How the Delinquent Stole Christmas

Sorry this one is so long, but there's a lot to catch up on. Christmas started out good. The drive in was as expected. I went out with some friends the night we drove in (martini happy hours are dangerous!) The only downside to that evening was nearly being molested by some taco-esque guy and taking about half an hour to unsuction a certain friend from some random guy when it was time to go. But, hey, it happens.

Then was Christmas Eve. A trip to the spa at Hershey. Which was fantastic and I'd do it every day of my life if I had the money.

Then came Christmas Day. It started off a bit rocky. We went to visit Grandpa and Grandma Sto at their assisted living community and got to hear all about the guy that farts at their dining table and how they're getting ripped off for their medication. But even that was ok because that's what normally happens when we visit.

The trouble really started when we went back to my grandma's and my cousin D (her name has been abbreviated to protect her identity; also because D stands for delinquent) arrived. First a little background, if you've been reading my blog you already know that D is an utter waste of humanity and got a car from my aunt for Christmas. Upon receiving the car, D told our family to just give my aunt money for the car and not get her presents. My family (being the loving people that they are) decided to still get her presents anyway so that she would have something to open on Christmas. A week before the holidays D revoked her offer for no presents and requested a Playstation 2.

Ok, enough background. Back to Christmas Day. D arrived early and looked about 50 pounds lighter than last time I saw her and looking generally like a heroine addict, not to mention smelling like a bar. My grandma suggested that D open her presents before everyone else arrived and chaos ensued. Upon seeing that she had merely gotten an ass load of presents, but not a Playstation 2 as she had requested only a week before, she remarked "Guess no one got me what I wanted." (Imagine a really bitchy tone of voice). Then grabbed her presents and stormed out the door. (Wait, that's not the end of the story)

On the way out the door, the bag her presents were in breaks and out of frustration and disappointment from not getting her Playstation 2, she throws everything into the snow in my grandma's front yard, picks everything up, throws it in her car and peels away. About 20 minutes later, half my family has arrived and D comes back. She spent the $20 my grandma gave her for gas money on scratch off lotto tickets. D is hungry and wants to eat. My grandma tells her she needs to wait till everyone gets there at which point D storms out and drives off for a second time (this time not stopping till she reaches the motel she's staying at in West Virginia).

Her little scene prompts my grandma, and two of my older cousins to go off to separate areas of the house and cry because of what a messed up punk D is. Christmas got a little better after that. We ate and played Mall Madness with my cousins, then one of them broke my grandma's antique Santa. The high point was when, while looking at 150 Disney World vacation photos, my 8 year old cousin yells "it looks like their humping" referring to two people in the Hoop Dee Doo Revue. Just be glad their my family and not yours.

I'm sure everyone wants to know about the interview. It was pretty stupid because all they did was do a specific interview from some sheet that involved a lot of "give me an example of a time you..." I hate those. Then they put me in a room and had me fill out a personality test. I hate those.

Well, better go pack for Tempe! Adios! GO IRISH!!!

I Made It!!

I'm in PA!! The car ride wasn't too bad, if you like sitting for 9 hours with your legs crammed up against your chest because there's a bookbag under your feet, random things like hams, wrapped sleeping bags and cans of popcorn falling on you every time you turn a corner, and listening to a book on tape with your parents that includes several graphic sex scenes. Who knew James Patterson could be so racy? We made it to my grandma's where not only is the thermostat set at 90, but she has the gas fireplace on as well.

No really funny stories...YET!! A friend let me borrow her computer though, so I HAD to check in because I'm addicted to my blog. She also gave me a great Christmas present. Shot glass checkers anyone?

X-mas time

Well, tomorrow I'm off to my Grandmother's house where the heat is set at 93 and there is no internet, so unless one of my poor friends take pity on me and gives me free time at their computer. No posts. Though I'm sure there will be plenty to post about. (There are going to be 25 whacked out relatives together at Christmas dinner). I will take notes, so that you won't miss out.

I also have my interview, so everyone please say a little prayer that I don't stick my foot entirely in my mouth. I will be back in Indiana for one day before leaving for the game, so hopefully I can catch everyone up then.

Happy Holidays.

Always wanted to be a spy?

I'm looking for willing people to be "secret shoppers" and call in (it's a 1-800 number) or stop by if you're local and check up on my cashiers. Either e-mail me or comment if you're interested and I'll tell you exactly what to do.

The Best and Worst

Last night my mom let me open a Christmas present (because I'm spoiled like that). I got a green Samardzija Fiesta Bowl T-shirt which is arguably one of the best "small" presents I have gotten. It made me start thinking about the best and worst presents I've ever gotten for Christmas/my birthday (since I usually get them at the same time they tend to run together). Here's my top ten.

The BEST:

Honorable Mentions (didn't make the list but close):

• My Dooney and Bourke purse - still love it right down to the multi-colored zipper
• Giant Garfield Clock
• Greg the Bunny DVD - because Greg the Bunny is hilarious and the story behind how I got the DVD is even funnier
• Lava Lamp - it was a really cool lava lamp
• Aquacise sneakers - I was the only person in my aquacise class to have them and everyone else was jealous

Now for the countdown:

10) Easy Bake Oven - made lots of great treats with it over the year
9) Cabbage Patch Doll
8) Gameboy - I had been wanting a Nintendo for years because all my friends had one, but my parents thought it would rot by brain, so getting the Gameboy was a big step.
7) Ice skates - Little known fact about me, I used to ice skate a lot
6) a piccolo - seems like a pretty stupid gift at the time, but I loved it when I got it
5) Tickets to see David Copperfield in NYC - no one could get tickets, but I did. It was especially cool when he cut himself in half and then walked around the stage
4) A package at Spa at Hershey for me and a friend even though the before mentioned friend got sick. It's the thought that counts. Plus I got to use all the stuff that was for her.
3) a Bike - every kid loves seeing a bike under the Christmas tree
2) my friend Caroline who had moved flew in from Washington state to surprise me on my birthday
1) a sno cone maker - Awesome gift! Used it a lot in college, does a much better job than a blender and its great to invite people over for sno cones


THE WORST

Honorable Mentions:
E.T. on VHS - my mom claims I loved it, but have never watched it since
gaudy Turquoise Earrings - the people at work got me these big turquoise earring for my birthday (since it is my birthstone), and I hate them, but I wear them to work every once and a while because I feel bad

10) Tickle Me Elmo - sure it was the toy of the year, but I was 17!
9) Talking Alf - turned out to be cool, but I had wanted Teddy Ruxspin
8) Autographed picture of Bob Davie which I got after he had been fired - the friend who gave it to me is probably happy that it made this list because that was the whole point of the gift. The picture is however hanging up in my house
7) Knitted X-mas socks - I got these from my adopt-a-grandma at the nursing home. They were sooo ugly. I still have them.
6) Shane my adopt-a-manatee - my uncle picked Shane because he was "born the same year" as I was. Shane however was born in '81, which is not when I was born. Then about four months after I got him, he was killed by a boat.
5) Broken Sno Globe - my aunt once broke a sno globe for me on the way to my party. It was never replaced
4) Orange Stirrup Pants - Even at the age of 7, I knew I didn't want to wear them.
3) Barbie McDonald's - When you want a Barbie house and get a Barbie McDonald's, it's a big let down
2) Golf Lessons - used one, got mad, never went back
1) a crockpot - Nothing says get out of our house like a crockpot!

Let me know what your bests and worsts!!

The Lottery

Doesn't that sound like the name of a David Copperfield trick? After my post about having bowl tickets, there was such an outpouring of people wondering what I would do with bowl tickets should I win them in the lottery that I may have to have a lottery of my own. As with the Notre Dame lottery, donors will receive a weighted entry.

Speaking of Notre Dame, I got a pass to get my car on campus yesterday and was so excited I was going to scan the pass and post it on my blog. Unfortunately, my scanner isn't working.

New to the Bend

I was at a press conference this morning announcing that the Marriott is adding an authentic Irish Pub to open in May 2006. It will feature an outdoor beer garden and is actually being built in Ireland and shipped over here.

Any press conference that features the mayor in a hat that looks like a glass of Guinness and has bottles of Guiness for everyone in attendance, I'm all for!

The Stupid Thing I Did Today

Today when I came out of work it was sleeting. so I turn on my car and then start scraping the window. After a little bit of scraping, I decide to turn on the windshield wipers to see if they can get the rest off. I open my door and turn on the wipers...anyone see the stupidity in this yet...open door...wipers flinging a wintry mix of snow and ice. Good news: I didn't have to do anymore scraping. Bad news: I had to shovel out the drivers side in my car.

And I officially have bowl tickets!

Manatees

My college roommate did a post on her blog today on manatees (my favorite animal, which you'll also learn if you read the post) so of course I had to give her a shout out!

My Horoscope

Today I was at the gym reading Town and Country magazine while on the elliptical and they had both my monthly and yearly horoscope and I found it quite intriguing. (The goat with the fish tail is the zodiac animal for Capricorn-by the way)

For those of you who don't already know this, I have an interview on Dec. 28th while I'm back in Pennsylvania.

First my horoscope for the month of January:
"The black cloud that seemed to hover over your life for the last two years is gone" (ok, so it's been two and a half years, but we'll round down)

"Your faith has been sorely tried and developments near the 27th are sending you a clear signal to finally let go or turn the page. Don't harbor bitter thoughts, accept what can't be changed and move on." (like accepting that my current job sucks?)

My horoscope for 2006:
"New contacts and business opportunities offer a glittering array of options." (I love glittering arrays!!)

"Fortunately, the majority of the prospects slated to come your way this year will not only be sound but will offer genuine opportunities for new growth and success" (I don't really have a smart comment to insert here)

"New locations hold enormous allure for you this year, and many Capricorns will be making moves or lifestyle changes." (Yeah for new locations, but doesn't lifestyle changes sound like I'm going to discover I'm gay or something?)

"If others aren't coming through with promised support, it's time to close certain chapter and move on." (If this isn't referring to the Hall then I don't know what is...but just in case it isn't, all you others better come through with that support you promised or else considered your chapter closed. Don't say I didn't warn you!)

That's all...by the way can I say how much I love Discount Shoe Warehouse. We just got one. I spent an hour and a half in there today!

You Might Be A Redneck If...

"More than one person at your class reunion was on a weekend pass"

10 words:
Middletown Area High School Class of '99 ten year reunion

Geography Lesson of the Day

Since I just had to look up all this information and inform a certain friend of mine, I figured that I would inform the rest of you.

There is not difference between a state and a commonwealth. Only the name. There are 4 commonwealths in the US (Pennsylvania, Virginia, Massachusetts, and Kentucky)

People from Guam are in fact US citizens and people from the rest of the US do not need a passport to visit Guam.

I do not, however, know why it is called the Midwest and not the Mideast.

What's better than the Notre Dame glee club Christmas Concert?

Sitting behind Brady at the Notre Dame glee club Christmas Concert. Though I have to admit he did hamper my spontaneous jingle belling that usually occurs. We also thought the mimbo was three rows up, but it turned out it was just another guy with hippie hair and a sharky nose. I have to also admit that the Leighton Concert Hall in the DeBartolo Center is a big step up from folding chairs at Stepan!

One other random note: is it bizarre that I know between 10 -15 people with the same birthday as me. All within two degrees of separation (either I know them or they are in the immediate family of someone I know). This isn't even counting famous people (Tiger Woods, LeBron James, Matt Lauer and even Coach Willingham are excluded from the count). That just seems like a lot to me.

The Christmas Party

The Christmas party seemed doomed from the start. Let's go through the issues one by one shall we?

1) Before i even got home, my mom dropped a container full of candy cane cookies and broke all of them. More broken pieces for me, but my mom was not in a very happy mood when I got home.

2) When i got home, i made the stupid suggestion that we put chocolate on all the little cheesecakes, leading my mom to say "well, not everyone likes chocolate." to which i smartly answered "well, the people who don't like chocolate don't deserve a cheesecake." My mom took that serious and after the whole cookie dropping incident you can only imagine what happened.

3) Our oven caught on fire...not just smoke, actually flame on the bottom of the oven. We put it out, but the whole house smelled like smoke.

4) The brie would not get done (note changes to the recipe). It was supposed to be put in the oven that had caught on fire, but we didn't want it tasting smoky so we had to wait for the potatoes to be done in the top oven to put the brie in and then it baked forever and ever.

5) we took the shrimp out of the bag we had bought and one whole bag had what looked like freezer burn around the edges of the shrimp. We debated whether to cut the white junk off or throw out the shrimp...you decide for yourself what we actually did.

6) We didn't have any ice to put the beer and sodas on, so we packed them with snow.

7) The honey mustard sauce turned this scary white color when we moved it to a decorative glass dish. When we moved it back to the plastic container it came in, it was fine.

8) The first bottle of wine we opened, half the cork broke off in the bottle. We had to screw a screw into the cork and then pull it out.

After the people arrived, everything went pretty well though. It sure had an eventful start.

Caroline's Brilliant Brie

My parents Christmas party is tonight at our house and I am going to make Caroline's Brilliant Brie recipe. Named such because Caroline from work gave it to me and it is brilliant. (That's not an actual picture of it. That's just a random picture of Brie.) I wanted to pass it along because it is totally awesome and easy. All you need is a round of Brie, a package of refrigerated crescent roll dough, and about 1/2 cup brown sugar.

Let brie reach room temperature
Unroll the crescent dough (do not separate the little crescents)
Put the round of Brie in the middle of the dough.
Put a generous amount of brown sugar on top of the Brie (I'm estimating about 1/2 cup, maybe more)
Fold the crescent dough up around the Brie
Twist at the top to close
You can also cut the twist into quarters and fold down to make it pretty
Bake at 375 degrees on a baking dish for 10 minutes then cover with foil and bake another 20 -30 minutes until dough is baked
Voila! Awesome Brie!! Serve with crackers.

That Stupid Game

I'm sure everyone has played this game at one time or another. The game where you have numbers and when your number is called you can either take a new prize or take a prize from someone who has already picked. Today one of my coworkers made a decision based on the fact that someone stole a prize from her she really wanted. Overreacting? But really, haven't we all wanted to do that at one time or another?

The pencil has been retrieved!!!

The CD

So finally after months of begging I received my cd from Danielle full of a delightful mix of "office appropriate" music just as I had requested. Unfortunately now my cd drive at work has died and I can't use it.

I've Had It!

I'm fed up with the job for several reasons which I will not mention here (for fear they'll end up in the Tribune.) If you really want to know, e-mail or call me and I'll be glad to fill you in. In the mean time, if anyone has any contacts for a marketing/sales/event planning job PLEASE let me know. I'm totally serious and willing to relocate.

On a semi-related note, it was 4 degrees when I woke up this morning!

On another related note, did anyone see that Seinfeld where George wants to get fired from the Yankees, so he puts on Babe Ruth's uniform and walks around and then ties the World Series trophy to his bumper and drives around the parking lot...let's say I wanted to get fired...any suggestions? Hypothetically of course. I couldn't put on any of the artifacts because we already do that on a regular basis anyway. Just the other day Kent had on Matt Leinart's jersey and was walking around going "Can someone tell me where Ballroom Dancing 101 is?"

Gifts for Juvenile Delinquents Continued

apparently, you are supposed to get them a car for Christmas like my aunt did. That disturbs me so much!! My parents and I have a bet going as to which of the following things will happen first: a) the car is stolen /lent to someone and never returned, b) the car gets into a severe accident and is undriveable or c) my cousin gets her license suspended by the police. My answer is that the car is stolen and when it is recovered it is undriveable, during the investigation my cousin gets into an altercation with a police officer and has her license revoked.

On another Christmas note, all my cousins are getting tents and sleeping bags for Christmas (shhh...don't tell). I had a tent on my Christmas list for 7 years when I was little and never got one!!!

Samardzija...a mimbo?

Last night, I went to the ND football banquet. An enjoyable time I must say. I was slightly disappointed by the food though did not realize how much I missed the dining hall's boy brownies with chocolate icing on top. Scrumdiddlyumptious!! Anyway, Samardzija and Brady both won MVP awards for the year...the only award to be handed out by a female presenter (you lucky, lucky girl!). I'm probably going to receive hate comments for this, but I'm going to say it anyway. I think Jeffy Samardzija is a mimbo. Has anyone seen that Seinfeld episode where Elaine is dating Tony (hey, hunky Tony) the mimbo (Male Bimbo)? It's also the one where Elaine meets the lady in the restroom who can't spare a square, she doesn't have a square to spare. (Half of you right now are shaking your heads and half of you think I have completely lost my mind). Samardzija is Tony!!! The way he pushes his hair behind his ears every five seconds. The way its seems like he's struggling painfully to put together a coherent sentence (if you notice, most of the time he just repeats back the question. Example: Reporter: Jeff, Were you surprised to be named the team MVP? Jeff: (pushes his hair back behind his ears) uh...yeah, I was surprised to be named the team MVP.) Don't get me wrong, I love Jeff, and I have nothing against mimbos, but let's just admit that he is one.

On another note, during the banquet a bat kept dive bombing the crowd. How much money do I have to give to rid the JACC (and Washington Hall while I'm at it) of bats? Get me my check book!!!

The Pencil continued

Apparently according to the piano technician we had to call regarding my pencil, it's a pretty common thing that people have pencils roll into that tiny little crack. Who knew?