The Rest of the Trip

I'm just going to lump the rest of the trip together in one massive post and get it over with. If I run out of time writing, I'll post what I have and finish the rest later.

So this was the last full day of our trip, we went to Animal Kingdom. There really wasn't anything exciting that happened. Danielle called her mom and heard that there was terrible weather back in PA and that it was supposed to continue for the next couple days. We freaked out a little bit because we were supposed to be flying back late the next night. Danielle called the airlines to see if we could get an earlier flight. Here is the part of the conversation that I heard.

"Hi, we're trying to see if there is an earlier flight because of bad weather tomorrow....Orlando to Charlotte and then Harrisburg...one through Philly, gets us in at 2pm....$100 per person? um...just put us back on the other one...no, not Hartford, Harrisburg...Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, just put us back on that...we're not going to Hartford. We're going to Harrisburg."

That evening we decided to go bar/club hopping at Pleasure Island. Danielle has a three drink maximum. Please keep this in mind. We get to Pleasure Island a little early. Nothing is open yet, but there are people working outside of the Comedy Club, so I go to talk to one of them about when it opens, when show times are, etc. I walk up to a person. He/She/It has long blond hair, beautiful acrylic nails, a baritone voice and a name tag that says Bridgette. He/She/It was fabulous and very nice. Bridgette helps us get bracelets so that we don't have to pull out our ID at every bar. The show at the comedy club starts in about an hour, so we decide to go there first since it seems to be the first thing opening.

Luckily there are bars open on the sidewalks outside of the club. We both get Long Island Iced Teas (1,1) because the bar tender said it was "the most bang for your buck." And it was. Even though I'm counting both of these as 1, it was a lot more than one. We find a nice bench to sit on and sip our Long Islands. There are some people standing nearby from Scranton, PA that are on the phone hearing about all the icky weather, so we start talking to them. Their little daughter sits down on the bench beside me, and she has a plastic fish which she starts making talk to me, so now I'm sipping a Long Island iced tea and talking to a fish. They leave and we decide to move closer to the Comedy Club because it looks like people are starting to gather. Before we get there, a guy dressed as a reindeer on bouncey stilts, bounces up to us and starts talking to us. So now I've talked to a transgendered person, a fish and a reindeer all within about a half hour of arriving. It has to be the start of a good night. We get in line, but before we do decide to get more drinks at the stand outside. We choose drinks off of their signature drinks list. Danielle gets a Mambo Punch (2) and I get a Rage in a Cage (2). We get seated at a table down front at the comedy club which is a little frightening, but nothing bad happens. We don't order more drinks, but we do get a box of popcorn which I would swear is the best popcorn that I've ever had.

Well, I have to go to lunch with Carmen and Amanda, so I'll finish this post some time later.

Day 4: Epcot Center

First of all, Merry Christmas everyone! Now, onto the post.

I first have to tell you about a dream I had about Epcot a couple of weeks before we had left. I dreamed that I was at Epcot Center and met Matthew McConaughey there. So that everyone would believe me that I had met him, he recorded my voicemail message on my cell phone. I'm not sure what this has to do with anything, but I felt like I needed to tell you.

We were a little late getting on our way that morning because we were so engrossed in an episode of Judge Alex that we couldn't leave before there was a ruling. Here's a line from the episode "So, I called him up and said 'hey, baby's daddy.'" Classic. We went to Epcot and our bus driver needed to pull up directions on her little GPS unit to get there, so that's always interesting. One of the first rides we went on was Mission Space. We were a little nervous. Mission Space, for anyone that hasn't heard, is a ride that is supposed to give you the G forces and actual feelings of taking off in a space ship. There were two paths you could pick: the green side (the less intense) and the orange side (the more intense). When you first enter, they hand you a card for your side which has all the warnings about the bad things that might happen if you ride and all the restrictions of why you shouldn't ride (if you're pregnant, if you are claustrophobic, if you get motion sickness, whatever). Danielle and I chose the orange side because we are experienced ride riders, so how bad could it be? I get a little nervous because during the whole wait there are announcements and videos and placards about how if you are unsure, you should go on the green side. We stay with orange anyway and get a little more nervous when we are loaded on the ride and there are barf bags on the console in front of us. We still went on and didn't really find anything bad about it.

Another ride we went on was Test Track, and we are about 95% sure that we were in line with a guy we went to high school with. We kept looking at him and he kept looking at us. The reason that there is still 5% of doubt is because we didn't actually ask him. We didn't really know how to start that conversation which was further complicated by the fact that two brothers went to our high school and we weren't exactly sure which one it was.

Then we headed to the International area. We ate in the Mexico pavilion which was yummy. I thought about buying my boss TT something from the Germany pavilion and really confuse her since she was already having enough problems remembering that I was on vacation. Outside of the Japan area was a woman forming what looked like colored taffy into little figures. I could only understand about every third word she was saying, and it went something like this "Candy...yum yum...Froggie...Froggie shoe...Nother Froggie shoe...yum yum...candy" Then we went to the boulangerie/patisserie in France because Danielle was on a search for chocolate cake. I thought about breaking out some of my mad French skillz, but all the workers looked too bitchy, so I didn't.

Then I took Danielle to Soarin'. I had first been on Soarin in Disney's California Adventure and loved it. Soarin is in like an IMAX theater type place, but you sit on a bench that looks like a hang glider, and it is actually lifted up so that you are in the middle of the screen, so not only do you feel like you are high and flying over California, but you are actually pretty high. Now, i briefly forgot that Danielle was scared of heights, and when I was telling her about the ride in line, she broke out in a cold sweat, but decided to go anyway. There was a guy in front of us that was throwing out more curse words and inappropriate language than I had heard on the entire trip to Disney. At one point, the woman of indeterminate relation in front of him was trying to put her book bag into the pouch underneath the seat for the ride and said "I don't think its going to fit." I'm going to let you imagine his response. Please be as dirty as you want, because he went on for about 5 minutes on it not really concerned that there was a 6 year old child beside him.

We went to see a show (ok, actually it was 'The Circle of Life: An Environmental Fable') and before the show they go into the "please no flash photography. If you need to exit prior to the end of the show, yada yada yada." We hear a guy go over to the Disney cast member and say "what do you mean, no flash? Am I not allowed in?" I turn around to see a guy wearing this.

Loser. I turn to Danielle and say "how many times do you think he's done that today? Because I doubt its the first."

We decide to fore go fireworks because they are 2 hours away and we have pretty much done every single thing at Epcot (shopping, shows, everything). On our way out we see that Spaceship Earth (aka the thing in the big ball) has the gate open. In the morning we were told that Spaceship Earth was closed for refurbishing, and there was a big construction barrier around it. The cast member at the gate said this time that they "weren't supposed to be open, but they were testing it for anyone that wanted to ride." Sure, we're game. Though it does make you a little nervous when there is an engineer standing right beside the control panel as you get on the ride. Parts of the ride had to be brand spanking new because they still smelled like construction and paint and wood. Well, guess what, we get stuck. Luckily we're not in an as annoying place as at the Pirates of the Caribbean. The sound for that area just plays once and is done. We finally get restarted and leave Epcot for the day. No, Matthew McConaughey.

Day 5: A bucket of Funmeister

Evening 3: Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party

Ever since we first booked our trip, Danielle's mom had been bugging us about if we were going to Mickey's Christmas Party. The answer was no because it was kinda expensive, and I had read that it was crowded and lame. But when my dad scored us free tickets, we could hardly pass them up, and we figured since they were free that we wouldn't feel like we had to stay if it was crowded/lame.

We were pretty exhausted from a funfilled day at MGM, but Danielle had promised someone a T-shirt that you can ONLY get at the Christmas party and since we did have free tickets we thought that we'd go, grab the T-shirt and maybe a cup of free hot cocoa and then bolt. We took a bus to the closest hotel to the Magic Kingdom and then got on the monorail. While we were on the monorail, a woman was talking as loud as possible on her cell phone in the car. Seriously heard every word she said and knew when and where she was planning on meeting her friend. At one of the stops, she starts frantically looking around and screaming "where am I? Where am I?" Pure comedy.

We arrive at the Magic Kingdom and all the "cast members" are dressed in their holly jolly best uniforms. I would seriously kill myself if I had to where something like that. I can't really describe it except that it was a dress that a five year old might wear for Christmas with holly all over it and a bow in their hair. Our plan was immediately derailed because a parade was supposed to start any minute and there was pretty much no where to move to. We figured we'd watch the parade (plus we had no idea where to find the special T-shirt). Unfortunately we were in the parade Nazi's section. Each section of the street has a staff member assigned to it to try to keep people off the parade route and keep some semblance of order. At one point a woman stepped back into the "walkway" area to take a picture. The parade Nazi marched up and with two wands that looked like the kind people use to direct airplanes (except blue) began waving in front of the woman's camera. The woman was obviously pissed, but went away as she was told.

The parade was the longest and slowest moving parade I have ever seen which was bad because Danielle had to pee and the bathroom was across the street. After the parade, and Danielle peeing, we went to look for the special shirt. Came across one problem. We were looking for a red T-shirt and green sweatshirt, but they only had green T-shirts and red sweatshirts (or vice versa, I don't really remember.) After sending Danielle to two other stores, while I reserve the coveted clothing in the first store, Danielle makes an executive decision and buys the green T-shirt and red sweatshirt. Also while waiting I pondered buying the "scratch and sniff" night shirt that smells like chocolate, because that's sexy, right?

After buying the shirt, I go and get my free scalding hot chocolate and sugar cookies (YEAH!!) and Danielle gets apple juice (boo!). We decide to pick 1 show to go to (Mickey's Twas the Night Before Christmas). As we're waiting for it to start, a woman plops down her five year old in our row (it's pretty crowded), and orders her to "stay here" while she goes and sits in the back. Danielle thinks that's a great move because "we all know that all shows at Disney World leave out in an orderly fashion and she'll have no problem finding that kid later." Luckily the kid was smart enough to realize that this was not a good decision and went back to sit with mom.

We went home exhausted.

Stay tuned: Day 4 -- Epcot Center and That's What She Said.

Day 3: MGM

Ok, Day 3 is MGM studios. Just so I don't get any concerned comments. That's just a stunt man falling off a building during a show at MGM. I just cropped out the big blow up air mattress thing underneath him because it looks cooler this way.

The day started out with a bang of stupidity as we waited for a woman on a motorized scooter (think hover round) to be loaded onto the bus. See if you can spot the stupidity as I describe the situation. Scooter lady drives her scooter to the back door of the bus where the wheelchair lift thing is. Scooter lady gets off of scooter (with much difficulty, I might add) as bus driver lowers the lift. Scooter lady's seemingly ambulatory and otherwise mobile husband wheels the scooter onto the lift and rides the lift up into the bus. Bus driver lowers the lift again. Scooter woman hobbles over to the lift and rides the lift up. Did you catch it? Did you catch the stupidity? Um...why couldn't scooter lady just ride up on the scooter/beside the scooter the first time around and save us the time of lowering and lifting a second time?

We get to MGM and manage to have perfect timing in order to see the High School Musical 2 show (much to Danielle's excitement). I'm then forced to listen to her sing portions of both High School Musicals throughout the rest of the day and pretty much the entire rest of the week.

We go to go on the Great Movie Ride. The Great Movie Ride is a tram that goes through scenes of all sorts of famous MGM movies like Singing In the Rain and Alien and stuff like that. An about 5'8" guy working the door tells me I'm too short to get in. haha very funny little man. Move aside Munchkin. Danielle doesn't really remember the Great Movie Ride from our previous trip to Disney and that makes me secretly smile (I'll explain later). While we are waiting for the ride, they are showing clips of old movies. A cowboy comes on the screen and Danielle just to be stupid says "who's that like John Wayne or something?" Actually, it was John Wayne and I hang my head in disgust. We get in the giant tram thing and the guy beside Danielle is reading the warning on the seat in front of us aloud. The "please keep all arms and legs inside the car and remain seated while the ride is in motion" spiel only he sounds exactly like a movie preview voice over guy, and I find this extremely hysterical. Ok, now flash back to nine years ago on the Great Movie Ride. Danielle HATES the Wizard of Oz and I had been taunting her that Munchkins would make an appearance during our trip. She didn't know when though until while in line for the Great Movie Ride she sees a pair of ruby slippers in a glass case turns to me and says "I hate you." Then she was in pure agony the whole time the ride was in Munchkinland and I of course loved it. Flash forward to present day. Danielle has forgotten all of this, and the ruby slippers are no longer in the waiting area. We roll into Munchkinland. Danielle hates it again, and I enjoy myself thoroughly for a second time. (Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me). PS did you note the foreshadowing when I referred to the short guy at the front of the line as Munchkin? Mrs. Christ, you can give me extra credit later.

We decide to go on Aerosmith's Rock N Roller Coaster for a second time. It's loads of fun. Danielle describes it as "space mountain for adults." One part of the waiting line has these doors that have marbles all over it. The marbles can be rolled around and make a really annoying noise, so of course no kid can resist and I'd like to track down and brutally kill whoever designed the doors like that. I also have yet to mention that there were all sorts of people with British accents throughout Disney the entire trip, and a cute family of them were behind us in line. The kids weren't sure they wanted to go on because one kid had heard the ride was upside down the entire time. The girl turns to her dad and says in a cute little British accent "Daddy, wouldn't that make blood stream out of your ears?" Anyway, we convinced them that the ride was fun and they went on and enjoyed it. We also ran into some people we had run into at the Magic Kingdom. A whole slew of annoying teenage girls from Argentina. At the Magic Kingdom, they were in line with us for Thunder Mountain. They all had gi-normous book bags on (yes, spellcheck, I said gi-normous. do you have a problem with that? Apparently you do.) They would sit on the rails between the lines and their book bags would hang over into the line behind them. It was so annoying that we were trying to purposely walk into them and hope they got the hint. They didn't. So now on the Rock N Roller Coaster, one of them was way up in front and of course they all butted in line with her. Someone told one of the ride's operators about the butting but "she couldn't do anything about it unless she saw it." Apparently she didn't notice the 10 girls standing beside the line because there wasn't room for them in it.

We then go to Fantasmic which is a combination of a live action/water parade/light/water/fireworks show. Our friends from Argentina were there too and were seated in the middle of the crowd and started the wave (which annoyed me more than anything.) We're not really sure how the scene being portrayed from Pocahontas of the British battling the indians is going over with all of the British accented people around, but no one seems to care. After Fantasmic, we went to the Osborne Family lights show which I didn't think was that great, but then pondered who exactly the Osborne Family was.

Ok, there's more to Day 3, but I'm going to cut it off there and will pick it back up as Danielle and I head off to Mickey's Very Merry Christmas Party for what we have planned to be as just picking up a T-shirt requested by someone back in PA. You will have to wait and see if that turns out as planned.

Day 2: The Magic Kingdom

I should've known we had an interesting day ahead when on my way to get coffee that morning I heard a dad yell at his kids "Tick tock goes the clock!" as meaning "get your ass in gear". I'm really glad my parents never said stupid crap like that.

We went on a bunch of rides and nothing really exciting happened. Danielle made me climb up steps to the Swiss Family Treehouse, but other than that it was fun. We had some weird people in front of us in line at the Pirate's of the Carribbean and they kept trying to talk to me (Danielle was doing her best to look around so as not to be pulled into the conversation), but other than that it was pretty low key.

Then we went to the Tikki Room. I love the Tikki Room, but had heard they had changed it so wasn't sure what to expect (it was ok). We were waiting for the show to start and Danielle said "There's a woman behind you breastfeeding and no bra in sight. Wait a little before you look because I just looked." So I waited about half a minute and then very nonchalantly looked back. However, she had just taken the baby away so I got a full boob view. A very large boob view. I'm cringing just thinking about it. That's one thing I didn't expect to see at Disney... naked boobies.

We then made our way to Splash Mountain. The wait was a little long, but still less than a half hour, so we decided to wait. In front of us was a guy with a messenger bag and he was writing on a tablet in line. He also didn't seem to be with the people in front of us or anything so it was a little bizarre. At one point, I had a view of what he was writing. I'm not sure exactly what it was but there were two or three lists on it and under each list was names like George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Mario Lopez, Mark Wahlberg (Johnny Depp was on at least two lists), so Danielle and I spent the rest of our wait trying to peak over his shoulder and figure out what the hell he was doing, but we got caught and the guy started being more secretive.

We got on the ride and before we even went up the hill to come down this geyser shot off and all the water landed right on Danielle. She was completely drenched. It looked like she had gotten in the shower with her clothes on and I of course thought that was hysterical.

Has anyone had the Dole Pineapple floats at Disney? Are they the best thing ever?!? I stood in line in the brief rain that we had for mine. For those of you that don't know, its pineapple soft serve ice cream in pineapple juice. Yumalicious!

We waited for the electrical parade that evening and during the parade played "girl or guy" for some of the characters. Last year my dad had a chance to see the staging area for the parades and he said one of the creepiest things was that some of the villains like Cruella De ville were actually men. So that's where the game came from. Then we went to see fireworks (I'm not big on fireworks, but Danielle is). They had this wire strung from the top of the castle to one of the nearby restaurants and so at the beginning of the show Tinkerbell flew from the top of the castle out over the park. That was pretty cool.

Since we were staying at a Disney resort we had the benefit of Extra Magic hours which meant the park closed at midnight instead of 9pm. We decided to go on a couple of extra rides even though we had rode everything already. Space Mountain was broken when we went to go ride it a second time, but was open when we went back during Magic Hours. Before we left we decided to go on Pirates one more time. It was more that we were walking by it on our way out and there was no line. This turned out to be mistake. We got stuck on the ride and while it was probably only for about 10 minutes, it had to be the longest 10 minutes of my life. You put on "yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me" for 10 minutes and see if you're not about to lose your mind.

Stay tuned for Day 3: A bevy of stupid people

DAY 1: Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Ok, so its more like planes, buses and roller coasters, but that wasn't as catchy. These posts are going to be a little long (but trust me there's really good stuff in them.) I was really excited because we were going to Disney world. Who wouldn't be excited! Our flight from Harrisburg was at like 6 am or some ridiculous time like that. I wasn't sure it was possible to get up early enough to catch that flight, but I managed it. We were a little late taking off but no worries because the pilot assured us that we would "make it up in the air." How does that work anyway? Yeah, almost to Charlotte for our connection...wait, why are we circling and circling and circling.

"Uh, this is your captain speaking. Seems to be some pretty thick fog over Charlotte and they're not giving anyone clearance to land. We're going to be landing in Greensboro to fuel up and then will get on our way to Charlotte as soon as we can." Great! I've never been to Greensboro. We get to Greensboro and sit on the plane.

"This is your captain again. Charlotte is still fogged in. They're going to check back with us in a half hour. We're getting clearance for you to deplane." We deplane. After an hour, we're ready to replane and be on our way. (Let's hope that nothing is leaving Charlotte and our connecting flight that should've left 15 minutes ago is fogged in). While waiting to replane we hear a guy from another flight complaining to his pilot about our flight replaning first. The pilot actually said to him "Do you want to sit here longer? Because I can arrange that!" Classic.

We get to Charlotte. Ooops, our flight already left. We go to the gate for the next flight. There are already at least 15 people with standby tickets sitting at the gate. We line up to speak with an airline rep...we're second in line (and if Danielle had walked faster, we would've been first). Unfortunately there is no one from the airlines at the gate. We wait and wait and finally someone shows up. We've been booked on the flight that is 4 hours away and are standby for the next two flights. Luckily they let about 32 standby people onto the first flight (was there anyone on the flight that we had missed?)

We take the shuttle to our hotel. Go to our room. Have enough confidence in Disney that they will get our luggage to the hotel later. We take the Disney transportation system to Disney Quest. (I'll explain what Disney Quest is later). This bus ride gave us good insight into what our week was going to be like. The entire 20 minute ride a two year old girl screamed her brains out, while her mom tried to hold her on her lap and her dad gave her mom dirty looks as if to say "Would you please control your daughter" and the mom would give the dad a dirty look back as if to say "she's your daughter too, I don't see you helping out here".

Also on this bus ride I came to my first conclusion and that was that Disney sucks your brain out. Case in point. For about half of the trip the bus driver was talking over the loudspeaker about what bus stop we should get off at and what bus stop we should stand at to get back to the hotel and he must have said 50 times "if you are going to the Magic Kingdom, there is no direct route, you will need to take a bus to another location and connect from there. Once again there is no bus stop for the Magic Kingdom." Over and over and over. And guess what a guy asks the bus driver as he gets off the bus...any guesses?..."Which bus stop goes to the Magic Kingdom?' DUH!! There was also a couple that didn't understand why they didn't see the monorail track at our hotel (the monorail only goes to three hotels and ours wasn't one of them).

So now onto Disney Quest. Disney Quest is a trip that has been about 9 years in the making. Danielle had seen something about it on TV once (that's as much detail as I'll go into so as not to embarrass her and be able to blackmail her later with it.) On our trip to Disney during high school, we didn't go. Then I went to the one in Chicago (which has closed since then) and loved it and Danielle was pissed, so this time we HAD to go. Disney Quest is basically a high tech arcade full of virtual reality games and also some old school games as well. Some of them were fun and some of them made you nauseated or tired. The best was creating and riding our own roller coaster. It was named the Jolly Trolley (catchy, isn't it?) You went upside down nine times in it. It was great! Though it was so great that I broke out into a cold sweat on it and my head wasn't right the rest of the day.

Then we decided to do a little shopping at the Disney Marketplace. Here I came to my second conclusion for the day: Tinkerbell is a ho! You should see some of the poses they have her in.

Enough said. They also have decided to make a round form of most of the classic Disney characters. Who thought this was a good idea? Just look at poor Eeyore.

Anyway, we shopped, went back to the hotel around midnight and luckily our luggage was there YEAH!!

Stay tuned for Day 2: Peep Show in the Tikki Room

I'm BACK!!!

I'm home and have lots to share (Danielle and I took notes on all the interesting things we saw). Hopefully I'll be able to start posting my day to day recap later today after I get through my 588 e-mails, laundry and doing some grocery shopping!! I will get the whole way through the trip without becoming too bored because one of the most interesting evenings came towards the end of the trip, so you'll have to stay tuned for that!

Jen/Amanda

It all started because our boss, TT, can't ever remember anyone's names. (Well, she was my old boss because I'm not in that office anymore.)

So she started calling me (Amanda) 'Jen,' and the real Jen 'Amanda.' Because we look the same (Jen has dirty blond hair, I have auburn hair). So since TT kept confusing us, everyone else did as well.

TT's response was "you two are the same age." Ok, so we're inseparable and I'm always picking on her and we're always behaving badly.

So when people started to find out I was moving to another office, they kept asking Jen when she was leaving. Her response was always, you mean Amanda? I'm Jen.

Well Jen, now that I'm not in your office anymore - I am getting confused with Megan in State College. I guess I'm a shape shifter.

Woot Woot!

Merriam-Webster's Word of 2007 has been announced - woot.

"W00t," a hybrid of letters and numbers used by gamers as an exclamation of happiness or triumph.

Finally, now I can start to say woot woot and know that it is an official word...even though I've been saying it forever.

Hello there Jen's blog readers. I'm Amanda, the guest blogger, while Jen is on vacation. I'm her co-worker (although we no longer work in the same office)...yes, the potato salad one.

Well I will be posting more later - possibly later today, but I was just checking this out to make sure Jen didn't give me some "bad" site link and just say I'd be her guest blogger. Because that would give her one more thing she could hold above my head and laugh at me.

Vacation, YEAH!!

For those of you that don't know, tomorrow I leave for Disney World. Yes, I'm still a kid at heart. Don't worry though. I've invited Amanda from my work to guest blog while I'm away. I get back on Friday evening and am sure I will have loads of fun stories since Danielle is going with me. Someone please inform my boss that I'm out of town because even though there was a long conversation regarding my vacation request, and numerous mentions about my vacation, she still seemed surprised when I reminded her that I would not be attending the staff meeting next week because I'm out of town. DUH!!

It's Official: Gardenia is Closed

It all started before Thanksgiving when it was Amanda's last week in the Harrisburg Office. We asked her where she wanted to go for her special goodbye lunch and she picked Gardenia...of course. We drove over to Gardenia and found that it was closed. Hmmm...strange. Oh well, maybe the owner's are on vacation for Thanksgiving and had to close it. The next day there was a locksmith van and a piece of poster board with "CLOSED" written in sharpie in the window. That's not a good sign. Today when I drove to work there was a big dumpster outside and the chairs from the restaurant sticking out. ::sob sob::

Sure Gardenia was kinda a dive. Sure your waitress always looked like a crack whore (or is that un-pc should it be narcotics prostitute). Sure sometimes they forgot to bring your coleslaw. Sure the list of specials was sometimes misspelled (I love stir fry on a bed of white race). Sure it was the type of place that may show up on the news for having been the scene of a horrific shooting or stabbing. But we loved it!! It had good cheap food, rice pudding that was the bomb, and was close enough that we could fool ourselves into thinking we might be able to fit in lunch there during our half hour lunch break. I'll miss it. I'm just sorry I didn't get to say goodbye and have to explain why I didn't want apple butter on my cottage cheese one last time. Man, I'll miss the rice pudding.

Some People Shouldn't Be Made Into Stamps

At work the other day, I received a letter with a stamp on it that kinda disturbed me. The name at the top of the picture had been sliced off by whoever preopened the mail in our mailroom that day and it took me a second to realize who the man pictured even was.

uh...Gerald Ford. Who picks out Gerald Ford stamps at the post office? I understand that he was our president, but there have been a lot of unattractive US presidents that should not be on stamps....like William Henry Harrison, just to pick one. Sorry President Harrison, the comb front just isn't working. It's not like we didn't have attractive presidents. Just look at Franklin Pierce. Gerald Ford stamps...just not working for me.

Pennies From Heaven

On Black Friday, my dad and I went to King of Prussia, PA as is tradition. We didn't really buy much. We usually just buy stuff for ourselves, but we didn't even do that this year. We did experience one of the weirdest things that I've ever seen in a mall (which is saying a lot because I once saw a fight break out and the guy that was trying to break it up started punching people). We were on the bottom floor of the two story mall and all of the sudden about 20 $1 bills started raining down on us. No normally you would think in a mall outside of Philly with money raining from the sky you would have to worry about gunfire, but no one wanted anything to do with the money. Everyone was just letting it fall to the floor. We look up but couldn't see anyone leaning over the balcony with a "oh, shit I just dropped 20 bucks" look on their face. In fact, no one on the second floor seemed to care that money just came from that area. Eventually people started picking the money up, but even then they were trying to give it to other people. The girl at the kiosk nearby didn't want anything to do with it. After about 5 clueless minutes, people started pocketing the dollars and going on their merry way. Isn't that bizarre though?

I'm Not Normally a Skull Person

I don't usually like skulls, but Amanda does. So since this was her last day in the Harrisburg office, I thought it was only fitting that I should put a skull on my blog. Bye Amanda. Chauncey will miss you. Good luck in Scranton....errr....I mean Montoursville (its like Scranton, right?)

Today, a woman I was talking with on the phone couldn't think of what Alcoholics Anonymous was called, and she called it the "Drunk Society." I think that's really funny.

Things That Annoy Me

1) Having to have the same tooth filled three times within a 7 month period. In related news, I've switched dentists. My new dentist (Dr. Lee) doesn't speak very good English and I think I kinda like it that way.

2) Having a coworker throw you under the bus and think its funny. While I was on vacation (a whole other long post I haven't had the energy to type), my coworker Charlene was forced to endure going to a disability training with my boss, whom we shall refer to as TT (because that's how she refers to herself). Ensuing conversation.

Charlene: What are you doing for Christmas?
TT: Oh, going back to Indiana to visit my inlaws. I hate driving there alone though.
Charlene: Maybe next time JSto goes back to Indiana, you can go with her.
TT: That's a great idea.

Luckily I think TT's in laws are from Southern Indiana which is hella far away from the Bend. Charlene followed up telling this story to me with a fit of hysterical laughter. If she wasn't seriously pregnant, there would be some major kicking ass going on!

What Kind of Town did I Grow Up In?

Even though my mom lives 600 miles away she still gets the Middletown Press and Journal (catchy name, huh) because its always full of delightful news. This one time there was someone breaking into people's houses and stealing just ice cream out of their freezers. The October 31 edition was especially enjoyable. I will include three of my favorites with the actual headlines as they appear in the paper, a summary of the article and some of my fave direct quotes.

1) "Scarecrow on Fire" -- The article starts out "an apparent school project ended with a scarecrow being set on fire last week." People came home to find that a scarecrow that was in their backyard was "engulfed in flames. " They suspected a kid that lived next door, but the mom of the kid said he couldn't have possibly have set it as he was out riding bike at the time. Police found a box of matches and a footprint at the scene. The footprint matched the kid and when questioned, he confessed. "According to police, the boy said he was working on a school project to determine how long fire would last and that is why he set the scarecrow on fire."

2) "Disorderly Conduct with Sardines" -- There was a fight between a father and son and the police sited both for disorderly conduct. The son went to go pick up his car that had been impounded and while the son was gone the father became agitated about being arrest. The father then flattened the front tire of a police cruiser, scratched "NARC" on the front fender the bent the rear windshield wiper. "Edward thought it belongedto the arresting officer." It didn't. He then took an open can of sardines (I'm not sure if he had these in his pocket all day or what) and smeared the juice on the glass doors of the borough building. He emptied the sardines into the borough drop box and placed the empty can on top. Police reviewed a security tape and saw who had done it. "Edward was then charged with reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, adn littering, police said. Police described his actions as having endangered the general public by putting a police vehicle out of service."

3) "Balloon Vendor Tasered" -- A balloon and toy vendor was partially blocking an intersetion at the borough's Halloween parade. Police asked the man to move, but he refused. "Police said the man was yelling and creating a scene at the intersection..'as if to get the crowd into the incident'" Police had notice a car trying to turn had to stop and wait for the balloon guy to move his cart. The balloon vendor said he didn't have to move because he had a permit. Police attempted to arrest him, but once again resisted. "More officers arrived on the scene to help wrestle him to the ground." After several verbal warnings he was tasered. HA This story reminds me of that Orville Redenbacher commercial where the policeman is trying to get Orville to move his popcorn cart. Imagine if they had tasered Orville.

Three...Three...Three Posts in One

1) The Spy I think that Barbara, the lady my office hired two weeks ago, is a spy. I don't know who she is spying on or who she is spying for, but we had a meeting today and she wrote down everything anybody said. (She needs one of those little typewriters like a court stenographer.) She also prints off every e-mail that anyone sends her. Really, is there any need for that...unless you're a spy?

2) Isn't it Ironic, part 2 Isn't it ironic when your maintenance needed light comes on the evening before you're supposed to drive 600 miles to Indiana? I think Alanis should've included that in her song. Maybe taken out the black fly in your chardonnay part because I don't really find that ironic more just gross. Luckily the light only meant that I need my 40,000 mile check in like another 2000 miles....thanks for the heads up.

3) My Loser Cousin The younger loser cousin who is still in prison punched a prison guard, got maced and was put in "the hole" though according to my aunt none of this was really her fault. If you think that's funny, imagine your grandma using the phrase "put her in the hole." Hilarity.

A Normal Relationship?

Just wondering if this is how normal friends interact with each other on phone calls.

Danielle: I'm going to have oatmeal. Should I have peach or strawberry?
Me: Peach
Danielle: Ok, I'll have strawberry.
Me: Good, I actually wanted you to have strawberry, but knew you would have the opposite of whatever I said.
Danielle: Well, actually I'm having peach, but I didn't want to tell you that I was having what you told me to.

After much discussion about whether it was normal for us to both try to manipulate the other into having the type of oatmeal we wanted:

Danielle: Does this mean I won? Because I like never win.
Me: I guess.

Isn't It Ironic? Don't You Think

In a side note, it was like two years after that Alanis Morrissette song came out that I got it. One day I was listening to it and all of the sudden had a light bulb on moment where I was like "oh, my God, ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife! That is ironic!" I know I was dumb. Anyway, that wasn't what this post was originally going to be about.

This post comes to you thanks to my good friend Danielle. She was driving the other day and was forced to take a different road than she normally takes due to construction. She passed a Jehovah's Witness place (sorry don't know the name of a Jehovah's Witness place...though maybe I should since my loser cousin was briefly one--that's a whole other post) and found it interesting that the entire complex was gated. Not just a little white picket fence. We're talking heavy duty fencing with a little speaker box.

Isn't it ironic that they can go around and knock on any door they want to but you can't go knock on theirs? What if I really did want to become a Jehovah's Witness? You're telling me I'd have to buzz in and be like "uh, I was thinking about what you said the other day at my door, and I think you're right. I do want to become a Jehovah's Witness."

Psychotic Thought of the Day

A couple days ago I was at Latin Cardio class. (yes, that is an actual class and it kicks ass). Anyway, I had a bottle of water and couldn't open it. I thought it might just be because I was sweaty, so I asked someone else to try. Nope, nothing. I dried my hands with my towel and tugged and tugged, but the lid wouldn't budge. I suffered through the class (extremely parched) and when I got home tried to use my gripper hand to open it. Again, nothing. I finally ended up stabbing it in the side with a pair of nail scissors and draining the water into a glass. This leads me to my psychotic thought of the day.

If I was in a desert and that was my last bottle of water, what would I do? My decision was that I'd probably die of dehydration and confuse the heck out of the CSI's when they found my rotting corpse with a full bottle of water in hand.

Traffic Pattern Problems (with Accompanying Stick Figure Diagrams)

Today I went to use the rest of my gift card up at the Hershey Spa. ::sniff sniff:: For those of you that don't know, I milk my visit to the Hershey Spa for everything its worth and take advantage of all the free amenities. I get in the hot tub, sweat in the sauna, use the free mouthwash, eat muffins in the quiet room and munch on Hershey Kisses in the Aromatherapy room. Today, I decided that I would also go for a swim in the indoor pool.

I go down to the pool and was happily surprised to find that I was the only person there. So I begin to swim laps down the pool long ways like any normal non-psychotic person would. About 15 minutes into my swim an older woman comes in. Fine. Pool is big enough for the both of us. Except she starts to swim short ways across the pool. (See Figure A)

The worst part was that when our paths crossed she would not slow down or in any way change her swimming pattern so as to avoid the impending mid-water crash. At this moment three things that I could do crossed my mind. 1) Kick her in the gut "accidentally" at the intersection of our lanes. 2) Scream "what the hell do you think you are doing, ass clown?" at her and hope she would be scared enough to get out. 3) Do nothing and roll my eyes at the lifeguard every time we made eye contact. I'm a wuss and chose three.

Fifteen more minutes went by and another lady walked into the pool and was visibly confused as to which way she should swim. I was sending her psychic messages trying to tell her that I was here first, and she needed to swim like a normal swimmer. She apparently got the message because she started swimming long ways as well. (See Figure B).

I convinced myself that short ways lady would become frustrated with two swimmers interference and get out or switch directions. She didn't and non-psycho swimmer got frustrated and left after 10 minutes.

Another 15 minutes goes by, and two old ladies walk in. They begin swimming short ways too. Do they think they are going to be doing sprints or what? So now I am the one trying to dodge three other swimmers. I decide my plight is futile (and since I only was planning on swimming about another 5 more minutes) got out and went to the hot tub nearby. By this time, there are now four people swimming short ways across the pool. I watch another person enter the pool and (I am not kidding) begins swimming long ways across the middle of the pool. (See Figure C)

Also notice that there is a mom and two kids splashing away in the corner. (This will become important very shortly). At this point, the pool manager enters and helps the lifeguard put up a lap lane line (long ways obviously). I of course make some smart ass remark to the lifeguard like "oh, now you decide to put up a lap line." All swimming stops for about 5 minutes while everyone decides exactly what pattern to swim. After another five minutes, one of the young kids in the corner pukes in the pool and everyone evacuates. I secretly smile to myself.

Anniversary Gift Opinion

Ok, my parents anniversary comes up towards the end of November. My parents are the absolute worst people to buy a present for. 1) My mom is singularly the worst person to buy presents for because she doesn't like anything. Even if she will end up liking it, initially, she won't. 2) My dad is the type of person that if he needs something, he will just go and buy it. So anything they actually need, they already have.

So, here was my thought. I'd send them a poinsettia plant. When I was younger, my dad used to get a poinsettia from some company for a Christmas gift and my parents always loved it. I figured that their anniversary was close enough to Christmas that this should be exceptable.

Here's my debate. My crazy aunt Nancy (who we never talk about because she hates me) used to always get my grandparents flowers for whatever occasion. Whatever the $29.95 FTP floral arrangement that was advertised in the coupon section of the newspaper, my grandparents would have on their dining room table. Christmas, Anniversary, Mother's Day, etc. And of course we used to make fun of her...because that's what my family does. So I feel like I'm taking the easy Aunt Nancy way out. Granted I have never bought my parents flowers before because my mom is allergic to everything. Any thoughts?

Did We Learn Nothing from the Lady Knight Debacle?

For those of you that don't know about the Lady Knight debacle just picture a well respected organization for kids accepting a donation of about 1000 books, passing about 50 of them to kids in kindergarten-1st grade and then discovering that they aren't exactly appropriate. (Just read a couple of the pages.)

Anyway, that's not what I'm blogging about. I'm blogging about another questionable decision that was made today by my church. My church just started a new contemporary worship service called "Searchlight". In order to promote it, they gave some members of the church little bags with Dove chocolate (that had been donated) in them and a "Searchlight" magnet to hand out at Trick or Treat. They gave us some of the extra chocolates to eat today. No one realize until we were snacking away that Dove chocolates have little messages inside the wrappers. The first one someone opened said "Naughty but nice." Not exactly the message we want to send out.

Church Sign

"Heaven is no trick and Hell is no treat."

Brilliant!

My New Favorite Penalty

I used to have two favorite penalties in football. Pass Interference and Intentional Grounding. Most people would think it isn't possible to have favorite penalties but I do. They are my favorites for two main reasons. 1) I like the hand signals the officials have to make when calling them and frequently make them myself while screaming at the TV or at an actual game. 2) I know the rules that surround these two calls and can make intelligent comments about them like "that should not be intentional grounding because he was totally outside the tackle box."

My new favorite penalty is Roughing the Passer. This one had to work its way up on the list because a lot of times its a rather bogus penalty and the result of good acting on the part of the quarterback. But its been added because I realized the hand signal that goes along with it is really similar to my friend Aileen's "wasted" signal.

Guess Who Has New Washer/Dryer?

Oh, that would be me. After approximately four months of washer problems ranging from water shooting out from the wall to water mysteriously leaking from the bottom of the washer, my apartment complex finally gave me a new washer/dryer....and I'm talking brand spanking new, not just some hand me down they passed along from one of the three bedroom apartments.

I was flipping through the user's manual (just in case there was anything weird I needed to know about). Did you realize you're supposed to separate your laundry based on five different sets of criteria? I'm sure all of you already do this and I'm just the moron separating based on color.

Surface Texture: Lint Producers from Lint Collectors
Fabric: Cottons & Linens from Perm Press Cottons & Blends from Synthetics & Poly Knits from Delicates
Soil (what?): Lightly Soiled from Medium Soil from Heavy Soil
Color (duh): Whites from Lights from Darks from Non-Colorfast
Weight: Heavy Items from Light Items

Um...I live by myself. If I wash every item of white clothing I have, I may have a full load of whites. If you expect me to separate by five different categorizations, you do of course realize that I'm going to have 1 lint collector/cotton/heavy soil/white/heavy item that will never get washed? Not to mention I'm going to need another hamper or two or six so that I can presort and laundry has just become a full weekend affair.

When Good Movies Go Bad

Today at the cardio cinema at the gym they were showing Million Dollar Baby. Now before you jump all over me. That was a good movie, but it reminded me of perhaps the worst movie I have EVER seen....drum roll please....

Girl Fight -- For those of you that were lucky enough to miss Girl Fight, I think I can sum it up in one of my favorite scenes. Girl boxing boy in the ring. Girl puts her arms around boys head, whispers "I love you" and proceeds to punch him in the gut. Classic movie moment.

Let's take a look at some of my other bad movies.

Mulholland Drive -- Muldholland Drive is a movie anomaly. It was so bad and weird that I kinda want to see it again, so that I can try to figure out what exactly was going on. Seriously, if you asked me what it was about, I couldn't tell you.

Miami Vice -- I've seen this about three times in the cardio cinema and still couldn't tell you exactly what the plot is. It should've been easy because there is very little dialogue, but I found myself spacing off and watching the clock on the treadmill instead of the movie.

Van Helsing -- something about vampires mixed in with a love story just was weird.

The Brothers Grimm -- You would think any movie with Heath Ledger and Matt Damon in it would be good...and you would be wrong.

Hollow Man -- Ok, we get it. He's invisible.

So what are your favorite bad movies?

Side note: I was watching the credits for Million Dollar Baby because no one went out to tell the front desk to restart the movie and there was a person whose name was Jenniphur. Thanks mom!

Things that Annoy Me

When one of my volunteers takes something I say when I'm trying to help her, puts it in an e-mail out of context and sends it to the CEO only then to have the CEO forward the e-mail along with a stern reprimand to my entire department.

The Potato Salad

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been sick and my mom is visiting which you can only imagine what a winning combination that is.

One of my coworkers, whom shall remain nameless, (hint: it rhymes with Flamanda) got a potato salad recipe from her grandma. Her grandma always made wonderful potato salad, and my coworker wanted to make wonderful potato salad too. She mixed up all the stuff and mixed in the potatos, but then when she tasted it, something wasn't right. It was kinda weird. Um...yeah...for potato salad, you have to cook the potatos first or else it would be kinda weird. I guess her grandma thought that anyone would know that and she shouldn't have to put it in the recipe. I guess she was wrong.

Does Anyone Else Read Their ND Alumni E-mail?

I do, but only when I'm bored at work. For those of you that do, did you happen to catch the "special message from the NDAA Board President about our ND football team?" For those of you that missed it, I'll summarize.

First, there was a portion to bitching alumni who didn't get the tickets they wanted in the lottery. It basically says, too bad, so sad. They are continuing to "explore ways" to work this situation out. As long as it doesn't involve standing in line to get a number so that you can stand in another line to get tickets, I'm ok with it.

Second, there was a portion to more bitching alumni who are upset because their slacker kids didn't get admitted to ND as legacies. The response, well we accept lots of legacy students, so your kid was apparently just not good enough (but of course your money still is).

But that wasn't my favorite part. The best part of the e-mail was the "Football-Let's Support the Team" section. That is seriously what it was labeled. We're all disappointed. blah blah blah Go to the pep rally blah blah blah Cheer at the game blah blah blah Send a supportive e-mail that the alumni department will forward to the team. Wait? What? I can just see little Timmy the 5 year old kidlet of some Domer finger painting a condolence card to the team right now. Then we somehow manage to tie in Catholicism. So this part I'm going to quote directly because it's golden.

"This past week, Father Basil Moreau was beatified in his home country of France. In many ways, his story can be a guide for all of us. It was through his efforts the Holy Cross Order was founded, Father Sorin dispatched to Northern Indiana, and Notre Dame became a reality. It is only now, perhaps that his legacy is being fully realized and here at Notre Dame he is being celebrated for his persistence and vision.
The motto he chose for his congregations “The cross, our only hope” represents the challenges, the hardships, the frustrations we all feel when we are committed to a task and beset by setbacks and attacks. It really was the first example of “what though the odds be great or small, ol' Notre Dame will win over all.” In the tradition of Father Moreau let’s have that same faith. We can and will get over this tough time because we will do it together as a family. God Bless you all. Go Irish !!!"

I couldn't have said it better myself, Mr. Nussbaum. Ok, now forget that we're talking about football and reread that. What would you have thought had happened to the University? Massive fire? Devastating flooding? Plague? Well, no...something worse. We have negative rushing yards for the year ::gasp::

Can't wait to see what follow up we get this week after the Michigan State game!!

Please Let Me Not Really Be Hurt

So two nights ago, I got up in the middle of night because I was hot and wanted to turn down my thermostat. Somehow, my right foot got caught in my left pajama pant leg and I face planted into the carpet in the middle of my living room at like 2 am. I was so deliriously tired that I just went back to sleep. I woke up the next morning and was like "ow". I have rug burn on my hand, a bruised knee and a foot that seriously hurts when I walk. My only thought was I hope that I didn't really hurt myself because I don't want to have to explain to a doctor how this happened.

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

Yesterday during lunch break, Amanda, Charlene and I went to Zimmerman's candy store. It was the best candy store I've ever been in. And I've been in a lot of candy stores. They had old school candies like candy cigarettes and licorice pipes and new candies like vanilla creme Hershey kisses and mint Three Musketeers bars and they had stuff I've never seen before like gummy army men. I bought a Sky Bar which I had heard good things about but it didn't impress me, a club sandwich candy bar which was yummy, peachy penguins which I love and swedish aqualife which when are like swedish fish except multi-color and with a variety of marine animals such as dolphins, whales, and stafish. When I was in college, we used to give swedish fish Swedish names before we ate them, but most of them were named Sven because that's pretty much the only Swedish name we could think of. Oh, and I bought homemade peanut butter there too.

Book Review

Yes, my friends, I finished a book. This is of course shocking to anyone that knows me because I hate to read. I don't really understand why anyone would like to read and like to brag that I made it the entire way through high school without finishing a single one of the required readings. (Made it pretty far through Lord of the Flies though). Even more shocking is that I finished this book in about three weeks. A new record.

The book was Everyone Worth Knowing and is by Lauren Weisberger, the author of The Devil Wears Prada, which I have also read. ::gasp:: In a lot of ways Everyone Worth Knowing is like Devil Wears Prada. Girl takes job several rungs above her on the social ladder; ditches friends, family, and moral values to become a workaholic only to realize how much she's screwed up her life. There are some differences. In EWK, she actually likes her boss, there's more drugs involved and a homosexual oral sex scene which caught me a little off guard and makes me only slightly uncomfortable to be handing this book over to my mom next week when she's in town.

In summation, if you liked Devil Wears Prada and liked it, read Everyone Worth Knowing. If you didn't like it, don't. And if you didn't read it, do.

The Best Yogurt Class Ever

So yesterday I had the best yoga (aka yogurt) class EVER. My yoga teacher Nancie (who is the awesomest aerobics teacher EVER. Nancie decided to do her yoga for kids routine -- the ABC's of yoga -- because "ever well rounded adult needs to play". Each letter of the alphabet stands for something different (except for Q...she didn't have a Q). Like a was for alligator and we rolled on our sides and smacked our hands together like an alligator. We also got to moo and ribbit and roar like a lion. It sounds ridiculous but it was a lot of fun. She mixed in some harder poses and made us do flow through some of the poses so that we still got a work out. (PS I'm on the phone with Danielle right now and just got called a whore because I wasn't listening to her and was too busy typing) Zzzz was for sleeping which is actually corpse pose but "she can't tell kindergartners that." We had to close our eyes and she put a "treat" on our face. Mine was on my forehead and the girl beside me's treat was on her nose. And as long as we didn't laugh or move, we could keep our treat. Do you know how difficult that was to feel it sitting on my forehead and not be able to see it or touch it or anything for like 3 minutes? It was horrible. My treat was a Starburst.

Hersheypark Happy

Cindy, one of my coworkers, had free passes to Hersheypark and asked me if I wanted to go with her today. I decided that it would be less painful than watching the Notre Dame/Michigan (which I think I can now safely say that it was--doesn't Julius Jones have an extra year of eligibility from when he got kicked out that time? no? well, it was worth a try.) and went with her.

It was fun though a little crowded, but the highlight of the day was when I saw three girls get kicked off of the claw. I'm not sure what happened but there were two bratty pre-teen girls in line behind us a ways and then when they got on the ride there were five bratty pre-teen girls on the ride. Someone alerted the ride operator and surprising she did something about it. After protesting a little while the people still in line chanted "kick them off. kick them off." they finally relented and got off with there middle fingers in the air. Can you please refrain from that type of gesture as Hersheypark is a family park?

I also tried a Reese's Whipps. It was the first time I had ever seen them, and I found it most enjoyable.

Camille, the Gym Junkie

I love to take different classes at my gym. I probably go to an average of 4 or 5 a week and every class I have ever taken, Camille has been there. Camille annoys me. 4:30 pm Friday Muscle Pump class...Camille 9:00 am Monday Power Step....Camille 5:30pm Tuesday Power Yoga ....Camille 10:00 am Saturday Latin Cardio....Camille I think you get the idea. She thinks she is the most popular person there and saves spaces for all her friends at the front of the class and gives them sweaty hugs when they come in, which I can tell they REALLY enjoy. (Note to all my friends: if you have just worked out for an hour + and even if I haven't seen you in 5 years, please don't hug me. It's not you, it's me)

Camille is also one of the most uncoordinated people I have ever seen which is surprising with all the classes she takes, you would think she would get better. She stands up front and is actually distracting to me as her arms flail wildly (picture the "Elaine dance" from Seinfeld, but with hand weights). She also looks like a starving cat that you would see on Animal Planet. Have you ever watched Animal Cops (I'm addicted) and they take like 40 cats out of the old lady's house and the vet shows how emaciated they are. You can see their hip bones and ribs and every one of their vertebrae...that's Camille. Disgusting.

Is it over yet?

Is this painful thing called football season over yet? I don't know which to be more concerned about. Notre Dame's complete inability to do anything offensive or the Philadelphia Eagles' inability to field a punt? My only solace is the crying Michigan fans.

Things that Annoy Me

This is a two part things that annoy me post and both have pictures to accompany them, so that's exciting.

1) I buy a blouse last March at a store moving sale for some ridiculous percentage off, but don't have a chance to wear it because the weather gets warmer. A few weeks ago when the weather was cooler and after our CEO casually suggests that we dress in more professional attire, I pull it out of my closet only to find this:

I call the store and beg them to take it off, but since after months of having this shirt, I made the mistake of throwing out the receipt, they could do nothing. I said I think I probably charged it on my store credit card is there anyway to look it up and prove that I paid for it..."um...no". So I go on the company's website, e-mail a long descriptive e-mail about how the store is no longer there, and I bought it months and months ago and no longer have the receipt, yada yada yada. I get a response "Please take the garment along with your receipt back to the store where it was purchased and they will gladly remove the security device." I wanted to write back "listen you jackass, you obviously didn't read my first e-mail or you would know I can't do that." But since the e-mail said "please do not reply to this address" I didn't.

Instead I turned to the internet for help. Because you can find out how to do everything on the internet. It kinda let me down this time. It gave me two options: 1) pay $40 to purchase some machine specifically designed to remove those things (or as I like to call it "The Shoplifters Helper") or 2) Bash it with a hammer. I decided upon #2. I took out my whole tool kit but bashing it didn't really work, so I ended up using pliers and came out with this.

2) My toothpaste bottle cracked along the side.

And left me using this to get toothpaste.

Who knew toothpaste came out of such a space age looking thing! Or that the bottle could crack like that under normal use?

Weird Sightings at the Gym

1) A man in an Ohio State jersey and baseball hat lifting weights. It would've been ridiculous even if it wasn't Ohio State, but it made me want to go over and explain proper workout attire to him and then punch him in the face.

2) They put a flat screen TV in the women's locker room. Is this really necessary?

3) A woman sat down on the floor beside a completely empty bench to put her shoes on...why?

4) A woman in my step class had on velvet pants. I don't even know where to go with that one.

Are you ready for some football?

I totally am. They were playing Rudy at the Cardio Cinema in my gym the other day and it got me really excited for football season. Rudy also makes me cry, so I had tears rolling down my face while I was on the treadmill. Hopefully everyone else just thought it was sweat.

Amanda's Art Exhibition

My coworker Amanda loves to leave me little pieces of artwork drawn on scratch paper. Sometimes these are left on my desk. Sometimes they are in my drawers or elsewhere. I felt they needed to be shared with the world.

This is a picture of a cat. (With long eye lashes) I'm not really sure why she drew me a picture of a cat, but she did.

This is Chauncey. He's made of a clothes pin and has toothpicks for arms. He is my only piece of 3D art to date.

This is me wearing a viking hat. We were at this business forum and she dared me to put on this Viking helmet. Well, I did.

This is a person with a skull for a head. Amanda really likes skulls. Unfortunately, our CEO does not.
I save the best for last. This is a picture of "yogurt class". I told Amanda that I was taking yoga class and she responded by saying "what's yogurt class?" Apparently this is yogurt class. If you can't tell, the instructor is telling me to jump in.

I've Completely Lost My Mind

I just turned down a free weekend trip to St. Thomas to babysit my uncle's 6 kids while he gets married because I'm going to be out at Notre Dame with my co-worker Carmen. STUPID STUPID....excuse me while I go bash my head against a wall.

My Apologies

I would like to apologize internet world for not having posted more frequently lately. I've simply been too busy. Here's what you've missed and will maybe have soon if I get the time/willpower to post.

1) A collection of Amanda L's scrap paper artwork that I find randomly on my desk
2) a gloat about my trip to the King of Prussia mall
3) a rant about how my washer is still leaking water
4) a complaint about how soccer is more important to my parents than I am
5) a picture of Carmen's award winning Cranium picture of flying buttresses (and other Cranium stories)
6) another gloat about how I'm going to Disney World in December

I think that's it. I would've thought I had done more in 12 days of non-posting, but I guess not.

Psychotic Thought of the Day

Today I had off work and went to the spa. They had plastic cups like this one all over with coolers full of flavored water.

Printed on the cup was this:

If you can't read that, it says "Made from corn. 100% compostable." My first thought when I read this was ...does that mean I can eat it? Not as a snack or anything, but if I happened to get locked in the spa storage closet with no food would I be able to sustain myself on plastic corn cups?

A Casualty of Volleyball

Yesterday I went to Danielle's family reunion with her. She warned me about what to expect and was pretty much right on the money (this woman will have lipstick on her teeth, this girl will be ultra-sensitive, this guy will have a wad of chew in his mouth, this woman is a psycho, etc). Right down to the ultra-competitive volleyball game. Only the stakes this year were higher, there was a trophy. Luckily Danielle stuck me on the team with Mr. and Mrs. Volleyball and we won. There was one casualty. My $3 sunglasses broke when they were sitting on my head and a volleyball hit me on the head and thus on said sunglasses. I don't know if you can tell, but not only did the lense pop out, but the rim cracked too.

The broken sunglasses were all worth it though to see how embarrassed Danielle got when she won a 6-pack of toilet paper for having "the most colorful underwear."

The Camp Week Debacle

This actually happened Monday, but I had a problem with my internet (I had none) so its being posted now. This week is camp week. Camp week is when we take all the kids we've seen through summer outreach (or at least those that want to go) to camp for the day. It's an interesting mix of kids we have everyone from the city dwellers that just happened to have wandered to a local playground for summer program to the Upper Class my parents work all day and enrolled me in an enriching summer program at school kids. We try to sort them out by days to minimize the trauma for everyone. We always expect some problems, but Monday morning's experience takes the cake. There was a little issue with the buses (there were two of them instead of one and they left the first stop without the staff), but that wasn't the biggest issue.

At the last stop before heading off to camp, we loaded up the kids and checked them off our list when we realized we had three extra kids. There were several problems:
1) their parent was not present
2) they did not have permission slips
3) their parent was not answering the phone to give verbal permission
4) they only spoke Spanish
5) one of them was a boy and I work for the Girl Scouts

Obviously, these kids are not going to camp. Carmen (our spanish speaking staff member) was supposed to go to camp that day, but we had to keep her back to help with these kids. The bus left. Carmen and I are there with three kids and do not know what to do with them.

Do you know your address? (thinking we can somehow get these kids home)
Yo no se --that's I don't know in Spanish
How did you get here?
Translated version -- Tessy brought us on the bus (who the hell Tessy is, we never found out)

We finally realized they went to the school where the bus stop was so we went in and convinced the secretary to give us their address. We loaded the three kids up in my car (which we shouldn't have done without booster seats...shhh, but our other option was?) We proceeded to the scariest street in Harrisburg that I have ever been to and I have been to some pretty scary places. There were flowers and balloons on the street corner where a guy had been recently shot to death and the building beside where the kids lived had all the windows busted out and plywood for a door. There was scary people milling around. Turns out mom was inside asleep.

The Best Craft Project EVER!

I made this using a skein of fuzzy yarn stuff and three McDonald's soda straws. It really didn't take that long either...maybe two hours on and off. Here's the instructions (underneath the indoor sandbox instructions). It sounds a little ridiculous but turns out really nice. I didn't really do it exactly like this because I was kinda just making it up as I went from something someone had told me. I'm planning on making a ton more scarves so if anyone wants one let me know what colors you prefer.

Things that Annoy Me

People that put regular trash in the recycling bins. I'm thinking of reporting them to my apartment rental office. (and have them thrown in recycling jail).

Psychotic Thought of the Day (or Night)

I'm watching David Letterman right now and have decided that I really really want to become friends with Anne Hathaway.

Happy Anniversary, Tucson!

Danielle got this e-mail recently and we both thought it was weird and kinda funny so I'll pass it along.

"Dear Tucson:"Happy Anniversary" from your friends at Harrisburg Hyundai!I hope you and your owner Danielle are getting along well and that Danielle is taking good care of you. If you have any bumps and scratches, aches or pains, just come in and see us. We are here to care for you. As always if there is anything I can do, please call me at Harrisburg Hyundai at 717-558-0900.I hope you and your owner have an excellent day!"

I wonder who else Danielle's car is receiving e-mail from without her knowing!

Family Camping Fun

This weekend I was invited by my Uncle Bill to go camping as a celebration for my cousin Patrick's 16th Birthday. First of all, let me say, that wasn't really camping. Yes, there was a campfire and S'mores and all that fun stuff, but the "cottages" that the boys were staying in had air conditioning, a refrigerator, bathroom and flat screen TV. (I like how there is a picture of the air conditioning unit in that link.) The girl's cabin was down the road a little bit and also had air conditioning, but no bathroom (Gasp!) The bathhouse was about 100 yards away, so it wasn't bad at all.

When I said I would go, I didn't really know who all would be there. I was a little surprised. Are you ready for the attendance list? Have a pen and paper ready? My Uncle Bill, his 4 kids, Bill's soon to be third wife Jane and her two kids, my cousin Brian and his wife Heidi and their 3 kids and 3 of my cousin Michelle's kids (the ones that aren't in jail.) Then for the icing on the cake of the weekend, Patrick's mom, Lisa (my uncle's first wife) and her husband Michael. That was just a little bizarre since up till about two year's ago, we were pretty much told to ignore that Lisa had ever existed. Imagine my face when the car pulled up with Jane driving and Lisa in the passenger's seat. One big happy family outing.

It was pretty fun. We went swimming in a pool with a water slide which was ok and mostly involved kids climbing on my back and asking me to pull them around/throw them/dunk them. It was a little tiring. We had hot dogs and hamburgers for supper. Then some adult time to drink wine coolers and discuss how messed up the rest of our family is/what is up with Jane's kids, etc while the kids were mini golfing and at a dance party at the pool. During this serious discussion, at one point my cousin Heidi was standing on a picnic table singing Push It. For those of you that know Heidi, its probably not that surprising. That was only after one wine cooler too. The kids got a ride back to camp in the back of Michael's pick up truck and were pulled over by a security guard in a golf cart who said "I should arrest you...and I can."

That night we celebrated Patrick's birthday. He opened presents, we had a cake that Heidi had brought...she's the cake queen. We made S'mores and then it was time to head to bed where in the girl's cabin we played a riveting game of "Do you want to buy a duck?" ("A what?" "A duck"). And I learned interesting facts from the pre-teen girls like all sea cucumbers do is move and poop and heard stories about the girl that "had her intestines sucked out of her butt by the swimming pool filter" which to my shock turned out to be true.

A very fun weekend of family bonding.

Hilarious!

This post is in honor of this weekend's College Football Hall of Fame Enshrinement Festival. For those of you that don't know, I used to work at the College Football Hall of Fame, so I think this is hilarious...but I'm pretty sure its hilarious even if you didn't work there. Enjoy!