their feelings but then turn around and laugh?? i'm sorry sims family. God i'm sorry."

"Point h) the point f up there really threw me. we almost had another g point but no funny, cool words start with g. unless you consider glittoris funny. wait, that's not right."

"my mom said, i wonder where he got the script from. i said , uh, hello, it came from the Bible."

"then she said why do young people think they are the only ones who have sex? i personally never ever wanna have this kind of conversation with my mom ever ever again."

"saw a special on brit brit today. i personally like when there are pictures out there of her that look wretched."

"unless of course you grew a f***ing heart and a conscience which we both know will never happen."

"I swear to God I am on a different planet called stupid."

"so what does it say when i'll listen to O-town before i'll listen to bsb? it says Kevin is queer."

"the fact that most times she sounds coherent upsets me cuz its like she's lying."

"pokd i'm dgoona go lay dwon now and itry ot sleepe. ok byeb buyye."

"wouldn't it be totally ironic to have a cat named fievel?"

"four words: tone loc: wild thing"

"finally, stop using f***ing tildes around your name. that is so 2001."

That is all for now...but i have plenty more. This may become a regular series like "letters from prison." Which by the way, I should have soon.

Big Weekend

Wow…it’s a busy weekend. I guess the only real way to end a busy week is with a busy weekend, but I’m going to be totally exhausted by Monday. Friday the PAL (Program and Adult Learning Guide) was due. Our goal was to get 10,000 program slots, but if two weeks ago, we thought we had no shot…we were wrong. We got 15,000 slots. It was a nightmare to type up all those programs though.

Then, due to poor planning on my part, I hosted a wine and chocolate tasting party Friday evening. Even though we had some road closure issues for people trying to get here it was AWESOME. I pulled out all the wine tasting stops with little spit/pour buckets, pairing lists, and wine biscuits (which my dad sometimes eats like bar snacks). I think it was lots of fun though now I had a lot of wine/chocolate left over so if anyone would like to come help me finish them off let me know. Or if someone would like to do their own tasting, I’d be happy to share my knowledge.

A few people stayed late to chat and holy crap next thing we knew it was midnight and oh shit, Kate and I had a fishing derby program the next morning. Next morning, I wake up at 6, not because I have to, but I just do. I go to the fishing derby place and get there at like 8:15. (The program starts at 9). At around 8:20 a whole troop of girls shows up and is like what do we do? This annoys the hell out of me. Hello? You’re 40 minutes early. You’re going to figure out how to entertain your 11 girls, that’s what you are going to do.

The fishing derby went fine. We had a troop show up that was wait listed, but apparently didn’t know they were wait listed. Only trees, hair and rocks got hooked, no flesh wounds so that was good. They actually caught some fish which is always a plus. I was in charge of craft, since I have no idea how to fish. We made little aquarium shadow boxes (mostly because we had a surplus of shoe boxes that some lady had dropped off at our office). Here’s my example.

Shut up! It’s cute. Kate likes my hypodermic needle fish. And yes, I get paid for things like that. Then I went home and slept for two hours. Woke up. Went to dance. Baked some muffins for this baby shower at church. Watched the draft and had my own wine and chocolate party. Since I had been hostessing, I didn’t have a chance to taste anything the night before and wanted to see how I did for my first time (pretty good, I must admit).

Up for tomorrow is church baby shower thing, party clean up (maybe), volunteer banquet and then Arooga’s with Amanda. It’s so tough being popular!

Happy Earth Day!

I started this last year and know that some people have actually used my tips, so here's 25 more simple ways to help save the Earth.

1) Shop for a cause. Many websites sell eco-friendly products or help contribute to the environment. One of my favorite places to shop is the Greater Good Network because not only can you help purchase rainforest with all your shopping, but if the environment isn't your thing, you can also help contribute to literacy or animal rescue or several other causes.

2) Buy bamboo. Bamboo grows really quickly. Today you can buy everything from pajamas to furniture to bowls made out of it. I have a pair of bamboo socks and they're really soft and nice.

3) Keep the refrigerator door closed! This is one of my pet peeves. At work people open the refrigerator, make themselves a sandwich, then ten minutes later put the mustard or whatever back and finally close the door. Do you know how much energy you just wasted!

4) Choose matches over lighters and cardboard matches over wooden matches. If all the cigarettes smoked every day around the world were lit with cardboard matches instead of wood, 5.5 million trees could be saved.

5) If you use dry cleaning, take your hangers back. Most dry cleaners will reuse or recycle the hangers.

6) Borrow instead of buying. Having a party and don't have enough chairs? Borrow some from a neighbor rather than buying some that you will probably never use again.

7) Use fewer paper napkins. I just bought really cute cloth napkins that I use at home. But you don't have to go that far, just don't grab a whole stack next time you're eating out.

8) Subscribe to your favorite magazines rather than purchasing them at a newsstand. 60% of most magazines at a newsstand aren't sold and are hauled off to the landfill.

9) Get high speed Internet! This save time and ultimately gets your computer turned off that much faster.

10) Put your lunch items in reusable containers rather than plastic bags or foil.

11) Use both sides of the paper. I keep all my fliers, etc. that I get in the mail in a pile so that I have scrap paper available whenever.

12) STOP SMOKING! Not only is it bad for you, all those cigarette butts are bad for the earth.

13) Eat vegetarian every once in a while. I like meat as much as the next person, but every once in a while skip the meat on the salad or in the burrito or whatever. Not only will it be cheaper, but it saves an enormous amount of water. It takes about 2500 gallons of water to make one pound of beef!

14) Skip the plastic stirrer. Pour your sugar and milk in first and then add your coffee. Magic! It stirs itself.

15) While on the note of sugar, use containers of loose sugar rather than individual packets.

16) When faxing stuff at work, avoid using the cover page wherever possible. If they know the fax is coming, do they really need that extra sheet of paper?

17) Buy fresh fruit rather than canned. The canning process is at least 10 times more energy intensive than picking fresh fruit.

18) Use old shopping bags for trash rather than buying trash bags. Your spending money on something that's purpose is to be thrown away, does that seem weird to anyone else?

19) At parties, use actual plates, silverware, and cups rather than disposable. Because honestly, how difficult is it to throw that stuff in the dishwasher.

20) Rechargeable batteries. Nuff said.

21) Burn 100% beeswax or soy candles. They burn cleaner and last longer. Plus the crude oil used to make a 16 ounce paraffin candle contains enough energy to power a 60 watt light bulb for 100 hours.

22) Skip the disposable razors. Not only do they tend to rip your skin to shreds, but they're not eco-friendly. Buy a quality razor with refillable blades.

23) Don't ask for a receipt. Whether getting gas or at an ATM, when it says would you like a receipt, hit no.

24) Visit an eco-friendly website for more tips. One of my favorites is treehugger.

25) Spread the word. Now, I'm not talking about being obnoxious about it, but maybe mention why you bring your own lunch bag to work and where you got it to help others out.

A lot of the tips and facts that I've included I took from The Green Book. A great book that had tips in it that I never even thought about before. Highly recommended. Let me know if you want to borrow it.

Letters From Prison (Edition 2)

As I said, I had a request for another edition of letters from prison from my cousin. I will put my comments again in {}. and I will skip over the boring parts. Though all the random jumping around is not me cutting out parts, that's actually how she is writing though most of it is in response to stuff I wrote her.

"You'll have to tell me what you did for Easter, and did eat lots of ham? I could really use some ham right now {and by ham I mean meth}. Well, I do have a radio, but I can't listen to it now because I'm in the hole {ha...she said she's in the hole} but when I get out May 25th {holy crap, you must've done something really shitty to be thrown in there for that long. Did you shank someone? Please let me believe you shanked someone} I'll be able too."

"Did Danielle ever go to college? {yes, but not a 'real' school..jk danielle} Remember that restaurant that was like all shark meat? {uh, no} I still want to go there really bad and to Captain Franks. I really miss going to NC every year {and too bad you don't know we're going back this summer and you can't go cause you're in jail} I'm gonna do that with my family in the future. Isn't Japan in China? {Oh, I'm sorry, that is incorrect, but we have some lovely parting gifts for you.}"

"So how is Molly and Aubrey doing? {those are our other cousins, just to fill you in} I bet they're getting big {they're like 15 and 13. I like how she says they must be getting big like they're 2 months old}. I can't believe how time is flying {yep, time flies when you're in prison} I still feel like I'm 16 {because I don't have my driver's license yet...side note: she's 21}. I wish I could go back to that age I'd do a lot of things different {well, I'd hope so}. I learned a lot since then {obviously not proper verb tenses}."

"I was thinking maybe I'll have to get {steal} a MP3 player or IPOD so I can just download ALL my music instead of worring {yes, she put worring} about burning CDs! Plus I'm so out of date with all that stuff I'm like gramma haha. I don't even know the differance between a IPOD and a MP3 player? And I really want to get {steal} a Wii when I come home to exercise and play games. {oh so many snide comments. so little space}"

"I was wondering if you have any spare time can ya look up somethings {yes, no space there} for me on the Internet? {not a chance in hell} If you can, here's what I'd like: {wow, a colon!} I'm looking for a school in the surrounding PA States (WV,VA,MD,DE,Ohio,RI or PHG) {good job with the state abbreviations until we got to Ohio and what the hell is PHG} that has photography chorse {I think this is supposed to be course} I can take and campus living? and if they don't have any in them areas then anywhere will be fine! and give me about top 3 schools with name, address, location, how long, how much...{someone's getting a little demanding aren't they?} So I can write to them and ask them to send me there info because you can't have Internet printouts here. And I'd like to go stright there after I get out of jail cause I need to further my education {did the fact that you thought Japan was in China tip you off to that} and I think I'd really enjoy photography and won't have to worry about my felonys getting in the way! {really? you think some photo studio is going to just give you thousand dollar photography equipment...or do you just think you're just going to snap a bunch of random pictures and put together a coffee table book.} Please do this for me, thank you so much! {no} as soon as possible will be great! {as soon as never will be better} Do you have an Internet camera that you can print pictures? I want to get {steal} that camera that Ashton Kucher always advertise's! {good to see those marketing people are earning their money. Though I'm not sure young felons was the niche they were going for} Well, I can't wait to hear back from ya! {ditto}"

I'm Super Paranoid

Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged. Nothing too exciting has been going on in my life. I was sideswiped by my grandma but that's about it. My mom was in town, so that ate up a bunch of my free time.

Anyway, when my mom was in town she purchased a set of 6 antique sundae glasses to give my grandma for Mother's Day and has entrusted them to the care of her trustworthy and loving daughter....me. I guess my mom doesn't realize what a total klutz I am. I mean I've tripped myself on my own pajamas one night. While I was taking the box of glasses out of my car, where my mom had left them. I picked up the gift bag that she had left on top of it, not realizing that the tape securing the newsprint around the one glass was stuck to the bag. So the glass was briefly dangling in mid air in a nest of newsprint until my heart stopped and I grabbed it.

I'm now paranoid about where to put the box of glasses. If I put it on a table or shelf somewhere, I'm scared I'll knock it off. If I put it in a corner on the floor, I'm scared I'll step on it. Also, I have a wine and chocolate party coming up, so I'll have to find a place for it somewhere slightly out of the way. It will be a miracle if all these glasses make it intact to May.

PS I've received a request to continue my letter's from prison series, so hopefully I'll get that up sometime this week.

Yoga Man

The past two weeks at work, I've been writing part of an Emotional Well-being program. Today I was on the "relaxation" portion. While trying to get inspiration on how to actually explain yoga poses (trust me, Warrior 2 is harder to explain than you think), I came across this yoga guy. I'm assuming this is a yoga guy, though have to admit he looks kinda like my androgynous, theoretically female Sunday yoga instructor.

I found his little demonstrations so amusing that Kate and I spent about 20 minutes watching them (while Kate was avoiding calling the bead store.) The highlight, at least for me, was when we came to "Wind Relieving Pose." I actually said "i've never heard of that pose before." Then I clicked on it and laughed hysterically because I have the maturity of a 10 year old. Make sure you read the description...yes, this is instructions on how to make yourself fart. I don't suggest that you share this with your boyfriend/husband because we all know where that will end, don't we?

Just an Update

That Coach purse that I didn't buy when I was in Lancaster...yeah, I drove to the Hershey outlet today and bought it. And one for Amanda too! So let this be a lesson to all of you boys and girls. If a purse is telling you to buy it (to the extent that you carry it around the store for about 20 minutes) just buy it and save the gas.

Drumroll Please

I would like to make a big announcement. I have decided to accept an AMAZING scholarship package and attend Wake Forest. For those of you that don't know, I have been battling which school to attend for about six months now. I've also been accepted to Duke and Notre Dame, and applied to (but have yet to hear from Northwestern). Wake Forest has made me an offer that I cannot turn down, I just had to do a formal visit to the school to make sure.

This past weekend Wake Forest flew me to Winston-Salem for Scholar's Weekend. It was a great weekend (even though it rained the entire time and Wake lost in the ACC tournament). The amazing weekend started on my flight from Philly to Greensboro. I was making small talk with the guy next to me and as we were about to get off the plane he hands me his business card and tells me that if I would ever need anything or get in trouble that I could call him. How nice!

Then we had a shuttle pick us up and take us to the Graylyn. Great hotel! I checked in and they gave me a packet and little goodie bag with Reese's and bottle water and Goldfish crackers and things like that in it. Especially when the "butler" showed me the room across the hall from my room.

Yes, that says ice cream room. Did I die and go to heaven? Someone did their research! And inside the ice cream room was this:

Yes, that's a freezer full of yummy ice cream treats that were FREE!

That evening there was a reception where we met lots of great people. Then we split up into smaller groups and went to area restaurants. We went to Mozelle's, which had food that was hard to describe. They had thinks like filet and lobster ravioli and I had some crusted tilapia, but then there was also fried chicken, meatloaf, and shrimp and grits on the menu as well. It was all good. Everyone at the table was squirming as we got updates on the Wake Forest game via IPhone.

The next day started with a scavenger hunt. All the teams had three or four people on them, except for mine. We only had two because one of the people was delayed because of flights. But the other guy on my team was a Notre Dame alum too, so of course we were convinced we were going to kick butt...until it took us about a half hour to figure out our first clue. We weren't the last team done though, so I'll take that.

Then we went over to the campus and had a class and lunch at the grad school. I then met the student that I had been paired with for coffee. I don't know who paired me up with her, but we completely clicked and have so much in common that it is ridiculous. After that we headed to the dean's house (who by the way lives on the same street as Maya Angelou) for a game watch and dinner. Originally it was supposed to be a Wake game watch and they had bought us all Wake t-shirts and sweatshirts and stuff, but since Wake lost it turned into an ACC watch (more like a chat while the TV is on watch). They still gave us the shirts in case you were wondering. One of the coolest things for me was when we went out the door the Dean each handed us a little box with our name on it and said "hopefully this will give you some inspiration for the future. You'll understand once you open it." Of course, we were barely back in the van before I had ripped mine open. Inside was a silver business card holder with my monogram engraved on it and inside of that was a Wake Forest business card with our name, prospective e-mail address and class year on it.

So then today I decided that's where I'm going to go. YEAH!!! Gotta love perks!

Excerpts from a Letter from Prison

I opened my mailbox today to discover a letter from my one cousin in prison (I have two cousins in prison...so I have to differentiate.) My snide remarks will be in { }. I'll skip some of the boring parts because it was really long.

"How old are you, I can't remember? {that's always a good way to start off the letter.} You know I'm finally 21 and I didn't even really get to enjoy it! {what? being on the lam from police isn't enjoyable?} Are you dating anyone yet? I'm surprised you didn't get married and have any kids yet! But I do realize that your a career woman and very busy...{sister, you have no idea}. And your not even 30 yet, you have plenty of time!! {because if you didn't know, when you turn 30, your ovaries fall out.} I'm glad that I didn't have any kids yet {that makes two of us} cause I'm not ready. I'm gonna try to wait till I'm married! {I like the exclamation point here for some reason} "

"Well, I'm kinda in a lot of trouble {no shit Sherlock...you won't be able to get your driver's license till like 2013} because I keep doing stupid things. {there's the understatement of the year} but every time I do something I at least learn from that mistake {well hallelujah for that} and I'm pretty much out of mistakes now {somehow, I don't think that's going to be true} so if its God's will this will be my last time in prison! {how is God going to get blamed for this mess?}"

"Whenever I get sentenced I'm gonna be going upstate for a couple of years {do people really go upstate? I thought that was only on TV} and I'd like to keep in contact with you. {I'm so grateful} so our relationship can grow and you can be a positive infulance to me {not really sure what an infulance is, but pretty sure I don't want to be it to her} you are already like a role model to me! {well that worked out real well, didn't it?} and when I come home maybe we can hang out together {I can't stand the anticipation} and go to the movies, out to eat, {smoke some crack, roll a few joints, hold up a liquor store} and all types of fun things like we used to do! I really miss our friendship {yeah, sorry, but when you threatened to beat up my mom, that kinda ended me being nice to you}, our hanging out with you. I don't know about you but I used to have SO much fun with you and Aunt Jan {I had fun with me and Aunt Jan too!} Sometimes I wished Aunt Jan was my mom! {and sometimes I wished for a pony}. "

"How's your friend Danyel doing? {Danyel, how are you doing?} Well I hope everything with you is ok and that your in the best of health. {the best of health? who says that? are we in an episode of the Tudors? yeah, I'm ok, but my neighbor died from the sweat.} Please return my letter, I wrote you last time I was here and you never wrote me back! {didn't get the hint, did you?} I miss you and I love you."

I think I may actually write back this time because this could be ongoing entertainment!

I'm a Lemming

I've finally followed all of you off the cliff (yes, I know that whole lemming thing is just a myth) and joined Facebook. Ugh...Go out and friend me or whatever...but don't expect me to be witty and creative and funny on there. I use that all up here.

Probably Not the Smartest Idea that We've Ever Had

When Amanda 2 and I heard that BSC and John Fred were going to be in Lancaster, we immediately thought "SHOPPING!" because for those of you that don't know. Lancaster has some sweet outlets. This, however, turned out to be not such a good idea. We left my house at around 1pm to start the shopping extravaganza, but by 6:30 (when we were ready to leave for the concert) we were EXHAUSTED. I seriously wanted to go home and go to bed...but we didn't. We went to WaWa for a quick pit stop to pick up the caffeinated beverage of our choice. We were still pretty tired though, but found a wall space on which to prop up our tired bodies. It was a great, great, great, great concert (did I mention great?)

I was also a little concerned that we wouldn't be on the list because I talked to John Fred on Tuesday which was a little earlier in the week than normal. Normally, we play phone/e-mail tag for about three days and I finally talk to him within 24 hours of the concert. This time he answered his phone and threw off the whole schedule. But we were on there, so it was all good.

Next time I'd probably skip the pre-concert shopping trip (keep the trip to Sonic though...yum.) I didn't even buy much (though a wristlet at Coach is still calling me...Amanda is yours calling you too?)

My Night Without Power

Last night at approximately 10:30, my lights blinked twice and then went out completely. As everyone naturally does, I sat there in complete darkness for about a minute to see if this was for real. I guess it was. I made my way to a flashlight and then to the window. I was disheartened to see that across the street (actually more like across the parking lot) there were people in that building (still in my apartment complex I might add) watching TV and otherwise enjoying the blessings of electricity.

I heard some people talking outside, so I went to join the conversation and found the teenage girl that belongs to my weirdo/parking challenged neighbor that lives beside me and the sweet old lady neighbor that lives downstairs from me chatting. The weirdo teenage neighbor was in shorts and a t-shirt and had her front door hanging open (it was bitterly cold out last night). My old lady neighbor turned to me and said "well, Girl Scout, what do we do?" Um...Get a flashlight and some blankets (and not leave your front door hanging open) what do you want me to do? I can build a fire in the middle of the living room and have a singalong, but I don't really suggest that at the moment.

We all went back to our apartments. I read in my bedroom ::gasp:: and had the presence of mind to turn off my light switch and unplug my TV so that they didn't come back on at 3 am or whatever when the power came on. I brushed my teeth and washed my face using my Maglite (my cave tour guide flashlight) stuck upright in a shoe to illuminate the bathroom. I set my cell phone and decided to go to bed, but surprisingly found it difficult to fall asleep. Because I kept thinking things like: what if my cell phone dies and so the alarm won't go off to wake me up? how long will it take to get really cold in her? (that was as I imagined myself getting colder and colder...probably all in my head.) What if the old lady downstairs lights a candle and burns the place down? If I still don't have power tomorrow, where will I shower? Where will I sleep? And I probably shouldn't open the refrigerator so that everything in there stays cold, so what do I have that I can take for lunch tomorrow?

But all my planning was for nothing as around 12:30 AM, my lights came back on.

We Need to Change the Evals

For all of the programs that Kate and I have been doing we have to have the girls fill out evaluations at the end. Even if their in kindergarten. We get some very interesting spellings about what they liked best: coolering (coloring), esperimets (experiments), scits (skits), etc. But there's a question that no matter what age they are we always get interesting answers. It says something about if you could go to the coolest program what would it be. Sometimes we get normal answers like art, camping, hosbuck riding (horseback riding). But other times we get interesting things like skydiving, swimming in mac n cheese, skiing down a waterfall, meeting an alien, camping on the moon and hamster---that's all it said...hamster. While I'm sure these would all be really cool activities (I'd be the first one doing the back stroke in a huge vat of mac n cheese), I'm not sure they're Girl Scout approved.